TOON INFINITY.... AND BEYOND !!!!!

[ewanmac77]

PARDEW SACKED!

Sky Sports has learned that within the last hour, Newcastle United have sacked manager Alan Pardew, with controversial owner Mike Ashley citing the move as "irretrievable differences of opinion to the detreiment of this club and the working relationship we have and have agreed that Alan leave the club with immediate effect"

With everyone guessing as to Pardew's successor, and Ashley refusing to give much away, the talk on Tyneside is highly rated Scottish coach Ewan MacGregor, currently at Rangers as a first team coach alongside manager Ally McCoist and would jump at the chance of managing a Premier League side. With little in the way of managerial credentials however, the move is seen as a gamble and one which could backfire on Ashley, someone who has regularly courted controversy with the Toon faithful.

MACGREGOR NAMED NEWCASTLE MANAGER

Newcastle United have wasted no time in recruiting their new manager, with bookies favourite Ewan MacGregor replacing Alan Pardew in the St. James' Park dugout. The 34 year old Scot, a former Rangers and Scotland goalkeeper, forced into early retirement through injury is said to be delighted after leaving Rangers and making the short trip south to take over Newcastle with Rangers manager Ally McCoist urging Toon fans to give their new man a chance.

"It's always difficult when a relatively unknown manager takes over at a big club. But one thing I can assure Newcastle United fans is that they have got a real gem in Ewan MacGregor. His knowledge of the game is remarkable for a man venturing into managing such a big team at such an early age. He lives and breathes football and we'd have loved to keep him here at Rangers but when a massive Premier League club like Newcastle come looking for you, the decision to let him leave really was a no-brainer"

Fans of the club are also keen to see how the new manager fares. "As long as he's a canny lad and buys the right players, then we will all give him a chance. At least he's a Scot and not a Manc or a cockney" said one leading supporters group, with most others in agreement that the new man needs time and money to spend.

 

[TamMcCann]

Nice start mate!

 

[wonderkid360]

Glad to see You've started a new story now

 

[ewanmac77]

CHAPTER 1 - GOODBYE GLASGOW

I awoke from my slumber and stared round the room. I was alone, meaning Carol had got up before me no doubt to finish packing. We head to Newcastle tomorrow to start our new life, with me taking the reigns at St. James' Park. I still have to pinch myself now. Me, average Joe, a decent goalie who played for the team I loved and capped 11 times for the country of my birth, managing a Barclay's Premier League club, and a club the fans demand European football at. I check my phone. 4 missed calls and 2 voicemail messages.

I see that 2 of the calls are from from Big Greegsy (Alan McGregor), one from Steven Whittaker and one from Carol.

I play the first message: "Hey big yin" It's Allan. leaving drinks in Bunker at 9. Don't be late as I need to talk to you. You're gonna need a decent keeper down there and I'm wanting away from Glasgow !"

I ponder the idea for a minute: Toon Boss to sign Rangers goalkeeper Allan McGregor. He's certainly good enough and the fans would warm to him, maybe cut me some slack for signing such a high profile player.

The second voicemail is from Carol, my girlfriend: "Hey babe. Removal guys coming at 8 tomorrow morning. Took your car. I'm in town with the girls. heading out tonight for dinner. See you later, byeeee"!

She always takes my car, saying it's easier to park than her Range Rover. Mine is an Audi R8 in red. She loves that car and perhaps we should trade cars.

"Aye, that'll be ****** right wee man" says a voice inside my head. She's got my bank account and my soul, the car is mine !!"

I pour myself a glass of Tropicana and plan my day. Going to head over to Murray Park and say my farewells to the admin staff and the youth players. It'd be great if they could join us tonight, but wee Kal and the youngsters wouldn't get into the club.

3 hours later, and the blue gates of Murray Park close behind me for the last time. There's a lump in my throat the size of a golf ball. Rangers is and always will be my club. I've a job to do on Tyneside starting tomorrow and that has to be my main priority now.

 

[ewanmac77]

Well, this is it. I'm sat in the Media room, deep within the bowels of St James' Park, a sea of journalists preparing to grill me for the next 10 minutes or so. Mike Ashley is to my left and Peter Lovenkrands has come along for a bit of moral support, having worked with me at Rangers. Peter beams me a big smile. I've signed a 2 year contract, but when you come to Newcastle, that doesn't seem to count for much, previous managers will testify to that !

I've been given £8m to spend, although I need to have a right good look at the squad before making any snap judgements or rash decisions. Greegsy won't be far away from my thoughts though. Will McCoist sell him? I'm awoken from my daydream by a flash of cameras and about a dozen voices all trying to catch my attention, all desperate for that elusive back page headline, pre-rehearsed questions at the ready.

I face the inevitable questions, "is this your dream job etc" and decide I am going to release a generic statement answering all their questions. I can't be misquoted then .....

"Good morning ladies and gents, thanks for coming. I'm not going to answer individual questions at this time, as I don't yet have the right answers to give you yet. I'm delighted to have the chance to manage this great club and would like to thank Mr Ashley for trusting me with this position. Expectations are high at this club, as well they should, but we are not Man City and don't have the same resources. What we lack in quality, we will make up for with team spirit and determination. You'll want to know who is leaving and who I intend signing. I could wind you all up and say I want Messi and Ronaldo, ha ha. It wouldn't be fair on my players if I were to make snap judgements on them without seeing them play to my tactics firstly. We will attack teams, I have the 'score one more than you' mindset and I promise Newcastle fans entertaining football. Success might not happen overnight, I am not the Messiah and I will need time and the support of all you guys too. Howay the lads, thankyou "

The room is filled with thunderous applause, even Mike is beaming. Right, let's have a look at this bunch of players then .....

 

[ewanmac77]

FIRST TEAM SQUAD


I enter my plush new office, portraits of club greats, such as Gazza and Alan Shearer adorn the walls, as if to peer down at me, scrutinising every wrong decision, praising my achievements.

An A4 file waits for me on my desk ..... First Team/Reserve Squad & Reports

I take a sip of my latte and open the file .........


GOALKEEPERS

Tim Krul
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Tim is certainly a very good keeper and worthy of a start in my team, although I do fancy signing Greegs from Rangers. Hmmmm, one to keep.

Verdict: First Team

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Looking at the back-up options I have, it seems as though young Fraser has a bright future, but I feel that Neil Lennon may want to hold onto him permanently, and I think £4m should do it. Elliot and Soderberg are deadwood and I will be looking to offload them soon. Harper will remain on board as back-up to Tim until either McGregor signs or Fraser comes back from Celtic.

DEFENDERS

A good team needs good defenders, and this bunch seem okay. But ..... against guys like Rooney and Suarez? I ponder this thought for a while......

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[ewanmac77]

Looking at this bunch, I am going to cash in on Danny Simpson, Tamas Kadar, James Perch, James Tavernier, Dummett, Henderson, Nzuzi and Folan.

Potential replacements: Ross Perry - Rangers. Danny Wilson - Liverpool. Marc Muniesa and Sergi Gomez - Barcelona. Nocolai Boilesen - Ajax.

It's a young looking bunch of lads, but Wilson has Champions League experience, as has young Boilesen, and the Spaniards have been coached at the world's greatest team in Barcelona.

I take another slug of my coffee and pick up the phone to one of my greatest allies in the game, George McCulloch.

His number rings for what seems like an eternity .....

"alright faither"

"George my man, hows tricks?"

George isn't daft, and can read my emotions like a book. He knows I want to pick his extensice footballing brain, and If a man can spot a decent centre half, it's him, after all, he played in front of me at Rangers and for Scotland, earning us the infamous title of The Blues Brothers. I still chuckle as I remember our drunken night out in Amsterdam ......

"G, need your advice on a couple of lads mate!"

"just as I thought" laughed George. I swear that man is psychic.

We spend the next few minutes discussing my list of targets and agree that playing a back 4 that includes Marc Muniesa and Danny Wilson wouldn't be a bad idea. He also mentioned a decent Norwegian fullback, Kevin Larsen and gave me the number of his agent.

"At this rate Ewan, I'd be better off on your scouting team ...."

"**** it big man, why don't you head my scouting team ....."

"Seriously, this aint the drink talking here?"

"George, just get yourself down here tonight, it's a done deal" !

I replace the receiver, sit back in my chair and smile. Big George and I will turn this club around ........

 

[ewanmac77]

INSTEAD OF SCREENSHOTTING MY ENTIRE SQUAD, I WILL UPDATE WITH ANY PLAYERS COMING IN OR LEAVING THE CLUB. I WANT TO MAKE MY STORY AS APPEALING AS I CAN, SO ANY COMMENTS OR IDEAS WOULD BE WELCOME, THANKS. WHAT YOU THINK SO FAR ?

 

[Andrewpage14]

Good start I'll follow, always enjoyed managing Newcastle, great team.

 

[ewanmac77]

Cheers mate, appreciate that.

 

[ewanmac77]

MACGREGOR WANTS VERRATTI

Reports from St. James Park today would suggest that new Toon manager wants to secure the services of promising Pescara midfielder Marco Verratti. MacGregor himself was unavailable for comment but it seems likely that he will make a bid in the next few days for a player he rates extremely highly.

View attachment 243964

 

[ewanmac77]

PRE-SEASON ACTION

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I'm sat in the dressing room, alone. Everyone has gone, and all that's left are a couple of groundsmen out on the park. I'm not happy, and the lads know that. It might just be pre-season and a run out behind closed doors against the reserves, but to concede 3 goals in the manner we did was a shambles. Even Big George, who has always been there for me, has left with the players, some of whom got both barrels tonight. There was a mixture of personalities out there and they did little to impress me other than big Leon who took his hat-trick well. Dan Gosling was an embarrassment and is unlikely to play for my team again. My leather sofa and a stiff drink awaits when I get home, this wasn't the way I wanted my night to end .....

 

[MYS77]

Liked your story, and the number on your username too mate

 

[ewanmac77]

NEWCASTLE MAKE VERRATTI BID

Rumours coming out of St. James Park recently would appear to have been confirmed today as Ewan MacGregor has made a £3.4M bid for young Italian midfielder Marco Verratti. The 18 year old, who some say is the new Andrea Pirlo is said to be keen on a move to the Magpies and the deal hinges on a fee being agreed between Newcastle and Pescara who are said to be extremely reluctant to let their man leave for anything other than an outrageous offer.

 

[Andrewpage14]

Veratti is a great signing 4-5-1 has always been good for me at Newcastle. I'm not a fan of Gosling, he wasn't too good for me...