The Sinner/Saint of Scandinavia? - My Story

[mashedPotatoes]

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07:46AM

Gothenburg,Sweden

Here I am - in Gothenburg.Stepped off a short 2-hour flight from Heathrow and now arrive in the city in which I would now call home for quite sometime.Gazing around the airport,I wasn't too happy with what I saw,in which I was slightly disappointed.The man on the phone said that Gothenburg was a 'peach of a place'. Maybe he was just trying to persuade me as much as he could to get me to come here - if he did,it worked.

After waiting in a long queue to finally 'enter' the country,I found my own name on a board held up by a man with a suit and a chauffer hat.He looked at me for about three seconds and then looked at the next person that was coming through.I walked to the sign saying 'McMenemey' and he soon realised I was the one he was going to drive.

"Tjenare Mr. McMenemey"

I was puzzled by what he just said but it clicked in my head that 'Tjenare' must mean "hello" in Swedish.I'm learning this language quicker than I expected - and I hadn't even got out my Swedish-English translation book yet.After realising his mistake,he shook his head and greeted me in English.

"Hello Mr. McMenemey"

"I apologise for my mistake.I am here to take you to your hotel room,Sir."

Wow.All-expenses paid hotel room as soon as I set foot into Sweden.Nice.I replied to him with a nod and a smile,as he took my bags and went to the exit.As soon as we came out of the airport,there it was.A lush,shiny limousine waiting right there for me,basking in the Swedish sunlight like a nice,cool beer,dripping in it's own fluids - so sexy.

I automatically starting jumping in my mind like a six-year old,extremely excited.My face lit up with joy,but still kept it cool as I walked to the car without hesitation.The chauffeur was too busy carrying my luggage.Shame on me for not helping him,but then again,why am I here? To manage.

After arriving from Gothenburg City Airport,I was greeted by,not just one man again,but a group of people that looked like they worked for the hotel.There were two men that looked over 40 and a few hot Swede girls,most of which are blonde - figures.

"Mr. McMenemey,we have been expecting you"

You would think that he meant it in a bad way,but the expression on his face meant otherwise. He took my hand and shook it firmly as the three Swedish girls smiled at me with their heads titled to the side and waving their hands.At first I felt slightly scared,but began to like it.I felt quite good and knowing I was going to get five-star treatment,after all,what am I here for,right?

"I am the manager of the hotel,Michael Olsson.This is your personal advisor and translator,Oscar Elm.The ladies behind me will also be helping you by attending to you like personal room service during your stay here at Gothenburg Hotel"

Gothenburg Hotel? Not the best name for a hotel such as this.Oh well,at least I have hot blonde chicks that are gonna give me food and drinks for however long I stay here.Hopefully not too long,I want to find my own place here and kick back.I don't want to stay in a hotel with a slightly crappy name while I'm managing a Swedish club.

... 3 hours later ...

12.07AM

I arrive at the stadium with a nice £250 suit and a decent watch to show I didn't play Sunday league football back in the UK.The chauffeur comes out of the limousine and opens my door.I step up as the engine purrs softly and walkers-by gaze at the stadium more than who's apparently going to be the next manager of this club.Typical.

Glancing at the time,I notice that I am 'fashionably late' and start taking my time a bit more than I would have at Newcastle United.I'm sure they wouldn't mind me being nearly ten minutes later than scheduled,right? I mean come on,the want me,right?

After taking at hefty flight of stairs up to the Board room,I am greeted by the chairman and the Board of Directors.Again,my hand is thrusted into an unwanted handshake with the Chairman while the others look at me with an almost fake smile.

"Thank you Mr. McMenemey for coming to the beautiful city of Gotheburg,we are very appreciative of your efforts in coming here on such a short notice.My name is Kent Ohlsson,I am the Chairman of the club.Alongside me is Seppo Vaihela,the Main Director and Hakan Mild,the Director of Football."

Quite a small Board room.At least their friendly though.I responded to them with greetings as well as we sat down on the soft leather chairs,surrounded by a hall of trophies.I'm getting a good clue of why I am here now.As the chauffeur exited the room,the Chairman got down to business,putting his hands together and leaning forward with some intention.

"Now,Mr. McMenemey,we would first like to welcome you to our club.As you can see,we are intending for you to become the new manager here at this historic football club,with ambitions and goals of success in the process" he said quite sternly.

"Your work in the UK has been much admired by,not only us,but by the media and other clubs in the league.We are very,very lucky to have you here in our Board room even speaking to you now"

I felt flattered.

"As you may have also noticed,we are not a small club domestically here in Sweden.A wide array of league titles and championship trophies are all sitting proudly in the Trophy Cabinet that is not looking to stay content with all the silverware it has." "We want you to take us even further than we are now and to rubber-stamp this club into the history books of,not only Swedish football,but European football as well."

I nodded without a single expression on my face.I felt neither fear or joy.
It was scary.

With Kent Ohlsson,the Directors were standing by him like I was with the Mafia.They looked dead serious in comparison to when I had just walked into the room,looking like they had finally found a long-lost relative"

"To start,we would like for you to sign this contract."

He pushed a paper attached to clipboard across the desk.
I glanced down.

Clicking a pen with his thumb,he handed me a ballpoint pen with a vague smirk on his face.Taking the pen,I put down my signature and pushed back the contract without even looking through it.I was that scared at that point.

Suddenly..

"Thank you Mr. McMenemey,welcome to the club!"

I was puzzled and looking around the room as if I had been Punk'd or something.

The chairman stood up with both hands in the air and shaking his fists like he had won a bet or something.The Directors did the same.I was still scared.

I tried not to show my fear and copied what Kent did,with him shaking my hand.

"I would like to take you on a tour through the stadium."

I nodded without hesitation,still with a plastic smile attached to my face.

... 2 hours later ...

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Swedish football club IFK Goteborg have announced rookie manager Criag McMenemey as the latest install ment at Gamla Ullevi with mixed reactions.The former manager of the club,Stefan Rehn,left on mutual terms and has now been tracked by other clubs in Sweden,as well as rumoured links in Norway,Iceland and Finland.

McMenemey,who played for Newcastle United in his days before retiring through injury,has now taken his first steps into management with the chance to take the reigns of European football contenders,IFK Goteborg.The announcement has come as shock and bewilderment to the fans,but are neverthelss going to have to get used to it,as the latest boss at the helm looks to brink more silverware to this historic club.

03:32PM

Gamla Ullevi Stadium
Goteborg,Sweden

In a room full of Swedish journalists,I take my seat infront of cameras,cameramen and a bright light that makes like face look like it's melting.

My new assistant manager,who just arrived shortly,soaking wet from the recently unpredictable rain,came up the short steps to his seat in which he smiled and greeted me with a handshake.I responded with a smile too,although it wasn't as convincing as his.

"Look,don't worry,the journalists will speak English,just like I am to you and you just answer them back with your answer - Simples."

As relaxing as his words were,my body was still shaking.

"Ready in 5!"

My heart sunk.

But I was here to do a job,right? Let's do this.

The press conference began.

A journalist rose up from her seat and pitched the first question.

"You sit here as the new manager of IFK Goteborg Football Club Mr. McMenemey,are you pleased to be at such a successful club as this?"

I replied "Yes,I certainly am.This club is very successful with the amount of trophies and silverware it has won in it's history and I am aiming to bring more of it here."

Another straight after said..

"You come here also knowing that you are unable to speak Swedish,will that be a downfall in your tenure here?"

Tenure? If I had the...

"I may not speak fluent Swedish,but I think I am capable of communicating to the players well without many problems."

The next journalist rose up and said..

"The club recently lost the league title to Kalmar FF,the now reigning champions in the league.Are you intending on bringing it back to the club and the fans,as well as domestic championships?"

"Of course I am.I came to Sweden with ambitions of making Goteborg a big club and that will be done."

The fourth came up...

"It has been 22 years since the club has won a European title.Are you aiming to bring the Europa League here during your time at the club?"

22 years? That's a long time...

"I have been thinking about it and it does seem like a viable target.My main intentions though are to win as many competitions as I can here and then see where I can go with the club from then on."

A fifth popped the question...

"Looking at the 2009-10 Allsvenskan season,who do you think will win this year's league title.

My heart started to race and my hands started to sweat.My team was sitting in the back,all waiting upon my answer.I didn't know what to say,but...

"I cannot predict the future and I haven't seen much of Swedish football,so I would not have much of an idea."

Smooth.

The players,nor the Board didn't think that was smooth,but at least I wriggled out of that question.The room went silent for a few seconds before it started to feel 'normal' again.

And the last one comes up with..

"Recent rumours have said that you are targeting Velez striker Santiago Silva.Can you go on record with your thoughts about this?"

Another question putting me in a dead-end? Sigh...

"I will not be discussing transfer rumours today,sorry."

The press conference was over.

Thank you Jesus.

The players stood out of their seats in slight confusement and annoyance with what I said but I stretched my arms,legs and feet in relief.I almost didn't care.The bright light was shut off and I followed my assistant down the small steps.

Now,it's time for some action...

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Here are some screenshots of the squad and my profile.

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Updates to come soon.
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[mashedPotatoes]

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MCMENEMEY COMPLETES LINDEROTH TRANSFER

In another shock announcement,new IFK Goteborg boss Craig McMenemey has announced the free transfer signing of former Sweden international Linderoth on a one-year deal.

Linderoth,who formerly played for English side Everton F.C.,has welcomed the opportunity in signing for the Swedish league title contenders and has announced his pleasure in now trying to help the club get into Europe this season.

In an interview,Linderoth said "I am pleased to be back in football with Goteborg and signing for the club was not a tough decision.The club is big and has won many trophies.I now hope I can be part of it this season."

IFK Goteborg Football Club have announced that Linderoth will be wearing the #18 shirt for the club this season.
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[mashedPotatoes]

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Pre-Season Results:

Assyriska 3-2 IFK Goteborg

FC Kuusankosi 0-3 IFK Goteborg

Stavanger IF 0-5 IFK Goteborg

Manglerud Star Topfotball 0-3 IFK Goteborg

FC Vasby United 0-2 IFK Goteborg

Falkbengers FF 4-1 IFK Goteborg

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After a good run of results in pre-season,it was time for,not only my first-ever season in charge of a football club,but also my first-ever season as a manager of a Swedish football club.I completed two good signings in which I never thought I would be able to do and now have a good formation that the lads have been accustomed to using during the pre-season,as well as my assistant manager,Jonas Olsson,managing all six of them.

But before I could kick-start the new league season,it was to be the Swedish Super Cup final,between us and AIK Solna.AIK have been predicted to finish 5th in the Allsvenskan but both I and the lads knew that they weren't going to make it easy for us.

AIK have not won the league for more than ten years,neither have they won the domestic cup for roughly the same amount of time.It was only last year that they came second to the reigning champions Kalmar FF that they were able to qualify for the Super Cup and we had won the Swedish Cup to make it there.

This was my first chance at glory and I was not going to let it pass by me.

Saturday,28th March 2009
2:32PM

It's the day.Half an hour before kick off and the squad is training on the pitch.TV programmes here in Sweden are doing their preview shows before it's televised around the country and I am feeling nervous.

With most of the squad unavailable because of international duty,my squad was skinned.No Lauren,no Linderoth,Adam Johannson,the club captain,is out with a minor injury until our first league game of the season with a thigh strain and half the squad is not even fully match fit.

I had to make the choices.

Some of the strikers I were thinking about playing were off to play for Sweden's U21's and put strain on who I was going to select for my starting eleven.Luckily,I had most of my in-form players available for my starting eleven and could just about make it with a good enough squad.

I had limited substitutes,again,because of international duty and lost out on picking two more that would of been in the first-team.I resorted to picking reserve players in Nicklas Carlsson and Tobias Sana.Not my top players in picking but nevertheless just needed to fill up the squad.

... 2:46PM ...

I get Jonas to call the lads in to get changed..

We're in the dressing room,getting changed and getting the tactics up for the lads to see.

With the clacking of studs on the floors of the dressing room,I began my first speech to the squad.

"Lads..."

Half of them look up at me with their faces looking confused...

"Today is a cup match,a cup final to be more precise.We are facing a team that have been predicted the underdogs - we are the favourites.We are playing infront of our own fans and we will not let them down."

The squad were looking more enthused by my words as I tried to get them motivated..

"We are the favourites.We will play like the favourites and we will win like the favourites."

"These fans have paid their tickets to come into the stadium to watch their team lift the trophy.The only thing stopping us from doing that is the team in the opposite dressing room."

Half of them sat up,like meercats on a small hill,clining onto my every word.

"Now,like most of you have been playing in the pre-season,we are going to play the 4-3-3."

"Kim,you're in goal."

"From left to right in defence is Mikael,Tuomo,Fredrik and Karl"

"Alexander is the defensive midfielder,he will sit in the pocket between the defence and the midfield.He is responsible for breaking up the attacks"

A smile lit up on his face after I said that.

"Thomas and Theodor will be the two midfielders.I want Thomas to play deep in a creative role and will operate as the playmaker for the team.He will supply the passes upfront.Theodor will play higher up and will support attacking moves with the wingers and strikers."

The nodded their heads once,looking determined to do their jobs...I liked it.

"The wingers,from left to right will be Tobias and Stefan"

Tobias didn't look too pleased,but tried not to show it.

"Hannes will be the forward."

Hannes looked delighted.Tobias wasn't.

"Substitutes will be Erik,Jakob,Markus,Nicklas and Tobias."

They weren't too displeased either,but they got on with it.

As I explained the formation and the tactics with more detail,I was starting to feel motivated myself,believing that we could do it and win this championship today.

After my speech,a roar from Jonas' mouth rumbled the dressing room and sent shockwaves through the opponent's one two.

It lit up.

I was fired up.

AIK sounded scared because I didn't hear a reaction - maybe because they knew they would lose? We would see on the pitch.

2:53PM

It's show-time.

As the players walked onto the pitch,I took my seat in the dugout with the substitutes and Jonas and watched the opening ceremoney of the match.

The stadium roared with a distinct difference in knowing which fans were which as the blue fans sung the club's anthem,clapping their hands and ringing the whole stadium like a Mexican wave.The AIK fans tried to do the same but it seemed to fall on deaf ears,especially mine.

After the opening ceremoney finished,it was time to kick off.The referee blew his whistle and the game was underway.

... First Half ...

Fifteen minutes through and the game was real end-to-end stuff.AIK were giving us some things to worry about,but we retailated in counter-attacking fiercly.Pace down the wing from Tobias Hysen troubled the AIK defence,but Hannes Stiller's inability to convert made us rue the glaring opportunities.

Salihou Jagne was becoming a constant threat to our defence and needed to be sounded out.

I walked to over to the edge of my technical area,put my hands across my mouth and almost screamed out to Fredrik Risp...

"Fredrik! Fredrik!"

He looked back at me while the corner was conceded.

"Close down No. 17! Man-mark him! Don't let him get away!"

He understood me.He put a thumbs up,went over to Jagne and locked onto him.I was pleased and felt confident.

As the danger was quelled,we were still looking uncomfortable at the back.Fredrik was rock-solid in defence but we were not getting the ball far enough to really trouble AIK.

Through the half-hour,we were starting to look good.Theodor Bjarnasson had a good chance on goal to give us the lead,but it was parried away by Bergh and the counter-attack started again for AIK.We handled it but were looking the more confident,especially when we were playing at home.

Mikael was playing excellent down the right.His tackling and ability to clear the ball away really helped us and the goalkeeper,Kim Christensen as we still countered AIK.

... Half-time ...

IFK Goteborg 0-0 AIK Solna

At half-time,we returned to the dressing room,full of optimism with the fans still singning after the referee's blow for the half.

I was very pleased.

"We're doing great lads.Kim,Mikael,Fredrik,you're playing great out there,keep it up,I want to see more of that great defending at the back."

"Alexander,you're doing great as well,keep taking out their attacks,supply the ball to Theodor and Thomas as well."

"Tobias,Hannes,Stefan..we need that goal.Just one goal to give us that trophy.I know you three can do it and the only way we can do it is if you guys work together and exploit their defence."

They understood once again and were rallied once more by Jonas.

But I needed to change the tactics around a bit.Playing a rigid 4-3-3 is good and all,but we need to expose their attack.I changed the formation to a 4-1-2-3,with Stefan,Tobias and Hannes playing as three attackers upfront,Theodor and Thomas in the midfield and Alexander operating in the pocket.

... Second Half ...

The referee once again blew the whistle and the game was underway.

Playing the three men upfront as strikers,without wingers,was risky.They were to play more closer together than they would if they were playing seperately and the ball had to be supplied through the middle.Jonas told me at half-time that Hannes was getting skinned by the AIK defence and we needed to push more attackers upfront.I was relucatant to bring on a substitute incase it backfired and wanted to see what the lads had left.

We did well defensively and kept out the attacks from AIK,but we weren't finishing our chances.An in-direct free kick on the hour mark taken by Stefan Selakovic met to the head of Fredrik Risp,that rattled the crossbar and cleared out by the opposition.The crowd thought it was in - they were wrong.

Things took a turn...

"Hannes Stiller is down and looks like he won't be getting up anytime soon..."

The referee blew his whistle a couple of times to the dugout,with the Physios rushing to the desperate Hannes in need of medical attention.

Clutching his leg in agony,I knew he wasn't going to play any further part in the game and,with no natural strikers on the bench,I had to change the tacitcs once again.

"Sana!" I shouted.

He ran from his seat out to my side,dying for the words he had been waiting for the past hour and fifteen minutes.

"You're on.You're going to replace Hannes and play as an Attacking Midfielder,okay?"

He nodded.

I changed it to a 4-1-2-1-2 for Sana to play behind Tobias and Stefan,hoping we could at least get a goal.

With Hannes stretched off and the fans clapping him with respect to the 30-year-old,the linesman held up his board with the numbers 19 and 22.Sana tucked in his shirt and ducked onto the pitch,racing to the Tobias and Stefan with some of my instructions.

Stiller went off into an ambulance with paramedics closing the doors and the younger fans looking on.I was saddened,but had to focus on the match.

With Sana,I had to replace Mikael who,despite having a good game,was in need of rest and looked very tired.Nicklas was his replacement,despite him not being a natural left-back.He responded to the call well and was good in the back four.

After another AIK attack was squandered,we countered again,but this time with a good chance of scoring.

Headed out by Risp,a pass to Selakovic down the right hand side allowed him to whip the ball forward.

Tobias was on the receiving end and had beaten the two defenders and clear on goal.I rose out of my seat,hoping and praying that would be a goal.

Tobias latched onto it and darted into the penalty area.The fans were on their feat,Bergh was the last man to stop him from scoring...

It was a ....

GOAL !!!

He sprinted to the Goteborg fans with his hands aloft,sending them into raptures.The dugout was in raptures and there was ten minutes left.Surely that was it?

Adding more insult to injury,instead of going and celebrating with Tobias,Nicklas decided to pick the ball out of the net and carry it to the halfway line for AIK to kick-off.

The opposition were devastated.

With several minutes left on the clock,we were hanging on and I had to contain them.The AIK attack looked fearsome and were going to try and knock down our barricades.The fans were in high voices,the opposition wanted the ball so badly and we were minutes away from victory.

Another try at glory with Selakovic unable to score the first time and Hysen's ground pass to Bjarnasson opened the door for 2-0,bu the Icelandic man couldn't score,as it ran across the goal for a quick goal kick.

Into injury time,AIK tried to score once more,with the whole opposition pushing forward,but a great play in defence by Risp was enough to keep it out for a throw-in.

As soon as we got the ball,Jagne conceded the foul and it was now seconds away from full-time.

I and the team were so close to victory.

The ball was booted high into the air and conceded for another throw-in.AIK tried to take it quickly but as soon as the ball hit the ground,it was full-time.

... Full Time ...

IFK Goteborg 1-0 AIK Solna

We were the champions...for the second time consecutively.

I was speechless.

The team ran to the fans and hugged them,the staff all came to me with hugs,everything was just beautiful.

My first silverware as manager of IFK Goteborg has come and I was flying with confidence...now the league.
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