Arsenal - Life Without Arsene

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View attachment 276813Breaking News that Arsene Wenger has resigned from Arsenal after fifteen years in charge. Club Chairman Peter Hill-Wood was quick to wish Arsene well in the future and quickly thanked him for 15 years of pure dedication to the club. In a statement, he said
"Myself and the whole of Arsenal Football Club regret to announce the resignation of Arsene Wenger after fifteen years in charge. I speak for the whole club as I say we wish him well for the future and we thank him for the success he has brought to the club and the Invincible season will engrave him in the club's history. Arsene has agreed to become an ambassador for the club and the club have decided to bring in a young manager who Arsene will tutor for six months before his contract expires and he leaves the club for good. Nobody can replace Arsene Wenger but his replacement will not be announced until we have celebrated the reign of Arsene and his replacement will be revealed in a week's time". Arsene Wenger has said it was tough to leave but he felt it was time to bring in a young and vibrant new manager who can lead the club to glory.

 

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BREAKING NEWS! Arsenal appoint young manager Stephen Gibbs on a deal until June 2013. The club have quickly been told their decision was foolish with Gibbs having no top flight or managerial experience and only being a coach in his previous jobs. Gibbs had been a coach at Arsenal for two years before signing a deal as manager and his appointment was rumoured to be chosen by Arsene Wenger himself and Gibbs was quick to release a statement of elation at his appointment:
"I'd like to thank first thank the Chairman for giving me the job and importantly Mr Wenger. Arsene had put in a very good word for me and I am eternally grateful to be given this huge job. Under his tutelage I hope to learn how to manage in the top flight and win trophies. I will be signing exciting players and producing exciting football while in charge. As an Arsenal fan it is my duty to listen to the fans and if the fans have concerns I will always hear them out and make a decision. If the club aren't doing well and the fans want me out I will leave because it's bad enough not being in good form but to then become hated like Steve Kean might as well be me standing in the middle of 100,000 Gooners in a Tottenham kit. It's ridiculous. I am expecting to make a minimum of six signings and I will be selling dead wood. I can confirm Steve Bould will remain assistant manager and I will bring in two new First Team Coaches to join Steve as my three main men. I can confirm that I have transfer listed the following players who are surplus to requirements and why:
Marouane Chamakh (Poor Form)
Sebastien Squallici (Due to his age I believe for him to get first team football is for him to leave and see out the last years of his career with apperances on his belt)
Johan Djourou (Poor Form)
I have submitted bids for more players who will not be named. No further comment"

 

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BREAKING NEWS!
Arsenal splash the cash on major signings!
Over 48 Months:
Edinson Cavani 30m
Mats Hummels 35m
Dede 19.75m
Klaas Jan-Huntelaar 16.75m
Adil Rami 12m
Anthony Revelliere 10m
SELL:
Marouane Chamakh 9m Inter
Johan Djourou 8m Anzhi
Lukasz Fabianski 2.5m Southampton 3.5k pw comp
NEW DEALS:
Ignasi Miquel
LOAN:
Kieran Gibbs 1m Everton