Alpha Romeo Metaphor II

View attachment 280596It was quite a boysterous plane ride home. You'd have think we'd just won to make it to the Coppa final or something.

"****, Graziano," I said as the players carried on loudly in the back of the plane. "I've gotten a couple of managers sacked, if you know what I mean, but never someone as big as Rafa. ****."

"The boys are playing great," Graziano said. "Morale is tiptoeing across the mountain tops. And their work ethic. Just phenomenal."

"Okay, but seriously," I said. "In all honesty, how much was it that Higuaín stunk and that rubbed off on everyone else?"

"Listen Enrico," he replied. "Pasa and Bernardo and Boyata didn't wilt when face to face with the legendary Argentine, did they? Garics and Migliore did commendable work against two seriously fast and rather talented wingers. Don't discount that."

"You make valid points," I replied. "I'll drink to that."

"Don't capitulate and try to deny that our defense is quality and concede anything to our opponents," Graziano continued. "We are really difficult to play against. And with Russotto and Kakuta coming back, we have a chance of picking points. The trident of Parker and those two are going to make us that much less fun to play against."

"Are you giving me a pep talk, Graziano?"

"I know you are worried, boss," he replied. "I can tell. You must not show any weakness. You must be confident without the slightest wiff of overcompensation or overachievement. We are good enough."

"Huh."

"You must just bullishly stick your bent nose and bald head in their faces and demand to be taken seriously," he continued. "You have assembled quite a squad and you have a dedicated and talented coaching staff. Together and with the right mindset, we are a force in Serie A."

"Graziano," I said. "I don't tell you this enough, but you're the best."

"I don't want to hug, boss. Not the hugging."
 
Sunday, 8 November 2015

There was an earlier match on Saturday.

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I watched Cagliari destroy Torino. Well, on the TV. It's a bit of a trek to get to the island. Bu man oh man, Cagliari look like they're going to be tough. Then watched the Eternal Derby that evening. Nothing like a Roma-Lazio match ...

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And here are the standings after Round 12:

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View attachment 280514Monday, 9 November 2015 9pm-ish

I had dinner with President Guaraldi to review October and talk things over. He'd offered to put it off last week because he wanted me completely focused on the Napoli match. Now we had two weeks until our next competitive match.

Here's our main topics:

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200K in merchandise for the month isn't bad. We spent 4M in October and brought in 6M; that's 2M added to our bank accounts.

Then we got to the point where I got up my courage to ask for two items.

"So there are two things I'd like to discuss with you that are not on the agenda," I said. He nodded attentively.

"The first is we need to improve our youth recruitment," I said. "I think we are missing out on talent from Emilio Romagna that should be coming into our youth ranks. We simply do not have enough grassroots scouts out there scouring the local schools and and local youth leagues. We could do more to raise awareness of the kind of training and education we provide our youth players."

"It's a good idea," Guaraldi said. "But I don't think it's going to go over well with the board. They only seem interested in cost savings and such things."

"I can't emphasize how important I think this is," I continued undaunted. "What if the next Beppe Signori, Robert Baggio or Totti is right under our nose but he decides to sign up with Fiorentina because they're almost nearly as active in and around Bologna as we are. Or worse. What if he becomes, I don't know, a doctor and plays a little amateur calcio on the side? I think we're missing half of the talented players in the region."

"Those are good and persuasive arguments," Guaraldi said. "I'll bring them before the board. Anything else?"

"Yes, I'd like to open contract talks."

"Oh."

"I'd like you and Luca to hash it out," I continued. "I'd like a wage comparable with other Serie A managers and some bonuses, too. But you know me and I don't want this done in public. I just want to sit at the press conference as we announce I've extended my contract."

"Okay," Guaraldi said. "You've done great work and surprised me and many others. I assume Luca will call me?"

I nodded.

"Great," Guaraldi concluded as we both stood up, our dinner and discussions complete. "Goodnight, Enrico, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Albano."
 
View attachment 280451Wednesday, 11 November 2015 5ish PM

My mobile began jangling like a old-fashioned cash register meaning it was my agent Luca.

"Ciao, Luca, any news?"

"Mary Mother of God but this is ridiculous, Enrico."

"What? Out with it."

"His first offer was embarrassing," Luca said. "3 years, 7K."

"And?"

"There's no 'and.' Nothing else."

"Really?" I said. "****."

"It's not unreasonable to just walk at this point," Luca said. "Let them stew over this ridiculous offer. Let them pay way, way more than they could have had you now."

"Did you start off talking about what other managers are making?"

"Of course I did," Luca said. "I might as well have farted. What do you want me to do?"

"Add in some bonuses and a yearly increase."

"Standard stuff?"

"Yeah, the usual," I replied. "Ciao, Luca."

"Ciao."
 
View attachment 280203Thursday, 12 November 2015 5-ish PM

My mobile jangled like a cash register.

"Ciao, Luca."

"**** me, **** me and **** me a third time on Thursdays," Luca swore.

"That bad?"

"How badly do you want a new contract?" Luca asked. "I even offered a lower weekly wage and they were quite pleased and they won't even consider any bonuses. As your agent I highly recommend you tell them to **** themselves and see if they come to their senses next spring."

"What senses?" I asked.

"You have a point there."

"Listen, I want a new contract," I said. "I want a bonus for keeping us up, I want a bonus for getting us into the Euro places if I can ****ing manage it and I want a bonus if I can reach the later stages of the Coppa. And I want a yearly increase. The yearly increase is non-negotiable. They'll give me some of what I want or I'm ****ing off to somewhere else next summer."

"Mary Mother of God it gives me angina just thinking about talking to them again tomorrow," Luca grumbled. "Fine. One final offer. I won't let you cave in and take whatever pittance they demand, Enrico. I won't have it. You will not beg for alms with me as your agent."

"You're the best, Luca."

"We'll see about that. Ciao."

"Ciao."
 
View attachment 279978Saturday, 14 November 2015

Nearly 30,000 filled Stadio Renata Dall'Ara to watch us take on Liverpool. We not only made money from the gate, but we got some TV money, too. It was a pretty tame affair but the bottom line is we made some money and played the reserves from a pretty good club. Unfortunately, Antonio Calabrese rolled his ankle in the 14th minute and will be out for a couple weeks.

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View attachment 279977Tuesday, 17 November 2015 9am

I was sitting in my office at work reading about Napoli's new manager José Miguel González Martín del Campo, otherwise known as Míchel. He'd played for Real Madrid during the 80s and 90s. So, De Laurentiis had gone with another Spaniard. Míchel had been at Olympiakos in Greece. Why the **** not Montella? One reason might be the fact that the forward line were native Spanish speakers.

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There was a knock at my door.

"May I have a minute?" Daniele Cacia said.

"Of course, please have a seat," I replied.

"I'd like to talk about playing time," he said. "I'm not happy with the lack of first team football I've been getting. I think you should consider playing me more often."

"Here's the deal, Daniele," I said. "On two separate occasions, you had chances in Serie A. With Lecce you only scored twice in 22 starts. With Verona you didn't score in 13 starts. Furthermore, you scored 16 for us last season which is commendable but you had a drought playing against inferior competition. In preseason, you didn't show me any sign that you could score at this level."

"Now, I have Parker, Kakuta and Russotto up top," I continued. "Matthias Lepiller still brings a lot and Modibo Tounkara is popping up with some goals. Additionally, I need to bring along some prospects. Pierluigi Cappelluzzo and Antonio Calebrese have the potential to be Serie A players. So there's where you sit in the pecking order. I can't just play you because you've asked."

"I'm up for the challenge, what do you want me to do?" he asked.

"You need to show me in training, practice matches and friendlies that you can do the job," I said. "Show me the finishing ability I know you have and I'll give you a chance."

"No disrespect intended, boss, but I disagree," Daniele said. "I can deliver you goals. I'm not getting any younger and I want to be playing. Here or somewhere else but I want to play."

"That's up to you," I replied. "I can't go around guaranteeing players playing time. Put in the hard work, show me and my coaches you are ready and we'll play you. Injuries happen. You'll get your chance."

"Sorry, boss, I got a bit carried away," Daniele said. "I'm happy to wait for my chance. I'm just frustrated. I'll work hard and be ready for it when it comes. See you in training."

And he got up and walked out the door.
 
View attachment 279941Saturday, 21 November 2015

Juventus thrashed Genoa and I have no idea how Gian Piero Gasperini still has a job. Probably because they are not in the relegation zone, yet. Then our next opponents, Sampdoria, drove up to Torino and embarrassed Torino in front of their home fans. Supporters boo'ed the team off at half time and about half headed for the exits. In the nightcap, Milan got a late-ish second half goal against Lazio but could have won 3-0 as they completely dominated the home side.

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Serie A: Bologna v. Cagliari

View attachment 279904Sunday, 15 November 2015

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Cagliari arrive in Bologna on a nine match unbeaten streak, including six wins, scoring 24 and conceding 8. This was their easiest stretch of games and their only stiff competition were Inter and Lazio against whom they drew.

But here we are. Fifth hosting seventh. Zdenek Zeman only plays one way, so we know they are going to attack. We also know that Zeman's team aren't all that tight at the back. Former Parma Captain Gabriel Paletta anchors the defense so we shall see.

Like the last match, we started out on attack. Gyorgy Garics to Federico Casarini to Andrea Russotto and Russotto whipped in a near post cross. Luca Rossetini had Shawn Parker fronted and Paletta was behind him. In other words, Parker was adequately covered from a Cagliari perspective. Andrea hit it too low and hard for Gianluca Curci to come out and snare it. Furthermore, Parker lunged feet first for it as Paletta attempted to clear it. I'm not sure if Paletta kicked it in, Parker put it in off Paletta or Rossetini or what. Regardless, the ball was in the back of the net.

1-0

I looked up. 1:42 gone. Wow.

In the 19th minute, Cagliari attempted a ball over the top. Boyata had it covered. He tried to hit a first hop volley. In fact he did. If Bernardo wasn't in the way, it probably would have landed in the vicinity Modibo Tounkara, my left winger. Unfortunately, it knocked over my Colombian center back and Samuele Longo had a direct line at goal. Boyata forced him to shoot earlier than he would have liked and, thankfully, the shot went wide.

Zoinks.

In the 21st, Parker took a pass from Casarini and dribbled into the box. Paletta poleaxed him. No call. I walked over to the fourth official to lodge my protest but didn't say anything as Captain Archimede Morleo controlled the clearance and zipped a pass up to Casa. Casa spun and sprayed a pass out to the right sideline. Russotto promptly beats left back Kim Jin-su then Rossetini and ran toward the penalty spot before firing between Paletta and a midfielder. This was a mazy, Messi-esque run. The crowd went wild.

Curci managed to block the shot and it looked like Modibo would have another goal but Víctor Ibarbo came flying through with a tackle that took out Tounkara's legs before clearing the ball over the end line for a corner.

"Giorgio, seriously," I said. "What was that? First Paletta chopped out Parker's legs then Ibarbo commits infanticide on Tounkara! How are these not penalties?"

"Paletta got the ball," the fourth official replied.

"Tackle from behind," I replied. "Law 12: A tackle an opponent to gain possession of ball, contact with opponent before ball. That's illegal. Was there a recent memo that Law 12 or any facet has been suspended."

"Shut it, Enrico," the fourth official said.

"Ask him, dammit," I said. "Ask him if Paletta and Ibarbo's tackles were clean."

I was still bickering with the ref through the fourth official when we won a corner. We got set up, but it was cleared. Morleo corraled the clearance and slid a pass up to Tounkara. As defenders converged on him, his slipped a pass between two of them and into the path of an onrushing Parker.

Curci came charging out and slid towards Shawn trying to make himself as big as possible. It didn't matter. Parker opened up his body and popped a shot into the upper right hand corner.

2-0

I looked up. 25:25. Wow, today was turning into a pleasant day to stand in front of nearly 30,000 people and be judged for your ability to organize and motivate a group of men to kick a ball around on a pitch.

We played the remainder of the first half to a stalemate. Neither side did much of anything. Which is fine by me.

I reminded my players at halftime that his is a Zdenek Zeman coached and there is no way they'd let us boss the second half.

I was right. The onslaught started nearly from the kick-off. Our attack fizzled out at the Cagliari box and they broke forward. Morleo got caught ball-watching and Ibarbo was free and crosses. Both Samuele Longo and Marco Sau were crashing the back post. Boyota lunged and managed to get a toe flick to the ball and it went out for a corner.

In the 55th, their unrelenting pressure finally paid off. We cleared a corner but Kim Jin-Su got to the clearance first. So he tried again, but from further upfield. Ibarbo met the cross with a perfectly aimed flick header that looked bound for Dejan Stojanovic's top left corner.

Dejan came flying across and shockingly managed to get a fingertip to the shot and turned it onto the post. Unfortunately, the ball rebounded off the post, off Dejan's melon and into the goal.

2-1

That was back luck. And some suspect defending from Loris Damonte and Bernardo. Neither even bothered to leap with Ibarbo. I looked over at my defense coach. Stefano Romanin's clipboard was on the grass where he'd thrown it and he was covering his face with both hands. I think I'll leave this to Stefano on Monday.

"TIGHTEN UP! TIGHTEN UP!!" I yelled.

The onslaught continued, but we were more diligent in our defending. In the 63rd, Bernardo picked up a yellow card which ruled him out of the upcoming Sampdoria match. I used the lull to pull off Damonte and replace him with Antonio Vacca. Loris hadn't had one of his better performances.

In the 68th, Cagliari tried to play in Longo three times. Bernardo intercepted the first but the clearance didn't go very far. Then Boyata intercepted the second before the third finally worked and Dejan made a great save to deny Longo the tying goal.

At this point I realized that Casa was an exhausted luxury we could no longer afford. So I got several midfielders warming up. My dilemma was should I give the youthful Leonardo Guerra a few minutes or send on Michele Pazienza to button things up defensively and protect what we've got.

View attachment 279908In the 72nd, fear won out and Paz went on for Casarini.

In the 78th, I replaced Tounkara with Gaël Kakuta. A moment later, we were in big trouble. Morleo took down Ibarbo. It was a clearly cynical takedown to prevent the lightning quick Ibarbo from running straight at our defense. Morleo had already been carded just before halftime. So for the second match running, we were a man down and a goal up.

I switched to a 441 with Vacca as the left back and instructed everyone to park the bus. Now I was really pleased that I had Simone Pasa and Paz patrolling the area in front to the defense.

We defended with determination and desperation and well enough to deny Cagliari anything but long-range shots. Of course there were nervy moments, but we held.

We were fourth after thirteen rounds though if Roma beat Inter in Milan, we'd drop to fifth.

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View attachment 279173Gwen and I were lounging at our table after our customary home match dinner out on the town. I was comfortably full, felt morally superior by declining dessert and still basking in the glow of our victory. Gwen and I had also finished a bottle of wine. So I was positively glowing.

"So I noticed something," I said.

"Mmmm," Gwen murmured while aimlessly stirring her mostly empty cup of tea.

"I noticed a box in the upstairs bathroom today," I said.

"Did you," she replied. She ceased stirring her tea.

"At first I couldn't tell what exactly it was," I continued. "But when I did I almost hosed down the wall I was laughing so hard."

"Normal people pee sitting down my svelt yet uncouth slab of Italian-American gorgonzola love," Gwen remarked resuming her stirring of her mostly empty teacup. She said this in Italian. She was making remarkable progress.

"But a whole box?" I asked in English. "I mean, seriously. How many are in there? One hundred?"

"There are twenty four in a case," Gwen replied in English. "I bought a case over the internet."

"How often do you need to check?" I leered. "Twice a day? We only need to know once, don't we?"

"My dear blinkered and diabolically unaware man," Gwen replied. "Did you notice that we were followed?"

"Uh, no."

"Did you see the man at the corner of the block with a mammoth zoom lense camera who followed us to the ristorante?"

"Uh ..."

"I'm getting rather famous in case you hadn't noticed," she added. "And you're not exactly a demure accountant working nine to five."

I was completely at a loss for words. When Gwen had introduced herself to me that summer in London when I'd just become manager of AFC Wimbledon, she'd done so because she figured I was a safe way to escape her stalker. Now the paparazzi were stalking her? Us? Probably her more than me.

"Um, wow," I said. "I ... um ... well ... okay, seriously and all kidding aside. Are you okay with this? I mean, after stalker boy and all that?"

She smiled at me in her way that still to this day makes me melty.

"Yes," she said. "The villa is secure enough and difficult enough to access for them and I've braced myself. This is a price of gaining some fame, I guess."

"Jesus, ****ing paparazzi," I said. "I ... um ... this is a lot to digest. Wow."

"So, my dear Italian-American lover boy, you can see why I can't just dash into the nearest pharmacy and buy myself a pee test."

"Well, there is that," I observed.
 
View attachment 826730Saturday, 28 November 2015

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We took the train up to Milan for the Derby Della Madonnina as it didn't look like top down weather in The Alfa. 7C and up to 50kph winds from the west, i.e., gale force winds. Also, Graziano and his wife joined us as I managed to score four seats under the overhang on the west side, i.e., the lee side, of San Siro.

It's nominally a home match for AC Milan so they got 70% or so of the tickets. The stadium wasn't near full, I'd guess around 50K but they were boisterous and and, as per usual, pyromaniacs.

The Nerazzurri fans exploded with joy in the 28th as Hernanes curled a free kick over and around the wall and into Diego Lopez's upper left corner to open the scoring.

In the 62nd minute, Fernando Torres dove in the box when Nemanja Vidic breathed on him. He conned the ref and the Rossoneri had a penalty awarded when a yellow for Torres would have been more appropriate. Alex buried the PK.

But four minutes later, Hernanes did the same exact thing but on the opposite end of the park. The Rossoneri pushed, but Inter didn't yield. Inter leapfrog AC Milan into first place.

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Serie A: Sampdoria v. Bologna

View attachment 278400Sunday, 29 November 2015

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We played the late match. Nationally televised. No pressure. And it looked like we were going to give up a 2nd minute goal except that Luca Ceccarelli found a burst of speed I didn't know he had and nicked the ball off Manolo Gabbiadini's toe with a lunging tackle.

Ceccarelli, Simone Pasa and Francesco Migliore tore into their teammates for the slow start. That woke up everyone and we started playing.

In the 8th minute, Ceccarelli threw in to Antonio Vacca deep in the Samp left corner. Vacca was standing just inside the box and Samp midfielder Pedro Obiang grabs onto Antonio's shirt and attempted to wrestle him off the ball. I was about to stroll on over to the fourth official and start protesting when Sebastiano Peruzzi improbably blew on his whistle and shockingly pointed to the spot.

What? Seriously? We won a penalty? That never fkn happens! Sweet!
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The Rossoblus who'd make the trek to Genoa went ape**** behind the goal and even moreso after Gaël Kakuta buried the PK.

0-1

Then the siege was officially called to order. They dragged their catapults into our half and encamped. Soon after, the camp trollopes showed up. The sappers tried to sneak around our corners or through our ranks when nobody was looking. The infantry charged our lines relentlessly. Yet, every time there looked like danger, someone stepped into the breach. Sampdoria didn't finish second last season by mistake. They are relentless and good.

I'm being somewhat disengenuous about our situation. We did make counter attacks into their zone. We occasionally relieved the pressure and held the ball for a couple minutes straight. You'll note that the possession stats were not psychotically unbalanced or anything. Nonetheless, Samp did look pretty dangerous.

But my guys are opportunistic.

In the 38th, we'd worked the ball down our right deep into their half. Nicola Murru came thundering through on a vicious tackle that Russotto did well to anticipate and leap over. Murru sent the ball into the stands. Ceccarelli quickly snared a replacement ball and threw it in to Shawn Parker. Parker spun his defender and zipped a pass in to Russotto who'd posted up about 10 meters from goal.

This time the defender had the forethought not to try and mug the Rossoblu players. Andrea also spun on his defender and instinctively hammered a shot goalward. Back-up keeper Vincenzo Fiorillo got a hand to it but couldn't keep it out!

0-2

Andrea's first goal! As he raced toward me, I contemplated the concept that this time last year he was terrorizing the opposition in places like Messina (Sicily), Ischia (an island off the coast of Napoli), Foggia and Salernitana. Today, Stadio Luigi Ferraris in Genoa. There was a huge group hug in visitor's technical area.

I knew that Sampdoria weren't going to collapse and they very nearly got one back before half time. But central defender Matias Silvestre wasted a golden opportunity from 5 meters and shot weakly right into Dejan Stojanovic's gut. Dejan tipped a Obiang guided missile over the bar and Gonzalo Bergessio nearly shattered the crossbar.

I felt like the captain of a band of highway robbers who'd stumbled upon an unguarded pay wagon as I strolled into the visitor's locker room.

"Fabulous performance," I said once everyone was seated. "But don't for a second think this one is in the bag. These guys finished second last year for good reason. Don't get complacent out there."

That got a roar of approval from my players but I translated into English to make sure that Dedryck Boyota, Kakuta and Parker also got my message.

Sampdoria began the half by continuing with their siege engines. But Dejan is 196cm (6'4") and snared every cross.

I thought we were about to steal a third when Kakuta shot wide in the 56th, but Federico Casarini had fouled in diving in to tackle the ball into Gaël's path.

At this point, I got Loris Damonte and Pierluigi Cappelluzzo warming up. Russotto was having an awesome match, but I knew he wasn't back to full health yet and I needed him for the mid-week Coppa match against Inter. Same deal with Parker. Parker had needed the magic spray just before halftime but had insisted he was fine and could continue. Now, it was obvious he couldn't.

So in the 59th, on went Capps and Loris.

In the 68th, Kakuta came off and Midobo Tounkara got a few minutes.

And just when everything felt like it was in control ... they struck in the 78th minute in the chaos following a poorly cleared corner. Gabbiadini had posted up in the upper right corner of the box with the ball. Casarini was on his back giving him nowhere to go. He dished off to Krsticic. At this point, Casa committed the cardinal sin of ball-watching. Fail #1. This gave Gabbiadini the chance to create some space. Krsticic gave him the ball back and he crossed it to the far post where three Samp players were loitering with intent. Only Migliore was over there. Fail #2.

Perea got his head to it and sent it back across goal. Belotti was standing there in the center of the goalmouth about 2 meters out marked by my striker Cappelluzzo. Davide Monteleone, Boyata, Ceccarelli and Pasa were nowhere near. Fail #3. Belotti bounced the ball off Capps and Dejan to get them on the board.

View attachment 2783971-2

Both Stefano Romanin, the Defense Coach, and I were standing next to each other screaming at them. And for good reason. This wasn't a highlight reel goal, it was the direct result of lack of concentration. While they probaby couldn't understand us because of the Blucerchiati suddenly had reason to hope, they probably understood why the two off us had both turned red and were screaming at them.

The home side didn't really generate another chance.

The players were pretty nonchalant about the victory afterwards. I wasn't. I was fkn pumped. So I strolled around the locker room talking smack about the media analysis of our chances at the beginning of the season and some of the **** Graziano had told me about in the run-up to the match.

While they were reacting to me with an attitude of "aren't you overreacting a bit," I wanted them to know that this was an classic case of steal the jewels and get out of town before they know they've been robbed and that they should feel proud.

By the time they'd boarded the bus for the ride back to Bologna, they seemed to have the swagger I wanted them to have when we hosted Inter this Wednesday.

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