Article Examples..

[LFCMarshall]

With me beginning a sports journalism course soon at University, i thought it would be helpful if i posted two articles i recently wrote, and asked your opinions of them!

Remember these want be perfect, looking for constructive criticism and potential tips

1st Article:

Would Liverpool be made to rue letting Carroll go?

For Andy Carroll, last season was one to forget in his early career. With confidence and form lacking since his big money move from Newcastle, his performances never really got going. The £35 Million man was reduced to many games on the bench, with other players being preferred.

However, his form picked up towards the final parts of the season, with some typically powerful displays against Blackburn, and particularly against Everton in the FA Cup Semi-Final. For which he scored the late winner to send Liverpool through. In this brief 6 week period, Carroll shown signs of why the big money was spent in the first place. With dominant aerial displays and his presence a hindrance to any defenders trying to deal with his threat.

Since then, things have changed with the arrival of Brendan Rodgers. A man who firmly believes in the 'tiki taka' style of play. Moulded on the current Spanish national side. This requires a much more fluid approach, retaining possession of the ball, and short-sharp passes with a inter changeable front three, rather than a central striker. This is something which Carroll needs to be to maximise his full strengths.

With talk of a potential loan move for Carroll, the big question is; would it be a mistake? Swansea's main flaw, was their inability to convert from this style to a 'Plan B', this lead to odd occasions of Swansea Struggling. With Carroll, comes a very one dimensional game plan, but it also comes as a very good back up plan, should the 'tiki taka' style fail to work.

With only two recognised strikers currently in the Liverpool first team, Letting Carroll go may leave us exposed in the attacking area. It is yet to be seen whether Carroll will be shipped out, or fight and try to earn a first team slot, but either way, with a hard opening fixture list, Brendan Rodgers knows his first major decision as Liverpool boss could dictate the kind of season Liverpool FC may have.

2nd Article:

Is Suso ready for the step up?

Like many youth players currently playing their trade at Melwood, Jesus Joaquin Fernandez Saez La Torre, or simply know as 'Suso', is tipped for a very bright future. A technically brilliant footballer who signed from Spanish outfit Cadiz in the summer of 2009 under the noses of Real Madrid, has continued his development with some scintillating displays for the youth and reserve teams. This lead to him becoming a key fixture in the Liverpool Reserve squad in the 11/12 season, in which they finished runners up in their Northern half.

With a playing style similar to that of David Silva, Suso has been brought up with the Spanish style of play which has been proven so successful, with the amount of youngsters Spain are producing, and their National sides success on the pitch. A predominantly attacking midfielder, Suso is seen too have excellent technical ability, with a good passing range and good movement. A very hard man to mark and track.

Suso's performances has also merited a regular inclusion into the Spanish U19 national side at the European Championships this year. Contributing 2 assists and one goal in his opening 6 games, have earned him rave reviews, and a potential player of the tournament award being touted. In a national side that has proven so successful in breeding youngsters, Suso is no exception to the talent coming through the ranks, something which Rodgers will particularly keep a close eye on.

With the new manager Brendan Rodgers, a philosophy similar to what Suso is used to, is likely to be used. Suso will be no stranger to the 'tiki taka' style and will be able to adapt himself quickly, allowing him to play to his natural strengths. Although at a tender young age, Suso has shown glimpses of quality, for which under the right guidance, can be used to transform him into a potential future star. This season could be the breakthrough season for the Spanish youngster.


Let me know what you think, anything will be helpful.

Cheers!

 

[corach1992]

good articles man

 

[Jamo456]

It's only a small thing, but in the first article, you referred to Liverpool as 'us' in the last paragraph, depending on your audience and purpose etc., would it be better to come across as impartial?

Apologies if it was deliberate, or if the article was designed to go in a Liverpool-specific publication, but just something I noticed

 

[LFCMarshall]

It's only a small thing, but in the first article, you referred to Liverpool as 'us' in the last paragraph, depending on your audience and purpose etc., would it be better to come across as impartial?

Apologies if it was deliberate, or if the article was designed to go in a Liverpool-specific publication, but just something I noticed

Yes you are right, i was writing this for a Liverpool website, but if i wrote for a bigger audience i would change it!

Thanks

 

[Hernanes]

It's great in my opinion. I am also interested in becoming a sports journalist or something like that, so I would like to know what are the qualifications you need.

 

[LFCMarshall]

It's great in my opinion. I am also interested in becoming a sports journalist or something like that, so I would like to know what are the qualifications you need.

Thanks. Well ive got a place at Huddersfield Uni now, i Did an A-Level in English and a BTEC national in sport... English i dropped after a year to concentrate on sport, for which i got D*D*D...... D*DD was the minimum needed

obviousl if you did A-Levels it would be different grades.. A,B,C grades ETC

 

[LFCMarshall]

Anybody else?

 

[Jak]

GC is doing some kind of journalism bullshit at uni so he may be able to give you decent feedback

 

[LFCMarshall]

GC is doing some kind of journalism bullshit at uni so he may be able to give you decent feedback

GC? Im probably being stupid here... haha

 

[Lee]

GC? Im probably being stupid here... haha

Godcubed.

 

[LFCMarshall]

Yea it clicked afterwards

 

[Subtle]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif](Somethingto note before I start: I have been primarily trained as an editorrather than a features' writer. Although I love to write andhopefully that will make up a fair part of my career, the vastmajority of my professional experience involves being that **** thatgoes through the article you slaved over with a red marker, a look ofmild disinterest and a cup of coffee. I tend to just be honest withpeople because at the end of the day it's better to help people learnand develop rather than glossing over issues. This means I might seemoverly critical to you, especially if you haven't got any first handexperience in journalism yet. Don't be upset, put off or annoyed, atsome point in everyone's career they have to take criticism and learnfrom it. What makes or breaks a journalist is their ability to adaptto the wants and needs of the editor's pen.[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Also,if I am too harsh or make a point you feel is unfair, just tell me tobugger off)[/FONT]




[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Thetitle of the first article is a little awkward. It just feels alittle disjointed, which is an effect that I think is caused by theword rue. There's a lot of little reasons behind this that I willtalk about a bit later so for now I'll tout one of journalism's mosttried and true cliches- less is more. Shakespeare basically got itbang on when he said “Brevity is the soul of wit”, basicallymeaning that the best expressions are often the shortest. Thisdoesn't necessarily mean that you should skip detail but rather thatyou should look to explain things with as few words as possible.Basically, cut the waffle. You might have noticed that this pointstarted to drag and repeat itself after a while. Really, I could havejust finished it after “shortest” and lost very little but made amuch better and more accessible piece of writing. ^^[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Thiscomes up again a couple of times during the rest of the article. It'snot overly important but streamlining sentences is almost never a badthing, for example: “With confidence and form lacking since his bigmoney move from Newcastle” - > “Lacking confidence and formsince his big money move from Newcastle”. It's just a little changebut it all adds up.[/FONT]




[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Niceopening paragraph. You instantly contextualise the situation and givea little introduction to the topic. Whilst you lack a obvious hook todraw people into reading the rest of the article, in many ways younaturally ensnare readers just with a sense of curiosity. It's adangerous line to tread because the same thing that may bring peoplein might also make them flip to the next page, having seen it allbefore. Basically, we've all read a lot of articles that mournCarroll's dodgy form so in some ways I want to read on to see whatyou have to say because it seems kinda bold to start on a topicthat's already been covered a lot. However, I also feel a desire tojust skip the rest of it because it feels like I've read this allbefore. I would suggest trying to employ a hook at the end of yourfirst paragraph[/FONT][FONT=Arial, sans-serif] or [/FONT][FONT=Arial, sans-serif]havingone in your title.[/FONT]




[FONT=Arial, sans-serif](I'mreally fighting off an urge to point out mistakes and little thingsthat bug me so I'm going to do it. If you find it overly disparagingor annoying, just tell me to **** off XD)[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Thefirst two sentences of the second paragraph seem like they're meantto be one sentence. Ditto for the first 3 sentences of the thirdparagraph (also never mix numerical characters like 2 and 3 with thewritten equivalent like two and three or you will **** your subs offso much. You didn't do it but I just did and it suddenly occurred tome that I should warn you about it).[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Youwrote: “since then, things havechanged with the arrival of BrendanRodgers. A man who firmly believes inthe 'tiki taka' style of play. Moulded on the current Spanishnational side.”[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Youcould easily tidy that up into Since then, things have changed withthe arrival of Brendan Rodgers,a man who firmly believes in the'tiki taka' style of play which is moulded on the current Spanishnational side.[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Beingable to string longer sentences together generally looks moreprofessional and keeps your articles away from the deadly sin ofresembling a list of bullet points.[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Semi-colons.Ok, I am an English graduate. Semi-colons are... troublesome, in thatpeople hate them being used incorrectly. You probably wanted to use afull colon instead of a semi in paragraph 4. I recommend taking anhour to read Eats Shoots and Leaves, which is a great little bookabout punctuation. It sounds as dull as anything but it's written inquite a funny way and it'll help make sure you know how to use commonpunctuation marks correctly. Personally I don't really care. When Ihave my editor's hat on, I'll pick you up on every mistake and Iimagine any future employer or professor will too. Take an hour toread the book; being able to use semi-colons correctly is a good wayto impress people and give you more freedom with your writing.[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Checkfor little things like whether or not all your capital letters arewhere they are meant to be. The little things make a big differencebecause they all add up and nestle in a reader's mind. Show them thatyou're committed and passionate about what you're writing and thatyou're willing to put the effort in.[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]You'rethinking of “plying their trade” at the first part of the secondarticle.[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Trynot to repeat the same words too much in a short space of time. Inthe second paragraph you say that he plays in a style similar toSilva whose style is typical of the Spanish style (style!)[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Getyour to and too right![/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Expandon some of your points. Why is he hard to mark and track? Obviouslythis does depend on what purpose the article serves: if it's a quickprofile for a tabloid saying that is totally fine but if you'relooking at something a little bit more substantial then explainthings. Is it because of his great off the ball movement, his quickthinking, his agile movement? This is why it is important to decideon a target audience for a piece but I will come on to that shortly.[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]I'mleaving the actual football stuff alone for now as most of it seemstotally fine but bear in mind that things like tiki taka might belost on certain audiences.[/FONT]




[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Generalpoints[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]-Always practice writing for a target audience. Think of where thisarticle is going to be published: is it going to be in a tabloid, abroadsheet, a magazine, a journal, a fansite, a website or somethingelse. You should vary the tone and vocabulary of your piece dependingon where you'd like to see it in print. This might seem like a sillypoint when you're just writing for a blog or for yourself but it'sreally useful to practice holding yourself to a particular line orstyle when you're writing.[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]-Practice a lot. Seriously, a lot. At the moment, most of your writingis of a good standard and you've obviously read a lot of footballmedia because you emulate certain styles popular to that genre inyour own work. However, at times your sentence structure andexpression can be a little bit shaky. This is natural and nothing toworry about; inevitably, practice will help you improve on theseareas and slowly give you the skills and confidence to create betterprose.[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]-Keepworking on catchy titles. This is actually a bit of a red herringbecause 90% of the time it's actually the subs that write theheadline but for the purposes of your portfolio, show that you can doit too. Tailor them to suit the publication: broadsheets tend tofavour subtlety (Andy Carroll: Liverpool's Necessary Evil) whilsttabloids tend to favour bold statements (Why Brendan Rogers MUST keepCarroll at 'Pool!)[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]I'mgoing to be a massive hypocrite now and post this without evenproofreading it. XD[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Hopeit helps![/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]
[/FONT]

 

[Subtle]

Also, does anyone know why copy and pasting **** here seems to stick words together for no **** reason? ¬.¬

 

[LFCMarshall]

(Somethingto note before I start: I have been primarily trained as an editorrather than a features' writer. Although I love to write andhopefully that will make up a fair part of my career, the vastmajority of my professional experience involves being that **** thatgoes through the article you slaved over with a red marker, a look ofmild disinterest and a cup of coffee. I tend to just be honest withpeople because at the end of the day it's better to help people learnand develop rather than glossing over issues. This means I might seemoverly critical to you, especially if you haven't got any first handexperience in journalism yet. Don't be upset, put off or annoyed, atsome point in everyone's career they have to take criticism and learnfrom it. What makes or breaks a journalist is their ability to adaptto the wants and needs of the editor's pen.


Also,if I am too harsh or make a point you feel is unfair, just tell me tobugger off)




Thetitle of the first article is a little awkward. It just feels alittle disjointed, which is an effect that I think is caused by theword rue. There's a lot of little reasons behind this that I willtalk about a bit later so for now I'll tout one of journalism's mosttried and true cliches- less is more. Shakespeare basically got itbang on when he said “Brevity is the soul of wit”, basicallymeaning that the best expressions are often the shortest. Thisdoesn't necessarily mean that you should skip detail but rather thatyou should look to explain things with as few words as possible.Basically, cut the waffle. You might have noticed that this pointstarted to drag and repeat itself after a while. Really, I could havejust finished it after “shortest” and lost very little but made amuch better and more accessible piece of writing. ^^


Thiscomes up again a couple of times during the rest of the article. It'snot overly important but streamlining sentences is almost never a badthing, for example: “With confidence and form lacking since his bigmoney move from Newcastle” - > “Lacking confidence and formsince his big money move from Newcastle”. It's just a little changebut it all adds up.




Niceopening paragraph. You instantly contextualise the situation and givea little introduction to the topic. Whilst you lack a obvious hook todraw people into reading the rest of the article, in many ways younaturally ensnare readers just with a sense of curiosity. It's adangerous line to tread because the same thing that may bring peoplein might also make them flip to the next page, having seen it allbefore. Basically, we've all read a lot of articles that mournCarroll's dodgy form so in some ways I want to read on to see whatyou have to say because it seems kinda bold to start on a topicthat's already been covered a lot. However, I also feel a desire tojust skip the rest of it because it feels like I've read this allbefore. I would suggest trying to employ a hook at the end of yourfirst paragraph or havingone in your title.




(I'mreally fighting off an urge to point out mistakes and little thingsthat bug me so I'm going to do it. If you find it overly disparagingor annoying, just tell me to **** off XD)


Thefirst two sentences of the second paragraph seem like they're meantto be one sentence. Ditto for the first 3 sentences of the thirdparagraph (also never mix numerical characters like 2 and 3 with thewritten equivalent like two and three or you will **** your subs offso much. You didn't do it but I just did and it suddenly occurred tome that I should warn you about it).


Youwrote: “since then, things havechanged with the arrival of BrendanRodgers. A man who firmly believes inthe 'tiki taka' style of play. Moulded on the current Spanishnational side.”


Youcould easily tidy that up into Since then, things have changed withthe arrival of Brendan Rodgers,a man who firmly believes in the'tiki taka' style of play which is moulded on the current Spanishnational side.


Beingable to string longer sentences together generally looks moreprofessional and keeps your articles away from the deadly sin ofresembling a list of bullet points.


Semi-colons.Ok, I am an English graduate. Semi-colons are... troublesome, in thatpeople hate them being used incorrectly. You probably wanted to use afull colon instead of a semi in paragraph 4. I recommend taking anhour to read Eats Shoots and Leaves, which is a great little bookabout punctuation. It sounds as dull as anything but it's written inquite a funny way and it'll help make sure you know how to use commonpunctuation marks correctly. Personally I don't really care. When Ihave my editor's hat on, I'll pick you up on every mistake and Iimagine any future employer or professor will too. Take an hour toread the book; being able to use semi-colons correctly is a good wayto impress people and give you more freedom with your writing.


Checkfor little things like whether or not all your capital letters arewhere they are meant to be. The little things make a big differencebecause they all add up and nestle in a reader's mind. Show them thatyou're committed and passionate about what you're writing and thatyou're willing to put the effort in.


You'rethinking of “plying their trade” at the first part of the secondarticle.


Trynot to repeat the same words too much in a short space of time. Inthe second paragraph you say that he plays in a style similar toSilva whose style is typical of the Spanish style (style!)


Getyour to and too right!


Expandon some of your points. Why is he hard to mark and track? Obviouslythis does depend on what purpose the article serves: if it's a quickprofile for a tabloid saying that is totally fine but if you'relooking at something a little bit more substantial then explainthings. Is it because of his great off the ball movement, his quickthinking, his agile movement? This is why it is important to decideon a target audience for a piece but I will come on to that shortly.


I'mleaving the actual football stuff alone for now as most of it seemstotally fine but bear in mind that things like tiki taka might belost on certain audiences.




Generalpoints


-Always practice writing for a target audience. Think of where thisarticle is going to be published: is it going to be in a tabloid, abroadsheet, a magazine, a journal, a fansite, a website or somethingelse. You should vary the tone and vocabulary of your piece dependingon where you'd like to see it in print. This might seem like a sillypoint when you're just writing for a blog or for yourself but it'sreally useful to practice holding yourself to a particular line orstyle when you're writing.


-Practice a lot. Seriously, a lot. At the moment, most of your writingis of a good standard and you've obviously read a lot of footballmedia because you emulate certain styles popular to that genre inyour own work. However, at times your sentence structure andexpression can be a little bit shaky. This is natural and nothing toworry about; inevitably, practice will help you improve on theseareas and slowly give you the skills and confidence to create betterprose.


-Keepworking on catchy titles. This is actually a bit of a red herringbecause 90% of the time it's actually the subs that write theheadline but for the purposes of your portfolio, show that you can doit too. Tailor them to suit the publication: broadsheets tend tofavour subtlety (Andy Carroll: Liverpool's Necessary Evil) whilsttabloids tend to favour bold statements (Why Brendan Rogers MUST keepCarroll at 'Pool!)


I'mgoing to be a massive hypocrite now and post this without evenproofreading it. XD


Hopeit helps!

Thanks alot mate this helps alot,

I will admit this kind of came round very quick. From doing nothing to do with journalism, i suddenly though id give it a try! so i expect it not to be up to the best standard

The title i didnt even think about tbh, just a last minute thing to save the file ETC

But thanks alot this really helps with me starting University in September

Cheers

 

[Carbz]

Really good read, nice one mate!

 

[LFCMarshall]

Really good read, nice one mate!

Thanks alot

 

[GodCubed]

Alright, here goes, each one in turn, with a few general points.

1st Article:

Would Liverpool be made to rue letting Carroll go?

For Andy Carroll, last season was one to forget in his early career. With confidence and form lacking since his big money move from Newcastle, his performances never really got going. The £35 Million man was reduced to many games on the bench, with other players being preferred.

However, his form picked up towards the final parts of the season, with some typically powerful displays against Blackburn, and particularly against Everton in the FA Cup Semi-Final. For which he scored the late winner to send Liverpool through. In this brief 6 week period, Carroll shown signs of why the big money was spent in the first place. With dominant aerial displays and his presence a hindrance to any defenders trying to deal with his threat.

Since then, things have changed with the arrival of Brendan Rodgers. A man who firmly believes in the 'tiki taka' style of play. Moulded on the current Spanish national side. This requires a much more fluid approach, retaining possession of the ball, and short-sharp passes with a inter changeable front three, rather than a central striker. This is something which Carroll needs to be to maximise his full strengths.

With talk of a potential loan move for Carroll, the big question is; would it be a mistake? Swansea's main flaw, was their inability to convert from this style to a 'Plan B', this lead to odd occasions of Swansea Struggling. With Carroll, comes a very one dimensional game plan, but it also comes as a very good back up plan, should the 'tiki taka' style fail to work.

With only two recognised strikers currently in the Liverpool first team, Letting Carroll go may leave us exposed in the attacking area. It is yet to be seen whether Carroll will be shipped out, or fight and try to earn a first team slot, but either way, with a hard opening fixture list, Brendan Rodgers knows his first major decision as Liverpool boss could dictate the kind of season Liverpool FC may have.

We'll ignore the title for now, since you're likely not going to be the one writing it.

1) First off, this is a conversation piece, an opinion piece. This is something you get to do with regularity once you've done a few years of journalism. As such, practising this kind of opinion column writing should be low on your list.

2) There's some questionable uses of punctuation and capital letters throughout the piece. Now, a sub would usually edit that, but if you're going to be a journalist, you should take some pride in your work. You're not a 'churnalist'. Check your work.

3) It's all very general and cliched. Simple fact is, no matter how good you are at stringing together words like "big money signing" and "tiki-taka", there's a thousand of other writers doing the same thing, many of them with better connections or simply better writing style than you. What's your angle? What sets you apart from them? When I write about sport, I write about it looking at it tactically, or in a totally detached and clinical fashion, with the use of data. I'm not saying you should do that, but you should try and develop a unique writing style that you can use as a standard.

4) Leading on from that last somewhat, what is the point of this piece? You've presented it as a question, then spent four paragraphs giving background information and then another one sort of wrapping up without even answering it. It's an opinion piece without an opinion. I'm not saying round off with "I think this yadda yadda", but rather use the meat of your article to present two (or more) options to answer the question with.

Is Suso ready for the step up?

Like many youth players currently playing their trade at Melwood, Jesus Joaquin Fernandez Saez La Torre, or simply know as 'Suso', is tipped for a very bright future. A technically brilliant footballer who signed from Spanish outfit Cadiz in the summer of 2009 under the noses of Real Madrid, has continued his development with some scintillating displays for the youth and reserve teams. This lead to him becoming a key fixture in the Liverpool Reserve squad in the 11/12 season, in which they finished runners up in their Northern half.

With a playing style similar to that of David Silva, Suso has been brought up with the Spanish style of play which has been proven so successful, with the amount of youngsters Spain are producing, and their National sides success on the pitch. A predominantly attacking midfielder, Suso is seen too have excellent technical ability, with a good passing range and good movement. A very hard man to mark and track.

Suso's performances has also merited a regular inclusion into the Spanish U19 national side at the European Championships this year. Contributing 2 assists and one goal in his opening 6 games, have earned him rave reviews, and a potential player of the tournament award being touted. In a national side that has proven so successful in breeding youngsters, Suso is no exception to the talent coming through the ranks, something which Rodgers will particularly keep a close eye on.

With the new manager Brendan Rodgers, a philosophy similar to what Suso is used to, is likely to be used. Suso will be no stranger to the 'tiki taka' style and will be able to adapt himself quickly, allowing him to play to his natural strengths. Although at a tender young age, Suso has shown glimpses of quality, for which under the right guidance, can be used to transform him into a potential future star. This season could be the breakthrough season for the Spanish youngster.

This article is already better, but still has flaws. If we look at point 2) from the previous list, there are still grammatical errors or just excerpts that sound and read wrong, despite being technically correct.

However, if we take 3), you've already found yourself a fresh angle. You've got information that many readers may not already know, and crucially you've built your article around it, like a scout report. The reason this works written like this and the previous article doesn't is because everybody knows the story of Andy Carroll already, but with Suso, his is yet to be properly started. It's still a bit cliche in places, but frankly a bit of cliche does no harm, and in fact might do some good.

Likewise, point 4) is much improved. You've presented it as an informational piece rather than an opinion one, and structured it much better. Your conclusion, whilst perhaps slightly woolly, is good enough to answer the question you posed, unlike the first article. As such, this piece is better than the first one, though both need a lot of work.

 

[LFCMarshall]

Alright, here goes, each one in turn, with a few general points.



We'll ignore the title for now, since you're likely not going to be the one writing it.

1) First off, this is a conversation piece, an opinion piece. This is something you get to do with regularity once you've done a few years of journalism. As such, practising this kind of opinion column writing should be low on your list.

2) There's some questionable uses of punctuation and capital letters throughout the piece. Now, a sub would usually edit that, but if you're going to be a journalist, you should take some pride in your work. You're not a 'churnalist'. Check your work.

3) It's all very general and cliched. Simple fact is, no matter how good you are at stringing together words like "big money signing" and "tiki-taka", there's a thousand of other writers doing the same thing, many of them with better connections or simply better writing style than you. What's your angle? What sets you apart from them? When I write about sport, I write about it looking at it tactically, or in a totally detached and clinical fashion, with the use of data. I'm not saying you should do that, but you should try and develop a unique writing style that you can use as a standard.

4) Leading on from that last somewhat, what is the point of this piece? You've presented it as a question, then spent four paragraphs giving background information and then another one sort of wrapping up without even answering it. It's an opinion piece without an opinion. I'm not saying round off with "I think this yadda yadda", but rather use the meat of your article to present two (or more) options to answer the question with.



This article is already better, but still has flaws. If we look at point 2) from the previous list, there are still grammatical errors or just excerpts that sound and read wrong, despite being technically correct.

However, if we take 3), you've already found yourself a fresh angle. You've got information that many readers may not already know, and crucially you've built your article around it, like a scout report. The reason this works written like this and the previous article doesn't is because everybody knows the story of Andy Carroll already, but with Suso, his is yet to be properly started. It's still a bit cliche in places, but frankly a bit of cliche does no harm, and in fact might do some good.

Likewise, point 4) is much improved. You've presented it as an informational piece rather than an opinion one, and structured it much better. Your conclusion, whilst perhaps slightly woolly, is good enough to answer the question you posed, unlike the first article. As such, this piece is better than the first one, though both need a lot of work.

Cheers, opinions are always welcome even if they are not the most flattering.. i expect that at this early stage

Like i said it is something i am completely new to and just thought id give it a try as it appealed to me

But thanks for the feedback, will help in future

 

[Subtle]

You definitely have potential as a journo, especially with that attitude but as GC says: it's all about finding a USP and being distinct.

I might start up a review club if that would interest either of you. Basically, we'd give feedback on each other's writing every week and just set up a nice, mutually beneficial relationship.


@GC
One thing you said really interests me: "When I write about sport, I write about it looking at it tactically, or in a totally detached and clinical fashion, with the use of data." There's two things about that statement that I'd like you to explain to me.

Firstly, how important is data to your analysis? What I'm really asking here is how much do you contextualise data with your own observations or facts that cannot be captured by current statistical means. A prime example of this is something that I posted on a Michael *** blog post about Nasri several months ago. The raw statistics suggested that Nasri had an excellent season but they completely failed to take into account the fact that his tendency to drift inside often limited the amount of space that Silva enjoyed and subsequently lead to a congested middle of the park. What do you do to counter this issue?

Secondly, do you think there is a niche in the market for such analysis? I'd definitely argue that it's a form of sports journalism that is being shown increasing respect recently but how much do you expect to see that bubble expand? I ask mainly because MC's tone and style on sites that are not his own is very different from what we might typically expect of him. There's has definitely been an effort to humanise him and reduce the coldness seemingly inherent in an extensive analysis of statistics and models. I wonder if you have, or will, adopt a similar approach.