A Craven Tale - Level 17 to UCL

[TheAwesomeAtom]

Part I: The Beginning
[Heavily rewritten due to save file corruption forcing a restart]

3 July 2023 - Thursday

Dear Diary, I'm John Craven. For all of my twenty-one years, I've lived in the district of Yorkshire that shares my name my whole life, as has my dad, and my granddad, and so on. And for all of those nineteen years, there has been nothing I've loved more than football. That's why with nothing but a suit, a dream, and a head full of numbers, I've decided to try to get into football coaching. I put some applications in at the four teams in the Craven & District League Division Three that are hiring, and given that these are amateur teams on the seventeenth rung of the English Football Pyramid, I figured I've got a shot.



11 July 2023 - Tuesday
I had an interview at Kelbrook Phoenix FC, a small club based in (as one could guess) Kelbrook, a village in West Craven, on the A56. The chairman, Paul Muldoon, really seemed to like to me, which is a good sign.



14 July 2023 - Friday
The most wonderful thing has just happened. The chairman called me and told me that in their hunt for a manager, every single candidate had been vetoed by some member of the board. He brought up my name, and I ended up being the compromise. That's right, I've been offered a job as a MANAGER! Sure, the condition was that I work for free, don't change any of the staff, and that I have to bring the team to a top-two finish, but I don't mind, I get to be a manager!

I came to Slough Park, Kelbrook Phoenix FC's somewhat run-down grounds, and met with the general manager Henry Ansah and my assistant manager, Jorge Hibbert. They filled me in on the squad and the supporters. I asked them why neither of them were the manager, and they told me that they were too busy with their day jobs (Henry is an accountant and Jorge's a realtor). Fair enough. I met up with the squad, and they were skeptical at first, but if there is one thing I'm good at it, it's talking.

Based on Hibbert's advice, I drew up a basic 4-2-3-1 fluid counter-attacking tactic. The squad didn't suit the tactic well in the midfield, but I couldn't make a single tactic without a hole somewhere. It'll be fine, I hope. I named Remy McQuade, a defender, as captain. He's a builder by trade, and a hard worker. I'd better acclimated fast, as we've got a friendly tomorrow against Kader, a much larger (but still amateur) team in the North Riding League Premier Division, on the 11th level of the football pyramid.

 

[TheAwesomeAtom]

Part II: First Friendly

15 July 2023 - Saturday
Ahead of my first friendly, I had my first press conference. Well, I say press conference, but there was only one local BBC Radio intern. He seemed to like me, though. It's a win in my book. Anyway, the real important event of the day was the friendly.

It was a home game, attended by twenty people, including the five members of the Kelbrook Ultras. I walked into the locker room and told the players to show me what they're made of, and they were off. Despite the size difference between us, the commentators predicted a draw, due to the very high quality of our keeper, Leon Upton. We managed to seize the initiative early on, with the first goal being scored by right attacking midfielder, David Fox, in the 13th minute. Despite losing the possession game (with Kader managing to hold the ball for more than 60% of the first half), we were able to get more shots off due to an emphasis on set pieces. This led to a second goal for Kelbrook, this time by center attacking midfielder Elliot Ward, in the 39th minute. I praised the team in the locker room at halftime, and then went into the second half confident. After a foul, however, Kader got a penalty kick. Luckily, Leon Upton was able to deflect the shot, keeping the score 2-0. Nothing much else happens in the second half, and we coasted to victory!

 

[TheAwesomeAtom]

Part III: Pre-Season

18 July 2023 - Tuesday
Today, we've got our second friendly of the pre-season (that I'm here for). This time, it's against Knaresborough Celtic, in the York League Division Three, on the 11th level of the football pyramid. Another club much larger than ours, but after our last game, I'm hopeful. I'm particularly hopefully about our attacking midfielders, who were the stars of the show against Kader. It was another home game, with 18 people showing up. When game time rolled around, I sent out the same squad as last time (although with a bit more pep in their step this time). We managed to get some good shots off early on, but David Fox (AMR) twisted his knee and had to be substituted out in favor of the less competent Aaron Boylan. Shortly after, Knaresborough was able to get a very lucky (0.06 xG) long shot into the goal, the first concession of my tenure. This was then followed, at the end of first half added time, by an even luckier (0.03 xG) second goal for Knaresborough. At halftime, we had the higher xG and possession, and yet we were down 0-2. Shortly after halftime, Knaresborough got a third goal. I fired up the team, and they managed to seize momentum, working the ball into the box, where an opposing player fouled, leading to us getting a penalty kick in the 66th minute. Left defender James McMenamin stepped up, and put it straight into the net. At 1-3, we still were almost certain to lose, but at least total humiliation was off the table. Nothing much happened for the rest of the game. We really should have won that won based on xG, possession, and momentum, but Lady Luck simply wasn't with us. C'est la vie, I suppose.

19 July 2023 - Wednesday
I met with the recruitment staff today, and General Manager Henry Ansah informed me that he'd be working to strengthen the defense and recruit a backup keeper. That seems sensible to me.


20 July 2023 - Thursday
Henry Ansah told me he's trying to sign a 21-year-old attacking right midfielder by the name of Kyle Roden, who Ansah says is the son of a family friend and supposedly "very good," although I know nothing about him. He also told me about a right-defender he found named Daniel Bannister, and based on the data he showed me, I offered him a spot on the team.


26 July 2023 - Wednesday
We signed Kayle Roden, my first new signing. As promised by Ansah, Roden is very good, and the fans like him. He's on the first team as our new default right winger, and he is easily the best man we've got in the midfield. Meanwhile, Ansah has decided to go for a Sam Samson (I couldn't believe the name either) for a backup keeper, and a Anton Espersen for a new central defender.



29 July 2023 - Saturday
Bannister didn't want to join us, but that's fine. The big item for today was the final friendly of the pre-season, against Timperley Villa, part of the Lancashire & Cheshire Amateur League Division B, on the 19th level of the football pyramid. That's a few levels below us (level 17), so I felt that we should win this one. The commentators, however, predicted a draw.

We seized the momentum early on, and while the ball was in the opposing penalty box, a foul led to center-AM Elliot Ward putting a penalty kick into the Timperley net in the 23rd minute. We went into the second half happy, although our inverter winger, Jack Galbraith, had to be subbed off due to a minor injury. We cruised through the rest of the second half, winning 1-0.

Now, we have a five week stretch to train and prepare for the season proper.


1 August 2023 - Tuesday
I got some news on transfers this afternoon from Ansah. Sam Samson ended up going with a different club, but Anton Espersen has decided to sign with us. He'll be useful as a new central defender, and the fans love him! He spent his first night in Kelbrook drinking with the Ultras.


3 August 2023 - Thursday
The preseason report came in, and it seems we are expected to finish third in the nine-member Craven & District League Division Three. This is the bottom rung of the football pyramid here in the Craven District of Yorkshire, meaning that there is no relegation (as there is no local lower league to be relegated too). There are two berths for promotion to the 2nd division of the Craven & District League up for grabs, and the board has informed me that they count on Kelbrook getting promoted, and that if we finish in the bottom half, I'll be sacked on the spot. This may not be as hard as it sounds, as the two best teams in Division Three are reserve teams of larger clubs and are not eligible for promotion, so if they get 1st and 2nd, then the teams in 3rd and 4th get promoted. l 'm nervous, but excited.


17 August 2023 - Thursday
We've signed yet another player, Kienen Heler. He will be our new inverted winger, holding up the left flank of our attack. The squad is really starting to come together, and my optimism grows daily (the local bookie says we'll almost certainly get promoted in his opinion). The whole team seems to like me except Espersen, who has been quite reserved. However, he is Danish, so it's not too surprising. I hope to wear him down eventually.



1 September 2023 - Friday
Training has gone well these past two weeks, but the pre-season is finally over. Tomorrow, I make my competitive debut. Unfortunately, this first game against the Addingham Reserves, the best team in the league, is probably impossible. Still, I'm going to try my best.

 

[TheAwesomeAtom]

Part IV: Competitive Debut
2 September 2023 - Saturday
This was my first competitive game managing, and against very, very heavy odds against the Addingham Reserves, the strongest team in the league. I told the squad to take it easy, and we walked out onto the pitch, my heart hammering. It was a home game with 10 spectators, half of which were the five Kelbrook Ultras, who cheered as we entered.

The Addingham Reserves took control of the game instantly, forcing us on the defensive, and got their first goal in the 27th minute off of a free kick. We parked the bus, and although we never equalized, we kept the scoreline 1-0, which minimizes the hit to our goal differential. Overall, we were expected to lose by a lot, so I'm actually happy with the way things turned out today. I would've preferred a win, of course, but I'm happy.

Due to high amount of fouls worrying me, I've decided to remove getting stuck in from the team tactic moving forward. We may be starting at the bottom of the table, but I believe we can make it up. Besides, the board and the fans are both satisfied with how we did in that game.

9 September 2023 - Saturday
It's match day, this time an away game against Worth Valley FC (attendance 29). Worth Valley is the slight favorite, but I have hope.

The game was back-and-worth until the 40th minute, when strike Scott Walker scored us our first competitive goal. Sadly, Worth Valley equalised after a foul by Espersen led to a penalty kick in the 58th minute, followed by a second Worth Valley goal in the 62nd minute. We were unable to equalise, and the final scoreline was 1-2. I know this was the expected outcome, but I had hoped for a redemption after the last game. Now, winning the next game is extra important for me, especially given that the board and supporters were both disappointed with our performance today. They still are reserving judgements, but I don't want to test their patience more than I have to.

However, after the game, I did sign another new defenders: Ian Dean, who we actually poached from our league rival Weston Lane SSC, and will become part of our right flank once he recovers from a fractured toe.


18 September 2023 - Monday
I've signed two new players today: Danny Meadowcroft, a 38-year-old veteran who will form the center of our defence, and Deegan Bowskin, who will be joining the center of our attack. As the squad improves, and I'm getting more and more optimistic.


23 September 2023 - Saturday
It is now matchday once again, this time against Oakworth FC (Home; Attendance 19), and we were, for the first time this season, the favorites to win. For this reason, plus my new talent, I went into the match confident, despite the pouring rain.

It took some getting used to, but in the 61st minute, attack midfielder Elliot Ward got a goal. There was a scare near the end when Oakworth appeared to equalise, but the goal turned out to be offside. Just to safe, I had the team park the bus for the rest of the game. This worked, and the game ended as a 1-0 victory, giving me my first competitive win and pushing the team from last to 6th in the league. Our performance could have been better, but a win is a win, at least when it comes to my job security.

24 September 2023 - Sunday
We've signed Matt Ball onto the team as a backup keeper, and the Ultras took me bowling to celebrate the first win of my tenure. Overall, it was a pretty good day.


28 September 2023 - Thursday
We've signed a new defensive midfielder, George Bowyer, who I hope will help shore up our weakest area.

 

[TheAwesomeAtom]

Part V: Finding a Rhythm

30 September 2023 - Saturday
Today, we (7th) play against the Cononley SC Reserves (3rd) in a home game (Attendance 11) that we are the favorites in.

To start off, Kienan Heler got a lightning-fast goal in the 6th minute, which seemed to me like a very good omen. Shortly after, in the 9th minute, Scott Walker doubled our league with a long-distance shot. So far, this was shaping up to my best match so far. At halftime, I made sure to tell the team how happy I was, and shortly afterwards, in the 52nd minute, Walker got himself a brace. But the team wasn't done yet, with Kayle Roden getting himself a goal in the 59th minute, putting the scoreline at 4-0. Unfortunately, this lead led to some complacency, and the Cononley Reserves managed to get a goal in the 62nd minute. This bit of bad fortune continued with both Leon Upton, our keeper, and Ryan Carrington, one of our defenders, injuring themselves, leading to second opposition goal in the 72nd minute. We then parked the bus and the game ended 4-2. All together, this is the best game we've had by far, increasing our position on the table from 7th to 4th.

1 October 2023 - Monday
Today, I had my first monthly meeting with the board, where they discuss how I'm doing as a manager. They say they're still withholding judgement, but their satisfied for now. Hopefully, they'll have made up their minds about me (in a good way) by our next meeting at the start of November.

Meanwhile, in the league, we're currently 4th, putting us in the top half (and thus helping my job security). I hope to run up the table in October, especially as our next match, against the Skipton Town Reserves, is supposed to be an easy win for us. I'm really excited to play the Skipton Town Reserves, as I'm a native of Skipton myself, and I've been to many Skipton Town proper fixtures growing up.

8 October 2023 - Sunday
I've signed a new wing-back to secure the left flank of our defence, Philip Ejiofor, a new striker named Adam Chadwick, and I'm trialing three other players who seem very competent. If I want to win this league, I'm going to need a lot of good players.


14 October 2023 - Saturday
Today was our first match of the month. I got up in the morning and walked to the Deman Stadium (as I'm a Skipton native) for our (5th) away game (Attendance 31) against the Skipton Town Reserves (9th). It was surreal coming here as the opposing manager after so many fixtures in the stands supporting Skipton as a boy. I wonder if I'll ever play against (or better yet, for) the Skipton Town team proper. Anyway, the Skipton Reserves were at the bottom of the table, so we were expected to win handily.

We weren't as dominant as I would have hoped, and nothing of note happened in the first half. However, early on in the second half, Keinan Heler got a wonderful goal, putting us in the lead. However, in the 64th minute, the Skipton Reserves got an equaliser after a long-distance pass. Luckily, soon after, a red card eliminated one of their attackers, leaving them a man down. Somehow, though, in the 86th minute, they were able to get a goal and take the lead. Panicking, I instructed the team to go Hail Mary on the offensive, but to no avail. Despite having the higher xG, we lost. The Ultras booed me for the first time as I walked off the pitch, although I wasn't as upset by the result as I should have been (after all, Skipton Town is my favorite club), but it was disappointing.

One of the board members called me afterwards to tell me he was disappointed, which scares me. I didn't dare show up to the local pub tonight either. I'm just looking to redeem myself in the next match, with a few new key players to boot.


16 October 2023 - Monday
I've just had to say goodbye to a player for the first time. Scott Walker, my backup (and former primary) striker, as well as the team vice-captain, left us to ascend to level 15 of the football pyramid. I suppose that's good for him. Ejiofor is the new Vice Captain, as he's both talented and a good leader.