boozemonster
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NOT SO LONG AGO IN A COUNTRY FAR FAR AWAY...
Or the story so far...
2010-11
Nikao Sokattack were in raptures to give me, Daft C**nt the managerial post at Nikao Field, Rarotonga. After a short but illustrious career of 11 games in the centre of the park for Cook Island injury forced me to hang up my boots and head prematurely into management at the ripe age of 26. In the Arena of South Seas Football the World was my mollusc with calcium build-up inside.
I was remiss in keeping my diary in my first year in charge of Nikao, the stresses of management in my first year became too much at time and for that I must apologise; but I shall give a brief run down of what happened.
The first year was filled with ups and downs early doors I struggled to get the team to gel. This wasn't helped by my own tactical indecisions and sometimes overextension of the ability of the lads. After poaching a few lads from league (and also having players poached back in return; the joys of a completely Amateur League) I stuck to a 4-4-2 Diamond a sat back as we rocketed up the league we won on the final day after beating the 1st placed team Takuvaine to go top on Goal Difference.
I gained few things from my Freshman season, the need for tactical consistency is paramount go play, in an Amateur League every team are thieving bastards and I'm going to need money to pump into the club... but how to get it when my ticket price is 30p?
2011-12
The off season has given me a bit of time to plan for the next campaign amongst other bombshells, like my assistant getting the National job in front of me! He will rue the day! I'll get him out one way or another, even if I need to resort to putting drawing pins on the wretch's chair, ungrateful sod that he is.
Anyway, the board have allowed me more coaching staff for the upcoming season so I strolled down to the jobcentre plus and left a few vacancies.
I have however found a genius way of increasing my campaign chest I shall tour Afghanistan, not only are the teams offering me £16,000 a match to play, but I might have some of the younger lads smuggle opium back in their... ere... well luggage shall we say.
Away to Nooristan (AFG) Friendly
Well the first fixture on my Afghan drug peddle. Signed a new attacking midfielder, he's a bit small, but then again the tallest player in the league is only 6'2 so not an issue, I needed a playmaker and he'll have to do.
Result: Nooristan 1 – 4 Nikao
A blinder of a result the boys played well albeit due to a 10th minute sending off on their behalf, but you still need to put them away.
Away to Kickers (AFG) Friendly
Not sure about this fixture, Kickers are either a really dirty team or make shoes either way it all sounds a bit odd to me. But who cares since their throwing money at me the lads will play.
Result: Kickers 3 – 3 Nikao
A good game end to end stuff but the lads couldn't really string their passes together. I knew we shouldn't have accepted those free boots from the home team.
Away to AFC (AFG) Friendly
An abbreviation nightmare this one. Afghanistan Football Club the cream of Afghan football. As the last venue on our Afghan tour this is the place to stock up on AK's and Heroin, sod the football, give the reserves a run out.
Result: AFC 1 – 0 Nikao
A terrible match that we most likely didn't deserve to loose but we couldn't hit a cows **** with a banjo. We cant place like this in the Cup or we've got no chance. Well a swift trip off to place in the Northern Mariana Islands to avoid customs and then its back home to get ready for the start of the season.
Away to Inter-Godfathers (NMI) Friendly
I've never even heard of this place so hopefully customs haven't either. Playing against a team called Godfather I'm also hoping they can help me with my Smuggling Racket.
Result: Godfathers 0 – 3 Nikao
Some near majestic goal mouth scrambling followed by a cross lobbing the keeper and a deflected free kick ensured we were back to winning ways. I'm a great believer that you don't have to be better than you opponent just luckier. Well the friendlies are over a mixed bag all in all, but a crisp hard £58,000 in the kitty for the Cook Islands Cup.
Or the story so far...
2010-11
Nikao Sokattack were in raptures to give me, Daft C**nt the managerial post at Nikao Field, Rarotonga. After a short but illustrious career of 11 games in the centre of the park for Cook Island injury forced me to hang up my boots and head prematurely into management at the ripe age of 26. In the Arena of South Seas Football the World was my mollusc with calcium build-up inside.
I was remiss in keeping my diary in my first year in charge of Nikao, the stresses of management in my first year became too much at time and for that I must apologise; but I shall give a brief run down of what happened.
The first year was filled with ups and downs early doors I struggled to get the team to gel. This wasn't helped by my own tactical indecisions and sometimes overextension of the ability of the lads. After poaching a few lads from league (and also having players poached back in return; the joys of a completely Amateur League) I stuck to a 4-4-2 Diamond a sat back as we rocketed up the league we won on the final day after beating the 1st placed team Takuvaine to go top on Goal Difference.
I gained few things from my Freshman season, the need for tactical consistency is paramount go play, in an Amateur League every team are thieving bastards and I'm going to need money to pump into the club... but how to get it when my ticket price is 30p?
2011-12
The off season has given me a bit of time to plan for the next campaign amongst other bombshells, like my assistant getting the National job in front of me! He will rue the day! I'll get him out one way or another, even if I need to resort to putting drawing pins on the wretch's chair, ungrateful sod that he is.
Anyway, the board have allowed me more coaching staff for the upcoming season so I strolled down to the jobcentre plus and left a few vacancies.
I have however found a genius way of increasing my campaign chest I shall tour Afghanistan, not only are the teams offering me £16,000 a match to play, but I might have some of the younger lads smuggle opium back in their... ere... well luggage shall we say.
Away to Nooristan (AFG) Friendly
Well the first fixture on my Afghan drug peddle. Signed a new attacking midfielder, he's a bit small, but then again the tallest player in the league is only 6'2 so not an issue, I needed a playmaker and he'll have to do.
Result: Nooristan 1 – 4 Nikao
A blinder of a result the boys played well albeit due to a 10th minute sending off on their behalf, but you still need to put them away.
Away to Kickers (AFG) Friendly
Not sure about this fixture, Kickers are either a really dirty team or make shoes either way it all sounds a bit odd to me. But who cares since their throwing money at me the lads will play.
Result: Kickers 3 – 3 Nikao
A good game end to end stuff but the lads couldn't really string their passes together. I knew we shouldn't have accepted those free boots from the home team.
Away to AFC (AFG) Friendly
An abbreviation nightmare this one. Afghanistan Football Club the cream of Afghan football. As the last venue on our Afghan tour this is the place to stock up on AK's and Heroin, sod the football, give the reserves a run out.
Result: AFC 1 – 0 Nikao
A terrible match that we most likely didn't deserve to loose but we couldn't hit a cows **** with a banjo. We cant place like this in the Cup or we've got no chance. Well a swift trip off to place in the Northern Mariana Islands to avoid customs and then its back home to get ready for the start of the season.
Away to Inter-Godfathers (NMI) Friendly
I've never even heard of this place so hopefully customs haven't either. Playing against a team called Godfather I'm also hoping they can help me with my Smuggling Racket.
Result: Godfathers 0 – 3 Nikao
Some near majestic goal mouth scrambling followed by a cross lobbing the keeper and a deflected free kick ensured we were back to winning ways. I'm a great believer that you don't have to be better than you opponent just luckier. Well the friendlies are over a mixed bag all in all, but a crisp hard £58,000 in the kitty for the Cook Islands Cup.
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