Treaders: the beginning

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Treaders

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it was late july, i was getting fed up of going to work day in, day out for peanuts.
i decided i needed a change,
I new football was for me, but with a cv that included only sunday league experience i had to try my hardest,
as the months went past and over 20 rejections i new chrismas wasnt going to be great, but i was determined that 2012 would be my year,
Late on friday 13th january i had a call whilst i was out at a local nightclub, thinking it was my misses i answered,
It was robbie o'brien the chairman of rockmount a.f.c, he wanted to offer me the job,
well i was in shock, i informed him id have 2 work my weeks notice but then i'd be available,
he was happy and i'd done it, im a football manager!

Next Update tommorrow!
comment if you like. :)
 
Too bad it wont continue, he only started another story yesterday and hasnt updated it
 
very sorry with the late replies on both,
both will be updated tommorow.
didnt realise steve was watching the story?
 
Just popping between the recent ones myself and seen your two.

I have one or 2 suggestions though mate. It may help to slightly improve your layout, such as not drop to a new line each time you have a comma as it will look better in small paragraphed blocks. Also get to know the correct use of different uses of font such as bold or italics, dont overuse them or your story will look cluttered. Another thing is to use correct grammar at the proper times. When you said "I new football was for me" you should have said " I knew football was for me".
One final bit of advice is to elaborate your sentences a bit as it makes the story look better. Taking the above sentence mentioned I would have said: Ever since I was old enough to kick a ball I knew football was for me, it has always and will always be my passion".

Its things like that that will get people interested in your story. If you want to take my advice fine, if not its up to you. Just said id leave my 2p worth. If you would like any help at all please feel free to ask me. And if you like check out my story to see examples of how the grammar makes a difference. http://www.fm-base.co.uk/forum/football-manager-2012-stories/87762-rising-abyss.html
 
Click go advanced when submitting a post> click the paper clip icon> add files>select files and then search your computer for the images you wish to add. you then have to wait for the images to load. When thats finished you click the paper clip icon again and place them where you want :)
 
Me again :)

I am about to write a story help and advice thread.
I was just wondering if I could use your op as an example. I basically want to use it to hi-light how to use proper grammer and pronunciation, correct use of paragraphs and screenshots and to expand your points
If your not ok with this correcting it is fine and I will make an example myself.
Let me know if it is ok mate :)
 
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