Alfa Romeo Metaphor III

View attachment 239426Wednesday, 15 June 2016

I got the final financial report from the Commercial Director.

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I started swearing after the final paragraph sunk in. Godamfknsonufabidge! Bologna weren't really big enough to make a tour worthwhile. I should have known. Dammit. But I didn't. The preseason friendly list is full up with big money cup competitions. But what I really need is tours. Sigh. I won't make this mistake next year.
 
I've sold thorgan for big bucks to chelsea before due to his brothers influence.

For a guy who likes buying cheap young star talent you never buy from south america. Do you not do this beacuse you consider it an exploit to exploit third world countries?
 
Nomad Ekaria said:
I've sold thorgan for big bucks to chelsea before due to his brothers influence.

For a guy who likes buying cheap young star talent you never buy from south america. Do you not do this beacuse you consider it an exploit to exploit third world countries?
Click to expand...

Great question.

Buy young talent for cheap from South America? Of course I would. You should know by now that I have few if any morals ;). I did at Bologna. I still might go and poach Alejandro Pintos from Bologna.

The problem is Lazio's scouting network.

When I arrived, I had three scouts. I now have eight and two of them are in South America. I have one in Scandinavia, two in central Europe and one in Spain. Of the remaining two, one is scouring Italy for young talent and the other scouts future opponents.

I can promise you this, I will ask my board for more scouts fairly soon and if a 5-star prodigy appears in South America, I'll do everything to nab him. But I also want to nab the next Nordic God, Iniesta the Second, Arjen Robben Jr, the reincarnation of Schweini.
 
View attachment 239064Monday, 20 June 2016

My mobile jangled. I didn't recognize the number.

"Ciao, this is Enrico," I said in Italian.

"Enrico, this is Tomas Adamec, I am Roman Sevcik's agent," the voice said in English with a strong Slavic accent.

"Oh, hi," I said. "What's up?"

"Yes, well, there been accident to Roman," Tomas said.

"Oh, my. Is he alright."

"Serious. Broken leg. Doctor say three maybe six months out."

"Godamsonufabidge," I swore. "Sorry, that's really horrible. How has Roman taken the news from the doctor."

"Bad. He mad. Really angry. He say he stupid."

View attachment 239062"He does? Why?"

"He fell from skateboard."

"Oh **** me. Seriously? Fugginshidbiscuits. Okay, get him down to Rome as soon as you can. I want him to meet with Lazio doctors and physios."

"Yes, I send him to Rome. I also yell at him for stupid. Stupid skateboard fall risk career."

"His career isn't at risk," I said. "Tell Roman I said everything will be okay. He'll just have extra time to learn Italian while he rehabs his leg. He is not the first boy to break his leg goofing off."

"Okay, thank you very much. We will talk soon."

"Ciao."

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View attachment 238983Friday, 24 June 2016

My mobile jangled. It was Igli.

"Igli, what's the latest news," I asked.

"Good morning, Enrico. I bring good news," he replied. "Zulte Waregem have agreed to sell Chuks Aneke for 12 million. I'll text you the information for his agent, you should fly to London and see if you can close the deal."

"Excellent, excellent," I said.

"One more thing," I said. "What are the odds of selling Federico Marchetti? 54K per week is a huge salary for a back-up."

"Not very good," Igli replied. "I can try, though."

"Ciao."

"Ciao."

"Was that Igli?" Gwen asked.

"How would you like to fly to London tomorrow or Sunday?"

"Could we spend a few days with Mum and Dad?"

"I don't see why not," I replied.
 
View attachment 238961Friday, 1 July 2016

The Italian silly season begins today. For those of you paying particularly close attention, I take care of my business very early. First because I want everyone in training camp from Day 1 so that the squad can gel. Secondly, because I'm excitable and I don't want to wait around.

Gwen and I spent the first day of open insanity traveling back to Rome after visiting with her parents. They'll be visiting more as we get closer to our September due date. We both agreed that this is probably the last flight Gwen will take for a while. Airplane rides are not comfortable things for preggos. She had the aisle seat so she could get up and move around every time our baby kicked her.

While we were in flight. Igli snared a keeper for me. Metaj Delac was one of a bazillion Chelsea products who didn't pan out. Pretty much all of them get sold for peanuts or released. Metaj was a free transfer. My Bologna scouts checked him out very thoroughly so I'm pretty confident he'll make a solid back-up for Ertrit Berisha. Plus he's way, way, way cheaper than Marchetti.

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View attachment 238922Monday, 4 July 2016

Happy American Independence Day, all you muthafunkers out there!

As I drove home each day from the training facility, I'd notice something new each time. The cleaners, gas stations, grocery stores and etc. Just the other day, traffic had stopped for a delivery truck that was blocking traffic in both directions. To my left I noticed a tiny little barbershop. While I was able to do a decent enough job of shaving and buffing, I'd really rather have a professional do it.

So today I decided to stroll on in to this barbershop.

"Good afternoon," said an older man with the scissors. He was dressed like barbers used to dress, quite fancy. "What would you like today?"

"The whole business," I replied gesturing in the direction of my head and sat down in the barber's chair.

View attachment 238925I noticed a Roma pennant on the wall behind the cash register.

"Certainly," he replied. "Keep the patch under your lower lip?"

"Yes, please."

He put a hot towel on my face and started preparing the lather. When he took of the towel he paused.

"I recognize you," he said.

"Is that good or bad?"

"Well, I support Roma," he said.

"Will that be a problem?"

View attachment 238923"I hate every and all things associated with Lazio," he replied. "You're not worried about me holding a blade to your neck?"

"If you slit my throat, they'll just find somebody else."

"Promise me you won't win the scudetto and you'll lose all the derbies and I think we'll be fine," he said as he lathered my face up.

"Isn't my word worth nothing," I replied. "I mean, I have the poor taste and lack of judgment to agree to manage Lazio, after all."

"You have a point, there," he said. "Just tell me now if you're a fascist like Di Canio."

"No, I'm American," I replied. "I hate that ****."

"Fair enough," he said. "Please tilt your chin up. I'll start with your neck."
 
View attachment 238902Thursday, 7 July 2016

"So where are we at in terms of the squad?" Igli asked me as I sat down in his office.

"That, my friend, is a very good question," I said. "Well ... we're close ..."

"Closer than many others are by this point ..." Igli interjected.

"... yeah, probably," I continued. "You know me. I prefer to be prepared. I think our attacking options are good. I think Rennella will surprise people."

"You need a defensive midfielder?" Igli asked.

"Now that you mention it, yes, I suppose I could use a back-up to Parolo."

"I got an email from a Brazilian agent today," he said. "He's shopping around a kid he represents. The video looks promising, want to see?"

So we watched a couple of the vids the agent had on his YouTube channel. Yes, that's right. Agents have YouTube channels to promote their players.

"Alright, I'm interested," I said. "I want to scout him before we make an offer of any kind."

"Oh, it'll be easier than that," Igli said. "The agent says he could arrange a trial for us."

"Great," I said. "So I could probably use a back-up for Parolo. I know players like Verratti and Aneke can do that, but why waste them so far back towards our goal."

"My biggest concern is the defense," I continued. "Particularly Ogbonna and right back. I thought Ogbonna was the weak leak and we tried to exploit that when, as Bologna, I took you on last year. We had some success drawing Abdennour out of position and attacking Ogbonna. But I'm probably going to have to sell someone to afford a replacement, right?"

"Yeah," Igli agreed. "I'm talking to Fenerbahce and several others about Milan Badelj, but the Turks are probably the most promising. They are also notoriously slow. I think Miguel Veloso will be a Porto player in the next couple of days. But I'm only going to get a wee bit over 3 million for him. Badelj should be around 10."

"Okay," I said. "The scouts are looking for central defenders. So if Ogbonna doesn't satisfy, I'll have targets for you. Also, I've narrowed my list of right back targets to about six. We should know everything we need to know not too long after preseason starts. Or at least I hope so. I've scouted most when I was at Bologna, but the Lazio scouts had a few other suggestions. I'm looking to pay in the 3 to 5 million range."

"Also, I always look for some kids to promote," I said. "With how much money this club pays for prospects and how many you've accumulated, I've got to be able to find a couple who interest me."

Igli smirked while he nodded his agreement.

"Once we sell Badelj," he said. "We could spend in the vicinity of 15 million on a defender, maybe more if you can keep his wage down."

"Alright, talk to you later," I said as I stood up to leave.

"Ciao."
 
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Cracking stuff so far as always mate KIU
 
View attachment 238775Monday, 11 July 2016

I'm nervous. Today is the first day of the preseason. I mean, I'm excited, too. My hands are shaking and stomach is doing somersaults. The youth coaches have always told me to just work hard and relax if I ever get a chance. The Director of Football moved me from the youth team into the reserve team so that's good. Not like a load of my teammates who were released at the end of June.

I'm standing here with around a hundred of the youth team and reserve team players. The first team players are strolling out onto the pitch. And there's Marco Verratti. Sweet Mary Mother of God, it's really him. There's Candreva. And Klose. Here come all the coaches. There are some new faces amongst the coaches I don't recognize. I guess they've hired more coaches for the youth and reserve teams. And that must be the boss. Bald head. Soul patch under his lip. Must be him.

He's got a really loud voice. He talked for a while about how he wants us all to work hard and that if you show you have talent and dedication, we'll be rewarded. Those are fine words. I just wonder if I'll get a chance or I'll be lost in the crowd. He's got a strong northern accent and I can tell he's American because there's just something weird about the way he talks.

The reserve team manager walks over and starts handing everyone bibs with our names in big letters across the front and back. We're going to be doing some sprinting and distance running and then we'll be doing some tests in the gym. Apparently, all new stuff the new boss wants to know about us.

As we line up for the sprints, I see that the new boss has wandered over by the finish line. Here's where I can impress. I've always been quick and I worked hard during my holidays on my sprinting. I even did the weight training they wanted me to do.

I finish meters ahead of the others in every sprint.

"Punzone, eh?" the boss said. "You're what ... a central midfielder?"

"Yes sir," I said.

"Nice wheels you got there," he said. Wheels? Who says that? I guess that's a compliment in America.

After loads of running various distances, sometimes through cones, one time I dragged a sled, we went inside and they hooked up a bunch of wires to me and I ran on the treadmill for ten minutes. Then they had all of these weird little games to test my reflexes. They filmed me, too. Weird stuff.

Finally, we got outside to play some five on five. What surprised me was that the new boss was strolling around, watching the kids instead of training the first team. What manager leaves the training of the first team to the first team coaches?

Afterwards as we were walking off, he was exchanging a sentence or two with players as the left.

"Punzone," he said as I was walking up.

"Yes, sir?"

"Go talk to the kit man," he said. "Tell him to assign you a locker."

"A locker, sir?"

"What, are you deaf? Yes, a locker. I want to have a better look at you."
 
View attachment 238602Tuesday, 12 July 2016

I was reviewing reports and videos on the right fullbacks we're considering signing when there was a knock at my door.

Miguel Layun poked his head in.

"Do you have a minute?" he asked in Italian.

"Of course, please come in," I replied in Italian. Then I switched to Spanish and said: "Spanish is fine if you'd prefer. Either way."

"I've heard some rumors ..." he said in Spanish.

"Rumors, huh ..." I interjected.

"... yes, rumors that several clubs, Porto for example want to sign me," he said. "I'd really like to play in the Champion's League. They're all Champion's League teams. Porto, PAOK Athens, Marseille."

"I won't stand in your way providing, of course, that they are willing to pay enough so that I can replace you," I replied. "We're in EUFA Cup this year and don't you think that this squad is good enough to challenge for a Champion's League spot? I'm aiming to challenge Juve for the scudetto."

"Verratti and Aneke are quality, I'll give you that," he replied. "But Rennella is not a proven striker. I sure hope Miro has another season in those legs."

"I'm not done buying, though," I said. "Igli and I are looking to bring in another couple players."

"That's fine, but ..." he let that just hang there.

"I know," I said. "If Porto or someone else comes in with a bid that matches our valuation of you, I won't stand in your way."

"Thanks, boss," Layun said and walked out.

****. Now I will need to start scouting for a left back. I started a writing an email to the scouts. I cc'ed Igli.
 
View attachment 238594I am seriously freaking out. Seriously. Miroslav Klose is putting his socks on across from me. Antonio Candreva is sitting three over from me. Marco Parolo is right next to me. Marco Verratti is between them. I am so freaking out. I'm having trouble getting my socks on because my hands are shaking so bad. I don't think I'm going to be to tie my Pumas.

At least I'm not the only teenager lacing up them up. Sitting next to me is this Brazilian kid, Oliveira, who is on trial. He looks pretty good but he doesn't speak a word of Italian. Remarkably, he doesn't look overawed or anything. Alvise Picchioni is sitting next to Klose. Next to Rennella is Vicenzo Palazzo. Both of them are also having troubles like I am. Il Palazzo (The Palace) just put his sock on inside out and Il Piscione (The ******) has just suddenly realized he's forgotten how to tie his shoes.

There's some new guys, too. Marcello Trovo is younger than me, but the club just paid 9 million for him. I guess he's probably under more pressure than me. Tro seems like he's pretty cool. I've talked to him a couple of times. He's actually younger than me. He'll be seventeen soon. His Mom and Dad are staying with him in a hotel. He's not sure what he's going to do. Aymen Abdennour has offered his villa.

Then there's Vincenzo Rennella. I didn't really know of him before. He's played in Spain alot, apparently.

Ogbonna and Abdennour are really big guys. So's Berisha. I know it's pretty typical for central defenders and keepers, but I'm really, really in way over my head. I am in awe.
 
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Just read it all in one go. Nice work, definitely gonna follow!
 
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