The official joke thread.

[mattioso]

Ok I don't think there is one of these so I may as well be the person to post it.
Feel free to post any joke you want. Can be long or short. Don't spam please.
I'll get the ball rolling.
1)
A man and his friend are playing gold at a local course. One of the men are about to take his shot when a hearse rolls past the course. The man about to take the shot removes his cap, closes his eyes and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: "that was the most thoughtful and touching things i've ever seen. You are such a kind man".
The man then replies: "Yeah,well we were married 35 years"
2)
Two men are sat at a bar at the top of the empire state building. One man turns to the other and says "did you know if you jump out of this window you will fall to the second floor then stop, and float in the window." The other man doesn't believe him so he says " watch, i'll do it first". The man walks over to the window, jumps out, then floats back in. He then comes up the elevator to the bar. He then repeats his actions to convince the man, the same thing happens.

The sceptic then goes over to the window, leaps out, and it's the floor dying instantly. "Superman your a *** when your drunk" states the bartender.

 

[Spicer666]

What's red and green and goes 100 mph?
A frog in a blender (Y)

 

[Luke]

a man says to his wife "why dont you tell me when you ******?"
the wife replies "i dont like ringing you at work"

 

[TheMartmeister]

A rich lady gives her butler the night off because she is going out on a date. When she arrives back home from the date she saw the butler was still home and sitting in the front room.
The rich lady approaches the butler and requests that he remove her dress, so the butler removes her dress. She then asks the butler to remove her bra, which he does. She then asks him to remove her panties and he does this also.
The lady then tells the butler never to dress in her clothes again.

 

[Danny]

If you use the search tool you will see there is a Joke Thread

http://www.fm-base.co.uk/forum/f23/the-joke-thread-t63.html

Use the search tool

 

[Andy]

http://www.fm-base.co.uk/forum/f23/the-joke-thread-t63.html

There is already a joke thread.

---------- Post added at 05:06 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:05 PM ----------

Edit: Sorry Danny, posted just before me.

 

[Lee]

Seriously, all you have to do is type Joke into the search box and it's right there.