Playing fitbae the Glesca Celtic way ;p

I can vouch for him :P His stats might not show it, but he is a good goalie :P For example;

I played Liverpool in the Champions League with Boruc; lost 4-0. Liverpool with Cervi; only lost 1-0. Cervi has had a consistent average of above 7.2 for me :P
 
November update

Fixtures
Celtic 2-0 FC RB Salzburg (Lukaku, Fortuné)
Falkirk 2-2 Celtic (Verratti, Verratti)
Dundee United 1-0 Celtic
Inter 2-1 Celtic (Kryvtsov)
Celtic 3-1 St. Mirren (Kadlec, Femenia, Brown)

The Salzburg game was alright, we didn't play too well, but the defence was solid. The Falkirk score was a right kick in the teeth; 2-0 up with 10 minutes to go. They nab a point with three seconds to go. Against Dundee we were dire, no excuses. Once again got demolished by Inter in the first 25 minutes, then got a consolation goal with 5 minutes to go. Maloney got sent off after 7 minutes of play against St. Mirren. St. Mirren then went 0-1 up, but a ten man fightback, with Kadlec and Femenia getting their first goals, won it back!

Competitions
Being three points behind Rangers, and them having a game in hand, is not good. Hopefully I'll beat them in the next Old Firm. Hearts are doing well, only a point behind me. Motherwell actually have a chance of going second, and Hibs can go second if they win and get a good score. Still in the league cup, courtesy of Scott Brown.

Doing alright in Europe, still in the running! Need to beat Sevilla at home and I'm through, unless Salzburg beat Inter by more than 5 goals!

Injuries
Daniel Aquino (broken wrist) is out for 5-6 weeks.

Miscellaneous
Danny Fox has, according to inside sources, come to an agreement with the manager, and apparently a rocking-horse head found in Danny Fox's bed on morning was a vital part of the understanding. Charles Webb was unavailable for comment, as he was apparently at the Piazza Italia settling a bill.

Verratti came third in the Young Player of the Month award for November, and also, strangely so, was the second best Player of the Month in November!

U21 Internationals: Kadlec scored against Northern Ireland, and Kurakins scored twice against Armenia to win the game 2-1 for Lativa. He also scored Latvia's only goal in a 4-1 defeat to Israel. Vallers, Lukaku, Caddis and Kryvtsov were also in action.

Internationals: Milan Misun made his debut during the Czech Republic's 0-0 draw with Argentina. Fortuné, Caldwell, Fox, Brown, Maloney, Boruc, McCourt and Zheng Zhi were also in action.

St. Mirren have been linked with a possible take-over, after a consortium of businessmen have taken interest in the club. Mr. Webb was unavailable for comment as he was lying on the floor, suffering from heavy fits of laughter.

Romelu Lukaku became the youngest Champions League goalscorer, at 16 years and 175 days. He is now the youngest SPL goalscorer, the youngest Champions League player and scorer!


League Table and Champions League Table




 
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December Update

Fixtures
Celtic 3-0 Aberdeen (McGeady, Verratti, Brown)
Celtic 2-0 Sevilla (Fortuné, Maloney)
Motherwell 4-3 Celtic (Samaras, Samaras, Fortuné)
Hearts 0-2 Celtic (Caldwell (pen), Samaras)
Celtic 3-0 Hamilton (Samaras, Maloney, Femenia)
Celtic 3-0 Kilmarnock (Kadlec, Verratti, Verratti)​

Did well in every single game; only conceded against Motherwell... When it rains, it pours. Solid defending has been the hallmark of December; terrific goalkeeping and Caldwell and Otamendi, my defenders of choice, work well together. Verratti and Samaras have been on fire, though had Maloney played all the games it might've been even better. The idiot got sent off again against St. Mirren in November and got a two match ban.​

Competitions
Second place isn't too bad, but Motherwell's too close and Rangers too far ahead. First game in January is against Rangers at Park Head. Hopefully we'll be able to close in on them.​


Players



27999_news.jpg



Player of the Month - Samaras. He's scored plenty after Lukaku got injured.​





Young Player of the Month - Verratti. McGeady picked up a knock earlier, though only out for 6 days, thus allowing Verratti into the first team.​

Injuries
Daniel Aquino's out for up to a week, whilst McGeady may miss the game against Rangers.​

Miscellaneous & News
Charles Webb is thought to be bringing in a big name, as he was quoted, when drunk, that he'd spent 10 million pounds on someone. This is in addition to several other players coming in. Several people are wondering where the money's coming from. When asked Charles Webb said it was from the Adelard Cunin Foundation, an Irish-American business group (Check wikipedia for Adelard Cunin!).​

St. Mirren are currently being taken over by a consortium of businessmen. Will the club be given enough money to bring in some needed players?​

Charles Webb won the Manager of the Month award, Richard Towell came third in Young Player of the Month in the Scottish Second Division, Samaras was voted Second Best Player of the Month and Misun third best Young Player of the Month.​

Zacharie Boucher was allowed a leave to go back to France. When asked to comment Mr. Webb replied "apparently Tennents wasn't good enough for the boy, so he was allowed to go on an extended leave to Bordeaux."​

Charles Webb was asked whether Scottish football was on the rise, as Scotland now has as many teams in the Champions League as England. To this he replied that "it's always a bonus for the [Scottish] sport as a whole that we've got two teams through. Rangers have got a tough game ahead; inter should knock them out, whereas we actually can win against Porto to take us through to the next round."​


League Table and Champions League Draw




January Update


Transfers
In
Adem Ljajic £4M (Partizan)
Ki Sung-Yong £1.7M (Seoul)
Simone Dell'Agnello £1.8M (Inter)
Colin Porteous £250K (Airdrie United)
Gareth Bale £10M (Tottenham Hotspur)











In (July)
Mikel San Jose Free (Liverpool)
Gaël Kakuta Free (Chelsea)
Ignacio Camacho Free (Atletico Madrid)
Pietro Iemmello Free (Fiorentina)
Dodô £1.1M (Corinthians)

Out
Ben Hutchinson £450K (Blackpool)
Danny Fox £2M (Blackburn)
Zheng Zhi £1.5M (Standard)

Out (July)
Mark Brown Free (Swansea)
Cillian Sheridan Free(Nottingham Forest)
Charlie Grant Free (Morton)
Paul McGowan Free (Morton)

A few youngsters went out on loan, and Darren O'Dea returned from Reading. Very happy with my free transfers, didn't have much money left but got lots of good youngsters on my shortlists, so got updates the second they had 6 months left!

Fixtures (League Cup in green, Scottish Cup in cyan)
Celtic 1-0 Rangers (Kadlec)
Wick Academy 0-5 Celtic (Kadlec, Kadlec, Kadlec, Ljajic, Dell'Agnello)
Celtic 4-1 Falkirk (Brown, Brown, Fortuné, Fortuné)
St. Johnstone 0-2 Celtic (Fortuné, Irvine OG)
Aberdeen 4-1 Celtic (Samaras) (e) - WTF. This was a bug; game ended 3-2 to Aberdeen after extra time and Crosas and Caldwell got red carded.
Hamilton 1-3 Celtic (Maloney, McGeady, Fortuné)

Competitions
Closed the gap between us and Rangers to three points, which is doable. Losing out to Aberdeen in the semis in the League Cup was bad, only consolation is that Rangers lost 1-2 at Ibrox to Hearts.

Players
ShaunMaloney_01.jpg


Shaun Maloney gets my Player of the Month award. He's been good alround, assists and goals.

kadlec.jpg

Kadlec has finally started finding the net; winning goal against Rangers and hat-trick against Wick Academy!

Miscellaneous
Kuijanis Vallers was the second best Young Player of the Month in the Scottish Second Divison, whereas the top three for Player of the Month in the SPL went to Fortuné, McGeady and Maloney, respectively. Paul Caddis was the third best Young Player of the Month in the SPL, and yours truly got the Manager of the Month award.

Boucher has returned from France much less homesick and ready to have another go at adapting to the Scottish life style of tattie scones, black pudding, beans, toast, square sausages, bacon, rolls, eggs and tea for breakfast!

Charles Webb unveiled his newest players at a press conference in January. Seated next to him was Colin Porteus, Ki Sung-Yong, Adem Ljajic, Simone Dell'Agnello and, of course, Gareth Bale. When asked how he'd convinced the young Welshman to come to Celtic the answer was clear; "We told him Scotland has finer sheep than London, though we didn't tell him the Aberdonians invented the trick of wearing wellies while going about your business so you can put the sheep's hind legs in them, preventing it from running away. It was tricky convincing him to come here as Cardiff and Aberdeen were after him aswell."

 
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No problem mate will keep an eye out for your next one. Well hope its some fine ***.
 
February Update

Fixtures
Celtic 1-0 Hibernian (Kryvtsov)
Celtic 4-1 Dundee (Fortuné, Ljajic, Lukaku, McCourt)
Aberdeen 1-3 Celtic (Lukaku, Verratti, Aquino)
Celtic 3-2 Dundee United (Fortuné, Lukaku, Verratti)
Celtic 1-2 Porto (Fortuné)
Rangers 2-1 Celtic (Caldwell)

This month hasn't been as good as January. Starting with a narrow win against Hibs, it continued with my youngsters demolishing Dundee in the cup. Aberdeen, who knocked me out of the League Cup last month, got beaten soundly by a strong Celtic side. Went 3-0 up at half-time to Dundee United at home, but Dundee United fought back and almost salvaged a point.

The two most important games saved till last ended badly. Porto, like inter did, score their first games against us in the first 25 minutes, we pull one back but we never get going, even if they had a player sent off. Against Rangers we draw first blood, a 90 second strike by Caldwell, but they equalise 90 seconds after and then score the winner in the last 20 minutes. Both these games had major defensive problems, as O'Dea and Otamendi's out and Caldwell's been pish, leaving an inexperienced Kryvtsov to deal with Hulk, with disastrous results.



Competitions
We're still trailing Rangers, but closing the gap slowly but surely. Losing to Rangers was bad though. Losing at home to Porto due to rubbish defending in the first 25 minutes has also left a bitter aftertaste, even though Rangers lost 2-5 to inter at home!

Players

Player of the Month
Fortuné's been finding the net all month.

Young Player of the Month
Verratti scoops it yet again, scoring and assisting plentiful. Aquino was close, but couldn't quite keep it up.

Maloney and Caddis have failed to impress, Caddis losing me two important games with his awful interceptions (or lack thereof). Maloney has just not been delivering the goods.

Injuries
Nicolás Otamendi (2-4 weeks)
Aiden McGeady (back in February)
Darren O'Dea (11-13 days)
Gareth Bale (8-10 days)

As you can see most of my best players are out. This severely affected my last two games as all of them were out then.

Miscellaneous & News
There are unconfirmed reports of Charles Webb being found absolutely paralytic on Sauchiehall Street. Celtic management fiercely deny the allegations. Charles Webb was unavailable for comment, nursing a "dinosaur-exterminating hangover."

When asked whether he though the red card in the Porto game was the correct decision, Mr. Webb replied "if you did that on the street you'd be in jail for aggravated assault. Dropkicking someone, especially a youngster like Lukaku, is dangerous and in my honest opinion should be extended to a two-match ban and a short-term prison sentence."

When questioned on the Rangers winning goal, Mr. Webb replied "Miller was conceived, born and bred offside." The FA has warned Mr. Webb that he is wrong on all accounts.

League Table

 
lmao your stories are hilarious, i am trying to do this with rangers, second season, not far in, 7 league games and 7 wins, celtic next, got arsenal lokomotiv and Lille LOSC in Champs league so will see how i do XD
 
Good luck mate, doing well so far ;) Just letting you know I've finished my first season and hence done the appropriate updates :) Want to know how well I did? Well you'll just have to follow the link to find out, won't you? :P :D



http://www.fm-base.co.uk/forum/f81/playing-football-the-glasgow-celtic-way-t26201/page2.html#post286053
 
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lmao your stories are hilarious, i am trying to do this with rangers, second season, not far in, 7 league games and 7 wins, celtic next, got arsenal lokomotiv and Lille LOSC in Champs league so will see how i do XD

Good luck! Got a link?=)

Good luck mate, doing well so far ;) Just letting you know I've finished my first season and hence done the appropriate updates :) Want to know how well I did? Well you'll just have to follow the link to find out, won't you? :P :D



http://www.fm-base.co.uk/forum/f81/playing-football-the-glasgow-celtic-way-t26201/page2.html#post286053

i follow, just not caught your last updates for some reason=(

---------- Post added at 01:48 AM ---------- Previous post was yesterday at 11:40 PM ----------

March Update
(it has all gone horribly, horribly wrong...)

Fixtures (Scottish Cup in teal, Champions League in red)
Falkirk 2-4 Celtic (Fortuné, McCourt, Kryvtsov, McGeady)
Celtic 0-0 Rangers
Rangers 3-1 Celtic (Dell'Agnello)

Porto 1-1 Celtic (Dell'Agnello)
St. Mirren Celtic 3-3 (Dell'Agnello, Tolmie, Ljajic) (Crosas Sent Off)
Celtic 5-0 Kilmarnock (Dell'Agnello, McGeady, Bale, Kadlec, Kadlec)
Celtic 5-0 Hearts (McGeady, Aquino, Elliot O.G., N'Guemo, Kadlec)

We were 2-1 down to Falkirk at half-time, but a massive fightback won us the game! Absolutely thrilled! At Park Head we had all the possession, Rangers hardly had a shot on goal, but Caldwell got injured, forcing me to use an lightly injured O'Dea for the next game was terrible results. Dell'Agnello pulled one back to make it 1-1 at half-time, which would've taken us through, but then we collapsed in the second half. We took the lead against Porto, knowing we had to score two.

There was apparently an international game when we played St. Mirren, limiting me to a ridiculously bad array of players. Too make matters worse, N'Guemo was subbed after 8 minutes for getting 8 minutes, thinking I was playing it safe. No such luck; Crosas managed another red card as we were looking for the winning goal after coming no less than three times from behind to equalise. To boost the ref was a St. Mirren supporter. Oh joy.

Against Killie we did remarkably well; bouncing back from our previous run we destroyed them. Kadlec finally woke up at the end and scored! Bale also scored his first goal for the Celts! Went just as well against Hearts, so our hope of winning the SPL lives on as Rangers drew a game!

Competitions
Out of everything but the SPL, where the trophy's shine is growing dimmer in the distance.

Players



Best Player (and Young) of the Month
Easily Dell'Agnello; he played 5 games and scored 4 goals! Also scoring his first league goal!​
Injuries
Injuries played a massive role this month; against Falkirk and Rangers we had Caldwell and Kryvtsov, with Caldwell being injured for the second game, meaning a still lightly injured O'Dea had to play, and then O'Dea got injured against Porto. Even though Kryvtsov's been outstanding, O'Dea and Caldwell were awful.

Miscellaneous & News

U21 Internationals - Sheridan scored for the Republic against Azerbaijan, with the game finishing 1-1. Kurakins notched an assist against Scotland and Paul Caddis, with Vallers playing for Latvia as well. Lukaku, Kadlec and Kryvtsov were also in action elsewhere.

Internationals - In action were Caldwell, Brown, Boruc, Fortuné, Bale, McCourt, Sung-Yong and McGeady, who scored.

During an interview injuries were mentioned. When asked whether they had an effect Mr. Webb replied "last month our defence was as watertight as a mermaid's bra. This month it's as tight as Kerry Katona's body."

After the St. Mirren game Mr. Webb slated the referee. When asked about Crosas' sending off, the reply was "the ref should've switched his shirt for a St. Mirren strip. Those Swedes who bought St. Mirren have also apparently bought at least one ref. So no, Crosas won't be punished.

This month's Player of the Month went to Aiden McGeady, Gareth Bale and Vaclav Kadlec. Young Player of the Month went to Kryvtsov, Bale and Vaclav Kadlec, respectively. The gaffer himself won the Manager of the Month award.

Celtic have signed 4 more scouts; Andrea Pastorella, José Cobos, Antonio Comi and Txema Noriega. There is now speculation the other scouts may not have their contracts renewed.

League Table


 
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Playing fitbae the Glesca Celtic way is the only we mate great story hailhail
 
April Update

Fixtures
Hibernian 1-2 Celtic (Dell'Agnello, Kadlec)
Celt
ic 3-0 St. Johnstone (Dell'Agnello, Dell'Agnello, Maloney)
Celtic 3-0 Motherwell (McGeady, Aquino, Lukaku)
Celtic 0-0 Rangers
Celt
ic 1-1 Falkirk (Aquino) (Bale sent off)

Edgy game against Hibs away which we won in the end. Solid wins at home to St. Johnstone and Motherwell before a dominant, but boring match against Rangers. We just couldn't break down their 9 man defence. Scrappy match against Falkirk; team got cocky and it cost us in the 87th minute after Bale conceded a penalty for a tackle on Arfield.

Reserve Fixtures
Inverness CT 0-5 Celtic (Dell'Agnello, Dell'Agnello, Dell'Agnello, Femenia, Sheridan)
Celt
ic 1-1 Rangers (Sheridan)
Dundee United 0-2 Celtic (O'Dea, Samaras)
Celt
ic 5-3 St. Johnstone (O'Dea, Fortuné, Sheridan, Carey, Lukaku)
Aberdeen 2-3 Celtic (Lukaku, Spence, Conroy)

Recently taken control of my reserve f
ixtures and some of these are from March.

Competitions
We're going to have to win everything that's left and hope Rangers concede a defeat.

Players
kadlec.jpg


Player of the Month, in addition to Young Player of the Month
Given for scoring goals and lots of ***ists.
Injuries
Crosas out for the remainder of the season.

M
iscellaneous & News
The pressure is now on Charles Webb to win something, and after the Rangers and Falkirk draws it's looking increasingly difficult!

Gareth Bale has been g
iven a sheep as a present by the Celtic board, to make him feel more at home and hopefully make the settling in easier.

Mr. Webb was equally vocal after the Falkirk game, but this time against the officials. "That was never a penalty, even the Martians could see that that wasn't a penalty!" Mr. Webb then proclaimed he wanted to see any major money transactions the ref may have had. The referee was spotted driving away in a brand-new jaguar after the game. When Mr. Webb later learned this he apparently phoned Verratti, for reasons unknown. For his outburst he received a warning from the Celtic board. In a spirited reply he told them "tae gae **** themsels."

D
iego Maradona, the Argentina manager, was spotted at Celtic Park. He was thought to be taking a look at Nicolás Otamendi for the next Argentina squad. He is not thought to be very impressed after Otamendi reached his disciplinary max for arguing with the ref and Celtic conceded their first league goal at home since February.

Vaclav Kadlec won the Young Player of the Month award for Apr
il.

An anonymous former Celt
ic player accused Kiko Femenia of not being mature enough to warrant a first team place.

Rangers have s
igned 61 year old Dick Voorn as their new ***istant manager. Mr. Webb jokingly told a journalist that "it only confirms Rangers' reputation as a Dutch retirement scheme."

League Table




 
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I laughed at the Gareth Bale comment tbh :L. 3 points behind rangers, lets hope they slip up :)
 
Last few games (One post each!)

Motherwell 1-3 Celtic (Dell'Agnello, Brown, Kadlec)

Top game as
ide from Boruc's 93 minute fumble! Dell'Agnello's goal was a beaty; diving header! Brown simply cut in from the right to make it 0-2!Kadlec's goal was terrific; he made enough room in the defence for a battleship to comfortable pass through!

M
iscellaneous & News
After Boruc's fumble aga
inst Motherwell it is thought he had tried softening his gloves with vaseline, as they'd become quite hard recently. This caused even limp ones to go straight through.

But more
importantly...

Rangers slipped up at Ibrox! Dundee United won 2-3, taking Celtic ahead on goal difference with 2 games to go!!!



Dundee United 2-3 Celtic (Caldwell, Fortuné, Fortuné)

Caldwell and Fortuné returned to the starting line-up and proved their worth! An extremely nervy game, where Celtic scored, Dundee United equalised, Celtic took the lead again, Bale scored an own goal to bring Dundee United equal, but then Fortuné scored the winning goal. He also ended a 478 minute drought which had booted him out of the first team in the first place. All in the first half.

The second half was a nervy business, where both teams had their chances but didn't take them

Miscellaneous & News

Rangers closed the goal difference to two goals Celtic's favour with a 7-1 (!) win over Falkirk.

Celtic are now 2 goals ahead of Rangers with 1 game to go! Rangers play Motherwell away and Celtic play Hearts at home!


 
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Celtic 2-0 Hearts (Maloney, Fortuné)

Celtic adapted their tactics to Hearts' midfield, which easily covered an aircraft carrier, playing narrower, slower and with a higher defence. This caused no end of distress to Hearts, as they were nowhere near an equaliser, though Celtic didn't really get that many chances they took the ones they got.


Rangers won 1-2 over Motherwell, but the Celts won 2-0, meaning Celtic have won the league on goal difference!

League Table


Season Summary
SPL Winners - Celtic
Scottish Cup Winners - Rangers
League Cup Winners - Aberdeen
Players of the Year - Shaun Maloney
Manager of the Year - Charles Webb



Miscellaneous & News
Celtic are reportedly looking for a new assistant manager, as Mark Venus and Charles Webb have had a fall-out over a rugby game between England and Scotland. The argument apparently ended with Mr. Webb lifting up his kilt and showing Mark Venus his backside. Whisky, specifically 15 year old Bowmore, was thought to be involved.

U19 Internationals: Kiko Femenia was in action against the Republic of Ireland and Croatia, Lukaku scored twice against Malta and Kadlec scored against Kuwait. Kryvtsov helped the Ukraine keep a clean sheet against China.

Mr. Webb was on winning the SPL with a team whose average age was 22 asked whether he thought he could retain the trophy in an even more impressive fashion. Mr. Webb replied that these lads could do much more than win the SPL.

Park Head is to expanded with 14645 seats.

O'Dea and Ki Sung-Yong have been called up for the Republic of ireland and South Korea, respectively.

There are rumours Mr. Webb has applied for Mexico's vacant managerial post.

---------- Post added at 07:13 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:13 PM ----------

Good luck with that last game mate.

Cheers, was biting my nails when i saw Rangers scored after 3 minutes!
 
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Lol, excellent thread. Fantastic work and congratulations on winning the league albeit with a nailbiting finish. Didn't do so bad in the Champs Lge as well.
 
Lol, excellent thread. Fantastic work and congratulations on winning the league albeit with a nailbiting finish. Didn't do so bad in the Champs Lge as well.

Thanks! Was quite pleased with the Champions League effort, though was hoping to knock Porto out and then get knocked out by inter. Dream would've of course been for Rangers to beat inter and then Celtic face Rangers in the CL. Would've been legend!


Summer Update

Fixtures (Friendlies in blue)
Rochdale 0-7 Celt
ic (McGeady, Fortuné, Fortuné, Dell'Agnello, Dell'Agnello, Kadlec, Lukaku)
A. S. Nancy St. Lorra
ine 5-2 Celtic (McGeady, Ljajic)
Celtic 2-2 Porto (Dell'Agnello, Bale)
Celtic 0-0 Arsenal
Sampdoria 2-3 Celtic (Dell'Agnello, Dell'Agnello, Kryvtsov)
Celtic 1-2 Liverpool (Maloney)


Against Rochdale we did well in the first half, scoring 5. Opposite against Nancy; conceded three immediately and then drew the second half. It was a very poor performance. We were 2-0 up against Porto and simply collapsed. We're going to have to do better if we're to do well in the Champions League.

A bit of sketchy game against Arsenal followed, with us having a few chances, but Arsenal dominating. Great play by Boruc, Kryvtsov and O'Dea!


Intake Of New Players
Three new prom
ising players at Park Head are Andy Hyslop, Allan McDermott and Marc Gilmartin. Marc Crosas has taken Andy Hyslop us his wing, and Boruc is teaching Allan McDermott the finer points of Polish vodka.








Transfers
In
Dodô £1.1M (Corinthians)
Landry N'Guemo £1.7M (Nancy)
Mikel San Jose Free (Liverpool)
Gaël Kakuta Free (Chelsea)
Ignacio Camacho Free (Atletico Madrid)
Pietro Iemmello Free (Fiorentina)
Joel Chukwuma Obi Free (Free transfer)

Out
Pat McCourt £1.9M (Burnley)
Lukasz Zaluska £1.7M (Athletico Madrid)
M
ilan Misun £3.7M (Inter)
Mark Brown Free (Swansea)
Cillian Sheridan Free (Nottingham Forest)
Charlie Grant Free (Morton)
Paul McGowan Free (Morton)
+ most reserves out on Bosmans.

News & Miscellaneous
Celt
ic have announced that the youth and training facilities will be upgraded on Mr. Webb's request. They have also taken in a myriad of new coaches; Andrea Celi, Ögun Temizkanoglu, Antonio Galano, David Guerra, Roberto De Bellis, Yacine Traore, Pedro Alba and Paolo Baffoni.

Mr. Webb
is also rumoured to have shown interest in Brazil's vacant managerial post, but was turned down.

Fans have shown the
ir delight in the signing of Obi, Kakuta and Dodô. Rangers are apparently "doomed as the dodo by Dodô" according to a fan.

Celt
ic rose from the 33rd richest club to the 29th richest club, with Rangers at 36th.

Celt
ic have appointed a new ***istant manager; Italo Galbiati. He left his current job as Cappello's ***istant, who recently got to the semifinale in the World Cup after beating Italy. Mr. Galbiati has previously been the ***istant manager of Real Madrid.

Mr. Webb and Mr. Boucher launched a verbal assault against English clubs after half of them were stood watching Zacharie Boucher during training. Mr. Webb told them that the Auld Alliance didn't like English football and pigdogs. He also said "I fart in your general direction, your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!" When asked by a scout if he could come in in exchange for a cup of bovril, Mr. Boucher replied "Well, I'll ask him, but I don't he'll be very keen, he's already got one you see!" before telling Mr. Galbiati "I told him we already got one!" and sniggered. He also laughed at "Arthur King." The scouts later asked if they could come in, but were told by Mr. Boucher that he blew his nose at them, to boil their bottoms and ended it by saying "I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food-trough wiper." When loud mooing was heard amidst "fetche la vache" the scouts panicked and ran, as something latent in their genes told them they should get the **** out of there. The scouts represented Tottenham, Chelsea and Manchester United.

Celt
ic have dropped Albion Rovers as a feeder club after they no longer could send youngsters there. A new link was announced with the Scottish First Division team Stirling Albion.

Message to the Fans
To all
in the Celtic family

We have an extremely exc
iting season in front of us; great youngsters for the future have been signed and i'm immensely proud you think so well of the signings. These will play for our reserve team and will hopefully be able to replace any players that want to leave later. Some of the fans have voiced their concern over the lack of reserve players, but this will be amended later.

Our ma
in goal is still to win the SPL and get through the group stages of the Champions League. Our young team gained valuable experience last year and should do fantastically well this year. Last year was a bit of a bumpy ride, as the team was gelling, most didn't speak English and very few of the new signings were accustomed to playing football the way we do here.

And the last game aga
inst Hearts... Don't worry, had it all under control. Just wanted to make things exciting.

Charles Webb
 
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