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boozemonster

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3 old Football fans go to a spiritualist to find out the future of their respective clubs. When God has been contacted, the first one asks, "When will Newcastle win the FA Cup?"
"Within 10 years," replies God.
"Oh *******, I'll probably be dead by then."
So the second old man asks God, "When will Sunderland win the Premiers League?"
"In the next 50 years," comes the reply.
"**** fire, I'll definitely be dead by then."
Finally the third man asks, "When will England next win the World Cup?"
"******* ****," says God, "I'll be dead by then."
 
Hehe... Here's one (only funny if u don't like Man utd)

"-What do you call 10 Man Utd fans on the moon?
-A problem.
-What do you call 1000 Man utd fans on the moon?
- BIG problem.
-What do you call ALL of the Man Utd fans on the moon?
-Problem solved...
 
Lol at the one above i know mines a tad racist but im not offeding anybody i heard this off a few mates

I was watching the 100m at the olympics the other day thought i was watching crimewatch a gun sounds and 10 black men run away <)
 
What do you call a scouser in a suite?
The Defendant.:D
 
Q: What do Man Utd keepers and singer Michael Michael Jackson both have in common?
A: Both wear gloves for no apparent reason.

Q. What do you call a Man Utd fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What's the difference between a Man Utd fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real ****.

Q: What do you call a Man Utd fan in Europe after Xmas?
A: A tourist.

&& yes I hate them (A)
 
What do you call 10 Man Utd and/or Luckypool fans at the bottom of a cliff?


A start.


How many Punks does it take to change a lightbulb?

3. 1 to change the bulb, 2 to argue over who did it first.
 
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Michael Barrymore has offered Leeds United £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 ****** behind him and 67,000 arseholes jumping up and down.

Q: What do Leeds fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How many Leeds supporters does it take to stop a moving bus?
A: Never enough.


Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Leeds Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What's the difference between a Leeds fan and a vibrator?
A: A Leeds fan is a real ****.
 
A tourist is in North London one Saturday and he decides he would very much like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any local matches being played that afternoon. "Well," replies the man, "the Arsenal ground is very close but they're playing away today. If you feel you really must see a match, the Tottenham ground is not that far away. You go straight down this road and you'll see two queues, a big queue and a small queue. You should go to the small queue because the big one is for the fish and chip shop.

A man arrives at the gates of heaven, where St Peter greets him and says, "Before I can let you enter I must ask you what you have done in your life that was particularly good." The man racks his brains for a few minutes and then admits to St Peter that he hasn't done anything particularly good in his life. "Well," says St Peter, "have you done anything particularly brave in your life?" "Yes, I have," replies the man proudly. St Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery. So the man explains, "I was refereeing this important match between Liverpool and Everton at Anfield. The score was nil-nil and there was only one more minute of play to go in the second half when I awarded a penalty against Liverpool at the Cop end." "Yes," responded St Peter, "I agree that was a real act of bravery. Can you perhaps tell me when this took place?" "Certainly," the man replied, "about three minutes ago.
 
Redders said:
Michael Barrymore has offered Leeds United £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 ****** behind him and 67,000 arseholes jumping up and down.

Q: What do Leeds fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How many Leeds supporters does it take to stop a moving bus?
A: Never enough.


Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Leeds Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What's the difference between a Leeds fan and a vibrator?
A: A Leeds fan is a real ****.
Click to expand...

I see where this is going XD

67000 ******** is a compliment. That's more fans than middlesbrough have had since the creation of their club.
 
f a long condom goes on a long **** and a short condom goes on a short ****, what goes on a thick ****?
An Everton shirt.

How many Evertonians does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and blame it all on Liverpool.

How do you circumsize a Manc?
Kick his sister in the chin.

Four surgeons are having a coffee break. The first one says, "I like operating on accountants best because everything inside is numbered."
The second one says, "Nah, I like librarians. Everything inside them is always in alphabetical order."
Third one says, "Electricians, they're the best. Everything in them is colour coded."
The fourth one says, "I prefer Chelsea fans. They're gutless, heartless, spineless, and their heads and backsides are interchangeable."
 
Rather be winning, than getting beta and in the process of relegation. Plus it's a more interesting league instead of the same old, same old.
 
When Obama was giving his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass
I thought that was a bit harsh - just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone.


My son got in trouble at school today. At first, I was angry, but then I was so proud of him when I found out why.

During a maths exam, he received this question: "Rajita said that 3+2x4=20. Explain why Rajita is wrong."

And his response: "She is wrong because, not only is she a woman, but she is also a Paki."
 
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