Serie A: Genoa v. Bologna
View attachment 287644Wednesday, 23 September 2015
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In the build-up to the match, there had been much talk about my birthday. As you all may (or may not) recall, I forgot my birthday one year. Birthday this, birthday that ... **** this birthday bull****. So I'm not particularly happy talking about it. I'd had enough of wouldn't a victory be a great birthday present. There was certainly a chance that Genoa would overrun my back four. Ceccarelli, Boyata, Monteleone, Migliore isn't my first choice back four. There's also the possibility that my attacking trident wouldn't do ****. Or some more **** reffing.
So let me be clear: it's my birthday today. I'm 37 years old today. And I would really like a victory.
Here's the tactics changes that I hope bring us victory:
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"Let's give Enrico a birthday present," Captain for the day Federico Casarini said after I'd finished my team talk. Everyone cheered. Rather vociferously.
View attachment 287641There were a few birthday wishes signs in the away end. Rossoblus were given the upper deck in one end. Not many made the weeknight trip.
We certainly started out positively. Andrea Russotto broke down the right side and won a corner. Boyata got free but his thundering header was too high. Kakuta pressed the central defender on his side, won the ball and raced for the end line. Gaël whipped in a cross that Shawn Parker flicked goalward. Genoa keeper Mattia Perin managed to block it.
In quick succession, Parker and Russotto were both knocked down inside the box as they were controlling the ball. What the **** was it going to take to win a penalty with these refs in this league? Decapitation? Cannibalism? Heresy?
All this inside the first minute.
In the 5th minute, Simone Pasa fouled Andrea Bortolacci about 35 yards out. Jasmin Kurtic chipped the free kick into the box. Mauricio Pinilla out-jumped Monteleone and nodded the ball to Ante Rebic. Rebic slammed his shot from 10 meters past Dejan Stojanovic.
No, wait. Offside. We were lucky. I'm not sure anyone was offside.
Except for occasional bursts across the midfield line, Genoa kept us pinned back. They got two more shots on target in the first 20 minutes and one mad scramble from a corner that we eventually cleared.
In the 21st, we actually passed our way out of our end. In the Genoa half, Pasa chipped a ball out to the left flank for Kakuta. Gaël played Parker in but Perin got a fingertip to the shot. The ball lay there and Russotto was first to it. His sharp angle shot went in, but I could also see the linesman's offside flag raised. No goal.
In the 24th, Parker got called offside when he ran onto a Casarini pass. It was a close call.
In the 30th minute, Riccardo Improta curled in a cross. Monteleone leapt for it and cleared it easily. Referee Antonio Damato immediately pointed to the spot. The only possible thing was that when he leapt, he hit Pinilla's arm with his thigh as he leapt. Pinilla didn't even jump for the cross. So now marginal contact with a player when you clearly win the ball is a foul when it's Bologna defending?
"Toni, Toni, Toni," I said to the fourth official. "Seriously? Who did he foul? And what was the foul?"
"He ran over Pinilla," Fourth official Toni Sentovali said.
"He bumped his arm with his thigh at best," I replied. "As he was jumping and Pinilla was standing. This is an absolute mockery of the rules. This is a refereeing comedy. This is ..."
I felt a pair of large, strong hands grab me and drag me off. I decided to shut up. Vinti and Paradiso plopped me unceremoniously on the bench and stood there to make sure I wouldn't get up.
"Calm down, Enrico," Graziano said. "Don't get yourself kicked out."
Kurtic converted the penalty.
1-0
Genoa kept us pinned in our half after the restart.
In the 41st, Improta crossed in again. Monteleone clearly knocked over Pinilla getting to the cross. No call. Clearly this was a make-up call. This one was clearly a penalty.
"Seriously, Toni," I said. "How was that not a penalty? Monteleone ran Pinilla over."
"You're crazy, Enrico," Toni replied. "You just got away with one. You're not doing yourself any favors."
"I'm not asking for favors," I said. "I'm just asking you refs, and yes I'm referring to all Serie A ref crews, to just start calling the game by the roo..."
Three large, strong hands grabbed me while a fourth clamped down over my mouth. Vinti and Paradiso picked me up kicking and twisting and carried me back to the bench.
Genoa had two more gilt-edged chances that we just barely managed to keep out of our net. Then in the 43rd minute, Francesco Migliore made a fabulous tackle to strip the ball from Ze Eduardo. He got up and lasered a pass 40 meters upfield that Kakuta caught perfectly in stride as he ramped up to flat out sprinting down the left. The Genoa central defenders sprinted backwards heedless of Kakuta, Parker and Russotto. Their only hope was to get into the penalty box in time and rely on hope and luck. Russotto was busting a lung to make it to the back post, but Parker was only going at about three-quarters speed.
This was not exactly the attitude or work ethic I was expecting of my German-American striker.
As Kakuta approached the end line I saw what Parker was doing. He was arriving late. Gaël cut the pass back to him as he entered the box. The pass beat the nearest defender. Shawn controlled it perfectly and waited for the Francesco Acerbi to slide past. Once Acerbi slid past, Perin was in no man's land.
Shawn calmly slid a pass into the side netting kissing the far post.
1-1
Vinti and Paradiso were behind me on either shoulder as I walked off at half time.
"Wow, that was exciting!" I said to begin my halftime talk. "Listen, all of you guys are doing exactly what we've talked about. You're playing well, keep it up. So we're not getting any positive calls from the refs right now, so what. That penalty was completely and utterly bull****. You defenders are doing a great job out there. Genoa finished fourth last season. They are a tough team to play against. So hold you head's high after that great defensive performance."
"Now you midfielders, you have a thankless task today," I said. "You are merely auxiliary defenders today. Our gameplan bypasses the midfield. If and when you get the ball, get it out to our wingers quicker. Genoa are vulnerable to Gaël and Andrea racing down the flanks. Get the ball out to the flanks and I stick the knife in when you get a chance. Clear?"
We started the half by bringing the ball into the Genoa end. Diego Perotti chopped Vacca down in the box right in front of the ref. No call. The Rossoblu in the upper deck behind the goal went ape****. All one thousand of them.
There was simply no way we were going to get a call today.
In the 53rd, Genoa brought the ball up our right side. Their left midfielder Perotti lasers a 50 meter pass toward the far left corner of our penalty box. Migliore had injured Ze Eduardo a minute or two earlier so it was Iago Falque instead out on our left. The Brazilian's Spanish replacement first touch was perfect. Then he dodged a flying Migliore tackle and entered the box.
He shot for the far corner. Dejan got a hand to it and Ceccarelli put it behind for a corner.
"TIGHTEN UP! TIGHTEN UP!" I yelled. Don't give in now, boys. Not now. We've come too far.
Monteleone cleared the corner. Kakuta picked up the loose ball and zipped a pass up the right side for Russotto. Andrea played the simplest of balls toward the near post. Since Parker is way, way faster than Genoa's Acerbi, there was never any question about who would get there first. As Perin advanced, crouched low and ready to spring in reaction to the shot, Parker first-timed a hard, low shot into the far side netting.
1-2
Now they knew the secret. With Gasperini urging his troops forward in attack, we just lumped any clearance in the direction of our wingers. And it worked like magic.
In the 55th minute, Improta clattered into Vacca about 25 meters out. It was so blatantly obvious a call that even Damato had to call it. The wall lined up. Kakuta grabbed the ball. Damato sprayed the disappearing spray for Kakuta and then the wall.
Gaël blazed a shot over the wall that curled and dipped past the flailing Perin and into the net.
3-1
We nearly immediately won the ball back from the restart and Casarini fed a ball up and out to Kakuta. Gaël turned Antonini and raced up the left channel. Acerbi sprinted back in a desperate and hopeless attempt to cut Gaël off at the pass. The third central defender Di Maio was utterly lost and Parker had all day to line up his volley and blast it past a stranded Perin.
4-1
View attachment 287647HAT TRICK FOR PARKER!!!
To add insult to injury, Monteleone thumped home a loose ball after a corner.
5-1
In eight crazed minutes, we'd utterly destroyed the team that finished fourth last season. I could hardly believe it. I had hoped to steal two goals on the counter and hold them. I stood on the sideline watching my players in near disbelief.
Genoa fans started heading for the exits. Genoa players looked shell-shocked. Suddenly, we kept possession easily. The fight was out of them. They'd been utterly humiliated by a recently promoted team. Gasperini was going to give them an earful when this was over and training tomorrow was probably going to be brutal.
Regardless, happy motherfunkin' birthday to me!
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Made me make an account just to say how good it was! Keep it up!!