Money, money, money - it's a rich manager's world
One of the Football Manager stories I have most enjoyed from FM18 was the excellent The Football Managing Mercenary by DerbyJack and as a homage (or let’s be honest – plagiarism) I begin my own rags to riches/more rags story.
The rules are much the same as DerbyJack’s – the only aim is to become the highest paid manager in the game and I am duty bound to accept any job offer that includes an increase in salary. I start the game as an unemployed, ex Sunday league player with no badges and unrealistic goals. The top five earners as I begin the game are as follows.
View attachment 41041
Of course my starting wage is zero, so I have a lot of ground to make up. On the plus side the profile picture has given me the cold, violent eyes, ruthless demeanour and rock solid hair of a born winner. Born winner, or unemployable sociopath with multiple convictions for knife crimes – you decide.
View attachment 41040
The coaching stats when you start the game with no badges are less than impressive, so hopefully the haunting qualities of that face will somehow leave a positive impression on potential employers.
View attachment 41039
I kick off with a raft of 7 applications to clubs in League 2 and below. They will all respond in the near future the various chairmen assure me. Five of the seven are true to their word, replying the very same morning with identical responses, a phrase I feel I will be seeing quite often.
“The decision not to shortlist you was taken in light of the strength of the other candidates applying for the job.”
In other words: anybody other than you has applied, please do not call again. Tamworth and Bognor Regis are my last hopes. Presumably they have had no other applicants so far.
In the end Tamworth of Vanorama National North waited an entire week to see if someone, anyone else would apply before offering me an interview. Time to borrow a suit and see about getting the terms of the parole changed to allow a round trip to Staffordshire.
The first question from Chairman Bob Andrews is hard, but fair.
“You have never managed a club team before. Why is that and why should I overlook that fact?”
Great question Bob. None of the available responses seem very convincing. I opt for the answer that makes the least sense, one which seems to contradict both the question and the response itself, hoping it will bamboozle him.
“I simply haven’t been in management that long, but it’s something that’s always been near the very top of my ambitions as a manager.”
I brush off a question about the fact I’ve applied for half a dozen jobs, assure old Bob that he can absolutely trust me with his money, I’ll finish mid-table no problem and that I have no philosophies whatsoever. No philosophies, principles or ethical standards. I am an amoral, money-driven charlatan who couldn’t care less about Tamworth. When do I start?
Word obviously got out about that blistering charm offensive, because Bognor Regis offer me an interview the very next day. Time for a trip down the M25 in Monday morning traffic. I assume I’m getting reimbursed for travel costs. To cover my bases I take a different tack with the Chairman, Dominic Reynolds and affecting a fixed grin tell him I’m desperate to get started in management, that I’m in it for the long haul with Bognor and that finances won’t be an issue as long as everyone just plays football. The last of which is surely the answer of a man not to be trusted with the keys to the petty cash tin.
Bob Andrews fell for it all. Tamworth offer me a wage of £325 a week on a 12 month contract. Bear with me Bob, I’m expecting a call back from my man Dominic on the south coast any second now….
View attachment 41038
In your face Bob! That’s an extra £75 a week. You do the maths. Nyewood Lane here I come.