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The Arsenal dressing room: Pre-Barca


Andre Villas Boas <3
Feb 24, 2009
*It's Wednesday night. The players are all waiting in the dressing room for Arsene to arrive, they seem nervous*

Robin: I heard Messi could be playing tonight.

Cesc: Messi will be yeah. I don't think he picked up any injury.

*Robin gets up and walks across the room, he looks over at Jack who has just been sick in a bucket*

Robin: Jesus.

*Robin moves back towards Cesc and sits down next to him*

Cesc: Where is Arsene? He should be here by now.

Robin: Probably not turning up. Do you blame him!?

Cesc: Robin you need to have faith in us as a team.

*Robin looks over at Jack and Theo, they are playing with marbles. They look worried and scared*

Robin: Look at them. They're frightened. I can see it in their eyes.

*Robin stands and looks over the team. He then turns back to Cesc*

Robin: And so they should be. Us against Barcelona!?

Cesc: They have more hope of defending themselves here than at the Nou Camp.

*Robin's face turns to anger*

Robin: Cesc! They cannot win this fight! They are all going to die!

*Cesc stands up quickly and shouts at Robin*


*Suddenly Arsene bursts through the door*

Arsene: Hello everybody!!!!

*He looks over to see Robin and Cesc standing facing each other with serious faces*

Arsene: Come come now, settle down, we have a big game tonight.

*Robin and Cesc sit back down*

Arsene: Good lads. Now! In preparation to this game did you all watch this list of films I gave you?

Everyone: YEEEEEEESSS!!!

Arsene: Good, you should have seen Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, Rocky, The Mighty Ducks, Braveheart and.......and... what was the other one now...

*Cesc sticks his hand up*

Arsene: Gladiator Arsene.

Arsene: Yes! Gladiator.

Theo: Arsene!!

Arsene: Yes Theo.

Theo: Jack and I tried to rent out Gladiator from Blockbuster but I'm afraid they didn't think we looked old enough.

Arsene: The fiends! Did you not show them your I.D!?

Theo: I did.

*Theo hands over his I.D to Arsene*

Arsene: Theo this is a library card!!! You needed something with your photo on it! Stupid boy!

Theo: What happens in the film?

Arsene: Your man who plays the Gladiator, he becomes a slave type character who wins the crowd in the arena and ends up killing the bad man.

Theo: Killing!? That's awful! Is it a horror film!? I'm glad we didn't rent that out. I don't think I would have enjoyed that.

Arsene: Well did you rent anything else on the list I gave you!?

Theo: Yeah, Jack found one.

Arsene: OK good, what was it?

*Jack stands up and smiles*

Jack: Groundhog Day.

Arsene: Groundhog Day!? That wasn't on the list! How would that help inspire you to beat Barcelona!?

Jack: ...........................

Arsene: WELL!?!?!?!?

Jack: I like Bill Murray.

Arsene: Jesus! Sit down, both of you. I've got some good news to tell you all.

Cesc: What's that Arsene!?

*Arsene goes to the door and swings it open. In comes Samir. Everyone's face lights up*

Cesc: Samir!

Robin: SAMIR!!!!!!

Andrey *mutters*: **** it.

*Arsene puts his arm around Samir*

Arsene: Yes! Samir has been passed fit to play tonight. Which means you Andrey will not play.

*Andrey stands up. He is cross*

Andrey: But I watched all those stupid films!!! I sat for hours watching them!!!

Arsene: Well you can sit some more on the bench.

*Andrey is fuming*

Arsene: Stop sulking. Now Cesc, I would like you to wear this.

*Arsene tosses over a metal helmet mask*

Cesc: What is this?

Arsene: I would like you to play the role of 'Spaniard' like in the Gladiator film. You will lead us to glory!!

*Everyone cheers. Cesc looks pleased and puts it on*

Cesc: How do I look?

*Arsene has tears in his eyes*

Arsene: Like a hero. Our hero. Now, let's get out there and.....and.....Theo what are you doing?

*Theo has taken his shorts off*

Theo: I thought I could be one of those Scottish guys from Braveheart.

Arsene: Pull up your pants man. Now let's get out there and win!!

*All the players cheer and hug. They run out down the tunnel*

*Time passes and we now join the game in the final minute of injury time. It's 0-0 and Arsenal have a penalty. Cesc steps up to take it. There's complete silence. Cesc whispers to himself*

Cesc: There is no spoon.......

*Cesc hits it and it goes in. The crowd go wild. The ref blows the final whistle. The players all run over and lift him up on their shoulders. Cesc face is battered and bruised, he can barely see out his swollen eyes*


*Adrian Chiles runs over and kisses Cesc*

Last edited:


Andre Villas Boas <3
Feb 24, 2009
Injecting a bit of goodwill into Base on a lacklustre, grim Tuesday afternoon.


Mod-ern Day Legend
Apr 11, 2010
Can we just turn this into the match thread? We already have a fitting OP, after all...


Best. Thread. Evar

This is probably what happend, as it is Walcott and Wilshire look like 15


Dec 30, 2009
Poor Andrey, he should start in the place of Theo because Theo ****** his pants after hearing Wenger say the contents of Gladiator therefore he took off his pants. (That's what I would write.)

Great work, Jack and Theo made me laugh.
"Library card" and "What did you rent?" "Groundhog Day" XD


Apr 10, 2010
Top quality. Theo whipping it out in an attempt to intimidate Barca scottish style :wub: