Alpha Romeo Metaphor II

Deadline Day

View attachment 306857Monday, 2 February 2015

8:50AM
I get a text from Director of Football Roberto Savoia

Lazio want Colli

WTF? Why do Lazio keep coming after my youth prospects? Is there someone in my youth setup tipping off Lazio about my top prospects? A traitor, if you will?

Lorenzo Colli is an athletic young man with potential to be a Serie A player. He has a lot to learn about tactics but he's making up for that with athleticism and work rate. He also doesn't have much attacking ability, but he'll pick that up over time.

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"Lazio are offering 400K now and 300K over 24 months," Savoia explained once I got into his office.

"That's not enough," I said. "Make a counter offer for 800K right now, 400K over 24 months and 30% of the next transfer. I'd rather not lose him but if they really want him, a million would be worth it."

"Shouldn't I be the one negotiating this?" he challenged me.

"You really want to have this discussion right now?" I asked. "Fine. I'm certain that you'd have accepted this offer as I'm certain you believe that this club should continue to be a selling club. Must I remind you that you and Guaraldi sold off Diamanti and we all know the repercussions of that."

"Instead of selling off our prospects, I'd like to train them and bring one or two every year into the first team," I continued. "That's a lot cheaper than buying. You and Guaraldi have a track record of selling off valuable assets. Do you want me to continue?"

He shook his head.

"Okay, make a counter of 800 now, 400K over 24 months and 30% of the next sale," I said as I walked out.

10:05AM

Lazio counter with 700K now, 300K over 24 months. No sell on.

I texted back:

Take the money if we get 30% of next sale.

11:29AM

Accepted. Will you talk with Lorenzo?

12:10PM

"Hey, Lorenzo," I said. "I've interrupted your lunch because we've accepted an offer from Lazio for you. Yeah, I know. Try not to act too surprised. So we're just waiting for their paperwork for you to sign and you'll be a Biancoceleste."
 
View attachment 306742Monday, 2 February 2015 11:13PM

My phone jangled on couch next to me. I was flipping the channels between Sky Sports, BBC and Hellboy (which I've seen a million times).

"Roberto, what's up?" I answered.

"Lazio have backed out of the Colli deal," my Director of Football replied.

"Really?" I said. "I thought it was signed, sealed and delivered."

"They didn't provide any explanation," Savoia said. "So I checked online. We'd filed our paperwork, Colli had signed his contract. They'd filed their paperwork that we'd agreed on the transfer fee. They never filed their paperwork for the contract making Lorenzo a Biancocelesti. I just got an automated email that entire transfer had been canceled."

"Wow, nice," I said. "I'd rather keep the boy anyway. I guess it was too painful for them, huh."

"I have no idea," Savoia replied.

"Well thank you for the good news, sleep well," I said.

"Good night," he said.

Click.

Huh. Interesting. I'd really like to know what the **** is going on at Lazio. But the bottom line is I'd been able to acquire three players and Guaraldi-Savoia didn't sell anybody out from under me. I checked my email and Savoia had forwarded me the emails related to this whole Lorenzo Colli saga.

Then a thought struck me. Holy ****. I'd played with Igli Tare from 2003 to 2005. The Igster was now Director of Football at Lazio. I've been such a maroon. There is very likely no traitor in our midst. Between Stefano Pioli and the Igster, they had more than enough knowledge of our youth players and our youth setup.

Regardless, I would still have a word with my entire staff warning them that I would consider providing any information to Pioli, Tare or anyone else at Lazio a treasonous offense.
 
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Friday, 6 February 2015

I drove down to Perugia to see them play Ternana. Third hosting fifth. The visitors grabbed a 22nd minute goal and looked to be holding on well into the second half when Davide Lanzafame volleyed a cross right at Ternana keeper Alberto Brignoli. It somehow snuck underneath him and there was 15 minutes to play. Ternana's Felipe Avenatti pounced on a loose ball and gave them the lead with 2 minutes left. That was enough for Attilio Tesser's men and they moved up to 5 points behind us.

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View attachment 306201"I think I can tell from your glowering face my dear, sweet Italian-American svelte slab of lover boy that you aren't in the mood to go out for dinner," Gwen said.

"Mmmph," I grumbled.

"I'll get the rice started," she continued. "It's vindaloo for you."

"Dammit."

"Huh, what's wrong?"

"Sorry, I'm ... just ..."

"Pre-occupied?"

"Um, yeah. Jesus, I'm a wreck."

"Do you have a sore throat? You sound ... hoarse ..."

"Yeah. I really lost my **** in the locker room afterwards. Could I have some tea?"

"Of course," she replied. "That boy, erm, young man Luca looked so crestfallen as he walked off the pitch. He was rather responsible for their first."

"Yeah, he's okay now. I called him on his mobile. We talked. He learned a hard lesson today. Don't step up like he did. First, get his partner to cover the striker. Second, yell at the fullbacks to collapse inward. Thirdly, wait for the player with the ball to come to you. Chop him down if you have to, take the card if you have to, but hold the line. Half the time the guy with the ball is indecisive or makes the wrong decision or blows the chance anyways."

"So what about that second? I mean, it was a wee bit of a rugby scrum in there."

"The important thing is who was first to the incoming cross," I replied. "They were. Nobody attacked the ball, you know, stepped up and cleared it or anything. We were just way too passive. You've already conceded the goal once you reach the flailing legs stage. The defense rarely wins those shin kick fests. Whoever was the first defender, um, I think Vacca was supposed to do this, he was supposed to clear anything low to the near post. He stands on the 6 yard box, but he was ball-watching and didn't see the near post run and didn't even really react to the cross or the run."

"Come here, you," Gwen said wrapping her arms around me.

"This is the kind of defending that gives me nightmares, EEK!" I said as she began nibbling on my ear.
 
Serie B: Catania v. Bologna

View attachment 305696Welcome to Sicily and to Angelo Massimo - Cibali alongside Ignacio Bortomacci I'm Ugo Zanzi where RAI Radio One is bringing you Catania hosting Bologna in Serie B. For many of you in Bologna who cannot make the trip to Sicily, I must rub it in your eye that the temperature is marvelous, a comfortable 14 degrees and sunny. And Bologna will hope the pleasant temperatures will wake up their hibernating offense. What's your analysis, Ignacio?

Ignacio: Yes, the Rossoblu need to get back to being able to outscore everyone. Their defense has always been suspect, but their offense led by Casarini needs to find that edge and punish. Now Catania hope the addition of Borriello from Roma will continue to galvanize their attack as they hope to climb up the table and make the promotion play-offs. To do that they are going to need to beat some good teams and today is an excellent test for them.

View attachment 305695Ugo: Well, Ignacio, Catania will line up with Alberto Frison in goal, the defense is four across the back with Gino Peruzzi, Norbert Gyomer, Gaston Sauro and Fabian Monzon.

Ignacio: Yes, Ugo, I think they're going to miss Ciro Capuano. Rossazzurri fans will hope Peruzzi can cope with Lepiller.

Ugo: Three midfielders and three attackers up front. Fabian Rinaudo and Sergio Almiron sit in the middle with Polish player Michal Chaprek ahead of them. Wingers are Brazilian Marcelinho left with Pasquale Foggia on the right. Sebastian Leto up top. Your thoughts?

Ignacio: Marcelinho and Foggia will have to drop back a lot when the Bologna fullbacks join the attack.

Ugo: Bologna line up with the starting eleven that Enrico Pucci has relied on with only one change. Dejan Stojanovic in goal, the preferred back four of Archimede Morleo, Federico Barba, Dominico Maietta and Gyorgy Garics.

Ignacio: Their manager Pucci will need them to step up their play today.

Ugo: Michele Pazienza, Franco Zuculini and Federico Casarini are the midfield trio.

Ignacio: with Pazienza guarding the back four and Casarini will have free will to express himself.

Ugo: Wingers are Matthias Lepiller and the Spaniard Sergio is preferred to Gennaro Troianiello. Daniele Cacia is the surprise start is he not, Ignacio? He's gone eight games without scoring.

Ignacio: Yes, quite the shock to see his name on the team sheet after Robert Aquafresca scored twice last week. Troianiello is slumping and Pucci has indicated that Sergio is playing better right now.

Ugo: And here we go. Rosario Abisso is about to blow his whistle.

TWEEEEEEEET!

...

Ugo: Foggia is running at Morleo. Leto has taken up a position between the central defenders. Foggia beats Morleo. Shoots. Hits the bar. Garics clears.

Ignacio: Unlucky for Foggia. Morleo will have to do better. Pucci is out of the dugout yelling at his players and it's only the third minute. He must want them to tighten up their defending.

...

Ugo: Lepiller beat Marcelinho on the dribble and crosses midfield. He passes forward to Zuculini fifteen metrs upfield. The Argentine chips the ball out to the right flank. Garics runs onto it. Cacia is making a run from deep, he's unmarked. Cross from Garics. Cacia scores! Five minutes in and Cacia's thundering header gives the Rossoblu an early lead.

Ignacio: Perfectly timed run by Cacia, great delivery and fantastic build-up by the Rossoblu. Catania are in trouble if Bologna keep passing like this.

...

12th minute
Ignacio: This is a great chance for Bologna. Lepiller will think he has a great opportunity from around 21 or so meters.

Ugo: Abisso shows yellow to Monzon for the shirt grab. Now he moves the wall back. There's a lot of jostling in the wall. Lepiller lines up the shot and waits for the whistle ... and his shot is several meters above the bar.

Ignacio: he just couldn't keep that one down. Never curled or dipped like he wanted.

Ugo: Frison to take the goal kick. Up and over the half line. Maietta wins the header and Pazienza claims the ball.

Ignacio: Bologna are really dominating right now. Passing well. Can Catania withstand this pressure?

Ugo: Bologan have moved the ball across the field. Zuculini to Casarini. Now Sergio. He sees Morleo charging forward on the overlap. Pass into space for the Bologna Captain. First time cross. Cacia volleys! Frison tips over the bar!

Ignacio: What a save, Ugo. Cacia really caught that volley perfectly just too close to the keeper.

...

19th
Ignacio: That was truly a waste of chances, Ugo. Sergio was well positioned to shoot, but it wasn't perfect enough. So he passes to Cacia who you'd think would want to shoot, but he opts to pass to Lepiller at the right corner of the box. Now that was a tremendously heavy shot by the Frenchman and great save, but I think the Rossoblu are toying with the Catania defense when they should be taking their opporunities.

Ugo: Lepiller to take corner. The tall men have come forward from the back. And Lepiller raises an arm. He's shot the ball hard toward Casarini at the top of the box. Unorthodox. Casarini won't shoot. Pass to Zuculini. And he hesitated too long. Rinaudo tackles it away ...

Ignacio: Bologan shouldn't be wasting opportunities like this.

24th
Ugo: And that's a booking. Chrapek rugby tackled Zuculini.

Ignacio: He's got a future in rugby if the calcio doesn't work out.

30th
Ignacio: The match has really bogged down, Ugo. Both sides have been working harder to stop the other. And Zuculini is fouled again. He's been taking a real beating for his side today.

Ugo: And Almiron goes in the book for Catania for that mugging. Catania drop off and regroup. Pazienza to restart. Pazienza to Lepiller. This looks promising up the right flank. Back to Garics. Back to Pazienza. Ball up to Casarini. He shoots. Too high...

Ignacio: Better from Bologna. Casarini can hit them from distance. Catania need to shut him down.

Ugo: Catania bring the ball forward. Over the half line with Monzon. In to Almiron now to Rinaudo. Pass up to Leto. Foul by Barba. I don't think Abisso will card Barba. No, he will not. He's just moving the wall back.

Ignacio: I think Monzon should like this distance. 24 or out.

Ugo: Monzon shoots! Hits the post and goes out! Stojanovic had concrete boots and just watched it from the far side of the goal.

Ugo: Bologna bring the ball out of the back. Now Sergio, Zuculini, Casarini, back to Zuculini now to Pazienza. Back to Maietta, Barba Morleo. Morleo with a pass upfield to Casarini. To Cacia. This looks promising. Out to Sergio. He shoots! Off the outside of the near post.

Ignacio: What a chance. Centimeters wide.

39th
Ugo: Monzon has another chance about a meter left of his previous attempt.

Ignacio: Yes, you can still see the divot that Barba dug out a meter over.

Ugo: The wall is back. Monzon stares at the ball. He shoots. Into the wall. It's right back to him. He shoots again. It's in! We're all level!

Ignacio: Yes, he hit is second shot where Stojanovic had been standing. But the keeper had dived to his left leaving the gap. A bit lucky and against the run of play, I must say.

...

Ugo: There's the halftime whistle. We're all level here in sunny Sicily.

Ignacio: Pucci will have to be the happier of the managers, though Sannino is the lucky one. Bologna have dominated this half but a lucky bounce, or unlucky bounce if you're a Rossoblu, and all that domination is meaningless. Pucci will be happy that his team are defending well and passing well. They just need to capitalize on their dominance or Catania may get lucky and ****** all three poinst away from them.

...

Ugo: It appears that both managers are making changes. Sannino is pulling off both his wingers. Edgar Cani and Alexis Rolin come on.

Ignacio: That's interesting. Cani gives Catania a second striker. I think they'll switch to a four four two formation now. That's interesting, Lepiller isn't out and is that Troianiello waiting to come on?

Ugo: Yes.

Ignacio: Lepiller was looking tired towards the end of the half. Or hurt. It looks like Sergio will stay out left and Troianiello will play the right flank. Normally, Troianiello likes to come inside off the left sideline and get the ball on his right foot. This is a change of how Pucci uses his veteran winger.

...

47th
Ugo: Barba has given another free kick away in a dangerous position. Abisso is leaving his cards in his pockets for now.

Ignacio: This has got to be Empoli loanee's last free ride. Sannino has some subs getting ready for the home side. I think Chrapek comes off. He's not done much.

Ugo: And Leto blazes high. Chance wasted.

56th
Ugo: Bologna break, Cacia crosses the half line...

Ignacio: This looks promising...

Ugo: Runs into the Catania half. It's four against three. Passes to Zuculini. Troianiello's all alone, Zuculini sees him, passes, he's onside, Gyomber kept him on and he scores! Troianiello gives Bologna the lead.

Ignacio: Catania have to be careful of the Rossoblu's counter attack. That was efficient and deadly. This is the Bologna we got used to prior to December.

Ugo: Catania are protesting that the goal was offside...

Ignacio: That's nonsense. Gyomber kept dropping back so far he very nearly kept the visiting fans behind the goal onside. They've got nobody to blame but their naivety. Peruzzi is leading the protests, he'd better be careful. He's getting quite animated.

Ugo: Too late. Now Abisso is carding him for dissent.

59th
Ignacio: Catania are in trouble. Bologna are dominating and they can't play with them. Now Rolin's in trouble.

Ugo: Yes, a professional wrestling throw on who else?

Ignacio: Zuculini. He's really on his game today and is driving the offense and stifling anything the Rossazzurri try to get going. He's my Man of the Match so far.

Ugo: And Abisso is writing down Rolin's name. It's a yellow. Lepiller lines up the free kick. Abisso gets the wall moved back. It's out for a corner. Lepiller hit someone in the wall. The Frenchman, former Fiorentina and Novara player who came up through Le Havre's youth system jogs over to take the corner. He raises his hand. And curls in the corner. It's cleared by Gyomber but only to Pazienza who gives it to GOAL! GOLASSO! Zuculini has volleyed in. Bologna are two up!

Ignacio: That's a match capper. How the young man has played today. Exceptional. Gritty. Snarling and snapping. He's driven Catania mad today. Catania heads drop, I can't see them coming back from this.

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View attachment 305681There's no way around it. Sicily is a long way from Bologna. We'd flown down. It'd gone just fine. The ride back has been another story. The Tramontana wind had starting blowing back down from the Alps and as it meets the warmer Mediterranean air pushing against it, it causes turbulence. My hands are gripping the armrests of my seat and they've begun to cramp. I've torn the cheap leather on the underside where it's sewn I've latched onto the armrests so tightly. And that's just my hands. My neck is cramping up, too. I'm pretty sure the veins on my neck, the back of my head and probably on my forehead as well are bulging. My upper lip feels moist and, even if I could unclench my hands and wipe my lips, I feel certain the the moistness would return nearly instantly. There doesn't seem to be sufficient oxygen in the aircraft, either. I am only able to take quick shallow breathes. But that is probably because of the main problem which I face.

My stomach.

The post match pasta, sardines, salad and wine has come alive. This is truly unfortunate, because I really, genuinely like Sicilian cuisine. But I can tell that it has become a monster that wants to claw it's way out of me. I feel like I'm one of the poor extras cast in Aliens with sole role of giving birth to an alien. This alien monster is constantly seeking escape. As it doesn't have any limbs or claws with which to rip through my flesh, it is constantly trying to climb up my throat. With each pitch, yaw, drop, float, bash and careen of this puddle-jumping piece of ****, my will and intestinal fortitude collide with an overwhelming urge to spray vomit across the cabin.

"This is the Captain, we will start our descent into Bologna. We should be on the ground in twenty minutes."

Twenty minutes? This was going to be the longest twenty minutes I'd ever endured. A soda can that our stewardess must've missed on her last pass through the cabin rolled by me and down the aisle. The plane yawed and the can changed it's mind. No, maybe I'll go left, no right, no ... I think I'll bounce once, yes I like that, twice. Now I'll launch to the right. I didn't dare try to follow the progress of the can now. I heard it clang into a metal part of a seat. I didn't dare to look out the window, either. I sensed that we'd descended into the cloud cover and there would be nothing to see out the window. I didn't dare move a muscle lest that give the content of my stomach an opportunity to attack up my throat now that my attention had shifted elsewhere.

I endured twenty more minutes of this torture before the pilot ineptly slammed the jalopy piece of **** onto the tarmac with all the grace of a drunken belly flop into a pool. There was very little if any oxygen left in the cabin and my poor, weakened stomach was still vainly battling the alien monster that inhabited it. Eventually, the motion of the plane stopped. People were getting up. Getting their things.

"Enrico, are you alright?" a voice said. I think it was Graziano. "That was a bad one, I'll get your bag. Just relax and breathe, boss, relax and breathe."

I just kept staring straight forward. If I moved, I'd throw up. If I didn't get to a bathroom, I was going to spray any second now. Then several pairs of hands were helping me get up. Somehow I managed to survive changing from sitting to standing. My brainstem took over from there and I shuffled after whomever was in front of me towards the exit and, hopefully, salvation. I felt the blast of cold, wet air as I neared the exit door. Someone was helping me into my jacket.

Then I was out into the fresh air. It was like a slap in the face or like walking outside in the winter when you're drunk. You suddenly wake up but also realize what bad condition you are in. Everything was still pitching, yawing, swaying and threatening to start spinning like moments ago when we were still up in the air. Except I couldn't be drunk. I hadn't even finished my one glass of wine I'd had with my meal. I just couldn't be drunk. What the **** had happened to my sense of balance.

Somehow I made it down the stairs and into the bus. The rumble and shaking of the bus was comforting though everything was still threatening to spin, pitch and yaw. Eventually the bus stopped at an entrance. I declined help getting up and out of the bus. I managed it. But barely. Then it was up the stairs and into the terminal. I focused very hard with the last strength, mental and otherwise, I had. I'd get into the nearest bathroom and yack up the alien monster and flush it down the toilet before it could attack me.

"Mister Pucci, Enrico Pucci," a voice said. "Mister Pucci, I'm with the Anti-Mafia Police, would you please come with us? We have a few questions we'd like to ask you."

I turned and looked at a man in a cheap suit standing in front of three uniformed policeman. With the distraction, the alien monster leapt at it's chance for escape. As I doubled over and before the alien monster leap out of my mouth, I noticed that the man's shoes were rather cheap and worn as well. Maybe he'd finally polish them after he wiped off the vomit.
 
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Can I just say this story and last year's one are both magnificent. By far the best and most interesting on the forums.
 
You are a very shady character Enrico, i'm not sure whether to cheer or jeer! Thats why i love this story!!! ;)
 
View attachment 305050Sunday, 15 February 2015 O-dark-thirty

"Hi," Gwen said as I got into her SUV. "They sure weren't in a hurry, were they."

"Yeah, " I replied. "I probably didn't help myself all that much. What with the puking on the detective's shoes, repeatedly calling him Inspector Vomit Shoes, constantly complaining that I was sick and constantly repeating that I didn't know anything. And thanks for finding that attorney, Davide, so quickly. He's the reason I'm out this soon."

"Do you feel okay?" she asked. "Granziano filled me with what he knew."

"Everything is still spinning or I should say feels like will," I replied. "My balance is all off. I have a headeache."

"I can't believe you actually hurled on the detectives shoes. Wow."

"They didn't really want to hear me say I don't know anything. Which is the truth, actually. I was the golden boy, you know what I mean? I was the calciotorre, the professional footballer, who married into the family. I have the impression my presence somehow legitimized them. Not exactly the first kid in the extended family to graduate from college, but something like that."

"Happy Valentine's Day my sweet, sweet man."

"Yeah, Happy Saint Valentine's Day Massacre all over that detectives shoes."
 
Finally caught up with this story.. it's an absolute cracker and needs to be collated into a single document for download lol.

Great story, can't wait for more.
 
Serie B: Bologna v. Frosinone

View attachment 304796Saturday, 20 February 2015

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I realized something today. I could hire someone about six feet tall with the same build as me, bundle him up in a Bologna hat, scarf and parka and send him out to the touchline with instructions to wave his arms around occasionally and nobody would know. Yes, it's that cold out today.

The boys seem relaxed and confident but they know that Frosinone don't score often and don't score much.

In the 4th minute, Franco Zuculini gave Federico Casarini a lofted pass from 10 meters. As a former professional, I hated passes like this. Couldn't you have been more careful and rolled a pass, Zuke? Casa didn't care, though. He controlled the ball with his right thigh and hammered a shot goalward with his left foot. Now, he was 30 meters out. The ball dipped severely about 10 meters out and nearly ripped through the back of the net!

1-0

Wow. Muthafunkin wow! That was lightning strike on a clear day! Completely out of nowhere.

In the 15th, Matthias Lepiller played a ball into space for Daniele Cacia. Daniele smote the ball past frozen Gialloazzurri keeper.

2-0

In the 21st, the match ended as a competition. Raffaele Schiavi went straight through Cacia's standing leg. I was jumping up and down screaming at the ref for a straight red card. A yellow would have been enough as Schiavi had just done the same thing four minutes earlier and been booked. Maietta ran up to complain that this foul should also be a yellow. The ref was hearing none of it.

As Frosinone formed their wall, I noticed that they'd placed two shorter players on the end. You know, the end of the wall the keeper isn't. Lepiller saw this, too. While he needed to get the ball up and down pretty quickly, this was easier than most of his free kick chances.

3-0

Just before halftime, Maietta decided to step up into midfield and Gyorgy Garics decided to leave his right back position and become the center back. This of course, left our right flank wide open. The Gialloazzurri scored, of course. The baffling part was Maietta didn't need to step up.

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It didn't matter, though. Lepiller iced it in the 53rd minute, scoring on another free kick but this time from about 26 to 28 meters. Truly icing on the cake.

4-1

The only problem today, was the number of yellow cards. We had five. While Frosinone players were fairly thuggish, I felt most of our cards weren't worthy of yellow. I may be biased, though.

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