Karl Pilkington - An Idiot Abroad 4

Meeting the media..

Reporter: Karl, you have come to Spain to begin a new career in football after several years in the TV and Radio entertainment industry, how do you think you will be able to cope with such a drastic change?

KP: Alright. Umm.. to be honest with you, I think I will do alright. I've done me coaching badges, I played a bt of football as a kid and I watch quite a lot on the telly as well so I think I will do alright. A lot of the teams players have other jobs, there's a fella called Alex who is a lorry driver Monday to Friday, but he plays for the team and he is a good little player.. probably a good lorry driver n'all.

Reporter: How do you feel you will deal with what is no doubt going to be a very different pressure to what you have been used to in the past?

KP: Is he kiddin' me? I used to have to run the desk for Ricky at XFM right? all he would do is squoze me head right? he used to put a dust bin on me head and throw things at me, all whilst we were live on air. He never helped prepare the show either so I had to come up with all the features, meanwhile I got Steve askin' me for records minutes before we go on air. Believe me I know pressure.

Reporter: You have your first game in charge of the club coming up against Burgos in just two days, how have you prepared?

KP: Burgers?? are you winding me up? huh.. oh Burgos, I was gonna say Sumozas Vs. Burgers just sounds like a food fight. Ummm.. nowt much, I met with the team, we had a quick chat about tactics and what I want, we all wanna win so where 'alf way there really, I'm gonna pick the best team I can and just hope for the best really.

 
I would pay good money to see Karl actually manage a football team IRL, i'd kill myself laughing.

Great start though mate, looking forward to reading more.
 
CraigWL said:
I would pay good money to see Karl actually manage a football team IRL, i'd kill myself laughing.

Great start though mate, looking forward to reading more.
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Cheers mate. I am trying to imagine myself being Karl when managing the team, I have come to the conclusion that he probably wouldn't be a good manager IRL lol
 
So far so good! Hilarious :)

Keep it up, looking forward to the next post!
 
Squoze me head hahaha.

I can remember Ricky ******* himself when he used the word squoze
 
Bullardinho said:
I met the lads today, they seem like a good bunch, I don't know what they thought of me mind, I kept hearing em say 'cabeza' and 'naranja' whenever they looked at me, I phoned Susan after to ask her what it meant and she said she didn't know. I googled it and it turns out they were saying my head was like an orange, I text Ricky to tell him, he sent me a picture of an orange with the word 'Mong' written on it.
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Priceless! :p
 


RG: Alright boy. What’s appenin’?

KP: Alright.. Nowt much, got me first game tomorrow ain’ I.

RG: Woah woah woah.. rewind, what? Your first match is tomorrow, why wasn’t I invited?

KP: Because it’s not that big a deal, you don’t need to come over, you’ll be wastin’ your time.

RG: KARL, I have to be there!! There is no way I would miss an opportunity to see you on the side lines, in a little suit, looking like a shaven monkey going to a wedding, not having a ******* clue what’s going on.

KP: I haven’t got a suit, it’s too hot for that over ‘ere, I’m just gonna be wearing a t-shirt and me little chino shorts. Anyway I do know what I am doing, I took a course.

RG: Karl, I’m not being funny, but you’re an idiot! I remember you once famously sat in the garden with your head face down for 20 minutes ‘slavering’, to see if you would run out of saliva. I don’t think you are in any position to be in charge of anyone, you’re like a juvenile monkey.

KP: That’s a bit ‘arsh.

RG: Listen, I am coming to this match! Get the Champagne on ice boy.

KP: Yeah, alright.


 
Slavering hahahaha I forgot about when he did that. Amazing.
 
First match - Burgos

To be honest I was pretty pleased with how me first game in-charge went, we could of won the game late on but this fella called Joseba missed a penalty in the 89th minute. I asked him what he was playin’ at, but he just sort of shrugged and mumbled summin in Spanish at me, I don’t think they understand me accent.

It was a pretty good game, I really enjoyed meself and think the fans warmed to me a bit, apparently it was the most people that had been at the ground for ages, I don’t think it had anything to do with me, probably more summin to do with Ricky showing up, it were ridiculous, like he were royalty or summin. He was sitting just behind our dugout, all I could hear throughout was him laughing at how sunburnt the back of me head was. I tripped over a water bottle at one point and didn’t stop laughing at me for most of the first half.

Anyway, I think all in all I did a good job, I met me boss after the game and he seemed in a good mood so I think I did alright, although I think he did ask for more animation from me, I don’t really know what that means but I’ll ask Susan in a bit.


 
I haven't stopped laughing reading through this!! Looking forward to seeing how he gets on!
 
Guijuelo



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Well not a great day in the office to be honest, the way the fans were getting on me back at the end, I was starting to wish I had stayed in London. We did well in the first half and we went in at half time one up, I tried to show 'ow happy I was but that's the problem with my accent, even when i'm really excited, I just sound like I'm miserable, I think that might 'av been why we didn't do too well in the second half and ended up losing 3-1. That's the thing wit'me, I can take all the coaching courses in the world but I can't change me voice, I think even if we won the league no one would know I was happy.

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