Mens rules (that women should know)


Sep 18, 2005
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Men’s Rules (that women should know)
Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don’t remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it’s like camping
Seen it a million times but still very funny. :)
Yeh seen it a few times.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

One of the better ones :D
One of the best threads on the site, yet it was forgotten 3 and a half years ago :'(

Brilliant read, love it (A)
The only one I didnt agree with was the foreign film one. But Im a film buff so.
I know this wasn't the point of the thread... but short hair is sometimes awesome.
The only one I didnt agree with was the foreign film one. But Im a film buff so.
Was thinking that as well, haha. But these lists are always so over-the-top in their machismo.
Was searching for the sexiest women thread to post a link to the top 99 women or 2010.
The Law Of Man Points

Man Law:
Never leave a good man behind
Never leave a good piece of food
Never leave a good beer

Some things that will earn you points:

noticing fit girls first on the street: +10
Punching someone: + 10 points
Punching someone much bigger than you: + 15 points
Head-butting someone: + 20 points
Playing a riff on an electric guitar: + 5
Downing a drink: + 5 points
Climbing something high: +20
Wrestling a lion: + 20
Setting fire to some money: + 5
Smoking a cigar: +5
Swallowing a live snake: + 30
Being aloof: + 2
3-some(two girls): + 30 points, minus 100000 points if its a guy and a girl
Lifting something really heavy: + 5
Doing a massive ****: + 3
Exploding something: + 20
Winning any kind of competition: +5
Being on fire and not even caring: + 50
Driving: + 5
Riding a motor bike: + 5
Being involved in a high-speed car chase: + 20
Punching through a steel-enforced brick wall: + 50
Eating raw eggs: + 1
Eating raw meat: + 2
Watching action films: + 2
Completing a centurion or a 24 can challenge: +15
Climbing a mountain: +100
Drinking Stella: +10
Drinking till you throw up then continuing: + 10 (only if you drink more than 15 pints before you laugh at the carpet.)
Getting banned for life from a club: +20
Trying to get back in 5 mins later: + 10
Driving with your eyes close: + 40
Walking out of an explosion unharmed: + 25
Melting stuff: + 10
Starting a fight with Jack Bauer: +50
******* on a police car whilst intoxicated and managing not to get fined or arrested: +60
Being able to pop open a bra by looking at it + 50
Biting a priest: +5
Getting a ******** whilst driving: +30
Clearing a room with a fart... 20 points - 25 if you successfully blame it on someone else, but 30 for admitting it.
******* in the middle of a room on the carpet at a mates house.
chundering on *****:+10
having a milf:+10

Things that will lose you man points:
Crying: -50
Drinking deit coke: -10
Being to tired to go out on the ****: -30
Inviting a girl to join the man points group: -500
Wearing clothes that are too small - 5
Taking too long in the bathroom (- 25), unless of course you are doing a massive ****, in which case you earn massive pointage
Using Lipsill - 20, pouting as you apply - 60
Appologising - 20
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it’s like camping

Classic camping (H)