Is the grass greener?

[PTV]

Sorry guys, decided to post this here as I'm a stranger to all of you here on FM-Base (H)

I'm 30 years old and feel like I'm having a bit of a crisis (don't want to call it a mid life one).

I live with my other half (of 18 months) and her 2 boys.

I work full time in a well paid job and life is pretty much OK most of the time.

Apart from the baggage that comes with my missus is starting to wear me down and I don't know if the grass would be greener.

The kids dad pays no money towards the kids, yet he's driving around in a new car etc.

She's got other **** going on and it's all starting to eat away at me.

Now I know life is no smooth road.

I've got no baggage what so ever and consider myself to be a decent bloke.

I'm the main bread winner and I pay ALL the bills in the house. I mean... everything. Rent, council tax, utilities, sky bla bla bla.

Basically, I'm unhappy & starting to think the grass is greener, anyone been in a similar situation?

 

[Raikan007]

hey, strange place to post your life troubles mate this is an FM forum

but anyway, sounds like you are unhappy mate, there is nothing "tying" you down in your current position! your misses' ex is doing nothing as he does not have to as you are picking up all the slack, if you leave I can assure you (if he is a decent bloke as well) he will step in and take care of them, so you do not have to worry about that.

If you love her, stay, work it out! if you don't then leave! simple

the grass can be greener, but there will still be **** on the lawn

 

[TJD07]

Kill them all!

But like Raikan said, grass may be greener but there is always next doors dog leaving you a nice present each morning. Just need to figure out if you can put up with it or stick with what you have.

 

[PTV]

hey, strange place to post your life troubles mate this is an FM forum

but anyway, sounds like you are unhappy mate, there is nothing "tying" you down in your current position! your misses' ex is doing nothing as he does not have to as you are picking up all the slack, if you leave I can assure you (if he is a decent bloke as well) he will step in and take care of them, so you do not have to worry about that.

If you love her, stay, work it out! if you don't then leave! simple

the grass can be greener, but there will still be **** on the lawn

I posted here because nobody knows me and some advice from people that don't know me and the situation might help.

The ex wont step in and care for anyone, he's a ****.

 

[Vanjagl]

Did your missus fine you and now you're unhappy with that? You need to be professional, ya know?

My advice is, and I'll tell you not to listen to me since I'm pretty useless, if the heat is to high, abandon ship. I don't like people with baggages, so I tend to avoid them.

 

[Roymo]

Forget "the grass on the other side", the focus is if you two are right for each other, or to work out even.
18 months is a good stint, all the cracks of perfectitude are out and there shouldn't be anything to hide from each other.
The questions of "Do you want her?" and "Does she want you?" are answers you should already have including the the answers to the same questions from her side.

First up, consider your instincts, what are they telling you and assess why. THOROUGHLY.
Now assess them again being as objective about it as possible (read: hard, emotionless, logic.) Don't take sides on this part, consider from all angles.
Keep this bit to yourself for the moment.

Then you need to sit down with her and have a nice long, probably awkward, chat.

Be open and honest, try not to let emotions describe things (it tends to sound like finger pointing and that never ends well), cover your concerns but don't hint on wants/requests yet.
Keep that for if she's wants to open up dialogue on discussing/fixing issues.
Here is where you find out if they're an adult and will face things, or a child who'll run away because it's hard.
Does she want to fix things? [Y/N?]
Pretty obviously a 'No' is time to move on.
If 'Yes' keep an eye on if it's heartfelt, nonchalant or strained.
Heartfelt: Good, Nonchalant: Might as well have said No, Strained: either doesn't want to or is slowly realising there's work to be done.

If prepared to hammer out the kinks, is it coming across as the answers (from either of you) are "I'll do this, you can do that" or similarly short answered responses? Then chances are passive aggression is flaring up in one of you two. Not handy.
You'd be after shared responsibilities across the board of all the 'musts' of life.

Luxuries (if not shared) should be the burden of whomever wants it in the first place (SKY for instance if you do she doesn't), but really shouldn't be treated in an ownership/possession sense.

Now to consider what you two have worked on and compare with your assessments of instincts.
What's been sated, what's not, and like all relationships in general, what are you prepared to compromise on for the girl?
You will now have your non black-and-white answer but the scales shall be tilting one way more than the other.

NOTE: this is for the scenario that both partners are considered by each other as equals.

 

[PTV]

Roymo, cracking post, Sir.

 

[Roymo]

I'm 34 and been through somewhat similar until late last year.
Hindsight is handy.

 

[W4FC B3N]

I always say, think about what's best for YOURSELF, before you start thinking about anyone else. Nothing worse than doing things for others if you don't feel any sort of benefit emotionally/financially. I'm in a rut now through debt and it's my own stupid fault, which simply stems from paying out of my **** for all of my mates so we can get plastered at weekends et al.

I tell myself that I have a good time, which I do, at the time, but the after effects are what get me down, having to grovel every month just to pay off debts. I should have £750+ per month easy disposable income but atm I have £50 or so.

Do what's best for yourself in the long run.

 

[Raikan007]

I always say, think about what's best for YOURSELF, before you start thinking about anyone else. Nothing worse than doing things for others if you don't feel any sort of benefit emotionally/financially. I'm in a rut now through debt and it's my own stupid fault, which simply stems from paying out of my **** for all of my mates so we can get plastered at weekends et al.

I tell myself that I have a good time, which I do, at the time, but the after effects are what get me down, having to grovel every month just to pay off debts. I should have £750+ per month easy disposable income but atm I have £50 or so.

Do what's best for yourself in the long run.

Stop drinking Ben

I have the same with my loser mates when I go back home for holidays, Neil, please buy me a drink, Neil please can you buy me a burger (2am in the morning)

they are all still living at home (most of them) and I have become quite successful so they think its fair to ask! no its not!

tell them to get jobs and pay for it themselves, you are literally ******* money away bud

 

[W4FC B3N]

That's the thing, I only drink on Fridays, don't touch a drop any other nights, but I have a lot of 'friends' XD