The Wannabe Journeyman’s Pipe Dream

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 21 – Playground Stuff

February ‘21

In a sign the pressure of top-flight management is getting to him, Neil Lennon rings me again to talk about McQueen’s lack of football. We’ve already done this Neil. Twice! I speak slowly and calmly explain again that McQueen is just not up to it. His strength may have doubled, but that’s still only Strength: 2. Lennon isn’t having it this time and gets up on his high horse about what he expected from this loan move. In a sign the pressure of bottom-flight management is getting to me, I snap back.

I’m not going to risk my own team’s performance by giving him games if he doesn’t deserve them.

Neil is ‘really unhappy’ that I’m not honouring the agreement and ‘will think twice about loaning you players in the future’. I think I’ve made enemies with Neil Lennon. Whoops.

The disharmony in the club is growing, as “Player Liaison Officer” Andy Robertson (he’s a local bloke who doesn’t work and hangs around the club to be close to what he perceives as the glamour of the place – in the end Jones gave him this nonsensical ‘job’ to keep him busy and out of his way) reports that rubbish left back Jamie ‘Temerity’ Mills is “unhappy at your failure to find him a new club as promised”. Nobody wanted him mate! I was offering him around for zero pounds. I literally can’t give him away. Andy nods sagely. “although he recognises attempts have been made, he has now reached the point where he may no longer be willing to speak to you”. Oh well, woe is me Robertson. I immediately offer Mills a mutual termination of his contract to which I receive no response. Of course; he’s not talking to me. Jesus wept, is this the under 10s team?

Paul Brindle Fly is also unhappy, in his case that I was unable to find anyone willing to take him on loan. While we’re at it Paul, why not let me know you’re disappointed I haven’t got you a 6 figure sponsorship deal or solved world hunger? His next move is to request a transfer. An empty symbolic gesture given that A) the transfer window is now closed, B) he has 6 months left on his contract, so what’s the point and C) nobody is interested Brindlefly. Request granted. He pretends to be highly offended when I offer him a mutual termination. What’s the matter Paul, don’t think anyone else will cover your wages? Because we both know they won’t, don’t we?

In better news Mooney once again takes Player and Young Player of the Month awards. Not dedicated to me this time. Noted. It’s another A+ report card for my monthly performance review from Chairman Jones. Cheers boss.

We did sneak in one signing ourselves, a £0 transfer swoop for limited Cowdenbeath right winger Ryan Ferguson. He’s not very good, but he’s only been given a 4-month contract to the end of the season as cover for Alexandre now that Schiavone is gone. He’s ‘optimistic about his future an Annan’. That’s nice. He has no future here.

Our first game of February is at home to Stenhousemuir (5th) – another team I feel like we’ve played about 85 times. I tell the team they will be anxious to get revenge, which is a very lucky guess based on the response, as although I feel like we’re always playing them, I have no recollection of the most recent result.

Revenge is ours! A comfortable win and a couple of nicely taken goals by Mooney. He really has been a gem of a signing. Wilkie ‘Wonka’ and attacking beanpole Hampl had a good game in the middle, hinting at the possibility of a Watson-less future.

I’m pleased to see our next game is also at home, to the usually obliging Stirling Albion. Go on Stirling, give us some more points.

Clinical finishing and an unwavering commitment to practising corners made the difference in a surprisingly tight game. If you float enough high balls into the box, one of them will land on Creag Little’s head eventually. Currie came off the bench to thrust home a header in the dying minutes, which ended his 10-hour goal drought. Lots of hacking, lots of heading: The Annan Way.

We have two away games to end the month, the first against Edinburgh City (5th). They gave us a 4- 0 spanking earlier in the season, so I’m starting with the scared tactic: The Shield. ‘Lightning’ McQueen has been moaning about playing time again and he’s probably a lost cause, but I give him a go at left back. He won’t be much use going forward, but we won’t be doing much of that anyway.

As much as I love the man-mountain Little at centre back, he does give away a lot of penalties, usually when there’s very little danger. This time, the City player had his back to goal, we had lots of players back, no obvious issues and then Little forgets the rules of the game and throws him to the ground just inside the box. McQueen was rubbish of course. Away games woe.

I get a news flash that Eastbourne Boro have made an offer to sign midfielder Jake Flanigan from Dulwich Hamlet on a free at the end of the season. I remember wanting to sign him at some point, so I quickly table a contract offer, which is apparently good enough to entice him to Annan as the deal is confirmed. His stats are a bit of a mystery, but I’m pretty sure he looked good when I had him more thoroughly scouted earlier in the season. Time will tell. Meet the new Paul Watson.

The news is all too much for one of our more colourful supporters, Colin Fitzpatrick. Lucy, can you pop round and check in on Colin?

Alan sends me something to read while I'm on the bog. Most of my nutrition is still coming from the Solway, so I spend quite a bit of the working day in here.

Fake news. Forhire is not facing a struggle to keep Mills at Annan; Forhire is facing an ongoing struggle to get Mills out of Annan. What was said between us will remain private, all I’ll say is, it was a long time coming. The man is unmanageable. All’s well that ends well, as after his dressing down, Temerity Mills finally accepts a mutual contract termination without any compensation. Good day Sir. The dressing room atmosphere immediately improves to ‘Very Good’. I treat myself to a sweet chilli haggis and large chips from the Solway to celebrate. Sweet, sweet, chilli haggis.

Final game of the month is against Brechin, just behind us in the table in 3rd place.

I think we’ve lost every game we’ve played against Brechin. This was a tight one settled by an early deep cross which found Allan unmarked at the back post. Paul Watson had a particularly poor game for us. He is 35 now and looks shot. Journalist Allan Cameron calls me about once a fortnight to ask when he’s going to ‘find his feet’ and start playing well. Needless to say I have been ignoring his calls. The coaching staff keep telling me he’s in decline, but I think the decline has already happened and he’s lying at the bottom of Form Mountain in a crumpled heap. He adds balance to the midfield in theory, but opposition players run around him as easily as they might a training cone. Next month will be time to give Beanpole Hampl a run of games. The title is now well out of reach, I just want to secure a play-off place and hopefully go into them on a good run of form.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 22 – Brindlefly’s Bonus

March ‘21

I have officially exceeded expectations. It pains me to see Brindle Fly pocket £271 for contributing exactly nothing to this achievement, but the season is now a success in relation to Jones initial, pessimistic hopes.

First up this month, Cowdenbeath (5th) away. I expect a narrow defeat.

Yup. Not much to say about that. Good goal for the Cows, a cracking free kick from Morrison into the top corner. It’s a result and a performance I have seen many times before from this team. Flat. Assuming we do make the playoffs I just have to hope we win the home tie/s by a greater margin than we lose the away games.

Coach Alan Casey tells me that morale is low after 3 straight defeats (aka 3 away games) and suggests I hold a team meeting. Alright Al, gather the lads. I calmly tell the assembled group that things have not been going well, but we have the ability to turn it round.

Christian seems to have missed the most important part of my message – that we can turn it around, but I don’t want to drag the meeting on any longer and I send them on their way.

A boost for the club as Creag Little ‘And Large’ blinks first in our contract renewal standoff and signs for another year for an extra £20 a week. Left back Burns and right winger Alexandre follow suit and the core of the team is secure for next season.

It’s no longer relevant to the title race, but the next game is at home to top of the table Forfar and a win would do morale no end of good. Come on now Galabankies, We owe them after what happened in the last game!

That’s what I’m talking about! An ice-cold penalty by Wilkie ‘Wonka’, a lovely one-two in the box between Currie and Mooney for the second and a lightning breakaway third with a precision long range finish by Mooney. Liquid football. I turn to my assistant manager Colin Woodthorpe,

“Why can’t they play like this away from home?” I demand.

“Mentality”, he responds gruffly.

I wait for him to expand, but he’s staring into the middle distance, and I know that’s as much as I’ll get out of him.

Wilkie puts his penalty straight down the middle, to the delight of dozens of watching fans.

Back at the office, another recurring theme recurs.

What the….tell him I’m out at lunch. Lucy, I’m not taking the call!

March delivers what is in effect a new signing, as Connor ‘Purple Haze’ Duthie sees out his ban. The coaching staff rate him highly and his playing time is set to ‘star player’, but he looks bang average.

He will get a chance on the bench in our next game at home to terrible, bottom of the table team Albion Rovers. Left wing has been a problem position all season, I’ve not managed to get any kind of consistency out of my other options, so maybe he will make all the difference.

An unstoppable thunderbolt from 30 yards by Currie, who is starting to earn back his nickname ‘Red Hot’. Otherwise, an unremarkable game against very weak opposition.

Final game of the month is away to Elgin City (7th). I am at a loss as to how to approach it. Coach Alan Casey wants me to increase the number of players with defend duties. He’s a very scared man. That’s not the Annan way, Al. We’ll stick to a cautious mentality with no more than 4 players furiously concentrating on defending and hacking and nothing else. The game is about glory! And headers!

Drink it in lads, for this is a rare experience. Mooney’s too good for you! Elgin were no match for the brute elegance of the Currie-Mooney axis. Probably our best away performance of the season. Exactly what I want to see heading towards the play-offs.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 23 – Something I’m Sure You’ll Enjoy

April ‘21

There are 5 regular fixtures left to play in the league and the priority is: don’t throw away a good season, stay in the play-off places. 9 points is going to be too much to make up on Forfar, so I’m looking to hold onto second place. That will surely get me a better paid job.

Another manager of the month award for yours truly has me worried about the curse of the winner. I’m pretty sure I lost my next game after the last one and we have a trip to Ochilview Park to face Stenhousemuir (6th) to kick the month off, which is not ideal. Press Officer Alan Wilson informs me that Mooney needs 1 more man of the match award to equal the League 2 record with 9. Come on Mooney, do it for Annan, do it for yourself, but mostly, do it for me.

That was a winnable game, but the curse is avoided at least. The pressure of a League 2 record is getting to Mooney, who puts in a subdued performance. He crashed one off the post early on and never seemed to shake off the miss. Not a terrible result, but we didn’t ever quite take control of the game. I’m still reluctant to start with Wilkie and Hampl, but another terrible game by the increasingly stationary Watson is going to force my hand. Several players have started raising concerns about ‘a lack of depth in central midfield’ in very thinly veiled commentary on Watson’s decline. I hear you gents.

A much more inviting fixture next, at home to Stranraer (8th). They have recently confirmed avoidance of relegation and will hopefully be on the beach for this one.

Couldn’t put it better myself Shaun. Stranraer were not on the beach, they were beach. An easier game we will never have, as we found ourselves 3 – 0 up with 11 minutes on the clock. An absolute rampage and with Hampl scoring one and assisting another, Watson may have started his last game for the club.

That win also seals us a place in the playoffs, which is as much as I could have realistically hoped for at the start of the season. To steal the limelight back, Forfar clinch the title the same weekend, going 11 points clear with 3 games to play. Never mind, it will have to be the drama and the glory of the playoffs for us. 3 more games to get out of the way, starting with Edinburgh City (3rd) at home. Edinburgh are the only team I really fear in the playoffs (from our League at least), so this will be a good dry run for the important games to come. I’m a little surprised to see the bookies have us at 1/2 for the win for this game.

Currie flicks them on, Mooney smashes them in. It’s an irresistible formula. That moves him onto the coveted 9 MoM for the season, although that strangely gets no coverage after the game. Creag Little ‘And Large’ has not given a penalty away for a few games, so he rectified that oversight when he thought there was sufficiently little time for it to do much damage. Ex-Annan striker Blair Henderson tucked away the resulting kick to get his mandatory goal against us. Another good performance and result overall.

Our next opponents are the always rubbish Stirling Albion (9th). It’s our last away game of the regular season and I could hardly ask for better opponents.

A dreary, end of season affair is enlivened when their left back, under no pressure, plays an intended back-pass to his keeper that is in fact a killer, defence-splitting through ball. As the ball heads towards him from the left, the keeper takes a decisive and illogical step to his right, allowing Mooney a tap in from 20 yards. Classic Ladbrokes League 2. It’s enough to earn Mooney Man of the Match and send him into the record books, which are admittedly, in an early draft. Several Vanarama National clubs are stalking him and we may find it hard to keep hold of him in the summer. I will say now that I categorically will not accept any bids of £0.

During our fortnightly scouting meeting, Chief Scout Ryan Clark blithely informs me that, “I have to cancel the subscription to our current senior package due to not having enough funds.” I admire his honesty, but this mismanagement of the budget has just made my decision about his contract renewal at the end of the season a lot easier.

The last game of the month is on 1 May, but I’m including it in the April diary, because I’m a maverick. We’re at home to Brechin (4th), who along with Edinburgh City are the other likely play-off qualifiers. It’s a fortunate bit of scheduling to allow us to play both in the final month of the regular campaign. Before that, Currie scoops Young Player of the Month and Mooney picks up another player of the month award, and this time remembers the hand that feeds him.

I did enjoy that, thank you Alan. I’m never sure whether Wilson is trying to have a dig, he’s a very hard man to read. I think I just fundamentally distrust press officers. And journalists. Wilson knows me well enough to not suggest I will enjoy the next article he forwards:

Putting bitter thoughts to one side, I put a brave face on and get ready for the visit of Brechin.

Routine stuff. That win knocks them out of the playoff spots – sorry Brechin and you’re welcome to Cowdenbeath. That rounds off a good set of results, exactly what I wanted for the close of the season. Next: the play-offs!

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 24 – The Play-Offs

May ‘21

Time for a quick club review before the excitement of the play-offs.

The £65k prize money for finishing second is timely, as the finances have been steadily declining throughout the season. On the playing side, this team is effectively The Mooney Show. My violent wingers, Alexandre and Cusick, have been in fierce competition to pick up the most yellow cards and Cusick managed to edge it in the end. No stat for most penalties conceded, but that one is Little without a doubt.

The play-off semi finals is against Edinburgh City, with Cowdenbeath facing off against League 1 side East Fife. I recall East Fife beating us in the Cup earlier in the year and looking a class above. Hopefully the Cows can pull off an upset.

Our record against Edinburgh is similar this season to our record against most teams (beat them at home, lost away). I’m encouraged by our recent victory, but worried by the fact Blair Henderson always scores for them against us. I have a lot of scouting/transfer business to attend to, but I want to hold fire until I know what League we’ll be playing in. The first leg is away, and I think I prefer that. Damage limitation time.

Not a disastrous result. An impossible side-foot, edge of the box volley, lobbed into the top corner finish by Wilkie ‘Wonka’ really made that result a lot better than it might have been. Edinburgh scored just before and after half time and the game could have easily got away from us. Nightmare recollections of our 4 – 0 pasting earlier in the season were flashing before me when the second goal went in. But this is OK. I don’t think away goals count for anything, but I’m confident we can beat them by more than one goal at the Galabank.

There are only 3 days between the games, so it’s a tired squad that takes to the field, but I daren’t drop anyone now that I have established good partnerships throughout the first 11.

Devastating. We absolutely battered them and their goal was…League 2 stuff. The ball started at the edge of their area and after an unlikely series of deflections, miscued passes and general pinball football, it eventually popped it out to Scullion for an easy finish from 8 yards out. No amount of haggis is going to make me feel better.

As I pick listlessly at my chips in the Solway, I make half-hearted applications for open vacancies at a couple of Scottish championship clubs and a couple of Italian teams. Someone (can only be Lucy really – unbelievable) immediately leaks my application for the Alloa job to the press and Cameron Allan of Annan Football Latest is on me like a shot to comment on the rumours I’ve applied. I pretend not to understand the question and crinkle the chip wrapper next to the phone to simulate poor reception before hanging up.

The end of season knees up is the same day as the semi-final defeat (not my idea) and it’s a sombre affair. I think Lucy knows that I know it was her that went to the press and she avoids eye contact all night. Cusick and Alexandre nearly get into a fight over some onion rings and Jones is hammered by the time he gets up on stage to hand out the awards. Needless to say, the whole thing is a shambles. I must get out of this place.

Mooney is awarded League Two Player of the Year and 4 players in total (Little, Wilkie, Currie and Mooney) make the Team of the Year. I think it goes without saying, they owe it all to me.

At the end of season team meeting I look steadily at the players before announcing I want them to come back fresh because next year….we’re going to win the League. They look troubled and Nade speaks up on the group’s behalf to say that’s too ambitious. Really? We finished 2nd this year! I consider telling him not to worry, as I won’t be renewing his contract so it’s not really his concern. But it’s been a long season and I’m tired. Fine, we can aim for the play-offs I say resignedly. They all love that and go off with a spring in their step. Goodbye lads, I think you’ll have to make the play-offs next year without me.

I apply for a job at SO Chalet in the French National league. No idea where that ranks in prestige or probable income, but I’m not likely to have to worry about it. I ask Jones if I can start my next coaching course now that the season’s over. No, he says, your presence is needed on the training pitch. Am I supposed to be mowing the grass or something? I really must get out of here.

While I am still here, I try to remain professional and secure an agreement to sign St Johnstone forward Jordan Northcott on a free transfer. He will be backup/competition for Currie.

Young right winger Dean Watson is lined up to join from Partick Thistle as backup to Jordan ‘Psycho’ Alexandre. He’s quick and tall and that is what we’re all about.

Wide-eyed Chris Johnston is the next to agree a free transfer from Clyde. He is technically outstanding for this level. He may well get kicked to death in League 2, but if he survives, he can drop crosses into the box all day long. I’m surprised to see this is actually a return to the club for Johnston who spent the 18/19 season here before moving to Clyde. All is forgiven Chris.

Striker Rory Currie (no relation) has been released by Hearts, and swiftly captured by Annan. Apart from anything else I can now play Currie & Currie up front, which is as good a reason as any. He does look good though.

As May draws to a close, I await responses to applications to Huesca, Walsall, Kaiserslautern, Cartagena, Ferrol, Dunfermline and SO Chalet. Cast wide your net brother, to land the juiciest fish.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 25 – Wily Old Fox

June ‘21

I spend the start of the month busily hoovering up all the youngsters released by Ladbrokes Premiership teams on trials. When suddenly an unexpected note arrives, heavy with implied meaning, from Ross McArthur – chairman of Dunfermline.

“a different manner of departing”. So, you want me to quit my job, with the suggestion being you’ll then hire me, but in fact McArthut committed to nothing, we’ve not even done an interview. I could quit, be interviewed, then told to clear off. I chance my arm in asking Jones to reduce his compensation demands. Best case: he says no. Worst case: he throws an empty whisky bottle at my head. Jones takes my request surprisingly calmly.

We’d rather you just concentrate on finishing the job you started here.

That’s nice, but I’d rather just concentrate on joining Dunfermline. You can see the predicament Jones. My options for responding paint me into a corner somewhat. Basically I can either threaten to resign if he doesn’t play ball (I won’t) or I can cave in. I tell him if he won’t let me go, he should at least make some improvements to the club. Go on then, what? He says evenly. I scan the room looking for inspiration.

I would like the board to consider improving the club’s training facilities.

Jones has outplayed me once again. He’s a wily old fox. I leave his office feeling like I’ve been robbed of something.

I’m trying to cut down the comfort eating, so instead I comfort-sign a central midfielder just released by Rangers, Murray Miller. I’m not sure he really fits into our system and he’s going to want to play a lot more than he probably will, but the list of clubs interested in signing him and the level of those clubs, makes this an absolute coup.

I continue with the plan of getting the recruitment out of the way early, securing showboating left back Daniel Ojo on a free from Raith and the even more promising Finn McRobb on a free from Celtic, who will compete with Bradley and Little at centre back. Neil Lennon may never loan me a player again, but he can’t stop me picking up his cast offs.

The only signings I still need are a new right back and maybe another backup centre back. There seem to be very few injuries in this league, perhaps because the players are all part time, so the training demands are not as intensive. So, I may leave it at that. Once all the arranged transfers are through the door the squad looks fairly full. Flannigan, aka the new Watson looks like the only probable dud. Fitting. But Miller can take on that role anyway and has the benefit of being capable of running. Speaking of Paul Watson, I’d like you to meet the new assistant manager of Annan Athletic.

His inability to exceed speeds of 5mph should not be a hindrance in this new role and Colin Woodthorpe just had to go I’m afraid. The man rarely spoke in more than one-word sentences.

Within a day of deciding not to sign another centre back, I sign another centre back. Jordan McGregor is solid for this league and had a good season with the awful Stirling Albion last year and anyone who played well for them is a grafter. I released right back Michael Hardie, leaving Matty ‘Castle’ Douglas as the only specialist right back at the club. Bradley can play there at a pinch, and I think I will stop there for the recruitment drive, unless I find a right back I simply can’t resist.

Dundee United throw a potential spanner in the works by enquiring how much I want for Krystof ‘Beanpole’ Hampl. Hampl makes it known his preferred destination is Dundee. Can’t blame him there, it would be mine as well. I pretend I haven’t read the note from Dundee and go about my business.

The league finally gets around to publishing it’s end of season review and there are a few Annan mentions.

On the back of the biggest overachievement in the league, Jones expectations are much more demanding this time around. I think he’s still sore about the Dunfermline debacle.

All my job applications have come to naught. I’ll never know if Dunfermline were serious or just toying with me, but a lot of the rejection letters I received mentioned the fact I had no promotion experience. So the task is clear. We will win this league. And I will get a better job.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 26 – Right Said Betfred

July ‘21

With the transfer business likely concluded I take a moment to review the ins and outs this summer.

Eagle-eyed readers may spot two unfamiliar names on there: Paul McGowan and Kris Doolan. They were not secret players, or Annan players at all: they were out of contract and were with us on trial. For both men a week on trial at Annan Athletic proved to be the final straw, one indignity too many and they jacked it in and retired rather than risk being offered a contract. Anyway, whichever eejit manages the records has put them down as outgoing transfers. That is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to admin errors at Annan.

The squad is looking pretty good I think, and we should have a decent chance of going up this year. Play-offs is an absolute minimum.

After a couple of pre-season friendlies it’s straight to the coal-face of the Betfred Cup, which I am essentially treating as pre-season friendlies. Our first opponents are League 1 side Alloa Athetic.

Alloa and goodbye! New Currie looks like the absolute business, bagging a debut brace and we outplayed and out-fouled (standard) them all over the pitch. It’s only because the nickname ‘Red Hot’ was already taken that he’s been dubbed ‘Mild’, but he looks anything but. He and Mooney may very well pillage the league to death this year. A tremendous start.

In not so good news, the promising Wonka and Beanpole central midfield act is broken up when Beanpole Hampl gets his desired move to Dundee. When Dundee’s offer arrived, I negotiated it up to £10k up front, potentially rising to £13k. Given the current balance of the club is £19k and Hampl wanted to go, it was too good an offer to refuse. A shame, we never really saw the best of him. But as one young ex-Rangers midfielder leaves, another arrives. Enter stage left: Umaro Balde aka ‘Baldy baldy Balde’.

He may not be nearly as tall as Beanpole Hampl, and I think I’ve made it clear that tall players are a key component for me, but he is wildly aggressive and determined. He is likely to make up for the headers he doesn’t win, with the hacks he does commit. Win, lose or draw, no team ever enjoys playing Annan. Perhaps that is the part of the reason the bookies seem to have hugely over-estimated our chances and made us 1 – 5 on to be promoted. For the sake of the challenge, I have to hope they’re right.

The ‘Boot and Hack’ philosophy continues to pay off as we secure a backs to the wall 0 – 1 win at Championship side Morton in our next game, Duthie getting on the end of an in-swinging Northcott free kick. We lose the next game on penalties to League 1 Dumbarton before the final game of the group stage away to Premier league team Kilmarnock. The team that tops the group goes into the Second round, everyone else goes about their business.

To still be in with a mathematical chance of qualifying at this point is a huge improvement on last season. Can we pull off a giant slaying?

No, but it was a good effort. Certainly not for a lack of booting or hacking. I tell the lads that I’m pleased with how they played and that we were underdogs for that game. They all switch off. This is the same group who thought winning the league was a ludicrous proposition. These people.

Only one league game this month, at home to good old Stranraer. Journalist Cameron Allan uses the pre-game presser to ask me how much we will miss the presence and experience of Paul McGowan this season. You watch us every week Cameron, you must know he's never been a player at the club, surely? Come on mate, you can do better than this.

Textbook stuff. Slowly and steadily we ground them down. Mild Currie came off the bench to score on his league debut, a Douglas long throw reaching new signing Miller in the box, who turned and drilled it across the face of goal for Currie to slot home.

PSG sign Sergio Aguero for £30 million from Man City and we sign Vincenzo Mantelli on loan from St Johnstone. Providing competition at right back, that definitively closes the books for our transfer activity. I now have two decent players for every position – everyone is droppable.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 27 – The Aristocrats

August ‘21

The first game of the month is away to recently relegated Montrose and it’s fair to say we dominated the game, ending the game with 25 shots to their 7. Mild Currie and Mooney started and missed a number of presentable chances before Russell ‘Red Hot’ Currie came on to nod home a late Alexandre corner and secure a 1 – 0 win.

A series of fouls that disrupt the flow of the match is us getting into our groove. That is precisely our groove.

The leadership dynamics within the club have become a bit lopsided. We now have team leaders, which is an improvement, but the gap between influential and less so is growing wider. It’s not a sustainable model, I need a few players to step up, otherwise this is starting to resemble an aristocracy. Wonka, Farrell and Bradley lord it around the training ground like they own the place.

The Tunnock’s Wafer Caramel Cup gives us a favourable first round draw away to rubbish Albion Rovers. We make hard work of it and Mooney in particular is guilty of some glaring misses. The arrival of the new strikers seems to have put him off his stride. After a laboured 0 – 0 draw we are lucky to get through on penalties. But we’re unbeaten in 3 games ahead of the next fixture away to Elgin City who finished up 7th last season.

They score all the goals, the winner coming from their centre back, under no pressure whatsoever, nodding into his own net from a corner. Thanks Elgin. We record back-to-back away wins in the league – possibly for the first time since I’ve been here, away at Stenhousemuir - with a handy 0 – 3 pasting. Miller got his first goal for the club to open the scoring, side footing in off the post from 25 yards and Mooney scored his first and second of the season to close the game off.

The final game of the season is a top of the table affair at home to Cowdenbeath (1st) who did not make it through the play-offs either.

We hit the post 3 times, but Cowdenbeath had the better chances and we may have been lucky to escape with a point. But, we end the month unbeaten and having conceded only 1 goal. Rock solid.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 28 – Tracksuit Manager

September ‘21

I’m hoping the good results in August have put to bed any ill-feeling Jones harboured and feeling lucky, I decide to ask him again about allowing me to do the Continental C License. After 20 minutes scouring the grounds, I eventually locate him searching through the shed where the groundsman and coaching staff keep their equipment. What he’s looking for in there I have no idea and I don’t want to know. He distractedly agrees to the training course and starts to ask me something, but thinks better of it and goes back to rooting amongst the cones and old nets. I took time in the summer to grow a beard and buy a number of identical tracksuits to better blend into my surroundings and I think he sometimes forgets who I am.

Clothes by F&F, Watchall Road. Hair by Colin James Hair Salon, Butts Street.

In footballing news we’ve drawn Dundee United Reserves in the next round of the Caramel Cup. We might get to face Beanpole Hampl!

No sign of Hampl and a thoroughly tedious game is settled in the Reserves favour by penalties. I was able to give run outs to some new signings who haven’t seen much game time, but I can’t pretend to not be disappointed that the caramel dream has once again turned to fudge. Next up we’re at home to relegated East Fife, the former parish of Rory ‘Mild’ Currie, so that’s him nailed on for a starting spot.

The team spent the first 20 minutes half asleep, missing simple passes and interceptions like numpties. The second half was much better, but it was too late. Mild Currie did very little all game. I have improved the quality of the squad for sure, but the team is not gelling yet. If we can stay in the top two until Christmas and allow the partnerships time to develop, I think we will be in with a good chance. Only one more game this month and I’m keen to not make it 0 wins out of 3. Albion Rovers (4th) seem much improved from last year and we’re playing away, but come on lads, it’s Albion Rovers!

Poor, poor, poor. Not a single one of my strikers is in good form and we’re hitting the post much more regularly than the back of the net. Left wing continues to be a problem position for the team, neither Duthie nor new signing Johnston have impressed at all so far. The defence is improved from last year, but everything in front of it is not quite clicking.

A bad month – maybe my presence is missed on the training pitch. Cowdenbeath have somehow opened up a 5 point gap already. I really don’t want to go through the play-offs again.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 29 – Unlocked Door

October ‘21


We kick off October with a 1 – 0 home win over Brechin City (7th). Another dull, scrappy game settled by one moment of quality, a peach of a free kick by Sean ‘Third Degree’ Burns. Just watching the highlights of the games is a real slog at the moment and I’m toying with the idea of adjusting the tactics to make the football slightly less agricultural. It’s still in the earliest of beta stages and may never be ready for prime time, but deep in the basement of the Galabank, I am building a monster, a demon offspring of The Noose, provisionally called The Column.

The Column turns the difficulty in finding reliable full backs and wingers into an asset. I don’t really have anyone at the club who can play DM or AMC, which is one obstacle, as I think ideally this would feature a diamond midfield. It would also make our massively wide pitch a problem, but these are considerations for another day. I start the team secretly training on this as the primary tactic and only when they’re ready will it spring from the shadows onto our unsuspecting League 2 opponents.

New signing, striker Jordan Northcott, has only started one league game so far and comes to see me about a lack of game time. He agrees to a loan move and leaves happy enough. He may not be the sharpest tool in the box, as the loan window is now closed until January. But the squad is potentially too big now and trimming it down with a few loan outs might not be a bad idea. The next day, centre back Jordan McGregor raises the same concerns, but bristles with outrage at the idea of going out on loan. Our talk ends in a stand-off, but these early rumblings of dissent could be the beginning of the repercussions for my signing splurge. The Column would make a spot for another centre back….

Our next fixture is at home in the Scottish Cup to hard-to-say-quickly non-league team, Linlithgow Rose. I tell the team we should be winning this no problem and give starts to several players yet to break into the first team.

Factually incorrect. There are no locks on the dressing room door.

Whatever was said did the trick as we beat Linlithgow 0 – 2 in the replay the following weekend. Back to the glamour of the league and a trip to another much improved team, Stirling Albion (3rd).

Stirling scored with their first 2 shots. Oh, for such clinical finishing. I’ve noticed we keep getting hit on the break from long throws and corners, so I spend the rest of the day fiddling around with set piece instructions to make sure we’re always covered. Marginal gains get out the stains. That’s just one of my managerial mantras that has yet to catch on. If Jurgen Klopp said it everyone would think it was genius.

Last game of the month is away to Stranraer (5th) and a win would go a long way to helping me keep the delusion going that we could win the league this year. If we don’t win this game, I start applying for jobs again. You hear me lads? I decide to let my assistant manager, Paul Watson pick the team. Let’s see what you’ve got Watty!

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 30 – An Enjoyable Place To Play Football

November ‘21

I have a headache and its name is Jordan McGregor.

I call McGregor into my office to deliver a dressing down over his conduct. Infuriatingly he pretends to not know what I’m talking about. It’s like talking to a teenager. As soon as he’s out the door I call Lucy. “Transfer list him now”. Lucy seems confused, “You mean like a shopping list?”. I slam the phone down. 2 years she’s been doing this now, you’d think she’d have picked up at least some knowledge of the workings of the game. Like everything else around here I have to do it myself, setting the asking price at a cut rate £1k, but I will accept offers of £0 or above.

I’m still fuming hours later, so I call up the Director of Football, Kenny Adamson – let’s see if he can earn his keep. I instruct him to sell McGregor for any price. Adamson doesn’t take long to report back.

Less than an hour he spent on that task. The man is utterly useless.

Team cohesion and dressing room morale are down to ‘average’ and ‘poor’ respectively. We really need a win to turn things around before the season slips down the bog. A home game against bottom of the table Montrose is just what the Doctor ordered.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I’m unleashing the Column. Its first test will be a big one – away to league leaders Cowdenbeath.

Before the game, imaginary job holder Andy Robertson informs me that he’s been told by the squad they are not happy with my management and want to talk to me about it. Oh really? Well invite them in, this should be good. Seven of them crowd into my office, where the available space dictates we all stand unnervingly close to each other. I cross my arms (I don’t want to bump into Creag Little by accident) and address the huddle.

Right, there are a few murmurs of discontent in the squad about the way things have been going lately. Can one of you step up and explain the issue here so we can get it sorted and move on?

Wilkie Wonka clears his throat.

We’re concerned about the poor atmosphere in the dressing room, we want this to be an enjoyable place to play football and it’s anything but that at the minute.

If you wanted to enjoy yourself you’ve come to the wrong place Wonka! This club is not about fun – it’s about hacking and running and sweating and bleeding and climbing and grasping and clawing at the walls for a way out, any way out, clambering over the bodies to escape the filth and the grime and the long balls and the deep fried pizzas!

I keep my thoughts to myself and as calmly as I can, I tell the assembled group that,

I agree that something needs to be done, maybe there are some bad influences that I need to move on or some personal issues with players that need sorting, either way I promise to improve things.

I take it as read that everyone knows I’m talking about McGregor. Wonka thanks me on behalf of the group and they shuffle awkwardly out in single file. That could have gone worse. At least Little didn’t pull my head off.

Credit where it’s due - well done Adamson. I knew I shouldn’t have signed him. It’s just so much more fun to sign a player than to not sign a player. You live and learn. And now for the simple matter of Cowdenbeath. Column: Assemble!

Neither a disaster nor a success. Once we went a goal down I threw on two wingers and went to a sort of 3-3-4 formation which brought a wonder goal from Alexandre. I’ll put this tactic away for now, but it’s provided food for thought. Mostly I wonder if it makes any difference at all what system I use at this level.

Next up is a home banker against Elgin City (9th). I push the wingers up and move to a ‘balanced’ mentality. We simply must score more goals.

I can’t take much more of this. I apply to another half a dozen jobs (no takers from the previous round of applications) and cross my fingers.

We predictably lose to Championship Ayr in the Scottish Cup, but keep it respectable. We have one more chance of recording a win this month, at home to Stenhousemuir (8th). For the love of God, please win this game.

Of course Wonka missed the last minute penalty. Of course he did. I can’t be bothered to talk to them after the game, I just walk away shaking my head. This might be my worst ever month as a manager, and there were some real stinkers with Cadiz B.

 

[MidKnightDreary]

Loving the tone and the story mate

 

[Sly Old Fox]

@MidKnightDreary Cheers pal, much appreciated

Chapter 31 – Nice One Centurion

December ‘21

The atmosphere in the dressing room is very poor, the results are terrible, any hope of winning the league is dead, the weather is just above freezing, I can’t get a job interview for love nor money and thanks to the Solway Café I have put on a stone in weight. Hello Annan my old friend.

Put on your party hats for the trip to East Fife (4th). And no, I wasn’t copying Wilson when I grew this beard.

Cheers Davie. Best foot forward then eh?

Thank God for that. A comfortable win and our best performance for a long time. I’ve decided to stick with the usual bog standard 4-4-2 and stop trying to rotate in players just so they get game time. If anyone gets fed up, they can have their contract terminated. Poor form is the only reason anyone gets dropped from now on. Back to basics for the rest of the season. Continuing with Albion Rovers (8th) at home.

What a frustrating game of football. They scored 3 times from 6 shots. How do opposing teams keep doing this? Tom Ross’ goals were both absolute worldies, blasted in from 25 yards. I remember a time I hoped we could stay in the top 2 until Christmas. What a fool I was. We will be lucky to get into the play-offs. The next game is a play-off 6 pointer, away to Brechin City (4th).

The double Currie strike partnership is developing well, which is lucky given that Mooney looks a shadow of the player he was a year ago. ‘Mild’ Currie got his first goal in about 50 years, so that was nice for him. We went down to 10 men when Ojo wen off injured late on, and I couldn’t be bothered to adjust the tactics given we were already in stoppage time. This allowed MacAskill to slot home unmarked for their second, but it was an easy win. Miller continues his pleasing habit of blasting in long rangers and Balde got in on the act with his first for the club.

A good month is rounded off by what is eventually a comfortable 3 – 0 win over Stirling Albion (5th) although it takes us until the 73rd minute to break the deadlock. Russell ‘Red Hot’ Currie is living up to his name with 5 goals this month. He is now a mandatory pick, with Rory Currie and Mooney competing for the other spot. We’re back in the play-off spots and the title doesn’t seem as impossible as it did at the start of the month.

There’s one last Christmas gift for me before we say hello to 2022, as I receive confirmation I am now the proud owner of a Continental C License and the third most highly qualified staff member at Annan Athletic. I am Mental to the power of 10.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 32 – Worth A Punt

January ‘22

It’s a pleasant start to the year as Red Hot Currie gets Player and Young Player of the month for December and dedicates the awards to his mentor – me. I win Manager of the month, but do not have the chance to dedicate it to Currie. He knows what’s in my heart though.

Our first game this month is a big one – at home to second placed Stranraer. You don’t want to describe a New Years Day game as a must-win, but it does feel like it. Mooney scored off the bench in the last game and he starts ahead of Rory ‘Mild’ Currie, otherwise it’s an unchanged line-up from the team that battered Stirling Albion. Please, no more random dips in form.

We squandered 3 clear cut chances within the first 15 minutes, at which point I assumed Stranraer were bound to score with their first shot. So in a way, a draw was a relief. If we had last season’s Mooney instead of this one we might be running away with the league by now. Despite all the goals we shipped in the last 2 months, we still have the best defensive record in the league, but a very average Goals Scored record.

It is this as much as anything that leads me to make an audacious bid for once upon a time Everton striker James Vaughan. He’s 33 years old and is retiring at the end of the season, but current club Bradford can’t wait that long and have transfer listed him for £0. Come on James, why not spend the last few months of your career inflating your career goal stats in League 2 of Scottish football?

Worth a punt.

We do just enough to win a dreadful game away to Montrose (9th) with Wonka netting a penalty in the first half and almost nothing of note happening afterwards.

The January transfer window is open and we receive a bid for Murray Miller from Inverness Caledonian Thistle of £800. Risible. This is bad news – he and Wonka have a good partnership in the middle and Jake Flannigan, the theoretical cover for Miller has been patchy at best. He can’t leather goals in from 20 yards either. I take an aggressive negotiating stance, hoping to scare them off. If I can just keep him until the end of the season without his stinking out the delicate atmosphere it will be a lot easier to get out of this division.

Another important game next as we host top of the table Cowdenbeath. A win would be a huge step towards staying in the title race.

A rare bad game for Red Hot Currie and a standard bad game from left winger Duthie held us back, but we deserved at least a draw and we’re still in with a shout. Incurable hackamaniac Jordan Alexandre got himself sent off, but late enough to not damage us too much. He just does not stop hacking.

Routine wins over bottom club Elgin City and 9th placed Stenhousemuir complete a good month. Red Hot Currie is still the only striker I have at the club scoring with any kind of regularity, but while he keeps nodding them home we should be OK. I’ve managed to scare off the clubs in for Miller without alienating him (more luck than judgment) and we’re up to second again in the league. A good month. I notice that our form is the exact opposite of last season – best away record in the league, sub-standard home record. I have no idea why.

With no other clubs showing an interest I make a final deadline day move for James Vaughan, but he’s not biting. You have to say: fair enough.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 33 – Broken Records

February ‘22

Centre back Bradley and striker Northcott both come to complain about the fact they didn’t get a loan move in the window. I literally offered them out at no cost and never received a flicker of interest. Unable to accept that depressing reality they both hold me accountable and make pointless transfer requests. Sure, fine, whatever you like gents. I’m sure that I’ve heard this one before.

None of my job applications are getting me anywhere so I must, must, must get promoted this season to improve my prospects. On that note the big games keep coming, as we kick off with a home game against East Fife (3rd). A chance to put some distance between us and keep the pressure on Cowdenbeath. And a chance to make history.

We hit the bar 4 times in that game and until Wonka’s trademark straight-down-the-middle penalty it seemed like it would be one of those games where our dominance is punished with a cheap goal. But not this time – a comprehensive battering and a record setting unbeaten run.

Thanks Alan – can you precis this for me?

Russell Currie scores again to become the second highest league goal scorer so far this season. But he’s way out in front on a less illustrious, but vital stat.

The following game should be a banker, but we manage to concede two soft goals from corners to go down to a 1 – 2 defeat at home to Brechin (5th). It was a robbery on the balance of play, but if you give 2 goals away you reap what you sow. That allows Cowdenbeath to re-establish a 9 point cushion and with 11 games left we’re not likely to make that up. That horrendous run in November looks set to cost us dearly. Alexandre did manage to break another record (his own) for poor discipline when he picked up his customary booking in that game, taking him to 10 yellows and 2 reds for the season. The man is strung too tight for League 2.

The next fixture is another we should win, away to Albion Rovers (6th). Come on lads, no more back-to-back defeats this season. Unhappy midfielder Jake Flannigan tries his best to disrupt proceedings prior to the game.

I’m not having this again. I call him in for a dressing down and like McGregor before him he pleads ignorance. I’m literally looking at the article Flannigan. Get out of my sight. He agrees to a mutual termination of his contract. Good. Although at this rate I might end the season with barely enough players to put out a team.

Absolutely appalling. Second to every loose ball, turning over possession cheaply, basic failures to clear the lines. That was awful. I can barely contain my disgust in the dressing room after the game and have a good long shout at the players. Once again the title is out of reach and we’re just playing to stay in the play-offs. I’m not staying here another year.

The last game of the month is away to Stirling Albion (6th). We edge the win thanks to a late penalty by the lesser spotted Jordan Northcott. He was only on the bench by accident, having been named as a sub instead of Kelsey Mooney. I loudly and publicly blame assistant manager Watson for this, but in truth a stressful month has gotten to me, and it was likely my error. Another game in which we looked sluggish all over the pitch, slow to react to the regular ricochets and misplaced passes which are the basic building blocks of all League 2 games.

We’re still second, but that was a poor month of football, and my patience is wearing thin.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 34 – Operation Maximum Points

March ‘22

This will be a season defining month for the club. Some would argue the season has already been defined and it would be hard to disagree. However, we have three winnable games before a real thigh-rubber for the last game of the month: away to Cowdenbeath. If we can manage 4 wins from 4 this month, the title is back within reach. A clean sweep of victories is something I have yet to achieve at Annan, but this would be a great time to do it.

The first game is away to play-off chasers Stranraer (5th). In February I promised left winger Duthie a run in the first team if he can prove he can actually cross the ball. He’s played probably 2 and a half hours of football since then and has clocked a total of 2 crosses that found an Annan player in that time. He’s expecting more chances, but I’m not throwing away a possible shot at the title so I can say, “I told you so”. So I expect to be terminating another contract by the end of the month. Johnston will be starting on the left and that’s that.

A nervy win, but we got there in the end, Johnston setting up Mooney for the winner. I give Duthie a pointed stare as the ball hits the net, but he’s avoiding eye contact. 1 down, 3 to go. The next game is, on paper, the easiest of the bunch, at home to bottom club Elgin City.

That was pretty easy. Encouraging to see Mooney back in the goals with a well taken hat-trick. It has to be said, Elgin were rubbish. We’re halfway there and the gap between us and Cowdenbeath is down to 6 points. If all goes to plan it will be no more than 3 points by the end of the month. We’re at home again for the next game, to 8th placed Montrose. Don’t stumble now boys.

It’s on. Operation Maximum Points is go. We barely edged it in the end, but Montrose rarely threatened. We seem to struggle the more of the ball we have. Too late in the day to do anything about that now anyway. Cowdenbeath won their game to keep a 6 point gap, but win this one and we have a genuine title race for the final month.

With Flannigan released and Balde away on one of his regular trips called up to the Guinea-Bissau squad, I have only two central midfielders available for the Cowdenbeath game. I take a gamble on a free signing, Bradley Johnson, most recently of Blackburn Rovers, but you may remember him turning out in the Premiership for Norwich.

With Johnson straight onto the bench we prepare for the biggest game of the season.

For 65 minutes they absolutely battered us. They play a 4-1-4-1 and were dominating the game and the middle of the field. I went to a 4-4-1-1, took Mooney off, put Johnson on and pushed Wonka up as a number 10 and the game turned beautifully. Red Hot Currie nodded home from a corner and Johnson, freshly off the bench found the bottom corner with a header from the edge of the box to secure the win on his debut. A perfect month of football.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 35 – The Race Is On

April ‘22

A busy and potentially dramatic month ahead with 5 games to play. If we can manage another clean sweep (very unlikely) that should be enough to win the league. Our first game is away to East Fife (4th).

East Fife bludgeoned for five! Another Mooney hat-trick and he is finding his form at a very convenient time. The game was quite close, but we have in-form strikers and they do not. Cowdenbeath also win, meaning the 3-point cushion remains. We do make some ground on goal difference, should it come to that, but I doubt we can overhaul it with 4 games to play. That win does secure our place in the play-offs, but my eyes remain fixed on the main prize.

The next fixture should be the easiest of the month, so I’m mentally bracing for the wheels to come all the way off, as we welcome Stenhousemuir (8th) to the Galabank.

A comfortable win sparked by an impossible headed goal by Mooney. He made a diagonal run to meet a straight long ball in the corner of the penalty box, twisting his neck as he connected with the header to generate incredible power and accuracy, pinging the ball into the corner. Equally important as the win is 2 points dropped by Cowdenbeath.

We’ve now won 7 matches in a row and so are well overdue a loss. Step forward Albion Rovers (6th) who I think have been a bit of a bogey team for us this year. No team has scored more against us in the league this year (6 goals) and our most recent meeting they spanked us 3 – 0. I am filled with a quiet dread as I pace the car park at the Galabank ahead of kick-off.

The players seemed to pick up on my crippling fear and put in a very subdued first half showing in which we managed one shot total. A good bit of shouting at half time perked them up and Red Hot Currie came to the rescue once again. Without a doubt he’s my player of the season. McRobb at centre back had a good game as well, very composed and unbeatable in the air. Regrettably the Cows scraped a win, so it’s still 1 point between us with 2 games to go. That win does set a record for Annan for most points in a season on 67 and presumably makes me a club legend whatever happens.

No. Not even a member of the “favoured personnel” club. It’s a cold, cold place.

The next fixture is likely to be the hardest of the month, away to Brechin. They are third in the league and barring an incredible goal swing can’t finish any lower. They can’t catch us in 2nd so 3rd is where they will finish. Therefore – nothing to play for Brechin, come on do us a favour and roll over. Nobody wants to see the Cows finish top.

The second goal was not embarrassing for Little, it was keeper Farrell who was as fault for blasting the ball into his groin from a distance of 2 yards to seal our fate in the most ridiculous style possible.

Lovely stuff.

The final game is a damp 0 – 0 draw with Stirling Albion, which blows our chance at setting the club record for most number of wins in a season and ensures morale is nicely deflated before the play-offs. Just perfect.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

Chapter 36 – Play-Offs Again, Sam

May ‘22

We’ve only 3 days between the Stirling game and our first leg of the play-offs against Brechin. Aware of the morale drop in the squad after going so close only to balls it up again I hold a team meeting to try and gee them up. I tell the players things have not been going our way, but not to let their heads drop. They’re all aghast at that and the meeting ends with the players filing out shaking their heads and muttering to each other. Nicely done Forhire. I fully expect to go out at the first hurdle once again. Will I never be free of this place?

Probably not, no. A cagey game settled by a cracking free kick from Aloulou. Morale is on the floor and some important players have gone off the boil at the worst possible time. It’s a tired and demoralised team that lines up for the second leg at the Galabank.

Come on! A much better performance and we are into the final! Winger Johnston picked up a knock and is touch and go for the next game – I could really do with him back. We’ll be up against League 1 side Dumbarton, who got past Stranraer in the other tie.

I’m surprised to learn the final is also a two-legged affair and we’ll be away for the first game. I set the team up slightly more defensive than usual and hope to make it through with minimal damage. I delay the offer of a new contract from Jones for the third time – win or lose I want to keep my options open.

And that will be that. They were just too good for us. 4 – 1 flatters them, but the quality throughout the team was too much. The fourth goal deep in stoppage time is a real killer. 3 – 1 would still have been a mountain to climb, but now it’s Ben Nevis. Come on, let’s get this over with.

Agonising. We go down 3 – 4 on aggregate after absolutely battering them in the second leg. Red Hot Currie had a glorious chance with 10 minutes to go, but headed over. I can’t be annoyed, he’s been our best player all season.

To cheer myself up I apply for half a dozen vacant jobs, with no hope of being offered an interview at any of them.

Red Hot Currie is rewarded for his fine season with the League 2 Player of the Year award. Well deserved. I tell the players in our end of season meeting that we can go up as champions next year and this time they believe me. I don’t mention that I have no intention of being here to take part.

I’ve delayed Jones as long as I can, he demands I either negotiate my contract, or forget it. I’m tempted to call his bluff, but I am after all in this for the money, so we sit down at the club bar and get to it.

Say what you will, the man is a stubborn negotiator and I bag an additional £0 per week on my 1 year contract extension. I do secure a reduction in the required compensation, which may be useful.

I hand out a few contract extensions now that I know we’re still in this accursed league next year and do a bit of scouting for free signings to replace disgruntled outgoers, but mostly I’m spending the month applying for jobs.

 

[MidKnightDreary]

This is brutal, man. Good luck.

 

[Sly Old Fox]

@MidKnightDreary It's a slow, gradual kind of brutality, like a chokehold. And thanks, the luck will definitely be required.

Chapter 37 – Hello Jamie Fullarton

June/July ‘22

A positive start to the off-season as Championship side Ayr invite me up for a job interview. It seems to go fairly well. Embarrassingly, Chairman Steven Adamson does not seem to realise Annan are a Scottish team as he asks about how I would adapt to managing in “this country”. I don’t point out his error. The only other sticky moment is an awkward question about my past problems winning over a dressing room. Does Manuel Vizcaino have the ear of every Chairman in Europe? Or is he stalking my every move, dripping poison in the ear of would-be employers. Manuel, you dog. See you pal, you’d best stay out of Annan.

In Annan news I secure the poshly named Tobias Hayles-Docherty on a free from League 1 Airdrie. He will provide competition on the wings for Alexandre and Johnston.

“Can’t cross, won’t cross” Duthie has been released by the club, along with Sean “Third Degree” Burns and Kyle Bradley. If I am to stay at Annan again, I aim to limit the summer signings this year and keep the squad fairly small. I will never McGregor again.

Nuts. Geographically challenged Steven Adamson thinks Jamie Fullarton is the man for them. Well good luck to yous.

It’s never really worked out for Rory “Mild” Currie at Annan and I decide to thank him for his efforts and release him into the wild. Into his place (that place being backup to Mooney/Currie) steps Shaun “Sally” McNally, just released by Hamilton Academical. He offers something a bit different to our other strikers and should be an exciting addition. Plus, his hairdo is…intriguing.

I am pleased to snag right back Mantelli on another season long loan, but the defence in general is looking quite threadbare. I sign a backup centre back that shouldn’t expect to start many games, and probably won’t. Welcome to Annan, Yusuf Hussain.

Remaining on my shopping list is either a left back or a centre back and possibly a left winger. And that is about it. I tick the left back off quickly as unambitious, headband-sporting youngster Martin Stewart joins on a season long loan as backup to Ojo. I just realised he’s only 5 foot 1. Ojo’s place is probably safe.

New signing Tobias Hayles-Docherty strains his calf during a friendly and will be out for up to 7 weeks. Which puts a bit of impetus under my previously laid-back approach to signing another winger.

We kick off the Betfred Cup away to Premiership team Motherwell and go down bravely to a 2 – 1 defeat. We gave them a good scare and could have easily nicked a point. New man Shaun ‘Sally’ McNally got a goal on his debut and looked dangerous throughout. Next up is Championship side Ayr United, managed by Jamie Fullarton.

You win this time Fullarton.

The schedule of the Betfred Cup is pretty punishing and it’s hard to put out a fit team each game with my new streamlined squad. Reminding myself these are essentially pre-season friendlies we prepare for another grudge match, at home to Dumbarton. Turns out that is where Rory Mild Currie washed up in the end, so he’s a dead cert to score against us.

No goals for Mild Currie and even a red card for Alexandre for one of his trademark wild two-footed lunges can’t stop us from getting the win. Eat it Dumbarton! We have one more dead-rubber game in the Cup against League 1 team Elgin City, but before that, the final signing of the season as John ‘Thomas’ Robertson joins on loan from St Johnstone.

We lose 2 – 1 to Edinburgh City, but it’s not been a bad pre-season. I’ve managed to restrict incoming players to 6 signings, with minimal disruption to the squad. The first 11 will be largely unchanged and we’ve not lost any important players. So, here we go again.

The odd fixture scheduling of League 2 means we play one league game in July, away to fellow play-off losers Stranraer. Chairman Jones has reminded me his expectation is we win the league this season. Cheers Jones. If we don’t this challenge is royally bodged anyway. Let’s kick off with a win.

That was an exceptionally poor game of football. I sigh to assistant manager Paul Watson, “I’ve got at least one more year of this”. He nods sombrely, but I don’t think he understands. Nobody does.

 

[MidKnightDreary]

Bradly "Pitt" Johnson?