Average Joe

[Danneskjold]

Just an average Joe... named Joe.

I never really imagined walking into a football club as a manager. Even at Flanagan's Onions I always saw myself as more player than manager. It was just a group of youngsters pulling on a kit and doing something they loved.

Scarborough Athletic? This is a real football club. There's a Conference trophy from 1987. This team has been in the Football League.

We're in Conference North now but that is serious football compared to what I knew in Bermuda.

If you're wondering who I am? Nobody. Just a 24 year old Doctoral student. A geek. My father was an Irish investment banker who fell in love with a girl from Bermuda. I can't blame him. My mother is terrific. Dad was in Bermuda working for an insurance company and stumbled into the right place at the right time. The rest is history. The result is me.

Like every other kid, I wanted to be a football hero. Dad wanted me to be a businessman. Mom wanted me to be happy. They both wanted me to do my homework. I was good at it! The football? Not so much. To be honest the only reason I got any matches were… 1) I was smart, 2) I was left footed, and 3) I would actually show up. When you live on such beautiful island that #3 was important.

Scarborough? I showed up for the interview and I've always been able to talk a good game (even if the cross went a bit awry). It seems they're willing to take a chance on a left footed nerd with a brain and an ability to talk. "Make something up and pretend to be confident." That was my Grandfather's advice and it usually worked. Got me a few dates, a scholarship to college, one trip to the back of a police car and now a job.

Welcome to football.

 

[Danneskjold]

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'Math will always be there for you. It's actually a huge part of the game. A career in football? Those opportunities don't come along that often.'

I was surprised to hear Dr. du Sautoy say that. Perhaps not as much as you would think, but still surprised. His classes were as fascinating as a study in Mathematics could be. I was instantly drawn to any course he taught. That bond was sealed when I almost tripped over him in the stands at the Emirates. My Doctoral Advisor was a fan of my team.

Growing up an Arsenal fan was never easy. It was my father's team. It was my maternal grandfather's team as well. I never had a choice, not that I wanted one. Gooner for life.

Our last title was in 2004. In 2040 I've never seen my team lift the EPL title except in old films.

The anger of the late Wenger era gave way to Unai Emery and an inevitable brace of Europa League wins (’19 and '21).

Zinedine Zidane lifted the Europa League in '24 before returning to Real Madrid.

Pep Guardiola was quickly sacked.

Luis Enrique? An FA Cup in '26. I hadn't even turned eleven yet.

Thierry Henry lasted three and a half years without major honors.

Leandro Jardim? Fourteen months.

Patrick Vieira has been in place for over seven years. The League Cup (’38) and the Europa League again (’39) were the first trophies I've seen Arsenal actually win.

Marcus du Sautoy and I travelled together to Signal Iduna Park for the '40 Champions League Final. Things started off poorly with a Man Utd goal at 2' but after 35' we were level. A testy but thrilling back and forth battle raged through 90' and then extra time. Penalties! We missed two, they made four. Welcome to Arsenal football.

I truly love math but have loved football just as much. I played semi-pro as a teenager in Bermuda. Flanagan's Onions! I even served as Player/Manager during my last year before University. My college football (soccer if you must) career at Princeton lasted just a year before studies required too much of my time. Since I've been at Oxford I admit sneaking out to have a bit of a kickaround more often than I should have. Managing a local youth side was not to be missed.

Three days back from that brutal shootout? I wondered if I really had to make a choice. I took the interview on a lark when approached after my U17's picked up a nice piece of tournament silverware (plastic actually). It was only a part time job and Dr. du Sautoy assured me that my studies could continue. We could build a schedule that accommodated a few training sessions a week.

I took the plunge.

 

[Danneskjold]

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When I was considering the position Dr. du Sautoy asked just the kind of question I needed to hear. "What's the most important number in that level of football?" My answers were all wrong, Goal Differential or Points being perhaps the closest. "Attendance."

Basically what it comes down to and what so few fans understand... Butts in seats equals money. Money equals wages. Wages equals players. Players give you wins if you have the right ones. The Board asked me questions about football and I asked them questions about financial structure. Perhaps that's why Mr. Kick-it-in-the-net with more experience than me didn't get the job.

Scarborough Athletic has some sizable debts but enough turnover that an efficient Manager should be able to keep the team in the division without making the money worse. There might not be money for Coaching Courses but a group of eager young players who are more concerned with minutes per game than Pounds per week could do the trick. Pull the club's head above water financially and don't get relegated. I can do that.

Of course the Board says 'Top Half Finish'.

 

[Danneskjold]

Trimming the fat...

Kieran Mitchell was appointed Scarborough U23's Manager in 2029. I was 14. Continental Pro License, bags of knowledge and an unmatched ability to motivate. He's all that's left of the previous staff. I could ask for no better.

Connal Butts was a friend from the youth leagues. When I shared the news of my Scarborough interview, he told me that I was taking him along if I got the job. Knowing Connal, I didn't have a choice. Connal would cuff himself to my car so I wouldn't leave without him. My Assistant Manager had chosen himself.

Along with Scarborough chairman Adam Day, we sat down to figure out where the club needed to go.

The Seadogs roster was a mess. Despite an ambitious wage budget of 4300 GBP, 1975 GBP was tied up in five players. Two were Goalkeepers. The rest of the squad were non-contract players left over from Conference days that ended in the '36/'37 season. Far too expensive. Talented? Yes. Putting together an eleven would cost more per game than we could afford a month.

The Youth players were a dire lot.

"We've got to scrap the whole bunch if we're to save the club. No way around it."

Adam and Kieran agreed for the most part.

Kieran glanced at Adam and said, "I've got two of the kids you need to look at, Lucky and Niall. Look at may actually be the wrong idea. You won't miss Lucky's potential and, well, do you really want to sack a striker named Lucky? Niall you just have to see to believe."

Lucky Sibanda was definitely one for the future. Tall, strong and quick out of the blocks. Determined and brave. It didn't take 15 minutes to see that. Not ready yet but Football League potential in a few years? Certainly.

Niall Burrell? I've never imagined anyone like him anywhere closer to the pitch than the pie shop. 5'3" and 13 stones. Not muscle. Frodo Grande.

"He just showed up at the training pitch a few years ago. This fat little kid insisted he was a player and wouldn't leave. Eventually, a stray ball found its way to the chubby tyke. One of the senior lads went to get it back and he couldn't get the ball off the kid. I'm not kidding. Not sure how Tubby could even see the ball to keep it at his feet but he did. Everyone loves him. Just don't get between him and a plate of food."

A lucky charm and a plucky walrus. Seadogs indeed.

 

[Danneskjold]

Camp Footymad

Connal, Kieran, Adam and I brought in everyone we knew to assemble a staff. I was pleased. I'll introduce them to you later.

Players. The staff got on the phones to every Wannabe and Hasbeen they had ever associated with and invited them to Scarborough for a month long open trial. Adam secured a vacant building just south of the stadium and a whole lot of cots. Actually, Adam called the Vicar of St. Mary's Church and the Vicar called in a few favors. God's Will. The Vicar was a season ticket holder.

In all, we had 88 bodies to look at. Youngsters to pensioners pretty much. It ran the gamut. All sacked out on old army bedding in a dilapidated warehouse. On the third day someone taped a hand drawn sign over the door.

Camp Footymad. Perfect.

I didn't know if it would be fruitful but I have to admit it was fun.

We signed 30 hopefuls over the month with a few of the expensive non-contract players taking smaller money in exchange for being tied to the club for a definite term. None for more than 70 GBP a week and a few extra quid in bonuses.

We'd put bodies on the pitch come seasons start. Hope they could play.

 

[Danneskjold]

Friendlies, Tactics and What the **** Just Happened...

There is a problem with beating up on the Little Sisters of the Poor. It tells you nothing about your team or your own ability as a manager. In hindsight, 1-0 results against Seaham and Billingham Synthonia might have been a bit of a red flag. I didn't see it.

We started the season away at Guiseley. At halftime we had 70% of the possession and trailed 4-0. To be fair, left back Josh Lewington fired a cannon shot into the far corner. Our goal. Keeper had his back turned. No one was even putting Josh under pressure. I don't understand.

Kieran was calm. "You'll be sacked before you make your third substitution if you don't change something." Brilliant.

We had been playing a 4-1-4-1 with a masterful plan that would surely have Pep on the phone to pick my brain in the morning. Right. The players looked like a herd of deer caught in the headlights.
.
Throw on my one AMC. "You lads go that way. Wide boys farther forward. Kick the ball at the guy in the grey kit. Forget everything I said before the match."

Guiseley 4-2 Scarborough

Not the start I had hoped for.

Brutal.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

***

Adam, Kieran, Connal and I went straight to the pub when we got off the coach.

Adam: "You're not going to be sacked right out of the gates. This is a project and it will take some time."

Idiot Gaffer: "That was terrible. They hardly had the ball in the first half."

Connal: "To be fair, a good bit of our possession was Newell plucking the ball out of our net."

Idiot Gaffer: "Your last name is Butts. ***."

Kieran laughed.

Idiot Gaffer: "Alright Old Man..."

Kieran: "Just let them do what they know. This isn't the top division. I'm not saying 'Effing welly it!' but Christ, you had ME confused."

Idiot Gaffer: "That bad?"

Connal: "Worse."

Idiot Gaffer: "Your last name is Butts."

 

[Danneskjold]

The best laid plans of mice and me...

Gaffer: "...or go to **** in a hand basket. Thoughts?"

Kieran: "I like it. Rolling the dice a bit but..."

Adam: "I can go along with it as long as the results aren't too bad."

Connal: "You're nuts."

Gaffer: "Your..."

Connal: "We know."

Gaffer: "Alright. We start the rotation on some spots right away. Cup matches we'll give a best effort to. We're really not expected to compete in the league. Twelve matches in we reevaluate. Table, players, everything."

Adam: "There's no budget for anyone else."

Gaffer: "We won't need it. Our parts are different enough that if I throw on a different midfielder, individual styles will change the team."

Kieran: "After that? I really don't think we can tweak all season."

Gaffer: "I just want to identify 16-18 guys, half of our squad, that we can rotate around to build an identity. Get them used to playing together. Build relationships. 'Til Boxing Day we go with that crew. After the New Year we should start to roll. The others can come in when injuries require it."

Kieran: "Some of the pricier boys won't like it. I think some of them will get culled."

Gaffer: "Hurst? Selvage? You're probably right. We will need to become a selling club anyway. If they complain we start with them."

Adam: "Fair enough. If the fans go too sour it's your head they'll call for first. It always is."

Kieran: "The formations?"

Gaffer: "4-2-3-1 and 4-1-4-1 DM Wide. We'll add 4-4-2 if we need to. If we can get service from the wings it should work."

Kieran: "At this level, if we go behind, you might want two up front."

Gaffer: "We'll see."

Kieran chuckled. It wasn't a laugh. If it had been a full laugh I would have known my plan was a disaster.

***

Keepers

We entered the season with three keepers at the club. Last season's two backups and one of our former youth players.

Jim Newell - the heir apparent with 13 starts last season after transferring in from League Two Fleetwood. Tempermental but talented with good hands and reflexes. (300 p/wk)

Toby Carey - physical and focused with a good sense of team. Only one start last term but excelled two years ago on loan at Bradford PA in the Conference North. (350 p/wk)

Ben Lazenby - a Scarborough youth player through the '33/'34 season who left for Workington. Tremendous aerial reach. Back on a non-contract basis.

Nicknames are a bad habit of mine. For obvious reasons Lazenby was quickly rechristened "Double 0". Confused? Look it up.

The plan for the next two months is a straight rotation of Newell and Carey. Newell will get most of the home matches as the fans know him better and will support him when he inevitably opens his vocabulary up on the refs. Did I mention he has a temper?

Carey is more of a Sweeper Keeper and should hold up well on the road. Calm and professional.