Funny Quotes

[The Naylor]

I've searched other threads for something like this but none are for funny quotes in general. I don't mind them being rude but within reason. I'll start us off.

Frankie Boyle - "The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English"

 

[Brian]

good searching
http://www.fm-base.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=45260

 

[vkoppel]

Dude, ditch Tiffany and join the Barnacle in the Pharma Girl free-for-all. Side effects may include: loss of clothing, rug burns, shortness of breath and sore abdominals the next morning. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS UP!

- Barney Stinson

S05E16

 

[The Naylor]

Frankie Boyle - Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters will think he's Tiger Woods.

 

[Kevnaylor]

Barney Stinson-Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your Milswancas

 

[The Naylor]

good searching
http://www.fm-base.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=45260

I saw that thread and as I've pointed out above this is just for funny quotes.

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Chris Rock - You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, ****, and Colon.

 

[Burkie7]

'Liverpool can win the league this season'

delusional Liverpool fans

 

[Joss]

Chris Rock one is good.. can't think of any right now unfortunately. Love the bit at the end about "Bush, ****, Colon"

 

[The Naylor]

Chris Rock - Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure, it feels safe inside. But what about all those ****** waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one.

---------- Post added at 12:44 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:21 AM ----------

Ardal O' Hanlon - Now, where I come from(Ireland), when you get a prescription for antibiotics, you don't say, 'Will it work? Will there be any side effects?' No, it's 'Will I be able to drink with these?'

---------- Post added at 12:50 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:44 AM ----------

Damon Wayans on Celebrity Adoptions - It's a status symbol, you know? They want to have something nobody else got. It's like, 'Yeah, this is the 2005 Cambodian. They only made 7 million of these.

 

[Kevnaylor]

"Hey this is funny, its still funny… annnd now its sad” Barney Stinson

 

[JoshAFC]

The traditional Brian Clough " I wouldn't say i'm the best manager in england but i'm definitely in the top 1"

 

[The Naylor]

Bill Shankly - "Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that."

 

[JP Woody]

Well its 2am, better go home and spend some quality time with the wife and kids. Homer Simpson

The difference between a friend and a good friend? A friend will help you move, a good friend will help you move a body. Author Unknown

Its a recession when your neighbour loses his job, its a depression when you lose yours. Harry Truman

 

[The Naylor]

Frankie Boyle on things that would change the atmosphere at a party : I hope no - one is allergic to nuts .... because I like to rest mine on the table / Help yourselves to Nibbles .... he was our favourite hamster but its what he would have wanted.

---------- Post added at 03:13 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:05 PM ----------

Dara O' Briain - There are three states of legality in Irish law. There is all this stuff which comes under That's grand, then it moves into Ah now don't push it, and finally it comes under Right now you're takin the ****, and that's when the police come in.

 

[Spicer666]

The Todd

Carla: I'm having a weird pregnancy craving. Hey J.D., if you you go out, would you get me a hot Italian sausage?
Todd: I've got a hot Italian sausage for you, right here!

Jordan: You know, one of the reasons I divorced Perry was because of his last name.
Elliot: You don't like ***?
Jordan: Actually, I love ***.
Todd: [walks up, knocks on table] Greatest conversation ever.
Jordan: See, that's the problem.
Todd: [Overhears: "This sausage is huge!"] Excuse me ladies, I'm needed elsewhere.

 

[Tommo43]

Barney: Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. I'm teaching you how to do, do, do.
Marshall: Doo-doo!
[laughs]
Barney: [chuckles] Totally.

Marshall: I'm not a gay pirate, I have *** with my parrot all the time!
[there is an awkward silence]
Marshall: OK, that came out wrong.

Barney: It's gonna be legend-... wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!

Barney: Have you seen how the kids are dressing these days, with the Ashlee and the Lindsay and the Paris? They all dress like strippers. It's, "Go ho or go home."