FML: Managing Chimney Corner

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julianchelmsford

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Jules - Football Correspondant
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Chimney Corner today announced the hiring of Trent Steele as their new manager. Presumably they had another manager before Steele, but he probably quit for health reasons or got arrested for match-fixing, whatever.

Not much is known about Steele, except that he has a glorious name, and is probably an action movie star or something. He takes over at an uncertain time for the Corner. They are favourites for relegation from the IFA Championship 2, the facilities are ****, and their players are ****.

Steele is scheduled to appear before the few reporters who give a **** at a press conference tomorrow at Allen Park.
 
Okay I know its not great, but it will get better. Probably. Constructive criticism please :p
 
View attachment 213054

Jules - Football Correspondant
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Trent Steele today gave a baffling press conference at Allen Park, his first as manager of Chimney Corner. From the moment he walked in you could sense the disappointment among the reporters there, namely me. He was not tall and buff as his name suggested, but small and ugly. His body was lumpy and misshapen, and he seemed to lack confidence. He smiled uneasily at us and took a seat at the front of the press room. After an awkward silence the chairman Roy Jackson decided to get things going.

"Any questions?" I glanced at the two other journos in the room (a very doable 7 and a not-so-doable 4, in case you were wondering). Nobody seemed to want to speak.
"Mr. Steele, you sit here as the new manager of Chimney Corner. Is this your dream job?"
"**** no! I was actually tricked into taking this job. It's quite a funny stor-"
"Next question please"
"Do you have any idea of which players you like and those that you aren't too happy with?"
"Yeah theres this one ****** I can't stand, something about him really ****** me off. Its the way he looks, he's just a total ******* weirdo. Anyway, next question"
"What would you say is your tactical approach to the game?"
"I dunno, 4-4-2 or some ****"
"Okay I think that's enough for today. Thank you all for coming"

And with that, we ushered out of the press room. The interview leaves serious questions about the the ability of Trent Steele to manage our fine football club.
 
20/6/11

Crazy few days! It seems I'm now a football manager! I was down at the shopping centre last week when I decided I'd sign up for Sky at one of those stalls. After signing the contract the guy at the stall started laughing hysterically and jumping around the place. Turns out I'd signed a legally binding contract to manage some ****** football team until 2013! FML.

Anyway, I had my first press conference today. I think it went pretty well, considering I didn't even know the name of the team. I smoked a J beforehand, which really helped relax me. Mr. Jackson called me an 'unbelievable fucktard', which I can only take as a compliment. Tomorrow I start training the team and ****. Between you and me, I don't have a clue what I'm doing, but they're giving me £75 a week so I'll keep the job as long as I can.


Trent.


 
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Please keep this up, has been a good laugh so far!
 
25/6/11

After spending a few days with the players I've come to realise just how **** they are. I mean look at this guy. A ******* abomination. I tried to fine him, just for being so ******* ****. Mr. Jackson told me I couldn't do this, but he did tell me I was a 'catastrophe'. I really feel like we're building a positive relationship.
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We're going to play 4-4-2, because other formations confuse me. I also signed some lad, I think his name is Reece or Ryan, or some **** like that. I only signed him because he's my dealer's son, and I owe him big time. He says he's a striker, so I guess he'll play. Live and let live I say.
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Trent
 
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You from Northern Ireland yourself? Read on Blogspot one time, some lad was doing Ballyclare Comrades, cried with laughter when he was talking about how ***** they were!
 
Oteum said:
You from Northern Ireland yourself? Read on Blogspot one time, some lad was doing Ballyclare Comrades, cried with laughter when he was talking about how ***** they were!
Click to expand...

No I'm from the republic myself.
 
Having a complete laugh so far man. Classy sceál!
 
5/8/11

It's been a busy month! We played some friendly games! I didn't actually bother going to them. We won some some and we lost some. Meh. Who gives a ****. I signed some more adolescents. I don't know their names, or what positions they play. All I know is they're not getting paid. LOL.
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We have our first game of the season tomorrow, against Knockbeg or something. I'm kinda hoping the players will know what to do, because I don't have a ******* clue.

Trent.
 
6/8/11
Championship 2
Chimney Corner 2 - Knockbreda 0
Stevens, Gray
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We were *****! But they were ***** too! So we won! Must have been my inventive tactics. Or my inspirational teamtalk. God I'm ******* brilliant.

​
 
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Jules - Football Correspondant
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Chimney Corner's fine victory over Knockbreda today in front of a full house of 88 supporters was overshadowed by obscene comments made by unattractive manager Trent Steele in his post-match press conference. When asked if Knockbreda could have any complaints about Corner's penalty, 3-out-of-10 Steele lost it, launching into a vicious tirade.
"Did one of those Knockbreda ***** say that? No? Then what the **** are you doing coming out with that bullshit, you rat-faced *****. Look at you, in your ****** suit, reporting on some ****** ******* game of football, you pathetic failure. I hate everything about you, you ugly ****. Get the **** out of here".
Steele was then escorted from the room, still screaming abuse at the 16-year-old work experience boy, who had curled into a ball, crying his eyes out.
 
16/8/11
Co. Antrim Shield 1st Round
Crusaders 0 - Chimney Corner 2
Stevens, Gibson
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We won this game. It was great fun. More importantly, I put a fiver on us to win at 50-1. Happy days.

20/8/11
League Cup 1st Round
Chimney Corner 2 - Institute 1
Gray (2)
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We went one down, so I told the lads to kick the ball into the goal. Which they did. This was a victory for tactics.

24/8/11
Steel & Sons Cup 2nd Round
Chimney Corner 0 - Killyleagh 0
Chimney Corner win on penalties
View attachment 213303

This match was especially long and boring. But we won so all's well that ends well.

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