Anyone read this for me?

[Tomstorey]

I'm sorry if this is in the wrong thread, Not even to do with FM 11. I'm 14 and currently looking to get into sports journalism when I leave school. I wrote this last night and can anyone give me any feedback on it on this please? Analysing Liverpool’s Revolution | FootballBlog.co.uk . Remember i'm 14 so don't be too harsh.

Tom.

 

[messithegreatest]

I ll read for u

 

[Tomstorey]

Thanks, Give any feedback here.

 

[Steve*]

It is quite well written considering your only 14. However I would use more superlatives and go into more detail to get peoples attention. But it grammatically sound and is paragraphed well. If you are serious about this spend a bit of time reading some writers own work and learn your own style through them.

I suggest looking at this site as it has lots of extremely well written articles that may be good for inspiration.
Holding Midfield | Football articles and discussion

 

[messithegreatest]

Nice you should make a fm blog

 

[Tomstorey]

Thanks for the feedback guys,

 

[Steve*]

Thanks for the feedback guys,

As mesithegreatest said you should consider making an FM story blog. I started one on my own website. Dont get caught up in posting screenshots. Use your literary prowess to get other people interested in it and it would gather followers

 

[Tomstorey]

As mesithegreatest said you should consider making an FM story blog. I started one on my own website. Dont get caught up in posting screenshots. Use your literary prowess to get other people interested in it and it would gather followers

Thanks Steve I will consider doing that mate.

 

[Raikan007]

Suarez’

- there is no s so there needs to be apostrophe s Suarez's

Liverpool have so drastically improved.

have impoved so drastically.

Charlie Adam both got there first goals

their

When John Henry won the club

maybe took control instead of won?

a decent article for a 14 yr old, well done mate! good use of paragraphs and set out well, easy to read. Keep on track if this is really what you want to do and I am sure you will get there!

 

[Tomstorey]

- there is no s so there needs to be apostrophe s Suarez's


have impoved so drastically.


their


maybe took control instead of won?

a decent article for a 14 yr old, well done mate! good use of paragraphs and set out well, easy to read. Keep on track if this is really what you want to do and I am sure you will get there!

Thanks mate.

 

[Raikan007]

pleasure bud, keep it up! it's very mature and wise to have a plan at such a young age! keep on the right track

 

[Number 7]

Its pretty good for your age, I wouldnt use terms like scouser though, just looks through most major sports articles and see what they have that you dont yet, but so far very good

 

[W4FC B3N]

Yeah, maybe Liverpudlian or local would be a better term.

 

[joeere11]

It was 21:50 on Wednesday 5th January and Liverpool have just lost at Ewood park, 3-1. Gerrard missed a penalty, Torres didn’t look with it and the fans have finally lost all faith in Roy Hodgson.

Different tenses, either change the 'was' to is or the 'haves' to had, also the same for the second paragraph aswell. Apart form that it's fine.

 

[Lol_101]

seem like a good one mate. keep up the good work.

and roy was never the right man for the job at anfield, consider all that happed ,out of the CL knouck out rounds, and with the firing of benitez. i consider him good, roy, but maybe should have stayed in fulham for a while and bring back another euro gloy to the london club.

i would have been estactic of Fulham won the Europa final against At. Madrid, but At. Madrid was just too good (floran especially).

pretty much when liverpool fell head over heels, the what we talked of the BIG 4 (manu , arsenal, chelsea, liverpool) changed everyting, and macity started building, and Spurs (bale at his best, and getting good results against arsenal recenty (**** teh game at the emirate, giving up a 2 goal lead, and spurs win at arsenal from a lond time ;( ) , for me no surprises, came into the mix.