Atychiphobia

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The following day the papers did a right up on the league and they printed the bookies odds for each teams chance at the title.
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5000/1?? There's only 22 teams in the league how do we warrant such large odds!

I stick this to the dressing room door for all to see hoping that this will motivate the lads into coming good for me! that extra added fire in their bellies, that passion, that drive.

or that's what i hoped for anyway.
 
I receive news that one of the lads has taken a knock, my DM.

5 to 6 weeks out. Thats not a knock, thats a f*cking smash.

Im glad its happened, not for the lad obviously, gutted for him, but its made me realise we need cover in positions.

Enter. Gerry Harrision.
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My agent gave me his name with the rest for backroom staff but when i spoke to him he said he'd happily be a ringer when needed as well. This was ideal. Two birds one stone.

So i have a lad playing for my team almost twice as old as i am as well as being a coach to the under 18's. He couldnt be happier. Where s Henry was ******** with his multiple tasks... where is he anyway??
 
Ok now i'm really concerned for Henry, we had a friendly last night as he hasn't been in touch.

I try phoning him.

"Oh... Hi Uri" an unusually dejected sounding Henry picked up after 4 rings.

I ask whats up and he explains.

"We lost last night, unjust too!" he exclaims.
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I let him air his grievances before we discuss the main issues. The fact we were down to 10 men after 5 mins was a heavy talking point.
 
I arrived to the club following our defeat to be asked by our groundsmen for the layout.

I couldn't see any other option but to go with a narrow pitch. force teams to adhere to our style.

With only 2 more friendlies to go before the season started i needed to press on with signing some squad players. Times getting tight and im feeling the squeeze.

Low stress he said. Low stress.
 
In the build up to our penultimate friendly i managed to get myself a keeper.

Im not confident in the lad to say the least, but hes doing us a favour, low contract value and who knows, he could be a world beater........

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Somewhat satisfied with how the squad is coming along i trot off to meet the scout to see if we cant find a few more players.

My phone rings. Its Justin. My heart sinks, its never been good news when talking with the chairman.

"Uri, whats going on?" he sounds a bit miffed.

I shake my head not really knowing what hes on about

"Youre already well over the wage structure set out at the beginning of the season and theres request coming through for finalisations of contracts."

b*ll*cks. This conversation isnt going well at all, i request extra funds but as always it falls on deaf ears.

"No more signings! otherwise its your head!" he hangs up.

Well... looks like I've got a free afternoon now.
 
The final two friendlies go by without much to be happy about, 2 losses. Henry has lost his touch.

"Sorry Uri, we just werent at the races..." his line for 'We were sh*t'
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The week of our first league game arrives. Bricking it is not the term.

Low stress he said. This couldnt be more stressful.

oh well training isnt going to be fun for these slackers this week...
 
Well.... first game in charge... didnt go quite to plan.

Mainly because we won!
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Defying belief, the lads up'd their games and one outstanding performance from young winger Ben Owen. He bagged a freekick early on and whistled one in from 30 yards in the second half that was awarded as an O.G. i feel sorry for the kid as i personally didnt see the deflection.

We didnt have much possession, or shots, or anything but Vauxhall had no good chances. I was quite impressed at our ability to break up play.

The penalty decision for them was an odd one. On another day id maybe launch a complaint about the decision, but we won! so sod it!

The pubs getting turned on its head tonight!!
 
Great writing style mate, I'll definitely follow

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So i get up Sunday, my heads pounding and Im in the papers, apparently I'm 'satisfied with surprise victory' I don't remember this, i had THAT good a night.

I manage to check my phone i have an couple texts and a voicemail from Henry and an e-mail from our admin team.

I open the e-mail, 15.

15..... the number of season tickets sold.

Fantastic... should free up some money for January...

FFS. how do i win the locals over? Win and win lots i guess.

Those 15, I'm dedicating our first home game of the season, against Guiseley, to you! Infact if we win... my local for the celebrations, they do a good pint.
 
No celebrations tonight, i let down the bumper opening crowd of the season, but looking at it, throwing this game has saved me a bit of brass as paying for a round with 45 others would be a pricey one.
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We went 1 down within 30 seconds

chasing the game is always risky, our midfield let us down with some sloppy passes. Constantly gifting Guiseley the ball for them to counter.

Their second came from such a mistake in the seoncd half.

4 days time we play Staylbridge. 3 games in the opening week... im nakered, never mind the boys on the pitch.

I phone Henry and ask him to let the last rest till the next match. We need them to have their legs for the next match.

"Sure thing Uri... you realise that mean youre pretty much giving me the day off as well?" he enquires

I snigger, shake my head before he follows up with;

"Do i still get paid?"..... Nice to know his hearts in it for the love of the club.... kn*b.
 
2nd home game of the season andour second defeat.

I dont feel we should have suffered so heavily. Everything they hit on target went in, where as my lads just couldn't find the target and when he did... well he scored the hardest chance that he shouldn't have taken, men in the boxfor us and he hits an audacious 25 yarder. If it missed, he was getting dropped... but he hit the right side of the upright to save his blushes, just now ours.
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Im giving it one more home game before resorting to a consultation with Henry to sort out the poor form. Im hoping its just bit of intimidation on the players parts after playing in what is a glorified crematorium.

God i hope we win at home next time out, going to see Henry about tactics will be the biggest slice of humble pie going... that laugh... the last thing i want to hear.

Gonna have to have a very thoughtful few training sessions to try iron these issues out... but until then... Hinkley in 2 sleeps time... WERE NOT IN EUROPE! yet... why such fixture congestion in the opening 2 weeks of the season?

Low stress he said. Low stress
 
Good writing and some good results.


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Another game and again everyone is nakered. They tried really hard again, unfortunate to have a penalty given against just as we were thinking about the half time oranges, the refs in this league seem to award penalties for sneezes. Some are horrendously soft.

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I brush over it in the post match press conference instead electing to talk about how well my defence did despite the loss. Now fearing with such a young squad that once their heads are down, they will stay down. How do i prevent this?

I barely have time for thought before my lovely assistant Henry comes to me.

"Uri, 3 losses on the spin" he says almost smugly.

I shake my head and look to the floor as he states the obvious. It pains me, but i ask for his opinion.

Taking full advantage of the situation he laughs right in face. I swear before we are both done here i'm gonna have the last laugh.

"Well... " he suddenly turns serious "stop pressing the opposition as intensely, hopefully we will not give away as many penalties and allow the lads to use the width a bit more."

What the ****, why not take on board what he says? BECAUSE IM THE BOSS. i tell him ill consider it, completely undermining him, the frustration on his face is indescribable.

He has given me some food for thought though. Lets see what this weeks training brings..
 
We manage to get a good 5 day break before our game against Telford. This was my make or break match. Was it the fact the lads didnt have a rest between matches or are the tactics duff.

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Was it ever in any doubt? of course i was right and Henry had got it wrong, again. Wait until i see him! I need to think of something witty to say later or maybe generate something to annoy him, on the same level as his laugh

We absolutely dominated and i was close to being angry with the lads after the match for not making more of our chances. I couldn't be angry with them though. They over came the early goal for Telford and went from strength to strength. The youngsters are really impressing me. Ben Owen, the young winger has been a revelation claiming 2 assists in this match as well as both goals (i'm giving him the O.G.) in our other win this season!

Im hoping this match will now Gee the lads on and see us push on in September.
 
Reflecting on the first competitive month in charge.

August '13

2 wins, 3 losses.

I am over the Moon (get it?) with the start. Considering the struggle im having with the chairman and the power stuggle Henry has enforced upon me with himself (petty pr*ck).

Some superb performances but i have to pick out Ben Owen for my personal player of the month.
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The league picked 3 Staylbridge players for their 1st 2nd and 3rd placed player of the month (fix) and the manger of the month went to Harrogate with Staylbridges Kevin Briggs picking up second... how much money do those lads have? Bribing b*st*rds.

In the league we are 2 points clear of the relegation zone with a poor goal difference. Ill happily end the season now. That ok with everyone else?
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Hoping for a relatively quiet September from a personal point view. No brass to spend, no birthdays to celebrate, just got the Saturday celebrations at the pub to look forward to so i need to make sure we get some victories!!
 
I wake up in a haze on Sunday the 1st of September. I have 3 missed calls from Justin and i cant say I'm gutted to have missed the chance to talk to him.

I scroll through my contacts before getting to his number I press dial and await him picking up.

"Ahhhh Mr. Moon" Justin starts "Decent little start you've got yourself. Not exactly setting the world alight though."

Condescending b*ll*nd, i humour him and laugh at his jokes before he hits me with bit of sour send off.

"Listen, the books dont seem to be balancing very well.... we're going to have to look at making some money off some of the players come January unless things tke a turn for the better"

Again before i can respond hes hung up.

Never good news with him.

Low stress he said. Low stress
 
Good that you're top if the relegation zone, and some nice results.


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