The Football Managing Mercenary

DerbyJack

Member
Oct 22, 2011
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They kiss the badge, they wave to the crowd, they cry buckets of tears and swear they do it all for the club...

...Until a better offer comes along, that is.


It’s everywhere in the sport, whether you like it or not. It’s on the jersey, in the stadium, in the heads of the players, and in the hands of the owners, money flows through the beautiful game.

The aim of this career isn't one of building a club legacy, restoring a fallen giant or grasping the most prestigious of silverware, it is simply to become the richest manager in the game.

Pep GuardiolaJose MourinhioArsene Wenger
Bayern MunichChelseaArsenal
£165,000 per week£145,000 per week£145,000 per week

According to Football Manager these are the three men at the top of the footballing rich list, the three men that I currently have to beat.

Rather then simply taking over at one of Europe's elite clubs, I'll be starting with Sunday league experience and with no Coaching badges at all, the aim is to make it to a point when I can mix it up with the biggest earners in football management.

Derby Jack
-
£0 per week

With a secret yearning to fit in a long winded journeyman career, I'll be trying my best to impose a money-grabbing rule of my own.

If at any point during my hopefully long career, I happen to be offered any position offering a higher wage I have to take the job on the spot. Hopefully this will see me quickly rise into this top earners in the world as soon as possible.


I'm a football managing mercenary. Its time to see where my wallet takes me.

No loyalty. No dignity. Just a burning desire to make some money!​
 
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DerbyJack

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Oct 22, 2011
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Thanks nnicod, hopefully it will be. I don't see why not. By any means possible, I'll get rich...or you know. Fail horrifically.

[HR][/HR]
When your footballing CV is about as deep as a puddle, pickings are most certainly slim.

The season starts with us still on the sidelines watching as teams across Europe get their seasons underway, until we reach the end of November and a job offer finally emerges.



I'm off to London and the Vanarma National League. Remarkably I've actually managed to land myself a job that isn't in the lowest rungs of the footballing ladder.



My first wage see's me earning £425 per week. A world away from the riches of Pep and company but everyone has to start somewhere right?

The club are new to the Vanarma National League having just been promoted but despite their new found status the club had been tipped by many to avoid the relegation dog fight and solidify their status as a club on the rise towards the football league.

Something tells me its not quite going to plan...





And now it becomes clear why I was offered the job.

The only team in England without a win, rock bottom of the league and dumped out of the FA Cup at the first hurdle. Things can only get better at least.

Despite half of the season being done and dusted, the deluded board have set me the task of trying to avoid relegation. Given that we already have a fifteen point gap to close, a team with morale at rock bottom and absolutely no experience behind me, I think I might be in for a rough ride in my debut role.
 
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DerbyJack

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Oct 22, 2011
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Thanks Darryl, I hope it can be my career for the rest of the game.

Cheers Disclaimer

Apologies for the slow start!


[HR][/HR]


Having made myself quickly at home in the London borough and ignoring the great big monstrosity that is Bromleys season thus far, it is about time I got to work trying to discover what exactly has happened to this once promising squad.



On first appearance its a squad swimming with experience. Not potentially valuable experience but non the less it has to count for something right?

The club appears to have a relatively solid backbone in place already but given that they are currently the worst team in the country based on form, it would probably prove foolish to trust the judgement of my now desperate assistant manager on this one.

When you've not won in Twenty Three games I think its safe to say ability isn't going to be a wash throughout the club but I did find a couple of players that at least showed they might be able to help salvage something from the second half of this season.



No pressure Lee but I'm putting the entire future of this club and in turn my career on your shoulders.
A non-league journey-man, Minshull has the ability to run the show in the middle of the park, however it does raise the question of where the **** he has been so far this season. Twenty-One appearances, no goals and no assists. My faith might be misplaced.



This map has genuine Caps! Even a goal! With Ghana no less!
For a striker Agyemang probably has one of the worst scoring records possible. The fact he has never scored more then double figures for any team in his eighteen year career doesn't fill me with confidence but the fact he has managed to convince managers he can still find the net is good enough for me.



So long story, short. I trust none of these players.

Given that they have all played a part in making sure the club has only five points at this point of the season, I think its justified.
 
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Average Joe

Member
May 25, 2009
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Good start mate, well written with good layout.

Going to be very tough getting out of that point gap though!!
 

DerbyJack

Member
Oct 22, 2011
1,012
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Thanks very much Andy

Cheers Joe, I appreciate any feedback. Its certainly a sinking ship!

Sorry for the delay in posts! Christmas got in the way!

[HR][/HR]
December 2015




8th December 2015
Vanarama National League



My first game of my career at Bromley essentially set the tone for the rest of the month as we collapse just before the half-time whistle, throwing away the lead and handing Grimsby the victory.


12th December 2015
FA Trophy South - First Round



A tie against minnows Whitstable gave me the perfect opportunity to restore some morale in a drained squad. Unfortunately the team in the ninth tier had other ideas adding to our woes with a late penalty to dump us out the competition.


19th December 2015
Vanarama National League



Three games into my time at Bromley and I'm already missing being unemployed. A complete disaster of a match, we troubled the Southport goal with just one shot. They replied with Twenty-Three.


26th December 2015
Vanarama National League



Christmas was a depressing one in Bromley as we returned to league action from the break in familiar fashion. Two goals in ten minutes made a gray day in London even more bleak.


28th December 2015
Vanarama National League



Well that just about sums it up. Having made the travel down to the south coast we appeared to have left our desire for a game back in the capital. Dover ran rampant to cap a horror show of a month.


December 2015
Vanarama National League



I've Played four games in the league and I'm already unfortunately confident that our position at the foot of the table is set to last until the end of the season.

 
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DerbyJack

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Oct 22, 2011
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Thanks alot Smokeytides, hopefully things will get better. They can't really get much worse.

[HR][/HR]
January 2016




2nd January 2016
Vanarama National League



A Point. Its a something. We actually found the back of the net within just five minutes but managed to be on the back foot for the remaining eighty five, hanging on for the point towards the final whistle.


9th January 2016
Vanarama National League


Having only been in the first five of the last game, we only came to life in the last fifteen minutes of this one coming close to clawing back a point having been three goals behind.


23rd January 2016
Vanarama National League



Another point in the bag. Tranmere are gunning for a promotion place following their recent downfall from the football league but we managed to pull of a small upset with a late goal to double my points tally.


30th January 2016
Vanarama National League



Top against bottom to round off the month and the hard-work in the last three games that saw us finally amass some points all went to waste as we imploded against Cheltenham. To be fair they are fifty points ahead of us...


January 2016
Vanarama National League



I'm not going to lie, I genuinely held on to some hope that I might be able to somehow salvage Bromleys appalling season, needless to say at this point I realize just how stupid I was. Twenty Eight points behind only Fifteen games remaining. I need a miracle already.
 
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DerbyJack

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February 2016



6th February 2016
Vanarama National League


It happened! It actually happened! Thirty Two games into the season and we finally have it. Three points. We certainly made it hard for ourselves, conceding early and getting a player sent off with Twenty minutes still remaining but non the less the re-birth of Bromley is under-way!


13th February 2016
Vanarama National League

Or maybe not. We hit the road out towards Wales and head back down it with another defeat under our belts. With Wrexham in a fierce title race its hardly surprising and if anything it certainly wasn't a poor display from the boys.


20th February 2016
Vanarama National League



February has seen us nearly double our points tally for the season and a victory over high flying Woking was certainly well earned. We did all the hard work in the first half an hour and just about did enough to secure the victory come the final whistle.



February 2016
Vanarama National League



Its not mathematical but we're essentially relegated already, however I do still have some pride left. The aim for the remaining twelve games of the season? Finish above Halifax.
 
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DerbyJack

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Oct 22, 2011
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Thanks a lot Nurquidi, glad to hear it!

[HR][/HR]
Given that I took over a club with a total of just six points in December, its hardly suprising to learn that I already face the very real prospect of relegation. We need to essentially win every game this month and hope that every other team around the relegation zone somehow forgets how to play the beautiful game....Fingers crossed.


March 2016





1st March 2016
Vanarama National League



Two wins on the bounce. Are we genuinely making a small resurgence with just a handful of games to go? Having been so woeful nearly all season its rather encouraging and slightly frustrating to finally see some signs of life from the team.


5th March 2016
Vanarama National League


Make that Three and our first win on the road. I would like to say an encouraging and inspired team talk led the second half resurgence but in truth it was a solid team display throughout the entire game. The boys are starting to believe again.


8th March 2016
Vanarama National League



Four! Admittedly we certainly left it late. The population of Halifax will be trembling as the sleeping dragon that is Bromley slowly awakens... Its hard to big up a race to not finish rock bottom of the Vanarama National League.


12th March 2016
Vanarama National League



And its gone. Having won four games on the bounce a tie against fellow stragglers Guiseley, seemed to give us another option to wrack up a victory. Big mistake. Guiseley showed how to really make the most of a relegation dog-fight scoring three second half goals and giving us an abrupt wake up call.


22nd March 2016
Vanarama National League



Following the heavy defeat we now literally needed to win every single game in order to survive. Unsurprisingly we bottled it at the first opportunity. We made a good go of it, even nearly pulling off the needed victory but plucky Barrow were apparently not in the mood for a Great Escape story.



26th March 2016
Vanarama National League



Despite my own personal aim of finishing anywhere but bottom still being somewhat achievable it seems everyone else in the team has either lost all hope or has completely given up on the idea of playing football for the foreseeable future. A thrashing from Braintree brings about the dreaded board meeting.



28th March 2016
Vanarama National League



Having promised to give it my all until the end of the season and ensuring the board that I am the man to turn this club around, the team decide that I should be made a fool of. Bastards. We didn't once trouble Forest Green's goalmouth as my time at Bromley comes to a humiliating end.




March 2016
Vanarama National League



The table says its own story. Relegated with Twenty Three points from Forty One games, half the points of our fellow relegation fighting teams and even Twelve points still between us and Halifax. The numbers matter.
 
Dec 26, 2015
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Ahh bad luck mate! It's been a great read so far though, so keep at it! I can't wait to see where you'll end up next
 

Yeti01

Member
Mar 24, 2015
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I'm really enjoying this mate! You were handed a sinking ship there and actually got them to turn it around somewhat - I'm sure wherever you catch on next will be much better!
 

PaperClipFMer

Member
Nov 8, 2014
1,303
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What did the chairman expect when you took over!! The relegation is hardly down to you is it.

Good read so far though mate :) Hope you find a new club quickly
 

bnpwp1979

Member
Jun 7, 2010
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The mercenary idea sounds fun but tough. I think this is going to be a great read to see how you progress.
 

DerbyJack

Member
Oct 22, 2011
1,012
7
38
Cheers Fishy, its good to hear you think I might actually get another Job!

Thanks Yeti. It certainly was bleak but I for some reason saw myself pulling off a miracle. I'm a fool.

I'm not sure they actually looked at the league or results until they realised we had been relegated Paperclip. Thanks for your support!

Indeed Joe. Onwards and Upwards hopefully.

I hope so bnpwp. Was struggling for motivation this year. It seems money does the trick for me. I'm shallow.

[HR][/HR]
So its back to the sofa and back on to the job hunt.

Whilst it would probably be quite understandable and probably a good idea to completely forget the last few months here's a chance to take a look at my career thus far.

Be-warned it doesn't make pleasant viewing.



Well it was a short horror show of a tenure at Bromley.

Having landed a job with no experience, no qualifications and essentially no hope of a career in football it quickly became apparent that I was going to fit in quite well at the struggling London side...





So here's the hard facts.

Eighteen games, Six wins, Three draws and a disappointing collection of convincing losses. Relegated with Seven games remaining, Twenty Three points from safety and having lasted just Four months at the helm.

Non the less I can't help but feel that it hasn't been all the bad.

When I took over in December the club has amassed just Five points, without a single win and well on the course of equaling the all time low of Eight points set by Hyde in 2014.

Admittedly it took me an entire Two months to first taste victory at which point the damage had well and truly been done but given their record prior to my appointment, the fact that I led them to Five in total is going to take pride of place on a rather ugly CV.

With the season drawing to a close, I'm hopeful that my spell on the sidelines will be short lived.​
 
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