Funny Rant

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Jack Fulham

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By a QPR fan, ranting about football in general.

I take more pleasure in seeing Chelsea lose than I do in seeing QPR win at the moment.

I sat through so many matches when we were absolute dogs**t under the likes of Ray Harford and with people like Paul Bruce, Matthew Brazier and Mark Perry in the squad and I never felt like this.

The club isn't ours anymore but moreso than that - football is just properly gash these days.

I mean really gash.

football generally.

I hate nearly everything about it these days....

I hate the Prem and the myth that it is exciting this year. Man City breaking into the top four isn't exciting. They spent loads of money. It's no more exciting that Nameless C*** getting to number 1 in the charts after winning the X-Factor.

I hate the myth of Arsene's kids. Buying some French kid when he's 17, playing him in the League Cup and then selling him when he's 20 after about 3 appearances in the league is NOTHING SPECIAL.

I hate hearing about Liverpool/Man Utd's debt but nothing ever happening about it. A club needs to go to the wall for the money thing to change but it doesn't happen. Why the **** are Charlton, Leeds and Southampton still in business?

I hate Frank Lampard's stupid f'ing face. I hate that Joe Cole's tongue is never in his mouth, the downsy spacker. I hate John Terry being England captain when he's CLEARLY AN OAF.

I hate the England team.

I hate young exciting wingers who have nothing but pace. Tony Scully had nothing but pace.

I hate the FA Cup. There may be little shocks like last night but for the most part you know who's going to win it. Unless a team throws away all their financial security to win it a la Pompey.

I hate Harry f'ing Redknapp. And Jamie Redknapp. And Louise Redknapp. And the Wii.

I hate James Nesbitt, Eammon Holmes and f***ing everyone.

I hate Gary Lineker and Alan Shearer.

I hate Garth Crooks.

I hate Garth Brooks for that matter.

I hate Sky Sports.

I hate that when a lower league player beats 10 players and chips the keeper it doesn't matter but if Rooney scores from more than 20 yards it's amazing.

I hate that everything football related has to have 'Club Foot' playing behind it.

I hate that female sports journos are now mandatory.

I hate Mark Lawrensen for not coming out. 'I do like a big man at the back'. I bet you do.

I hate any advert that portrays football to be about anything other than pain and disappointment.

I hate any advert that mentions pies at football.

I hate Lee Hughes and the fact that he makes a living from the game. I hate Marlon King and any team that signs him when he gets out. I hate that it'll probably be us.

I hate Phil Brown.

I hate 'well the ball is a lot lighter now and will cause goalkeepers real problems this summer' before EVERY F'ING TOURNAMENT.

I hate that Kieron Dyer earned more in the time I took to write this post than I'll earn this month.

I hate Adrian Durham, Ian Wright and Alan Brazil.

I hate Gazza. Either die or shut up. Stop f'ing lingering.

I hate hearing about Hillsborough more than I hear about Heysel or Bradford.

I hate that a comeback from 4-0 down at half time (TWICE) means nothing because we aren't f'ing scouse.

I hate Leeds.

I hate Roy Keane.

I hate grown men wearing football shirts of their team whilst shopping on a saturday when their team is playing at home.

I hate that I don't hate Roy Hodgson.

I hate Jermaine Beckford and any player who has neck tattoos.

I hate songs being inappropriately taken as club anthems and then sung in a manly way. 'I'm forever blowing bubbles....'. Gaylords.

I hate Danny Dyer and anyone he's ever interviewed.

I hate the book 'Cass' by Cass Pennant. It is honestly the stupidest thing I've ever read. Chapter 1: Millwall. 'Yeah we took 50 to Millwall. They had 1000 in their mob but we ran 'em up and down the street'. Chapter 2: Liverpool. 'Yeah we took 50 to Liverpool. They had 2000 in their mob but we ran 'em up and down the street'. Fk me... Jade Goody's autobiography is probably better. Even her non-ghost written one.

I hate that all good youngsters end their careers at Spurs before they start.
 
Its understandable, QPR have become a joke of a club.

The bit about young players a Spurs is so true though.
 
I hate that everything related to football that has Club Foot playing behind it :)
 
Jack Fulham said:
I hate the myth of Arsene's kids. Buying some French kid when he's 17, playing him in the League Cup and then selling him when he's 20 after about 3 appearances in the league is NOTHING SPECIAL.
Click to expand...

Not all true but I see where he's coming from. Probably not noticed cos I'm an '**** myself.

I hate hearing about Liverpool/Man Utd's debt but nothing ever happening about it. A club needs to go to the wall for the money thing to change but it doesn't happen. Why the **** are Charlton, Leeds and Southampton still in business?
Click to expand...

So true.

I hate Frank Lampard's stupid f'ing face. I hate that Joe Cole's tongue is never in his mouth, the downsy spacker. I hate John Terry being England captain when he's CLEARLY AN OAF.
Click to expand...

Possibly statement of the century.
 
I disagree about Lousie Redknapp... but not much else :D
 
Well I was laughing until the part about Hillsbrough. My uncle died there and excuse me if I don't have a sense of humour but that was very disrespectful.
 
Ben said:
Well I was laughing until the part about Hillsbrough. My uncle died there and excuse me if I don't have a sense of humour but that was very disrespectful.
Click to expand...
He wasn't really being disrespectful just saying it gets more coverage than the other disasters he mentioned. Which is probably true.:S

Quite a good rant/^^) I read another one which was better though, the grimsby fan rant.<) That was quality.:D We have a thread on that one as well.
 
Jack Fulham said:
Its understandable, QPR have become a joke of a club.

The bit about young players a Spurs is so true though.
Click to expand...

We are a joke, but not as big of a joke as Liverpool *waits for the attack by hungry scousers*

I hate Mark Lawrensen for not coming out. 'I do like a big man at the back'. I bet you do.
Click to expand...

I pmsl so much at this XD
 
those quotes in particular had me in ******* bits

Jack Fulham said:
I hate Frank Lampard's stupid f'ing face. I hate that Joe Cole's tongue is never in his mouth, the downsy spacker. I hate John Terry being England captain when he's CLEARLY AN OAF.

I hate Harry f'ing Redknapp. And Jamie Redknapp. And Louise Redknapp. And the Wii.

I hate Garth Crooks.

I hate Garth Brooks for that matter.


I hate Lee Hughes and the fact that he makes a living from the game. I hate Marlon King and any team that signs him when he gets out. I hate that it'll probably be us.


I hate Gazza. Either die or shut up. Stop f'ing lingering.
Click to expand...
 
The great thing is, nearly all of us I agree with it. A lot of them were valid points. The John Terry bit was the best of the lot though :)
 
i so agree on lee hughes, hes a criminal scum, scored again tonight, probably got some huge goal bonus so he can go out and have some late night fun
 
By an angry little Croatian who wanted to join in on the fun :)

I hate that if I had a choice to play for Croatia or Australia and if I picked Croatia then I would be the number 1 c*** in Australia even though most of the country cares more about there AFL

I hate having to say "soccer" just because everyone else in Australia says it

I hate England too :) ....and the Wii as well

I hate when a young Croatian striker who plays for either Dinamo or Hajduk ends up scoring 10 goals ore more in the Prva HNL and all of a sudden his "the future of Croatia"/ "The next Davor Suker" cough* Penalinic aka Kalinic* cough

I hate Croatian players who are rated so highly and kick *** at there clubs aka Olic,Petric,Klasnic and Srna

I hate how Bilic went from the **** to just plain ****

New Zealand heading to the worldcup, Croatia isn't....WTF MAN!?!?!?!

I hate how I don't know wether to love or hate Walcott

I hate having to feel like that I have to hate Tottenham even though I don't...for clearly obvious reasons

I hate how Croatia gets a lot of **** for having a Brazillian in the team and yet I hardly hear anything about Africas best team aka France

I hate how Wenger hasn't bought any young promising Croatians and hasn't hyped them up

Why is John Terry England's captain?? Heres a better question WHY IS SRNA CROATIA'S CAPTAIN!?!?!?!

I hate how ever since the Euros that I **** myself the most during the last 2 minutes of Croatia's matches

I hate how Australian sports fans like to say there the most passionate supporters yet they always say Croatians are too "violent" and "racist"

I hate how Rakitic is like Croatia's version of Ryan Babel. Has all the ability and potential in the world but he wastes it.
 
"I hate that I don't hate Roy Hodgson" :D
 
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