Motivation letter help

[RTvD]

I know this is a little off-topic but this is the most active forum I know, so I'm asking my fellow FM'ers for help

. To apply for university I have written a motivation letter, in English. Since English isn't my native language, it could be that I have made some mistakes here and there, and because a lot of you guys are from the UK or just really good at English, I wanted to ask you to please read my letter and correct my mistakes and give feedback. Your help will be really appreciated!

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to apply for the International Business Administration Bachelor?s program at the VU University in Amsterdam.

At first, I would like to introduce myself and give some background information about me. My name is [my name]. I am 18 years old and I am born and raised in the Netherlands. In primary school I was a quick learner, and I was able to remember the teaching material better than the average child of my age could. Because of this, a few other pupils and I were chosen to take part in an additional program beside our standard primary school program, which allowed us to further improve our learning skills and get a step ahead in the subjects maths and English. In secondary school I followed the VWO program, of which I will be graduating soon. During my time at secondary school I also took part in the First Certificate Cambridge course. At the end of this this course, which was fully taught in English and lasted two years, I also spend a week at a host family in Cambridge as part of the course.

The reason why I have a chosen to apply for the International Business Administration program, is that it offers the opportunity to work and study in an internationally focussed environment. The international exchange is also really something I think I could greatly benefit from in both educational and social aspects. I was raised with both Dutch and Indonesian culture, since my mother?s family is from Indonesia. Because of this, I developed an open-minded view towards people from around the world and their mentality towards life.

The VU University in Amsterdam is my first choice for the IBA program. Not just because of its high reputation, but also because it is located in one of the most multicultural cities in Europe. I believe that Amsterdam?s diversity in cultures and traditions makes it the perfect place for me to follow the IBA program, so I can develop as a person and prepare myself for a future career.

Thank you very much for considering my application. I?m looking forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,

[my name]

 

[MadRo]

Not gone to university yet but can help correct some English errors

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to apply for the International Business Administration Bachelor?s program at the VU University in Amsterdam.

At first, I would like to introduce myself and give some background information about me. My name is [my name]. I am 18 years old and I was born and have been raised in the Netherlands. In primary school my teachers labelled me as a quick learner, and I was able to remember the teaching material better than the average child of my age could. Because of this, a few other pupils and I were chosen to take part in an additional program beside our standard primary school program, which allowed us to further improve our learning skills and get a step ahead in the subjects maths and English. In secondary school I followed the VWO program, I will be soon be graduating. During my time at secondary school I also took part in the First Certificate Cambridge course. At the end of this this course, which was taught completely in English and lasted two years, I also enjoyed spending a week with a host family in Cambridge as part of this course.

The reason why I have a chosen to apply for the International Business Administration program is that it offers the opportunity to work and study in an internationally focused environment. The international exchange is also something I think I could greatly benefit from in both educational and social aspects. I was raised with both Dutch and Indonesian culture, since my mother?s family is from Indonesia. Because of this, I developed an open-minded view towards people from around the world and their mentality towards life.

The VU University in Amsterdam is my first choice for the IBA program. Not just because of its high reputation, but also because it is located in one of the most multicultural cities in Europe. I believe that Amsterdam?s diversity in cultures and traditions makes it the perfect place for me to follow the IBA program, so I can develop as a person and prepare myself for a future career.

Thank you very much for considering my application. I?m looking forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,

[my name]

 

[naterr]

I'm not the best at English myself but the one thing I can help you on is that if you start with "Dear Sir or Madam" You need to end with Yours Faithfully...

 

[rocheyb]

Not to prejudice what MadRo has done, but I'm actually learning to become a proofreader and copy-editor at the moment (when I'm not allowing myself to be distracted by FM), so this is somewhat up-my-street. This version includes my changes. Please note the correct spelling of the word 'programme' in this context, which I have double-checked on the VU's own website. Good luck with your application:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in application for the International Business Administration bachelor's programme, at the VU University in Amsterdam.

To begin by providing some background information about myself, my name is [my name] and I am 18 years-old, having been born and raised in the Netherlands. After being recognised as an exceptional student by my primary school teachers, I was among several pupils selected to take part in additional fast-track courses specialising in subjects such as English and Mathematics.

At secondary school I followed the VWO programme, which I will soon graduate. I have also taken part in the First Certificate Cambridge course, which lasted for two years and was taught entirely in English. For part of this course, I lived with a host family in Cambridge for a week.

I have chosen to apply for the International Business Administration programme because it offers the opportunity to work and study in a globally-focused environment. As a child of Dutch and Indonesian parents who was raised in both cultures, I have developed an open-minded approach towards people from all over the world, so I am confident that I will benefit greatly from participation in the international exchange, both educationally and socially.

The VU University in Amsterdam is my first choice for the IBA programme, due not only to its impressive reputation as an educational institution but also because Amsterdam is one of the most multicultural cities in Europe; its diversity of cultures and traditions make it the perfect place for me to learn, to develop as a person and prepare myself for a future career.

Thank you very much for your kind consideration of my application. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours faithfully,

[my name]