The Alfa Romeo Metaphor

League One: Sheffield United FC v. AFC Wimbledon

View attachment 357452On paper, Sheffield are miles better than us. But the match actually gets played out on grass in front of a half full Bramall Lane. Okay, I'll admit that I'd love nearly 20K supporters showing up for a team I managed, but the Blades have played in the Premier League and their stadium seats 32K+.

Okay, okay, I'm just trying to psych myself up. Sheffield should kill us.

I set the standards low so that we don't get demoralized and play without pressure. With that said, we all know that if we can United from scoring early, we have a chance. We played all those Prem and Championship teams in pre-season for a reason.

Unfortunately, they got lucky on a broken play. We defended the first corner of the match well, but a Sheffield player at the top of the box headed a ball back goalward. Forward James Keene leapt and directed the ball toward the far corner of the net. It looped over a leaping 6'5" Chris Dunn and nestled into the very upper corner of the net.

1-0

Five minutes in and we're down a goal. ****. That was unlucky.

We weren't overawed by the Blades or because we were playing in front of 20K. We moved the ball around nicely when we had it and got ourselves into dangerous positions. The problem was our finishing.

It fkn sucked.

Lovers shot into their keepers gut went through on goal. Banton had his point blank deflection blocked by their keeper and Fens, storming forward from his left back position, got his head to a Banton cross, but it smashed off the crossbar.

Then they got a second goal in the 28th minute. Or I should say that Dunn let an easy shot get through his hands. Fens had Keene under control at the top left of the box. Keene did a shoulder fake and got himself a teensy weensy bit of space and fired a one-hop shot toward Dunn. The angle wasn't good and Dunn, as always, had his angles right.

It just slipped through his hands.

2-0

View attachment 357457He didn't do that all of last season. Not a single mistake. I guess this opens the door for Daniel Lincoln.

At halftime while Dunn sat looking at the floor, I reminded everyone that we'd just been incredibly unlucky. I reminded them that we were passing the ball well and looking dangerous. I told them that I had faith that they'd have a better second half.

From the opening kick-off we nearly took the ball down and scored. But Banton's sudden toe poke instead of a placed shot hit the keeper. Sbraga thundered a header from a corner off the bar. Sbraga put the ball in the net from a header of a free kick, but the linesman's flag negated his tally. Francomb chose not to square the ball to a wide open
Banton at the back post but instead chose to shoot high. By the way George took 4 shots today, all high. Finally, Michael Smith flicked a pass into Ricci's path, but the keeper blocked his shot.

I nearly lost my fkn mind watching all these chances get wasted. At least I know what we'll be working on next week.

Zoinks.
 
Sunday, 16 August 2015 9:00am

"Welcome, gentleman, to Sunday morning training," I said then waited a moment for Leandro to finish translating into Italian. "If we lose because we got out-worked or I am unhappy with your work ethic, you would be running. We'd do a slow jog to warm up then killers. You will soon learn to hate killers."

I waited a moment for Leandro to catch up.

"But yesterday your work ethic was just fine," I continued then but both hands around my throat simulating choking myself. "It was your ability to kick the ball while at the same choking yourselves that we need to work on. To that end we have a series of drills we will be running you through so that next match if you think about leaving your shooting boots at home, you'll know what's coming the next morning."

We had two hours of finishing drills planned, but managed to get through them all in a hour and a half. They practiced shooting off the pass, shooting from bad angles, flicking in crosses, heading downward between the keeper's feet. We had drills to practice slipping the ball under the keeper in a one-on-one situation. We had target practice drills and the winner, Leandro, got quit one drill before all the others.

As the players trudged off the field, the coaches gathered.

"Thoughts?" I asked.

"They won't want to do that again," Technique Coach Brian Carey said.

"I predict that our finishing won't be for **** next week against Rotherham," Hanks added.

"Just so you all know, I've scheduled a mid-week match, Tuesday, to work on our finishing in a game situation," I said. "When we're playing well, the second-stringers will play. When we're not playing well, everyone plays 45."

"I'm still concerned with Lover's work ethic," Tactics Coach Alex Inglethorpe said.

"He's starting next match, right, Enrico?" Wools asked. I nodded.

"Banton is really quite a decent striker of the ball," Shooting Coach Andy Garner said. "I recommend playing him at left wing as you have mentioned that Nole can't score."

I nodded.

"Anything else?" I asked.

They all shook their heads. We followed our players into the locker room.
 
Monday, 17 August 2015 10:43AM

My phone jangles on the dining room table. It's Erik Samuelson, Chairman of AFC Wimbledon.

"Ciao, Enrico."

"What a morning, what a morning," Erick says rather breathelessly.

"Do tell."

"Fenerbahce have made a formal offer for Daniel Barlaser," he said. "Four hundred thousand pounds."

"Did they."

"It's not all cash," Erik continued. "Actually, only seventy five thousand would be cash. We'd receive the remaining three hundred and twenty five thousand in monthly installments over an eighteen month period. Comes out to about eighteen k per month."

"Not bad."

"Do you realize that this is triple our largest offer ever?"

"So?"

"Um, well, shouldn't we take it?"

"No," I said. "Daniel's a top player. Bags of potential. If they offer five hundred, I'm ready to let him go."

"But we might lose him for nothing in January," Erik countered. "His contract ends next summer."

"And he might shred his ACL tomorrow," I replied. "We're not strapped for cash. We have some two point five mill in the bank earning interest and we're project to have three mill by the end of the season, right? I want to gouge them for him."

"They might call your bluff," Erik responded.

"They might."
 
Friendly: AFC Wimbleond v. AFC Dunstable

I got what I wanted. It took them a while to get rolling, but they bagged some goals. I'm especially glad Michael got one. His confidence isn't what it should be at the moment.

View attachment 356964View attachment 356963

I hope Ricci's injury turns out to be nothing. He knocked knees with a Dunstable player.
 
Sky Bet League One: AFC Wimbledon v. Rotherham United FC

View attachment 356751What a gorgeous afternoon. Sunny, 18C (66F) and with a slight breeze. Wombles are in fine voice and my players look up for it.

As I said after Chris Dunn's howler last Saturday, Daniel Lincoln gets the start in net. Jim Fenlon gets a rest; Brad Smith replaces him. Since Matteo Nole is unable to score, I'm replacing him with Jason Banton. With Leandro Depetris hurt, Matteo Ricci retains his starting berth in the hole behind the striker.

"We know Rotherham," I said to begin the team talk. "We beat them 4-1 twice last year. So just relax and play our game, the result will come. I have faith that we can keep shut them down defensively. I have faith that we will dominate the midfield. I have faith that we can outpass them. I have faith that we're going to create loads of chances today."

Rotherham were also pumped up for the match and came out charging. They immediately put us under pressure and their striker Scott Vernon played in Will Hatfield and only a quick recovery by Cameron Dummigan prevented a real goal scoring chance.

They kept the ball in our half for the first ten minutes, but couldn't create any chances. We started putting them under pressure starting around the 15 minute mark.

In the 22nd minute, Manny Smith controlled a clearance inside the center circle and slid a pass out to Brad Smith. Brad played a pass up and infield to Daniel Barlaser. Danny Boy played a one-touch pass down the left flank for Jason Banton. Jason ran to the end line and clipped in a near post pass to Matteo Ricci. Ricci made no mistake and smashed his shot past Mark Schwarzer.

1-0

The new boys finish off a really nice move.

The Noobs combined with Michael Smith in the 26th minute. Danny Boy zipped a pass up to Ricci and I saw Ricci tracking Jason's run into the box from the left. Instead, his slid a pass up to Michael who one-touched it into the path of Jason. Rotherham's Eddie Oshodi decided retreating toward his net was the best move and he kept Jason onside. Jason smashed his shot into the near post upper corner.

2-0

What a truly pleasant August afternoon.

We kept the pressure up. Manny's header from a corner was inches high. Minutes later, Michael was chopped down at the top and despite the howls from the crowd and the complaints from his teammates the ref waved away our complaints. George Frampton blazed high despite having Michael wide open square. Michael gave George a piece of his mind afterwards.

Danny Boy's afternoon went to **** in the 39th minute. He fouled Danny Hollands about 25 yards out and fell down in a heap. Physio Jon Whitney raced out and applied the magic sponge and freezy spray on his right thigh. I told Steven Gregory to warm up. I replace Danny with Gregs in the 41st minute when it was obvious Danny couldn't continue.

In the second half we sat back and controlled the match. We let the Millers have the ball and hit them on the counter.

View attachment 356752In the 60th minute, I replaced George with Matteo Nole. Jason switched flanks so Nole was the left winger and Jason took George's spot.

In the 70th minute, I took Michael off and gave Dylan Griffiths some playing time. The kid didn't look out of place. He held up the ball pretty well and did a good job of distributing it. Maybe not as inventive as I'd like, but we can work on that.

In the 88th minute, Griff and Gregs teamed up to create a third goal. Gregs played a pass up to Griff at the edge of the box. Griff played a pass right back to Gregs. Griff moved into a more central position and Gregs played him another pass. Griff played it right back to him. This opened up some space and Gregs played a pass into the path of Jason who'd charged in from the right flank. Unlike George, Jason got his shot on target. Schwarzer got a hand to it but couldn't keep it out.

3-0

Nicely done, boys, nicely done.
 
Monday, 24 August 2015 11:30am

"Thanks for coming in to talk with us, Danny," I said as he, Erik and I sat down in a conference room in our New Malden training facility. "The rumors you've probably read aren't rumors. We rejected a Fenerbahce offer last week. But Erik and I want to sit down with you and find out what you want."

"We won't stand in your way if you want to go to Fenerbahce," Erik said.

"But we do want to gouge them, as I've said earlier," I added.

"I've been thinking about it and, um, I talked with my Mum and Dad," Daniel Barlaser said. "We've got loads of family and friends in Instanbul so moving there won't be that big of a deal. I'm also really grateful for the opportunity you've given me, Enrico. I'm learning a lot here and I'm perfectly happy to stay. I also realize that 500K is a huge sum for this club. If they make me promises about my development, I would be interested, I guess."

"Be sure to make them set clear goals for you to reach," I said. "Be sure they promise to give you lots of attention. And you'll need an agent. Not for this first contract. I'm guessing you'll get a standard contract they give all their 18 year olds. Demand bonuses for first team appearances and goals scored. Demand that you get a massive raise after you make 15 or 20 first team appearances."

"You've negotiated a few contracts, huh," Danny observed. I nodded.

"I expect them to make an offer we won't refuse in the next few days," I said. "If the terms are good for us, you'll fly to Instanbul for a physical. Obviously, you've got the thigh strain, but it's not major. Their physios will want to make sure you don't have anything major wrong with you."

"That's all, Daniel," Erik said as he stood up. "We'll keep you posted."

"I just want to thank you both again for everything," Daniel said.
 
Friendly: AFC Wimbledon v. Andover FC

View attachment 356200The second string players got a run out against a local semi-pro side. Since James Loveridge didn't play against Rotherham, he got 60 minutes today. I'm pleased he bagged two. Dylan Griffiths caused the own goal. If the defender hadn't touched it, he was right there to bash it in. I've still got high hopes about Dylan and according to the coaches he's a hard-working pupil. Today, Dylan switched to forward when Lovers came off.

I'm still concerned about George Francomb's shooting. He's still blazing them high. I hope he comes around sooner rather than later.
 
View attachment 356169Wednesday, 26 August 2015 9:05AM

My phone jangles next to me on the table. I nearly **** myself. It's Erik.

"Is it enough?" I ask answering the phone.

"Um, well, you be the judge," Erik says. "Four hundred fifty thousand all up front. Thirty percent of the profit if and when they ever sell Daniel on."

I sigh.

"Yeah, that's enough," I said.

"You don't want to gouge them for a few more?"

"This is a more than reasonable offer," I reply. "You accept, I'll contact Daniel."

"Oh, and they'll arrange a friendly with us," Erik added.

View attachment 356164"There is one more thing," I said. "I want a percentage of that sale available either for buying a player in January or for increasing our wage ceiling so I can offer contract extensions to some key players."

"The current transfer revenue percentages were approved by the Don's Trust Board and then by the Supporter's Trust," Erik replied. "We don't have a DTB meeting scheduled until next week and the Supporter's Trust doesn't meet until Friday after. I think we have a good wage structure plus it's a lot of work to change that."

"I can't emphasize how important it is that I have the flexibility to offer contract extensions to the players who deserve it," I said. "I would hate to have Michael and Lovers and George and Chris Dunn and there are plenty more leave on a free all because I couldn't give them a small raise. I'm at the wage ceiliing ... well ... actually ... I'm above it. But you said it didn't matter all that much because of the million plus I added to the accounts with all the preseason cup competitions."

"Okay, I concede your points," Erik replied. "I'll start working on pushing this through."

"Just so you know, if I sign anyone it will only be a loan signing. I can't see this deal going through in time to allow me to buy anyone."
 
League One: AFC Wimbledon v. Crewe Alexandra

View attachment 356057It's overcast, warm and drizzling. It's been this way all day. Turnout was light, too. There were hundreds of empty seats, I would guess under 5,000 turned out.

I'm giving George Frampton a rest to see if he can find his shooting boots. Jason Banton switches to the right flank and Matteo Nole starts at left wing. The defense remains unchanged.

I tell my players to continue where the left off against Rotherham. I tell Steven Gregory and Mark Tomlinson to mark their central midfielders closely.

Apparently, my players took my "continue where you left off" comments more literally than I wanted. They started out in cruise control mode which they were in for the last twenty minutes against Rotherham as we'd sewn the game up by then.

The managed to win a corner in the 8th minute. Andrea Sbraga, Manny Smith and Cameron Dummigan jogged up slowly. There was a bunch of pushing and shoving in the mixture, but eventually Jason dumped the corner right into it. The ball ricocheted around and suddenly Sbraga was running off, kissing his badge after slamming the ball into the back of the net.

1-0

This didn't exactly wake them up. Then again, it's not like Crewe woke up either. It was one of those humid, slow, rainy summer days when you'd rather just lay around the house. Neither team seemed particularly up for it. But we were leading so whatever.

After some shouting at them at the quarter hour mark, my players began to wake up and start moving and passing like their supposed to.

In the 20th minute, Mark Tomlinson intercepted a pass and started a move that ended with Matteo Ricci playing Lovers in. Lovers tried to chip the advancing keeper but got it all horribly wrong. He kind of shanked a waffling chip high and embarrassingly wide of the net. So embarrassingly wide that the Crewe supporters behind that net jeered and applauded him.

In the 29th minute, Crewe finally created their first chance of the match. They got a 2v1 mismatch with their right fullback Curtis Obeng and right midfielder Israel up against Jim Fenlon. So Israel drew Fens then dished to Obeng who had all day to line up his cross. Sbraga cleared it but it fell to Abdul Osman who uncorked one. Stroked right through it on the laces. It was screaming toward the left side of our net. I flinched expecting it to be the equalizer. Yet Daniel Lincoln launched himself at it and snared it. He even made it look like it was a relatively easy diving save.

The entire crowd oohed then applauded his spectacular save.

At half time I did what I could to encourage my players. Both teams appeared to just be going through the motions.

I made one tactical change. Most teams and most team's fullbacks can't cope with our wing play. We usually shred opponents with our wing play. This then opens up the middle as they overcompensate. However, Crewe were bottling us up and shunting us into dead end alleys when we tried to attack down the flanks. The only two dangerous plays we created in the first half came through the middle. So I told them to forget about the wing play and just interpass the ball right up the middle.

We did look more dangerous, but couldn't break Crewe down.

In the 54th, Cam stepped up and intercepted a pass. Instead of dishing the ball off to one of many nearby options, he tried a Hollywood ball out to the left flank for Nole. Ousman stuck out a boot and blocked his pass. The ball rolled into the gap where Cam usually was and Lee Martin took of goalward with the ball. To Cam's credit, he put everything he had into his sprint back and managed to force Martin wide. Martin shot harmlessly into the side netting as he approached the goal and his options dwindled.

Cam apologized to everyone as players jogged upfield for the goal kick.

In the 59th minute, they scored from a corner. Fairly similar situation to our goal. They dropped the corner right into the mixer. It somehow bounced or ricocheted out of the goal mouth but right to Crewe striker Mark Anderson. Anderson put his foot through it and it miraculously didn't hit anybody on it's way in.

1-1

Sigh. What do you do. Bad bounces like this happen. What are the odds that Anderson couldn't put the ball into the back of the net given nine more tries from the same somewhat narrow angle with the same number of defenders between him and the net.

In the 64th minute, Ricci played his fellow countryman Nole clear through with a marvelous slide-rule pass. I feel really bad for Nole. I really do. He runs tirelessly up and down the flank. He's responsible defensively. He just fills his pants every time he has an opportunity to score. His shot wobbled horribly wide. He stood there looking it then put his head in his hands.

He knew what was coming. A few minutes later I replaced him with George. Jason switched to the left side so George could play out right.
View attachment 356056
It didn't really matter. Crewe upped their game and really started to create chances. We were in trouble.

In the 71st, Jamie Proctor slipped the ball past Manny Smith. Manny did a great job recovering and his desperation, lunging tackle managed to block the shot out for a corner. This time we managed to defend it well.

Ricci was looking tired and Lovers had been rather useless in the second half. So on came Leandro Depetris and teenage Welshman Dylan Griffiths.

If anything, this made it worse. Leandro doesn't do much at all defensively and Dylan didn't hold the ball up then dish it off. The kid has a lot to learn.

But we managed to hold them off. Just barely. Skin of the teeth business and all that.

I wasn't happy with their performance and let them know it in the locker room. This fired them up. I guess it wasn't like they were expecting me to compliment them. This lot seems to respond to criticism fairly well.

Regardless, I'll take 7 points from our first 5 matches considering we played two of the promotion contenders to start off the season. 13th place is acceptable.

View attachment 356055
 
I hope you'll pardon me while I return to the metaphor of the Alfa Romeo that I used when I started this little tale. When I drive the Alfa Romeo these days, it purrs and roars like a dream and I only pay for parts when they're needed. The rest of my life seems like a pretty decent arrangement, too. With the raise I negotiated for getting us into League One, no rent for my flat, I'm sitting pretty. Gwen moved back in once the Womble Watch started posting someone at the flat because of the gangster problem.

Tonight was a normal Saturday night. Gwen and I had dinner late then went to a club and met up with some of her friends. There were no bands we wanted to see, so we danced, had a few drinks and went home at a reasonable hour. Reasonable if you consider 1AM reasonable.

Most weekend evenings involve clubbing. Seeing the trendy people and being seen. And Gwen and her friends always always always get ogled. Their attire is often scandalous. I'm not going to complain. I mean, seriously, what hetero guy would complain about hanging out with models.

Well, there is one problem. I will complain just a wee bit. Most of Gwen's friends are dim. They are very pleasing to the eye but sadly fit the stereotype of a model. Vain and dumb. I won't say a thing about this. Ever. I'm just observing. So I hang out, make small talk, drink and dance.

Occasionally, there are big parties that we go to. Someone somehow connected with her modeling agency throws a party and wants pretty young women there. I'm not going to complain too much about that either. Free drinks, tasty appetizers and sometimes dancing.

Here's what hit me tonight as we were riding in the back of the cab: I'm getting used to this.

I don't think I'll ever quite spoil myself rotten like back when I played for Bologna. Attempting to do that would just ring hollow now after all that I've lost. I don't need a palatial flat. I don't need the latest Alfa; I don't drive all that much and I'm fond of the one I have. Gwen had a huge windfall with the big ad campaign that is EVERYWHERE in the UK and keeps pulling in decent sized checks irregularly. I bring this up because unlike the old days, I don't have to support Gwen.

But we are going to need to upgrade our flat. We haven't actually talked about this since the local gangsters began harassing me, but we're probably going to move as soon as the gangster bull**** resolves itself.

Anyway, that's the status of my metaphor at this point.
 
Johnstone's Paint Trophy 1st Round: Oxford United FC v. AFC Wimbledon

View attachment 355586Here we are in Oxford. Of course, I've never seen the beautiful parts of it. Just Kassam Stadium. In the **** part of Oxford as the Men in Blazers might say. But here's the thing about today's match, it pits the last two winners of League Two against each other. Oxford are off to a **** start: 2 points out of the first 5 matches.

We are catching them at the perfect time.

I give Mark Tomlinson, Jim Fenlon and Matteo Ricci a rest. Since Matteo Nole can play in central midfield, he's starting. Also, Chris Dunn gets a start instead of Daniel Lincoln. I hope Chris can return to playing solidly.

"Oxford are going to come at us hard early," I said to begin my pre-game team talk. "They're in a real rut and need a result. Here's the thing; be patient. They're in a rut for a reason. They've got problems. We'll pretty quickly figure out what those problems are and we'll exploit them. So go out and show me that you all can think on the pitch, show me that you can adapt and show me that you can exploit opponent's weaknesses."

We walked out to a virtually empty stadium. There were 500 Wombles behind one net and only a few more Oxford fans sitting behind the benches. We got the louder cheer. Way to go, Wombles!

Oxford came out charging, hoping to get off to a good start and begin to turn their season around, just as I predicted. In the 4th minute, Sander Puri, their right outside midfielder, got around Brad Smith and dribbled into the box near the end line. He set up their striker James Spencer but he blasted his shot high.

In the 9th minute we hit them on the counter. Michael Smith slipped a pass behind their ball-watching left back and into the path of George Francomb. Unfortunately, George shot right at the keeper.

In the 17th minute, Michael tried the same thing again. George started his run deeper. Michael's pass rolled right into his stride. This time George uncorked a sidewinder missile that nearly ripped the side netting off.

0-1

The Oxford players shoulder's slumped. The center backs remonstrated with the left back to watch his man better. Their manager Chris Wilder stood there with his arms crossed and a blank look of despair upon his face.

We kept up the pressure but couldn't find the goal we were looking for. Leandro hit the post mere minutes after George's goal. Michael had two gilt-edged chances but, sadly, filled his pants. He shot harmlessly wide and right at the keeper.

We simply couldn't convert our possession dominance into goals.

This continued after halftime. You can see from the stats that we didn't shoot nearly as much as we usually do. Also, because we had the ball so much, we didn't foul all that much.

We were getting to fancy in the middle of the park. Oxford might just catch us showboating and hit us on the break. Plus, the guys were starting to hit too many Hollywood passes.

In the 66th minute, Brad intercepted a pass, took a couple of touches while looking around. The five players standing near him apparently weren't good enough so he tried a 40 yard cross-field pass to George on the right wing. George controlled it perfectly then tried to one-up Brad by launching his own Hollywood ball in the direction of Michael.

Oxford won the header and launched an attack which ended in their striker Swanson shooting right at Dunn. Dunn fumbled the shot but he had his body behind it. It hit him in the shoulder and rolled out toward his right corner flag.

Fkn A but we just got really lucky.

"SIMPLIFY!, SIMPLIFY THINGS!" I yelled. "KEEP IT SIMPLE. PLAY THE EASY PASS THAT'S IN FRONT OF YOU. NO MORE HOLLYWOOD BALLS!"

We put the match to bed in the 73rd minute. Brad took a throw in their half. He threw it into the corner for Michael. Michael played a pass back up the pitch but into the box for Nole. Nole played a pass to Leandro who was standing near the penalty spot. As every defender collapsed in towards him, Leandro somehow slipped a pass square to George.

View attachment 355588George had finally found his shooting boots and blasted near post past the flailing keeper.

0-2

I sent on Lover's for Michael and Ricci for Leandro minutes later.

The only other event over the remaining 15 minutes was Lovers shot right into the keeper's chest when it would have been just as easy to score.

We're on to the next round. A trophy is a trophy in my book. And since only League One and Two teams are playing for this trophy, I would think we've got a shot at winning it. We'll see.
 
Love your style of writing, it's really immersing and entertaining to read.
 
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