The Alfa Romeo Metaphor

Thursday, 16 October 2014

"Hey Mark, how's it going?" I said after training as the players were making their ways off the New Malden fields and into the showers.

"Good," Mark Tomlinson said.

"So how's it feel to be suspended for the first time in your career?"

"Heh, um, okay, I guess," he replied.

"It's a badge of honor, you know," I continued. "Playing at the edge of what's legal is an art form. Actually, you're quite good at it."

"Thanks."

"It's that innocent looking face of yours," I said. "Exploit it. You're awfully polite out there, use that to your advantage, too."

"Okay."

"How's everything else going?"

"I haven't told anyone else," Mark replied. "I ... um ... uh ..."

"It's okay, Mark," I interjected. "Take it at whatever speed you want. But I think that when you're ready, we talk to Andy and Haz first."

"Okay."

"Boss, we have a problem," said Hanks running up.

"Talk to you later, Mark, what's up?"

"It's Smith," Hanks replied. "Groin."

"Fkn God **** Sumbitch," I growled. "Better fkn not be a motherfkn sports hernia. Hrrrrmmmm..."

We jogged into the locker room.

"Whitney!?!" I exclaimed as I burst into the sick room. The scene I saw said it all. My star striker Michael Smith sat on the examination table with ice packs wedged between his legs and a forlorn look on his face. Whitney looked despondent, as if it was his fault.

"No," I moaned.

"Sorry, boss," Whitney said shaking his head.
 
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League Two: AFC Wimbledon v. Cambridge United FC

View attachment 407974I really had a quandary. Was I going to be brave and play a 442 with Redshaw partnering Loveridge with Adam Pepper and Steven Gregory in the center of the midfield? Or was I going to be a chicken and go with a 451 with Gregory sitting in front of the defense?

Yea, I'm chicken.

GK: Chris Dunn
D: Reuben Hazell (C), Kris Thackray, Ben Harrison, James Fenlon
M: Steven Gregory, George Francomb, Adam Pepper, Matteo Nole, Simon Johnson
F: James Loveridge

Subs: Daniel Lincoln, Cameron Dummigan, Daniel Barlaser, Drissa Dabre, Harry Pell, Jack Midson, Jack Redshaw

I have no confidence in Gregory's ability to boss the midfield and Redshaw's confidence isn't quite where it needs to be yet. I'm hoping Matteo's speed through the middle proves decisive.

"My message today is simple," I told my charges. "Relax and play our game, the result will come."

And I sent them down the tunnel.

We brought the ball down the right and then worked it across to the left. Fenlon played Johnson in on goal, but his shot was blocked. The ball popped out to Fenlon. He passed across field to Hazell. Haz was a little right of center but 25 yards out. Sadly, Haz is one of the last players on the team I'd want to take a long shot. His shot wasn't that hard and right at the keeper.

But a trend was started. We'd work the ball around and either set someone up who wasn't all that good at shooting or lob a cross in the would be cleared.

In the 23rd minute, Cambridge broke down our right flank. Andy Pugh beat Haz and curled in a high cross. Dunn came out but mistimed his jump and only ended up flapping at it. The ball landed right at Cambridge striker Connor Wilkinson's feet. He had the easiest of tap-ins.

0-1

No. Wait. The linesman's flag is up! The Cambridge manager is going ape****. I nearly crumple to the ground in relief.

0-0

In the 28th minute, our pressure nearly paid off. Adam Pepper beat 3 players on the dribble and shot. The goal dives and parries the shot out left. Simon Johnson is first to the ball and shoots, but it's cleared off the line.

Dang.

We continued to keep the ball in the U's half, but either couldn't make the final pass, fluffed a long-range shot or lumped in a harmless cross to stationary players.

In the 44th minute, Cambridge lost the ball in our half. Gregory played the ball up to Nole who dribbled over the half line. He played the ball square to Pepper. Peps saw Francomb running all by himself down the right wing. He played a pass into his path. Francomb looked up, saw Loverboy making a near post run, looked down and curled a perfect-looking ball in to Loveridge.

As I and the nearly full stadium groaned when the ball flew just over Loveridge's head, it hit the defender who should have been marking Loveridge in the knee.

And bobbled over the line.

1-0

Ugly, but I'll take it. I had been getting worried that we'd be unable to break down the Cambridge defense.

"I think their confidence is pretty fragile out there," Hanks said as we walked towards the locker room. "Don't be too hard on them."

"Yeah, I'm with you," I replied. "I'll do what I can to boost their confidence."

"Solid play, boys, you're looking solid out there," I said once everyone was sitting down. "I'm happy with our passing and our defense. Our luck in the final third will come, just keep at it. No changes."

From the kickoff, we won the ball from Cambridge pretty quickly and brought the ball up the right. Loveridge was making a run into the right channel, but instead of playing a pass into the gap, Pepper lobbed a long ball over the top that bounced once and into their keeper's arms.

That was not how I wanted to start the half.

As the half progressed, I couldn't decide what to do. We couldn't keep possession at all. Lovers kept barking at the midfield to play balls to his feet. They wouldn't. Francomb was playing like a reheated bowel movement. Pepper was continually making wrong decisions. Nole wasn't making runs from deep with the ball and Johnson looked bored.

At the 53 minute mark, Cambridge broke down our right flank. Their left fullback played a long ball up to Wilkinson, he played a ball out to their left midfielder Andy Pugh. Pugh crossed in and their other striker, half time substitute Tom Elliott, smashed a header goalward. Thacks smashed blocked it and Haz cleared it out to the sidelines.

Push then lumped in another cross. Elliott controlled the cross, beat Thacks on the dribble then Haz and shot far post. It hit the post and rebounded right out in front of goal. Harrison cleared.

I turned and told Dummigan, Barlaser, Pell and Redshaw to warm up.

I yanked off Francomb just before the hour mark. Simon Johnson would go out on the right wing, Nole would move out to the left wing and Danny would go on and play in the middle.

We didn't do all that better after the reshuffle. However, Gregory stepped up his play. He headed out 8 crosses, blocked two shots and more or less played like a third central defender. The teenager Harrison wasn't exactly up to the task, sadly.

A combination of predictable Cambridge attacking and solid defensive organization made this look like we were going to ride the own goal into the sunset for another victory.

In the 85th, I replaced Pepper with Pell. In the 88th, I replaced Nole with Redshaw.

Then it got interesting.

Pugh beat Haz and whipped in a cross. Thacks got to the ball first and headed out for a corner. Elliott had it lined up for a header and punched the air in frustration. We cleared the first corner for another and the third curled out of a goal kick.

View attachment 407881The fourth official signaled three minutes of extra time.

In the 90th, Pugh beat Haz yet again and raced for the byline. Thacks leapt in for a desperation tackle to prevent the cross. I held my breathe. He got all ball, but conceded a corner.

We cleared the resulting corner, but not far enough. A Cambridge player headed it right back in. Wilkinson leapt and flicked it goalward. Dunn, having learned his lesson early in the season, had stayed on the line and was perfectly positioned to catch the flick and save the day.

Dunn took as long as he could before hoofing it well into their half. We played ping pong with them in and around the center circle for a while. Then Barlaser played a pass up to Loveridge. As Loveridge spun to race goalwards, he was chopped down.

I looked at my watch. 91:55. That should just about do it. We took forever to take our free kick.

Then the ref blew those three sweetest sounding blasts that a manager could ever want to hear and we'd weaseled all three points.

I told the players that our performance wasn't good enough and that they'd need to play better against better competition.

View attachment 407888
 
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Dons whelm Cambridge but just

Thrash
18 October 2014 19:12

Our beloved Wimbledon made due without our captain Andy Frampton yet again in defense. We coped without our offensive dynamo Michael Smith. We got Danny Barlaser back from a month out injured but he was rusty.

Thankfully, we played Cumbridge.

Cumbridge are to offensive juggernauts what penguins are to Formula One. Just in case anyone from Cumbridge is reading this, I will explain my comparison: penguins have no relationship whatsoever with Formula One racing. Therefore, you can infer that I believe the Ewes have a worthless offense.

And despite playing these intellectual sheep molesters, the only goal we could manage was an own goal.

Color me whelmed.

Manager Pucci resorted to his Italian Catannaccio roots. Steven Gregory functioned as a fifth defender and more or less played center back in the second half. While I'm discussing the defense, with Cameron Dummigan available, why wasn't Reuben Hazell in the center of the defense. Pucci played him at right back. For the second straight match, teenager Ben Harrison was paired with Kris Thackray.

Seriously?

George Francomb's cross led to the goal, but that was his lone contribution. WTF, George? And Adam Pepper was aimlessly spraying passes about Kingsmeadow like a sprinkler gone amok. And I'd tell Matteo Nole off, too, except he doesn't speak a word of English. Hey, Pucci. How about getting Matteo some English lessons?

Listen, lads. We're going to be without Smith for a while. Get used to it and generate some offense. James Loveridge isn't chopped liver. Get him the ball on the ground. It's simple.
 
Sunday, 19 October 2014

The English FA Cup First Round Draw was today. AFC Wimbledon drew Shrewsbury Town FC away. The first round takes place on 1 November.

Shrewsbury are adrift at the bottom of League One. They have a goal differential of -14 from 1 win and 2 draws in 12 matches. 14 goals scored and 28 conceded.

I think we have a pretty good chance of advancing to the Second Round.

Our League Two home match against Cheltenham has been rearranged for Wednesday, 5 November because of the FA Cup.
 
Monday, 20 October 2014 9am

"Hartlepool are going to be tough," Lil Fucillo said. "They're in third right now and have won 4 of their last 5 in the League. They beat Scunthorpe in the Johnstone's Paint Cup. Scunthorpe thrashed us as you all probably recall."

"They've got a 6'5" center forward," Lil continued. "Cedric Baseya has 5 goals, 3 assists and 2 Man of the Match awards so far this season. Basically, everything goes through him. I imagine they'll play a lot of high balls up to him. Our fullbacks will be busy with knockdowns for their wingers Toni Silva and Kieron Cadogan."

"Their fullbacks are fast, their central defenders are pretty good and their keeper is decent enough," he said. "Jonathan Greening, formerly of Man U, West Brom, yes, that Jonathan Greening, runs the midfield. They play a 451 with wingers so they'll attempt to keep the ball and bottle up the midfield."

"We match up pretty evenly in my opinion," Lil concluded. "I think it'll be a close match."

"What's the prognosis on Frampton?" I asked our Physio Jon Whitney.

"He's not going to be ready, yet," Jon replied. "But Daniel Barlaser should be."

"We stick with the 451," I said. "Gregory played well against Cambridge in the holding midfielder role so I want Tomlinson and Pepper in the center of midfield. This will make sure that Hartlepool will have a hard time playing through the middle."

"We stick with Harrison in the center of the D with Thacks," I said. "Sadly, I have no faith in Reuben Hazell. He ALWAYS gets beat and it usually leads to at least one goal. Thacks will mark Baseya."
 
Monday, 20 October 2014

"Boss, I'm ready to go," Daniel Barlaser said to me between warm-ups and the first training drill.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm," I replied. "But let me tell you something about hamstring injuries. Just when you think you're just about healthy, you sprint to intercept a pass or get the ball and take a quick step and snap you've done it and you're out three months."

"You've been key to our success," I continued. "And I want to take this slowly. I want you to contribute for the whole season. You notice that Wilson has been having you do a ton of back and especially low back lifting?" He nodded. "And a **** ton of ab work in addition to the hamstring curls. And Whitney tells me that he can still feel a little knot of scar tissue in that hammie."

"This tells me you might be susceptible and I want that knot to soften and for you to do more back and ab work," I concluded. "I want you to get 30 minutes this Saturday so we can see how it goes."

"Right, boss," Daniel said with just a hint of resignation in his voice.

"Listen, I'm telling you this from personal experience," I said. "I've torn both. It ain't fun."

"I'm good with it, don't worry, boss," Daniel said as he jogged off to work with Wools. "I trust you."
 
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League Two: Hartlepool United FC v. AFC Wimbledon

With Smith out, we'd worked on bringing the ball out of the back and how we'd transition from defense to offense. Obviously, we'd be counter attacking against Hartlepool.

View attachment 407292It's a three hour train ride to Middlesbrough where we boarded a bus for the ride to Victoria Park in Hartlepool.

Victoria is a small ground and they were projecting that it would be half full. While it was sunny, it wasn't warm and there was a strong wind that made it seem really, really cold.

I've been spoiled by Cadiz. I wore a scarf and parka.

My line-up shouldn't be surprising. I really wish Andy Frampton was available.

GK: Chris Dunn
D: Cameron Dummigan, Kris Thackray, Ben Harrison, James Fenlon
M: Steven Gregory (DM), George Francomb, Adam Pepper, Mark Tomlinson, Matteo Nole
F: James Loveridge

Subs: Daniel Lincoln (GK), Reuben Hazell (D), Daniel Barlaser (M), Simon Johnson (M), Harry Pell (M), Jack Midson (F), Jack Redshaw (F)

From the kickoff, we worked it down the left flank. Matteo mishit his cross and it went out for a goal kick, but, hey, at least he tried to cross the ball!

Once again we were punished early. Why is it that we can't defend properly early in matches?

In the 4th minute, they worked the ball down our left flank. Fenlon didn't do much to try and prevent their right winger Kieron Cadogan from crossing and to an unmarked Cedric Baseya. There were 5 Don defenders nearish to him but nobody was actually marking him. Who doesn't score from a free header from 3 yards out?

1-0

I just stood there gritting my teeth and let my Assistant Manager Sean Hankin yell at them.

In the 6th minute, Adam Pepper took a knee in the thigh. Whitney ran out, sprayed it and indicated he needed time to see if Peps could run it off. I told Barlaser to start warming up. We'd given him a half dozen heat packs to use through the match to keep his hamstring warm so I was hoping it wouldn't take him long to get loosened.

In the 7th minute it was obvious Peps just wasn't moving well. So In goes Danny Boy.

"May Sweet Mary Mother of God look after that fkn hamstring of yours," I said in Italian.

"What'd you say?" Daniel asked me.

"I just blessed you're hamstring," I said. "Now go out there and show them how to run a fkn midfield."

"Right, boss," Danile replied and jogged onto the pitch.

Not only was it really windy, Pool wingers dropped back to help out their fullbacks and the midfield was packed. We generated our first real chance in the 12th minute.

Barlaser, Dummigan and Francomb worked the ball down the right and Francomb eventually crossed in. They headed it clear, but right to Mark Tomlinson. He tried to volley it. It was a valiant effort. It was just a yard high of the crossbar.

Pool worked the ball into our half and Baseyas got himself one-on-one with Harrison. Ben couldn't stop him and neither could Dunn. Thankfully, his blast nicked the crossbar and went out for a goal kick.

"THACKS! THACKS!" I hollered. "YOU MARK BASEYA. BEN STAYS FREE. GOT IT?"

Thackray signaled he understood.

Despite Thacks best efforts, Baseya still created two good chances for himself. I guess he's just not that good with his feet. Probably why a guy as strong and athletic as him is in League Two. I dunno.

We created a couple of chances, but nothing all that threatening.

Just before halftime, Pool had the ball in our half and were knocking the ball around back and forth across the top of our penalty area. We'd parked the bus and they were seeking a way in.

They eventually worked it into Cadogan inside the box. He juked around Fenlon and hammered a shot for the far post. Dunn dove and parried it out to our right side. Dunn was up like a cat because he saw that their left winger Toni Silva was going to get to the ball first.

Silva shot but a flying Dunn blocked his shot out for a corner.

We'd survived the first half, but just barely.

"C'mon, guys," I said at halftime. "Show me something different out there."

"And to help, I'm switching to 442, Gregs your out, Redshaw, go warm up," I said.

Nothing much changed. Except that Hartlepool found it easier to keep the ball and keep it in our half.

We paid the price in the 55th minute. Both Baseya and center back John Egan got free at the near post. Egan flicked the ball past Dunn.

2-0

There wasn't much to do. Hartlepool outnumbered us in the midfield and we lacked our target man up front. Matteo Nole hadn't done much out there other than shiver, so I took him off and put Simon Johnson on.

In the 68th minute, Dunn bailed us out again. Cadogan got free and looked like he was ready to ice the game with a third goal. But Dunn blocked his shot out for a corner.

In the 71st minute, Francomb finally beat his defender and raced down the flank. He whipped a cross in, but Loveridge was a step late getting to it. Tomlinson ran down the clearance and played a pass into the box for Barlaser.

Danny Boy smashed a shot off the keeper and into the net from 15 yards.

2-1

Were we back in this match? Not without some luck.

Hartlepool stifled the midfield and we just couldn't keep the ball for long.

In the 72nd minute, Thackray plowed through Baseya. The ref blew for the foul and ran over.

"Please please please please please please," I muttered under my breathe. Thacks was at 4 yellow cards. I was probably getting Frampton back next week. I didn't want to have to make the choice between playing Haz or Ben next week.

The ref wagged his finger at Thacks and gave him his final warning.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

In the 75th minute, Thacks hit the side netting with a near post header from a corner. Wrong side of the post, though.

Then in the 86th, Simon Johnson got free and raced down the left flank.

'C'mon Simon, c'mon Simon," I muttered to myself. I had the feeling this might just be our last chance. Hartlepool were playing quite well.

He won the tackle that the Pool right back tried and raced into the box.

"Go Simon! Go Simon!" I said out loud.

View attachment 407259The right back tried a desperation tackler from behind and sent Simon sprawling. The ball continued to roll.

"PENALTY! PENALTY!" I bellowed. "HE DIDN'T TOUCH THE BALL! C'MON, REF!"

While I was hollering at the ref Redshaw pounced and shot.

Right at the goalkeeper.

The ref made the hand motion to indicate that the defender had in fact touched the ball.

"Blind as a fkn bat," I muttered to myself.

After applauding the frozen traveling supporters for their suffereing, I checked my iPhone to see how the other matches had turned out on my way into the away changing room.

Not good. We were down to third spot, but only a point behind the leaders Rochdale. Hartlepool were in second.

"Don't be too worried about this result," I said. "They put their chances away, we didn't. **** happens. We can get back on track against Dagenham and Redbridge next Saturday."

View attachment 407254
 
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Wednesday, 22 October 2014 9AM

"Awrighty, our challenge this week is to get our offense working without Smith," I said. "Suggestions?"

"I think we should play Redshaw as a poacher sitting on the shoulder of the last defender," Matt Woolley replied. "His game is starting to come round and poacher is a pretty easy role."

"So a 442 with Lovers dropping deep to get the ball?" I asked.

Wools nodded.

"Pepper is out three or four games with a dead leg," Whitney said. "And Danny Boy showed no ill effects of playing 83 minutes yesterday. Obviously, we'll see how he's feeling this morning."

"A big thing will be to get Matteo, George and Danny to play balls into the channels for Lovers and Redshaw to run onto," Hanks added.

"Are Dagenham and Redbridge going to park the bus, Lil?" I asked.

"Probably," Lil Fuccillo replied. "They play a defensive 433 with a defensive midfielder and two central midfielders. They might also try to kick us off the park."

"In their six away matches this season, their only result was a win," he continued. "They've only scored six goals away and have concede eleven. So they aren't getting beat by much. Overall, they've scored 15 and conceded 20."

"They tend to come out of the gate really strongly," Lil said. "16 of the 28 goals they've scored including Cup and preseason were in the first 30 minutes. So if we're leading at halftime, odds are good we're going to win. You all should concern yourselves with the early goals we've been conceding."

"Their top scorer by a long ways is Adrian O'Brien," he said. "He's bagged six goals, four assists and 2 Man-of-the-matches."

"Thanks, Lil," I said. "So they'll probably be gaps between the forwards and midfield. With Frampton back and Tomlinson in the defensive midfielder role, I'm pretty confident we can pin them down in their end and smother them. If they play three central midfielders, our fullbacks and outside midfielders need to have strong games."

"Alright, that it?" I asked. And we broke up the meeting to get prepared for the training session.
 
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I was standing on the sidelines of Kingsmeadow. The players are out on the field. Except the goalkeeper is Paco Leal when he was younger and still playing at Melilla when I was on loan there. The players are having trouble figuring out how to play the 442 and it's pretty clear they are unable to figure it out. The fans are starting to laugh and chant He Doesn't Know What He's Doing.

I realize somehow that the opponents have just scored. I look at the scoreboard and there's on a few seconds gone on the clock. I look back up at the scoreboard and it's 0-3. We're getting smoked.

Then I look at Paco. He's pointing at me and laughing. The whole crowd is laughing. What the ****? I go to put my hands in my pants pockets and I'm not wearing pants. I look down and I'm naked.

I wake up bathed in sweat. Fkn dreams.
 
Thursday, 23 October 2014 9AM

"Guys, I've chickened out," I said as me and the coaches were getting ready for training. "We're going with the 451."

"What?" Goalkeeper coach Paul Rachubka said. "You have a bad dream or something?"

"I was just thinking about it last night," I replied.

"You had a bad dream, didn't you?" Hanks queried.

"No," I said.

"You're a horrible liar," Wools said. "But fine. We'll go with the 451. You're the boss."
 
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WOW!!!! What an absolutely amazing read, has took me 2 days to read all of this and haven't done a drop of work in the process (Thanks for that). I've been hooked, the way you have integrated all of these people/characters into the story is just superb, I feel like I'm actually building relationships with these people as the story develops....I'm really gutted not to have Ana Maria in it still, bet she rather lonely over there now without you (can't connect with Gwen) but I really hope this story continues as this is just a masterpiece. Top Work Enrico and please keep up the Great work.
 
Dean Wilkes said:
WOW!!!! What an absolutely amazing read, has took me 2 days to read all of this and haven't done a drop of work in the process (Thanks for that). I've been hooked, the way you have integrated all of these people/characters into the story is just superb, I feel like I'm actually building relationships with these people as the story develops....I'm really gutted not to have Ana Maria in it still, bet she rather lonely over there now without you (can't connect with Gwen) but I really hope this story continues as this is just a masterpiece. Top Work Enrico and please keep up the Great work.
Click to expand...

Now I'm blushing. Thank you very much. Glad you've enjoyed it.
 
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Dagenham & Redbridge are just what we need right now

Duff
24 October 2014 13:55

Some Wimbledon supporters can't help but see the dark in every beam of sunshine. Thrash, my good friend, is in his heart, afraid. Do not be afraid fellow Wombles like Thrash is afraid. Do not give in to the cynical and fear calamity around every corner.

Wimbledon rose to the Premier League once before. The Crazy Gang had a great run. And that team was ripped from it's rightful home. And the phoenix that has arisen from it's ashes is following the same spiritual quest. We've climbed 5 divisions in the 12 seasons since our rebirth.

Why is that when we're having a remarkably good third season in League Two that fans like Thrash are so pessimistic.

So fear not, good Wombles, Dagenham and Redbridge are coming to town and, like Saint Nick, will be bearing gifts like an inability to score and a porous defense. They are 19th in this division for a reason.

We are valiantly battling injuries to key players and finding out our squad is deep enough for the Dons to succeed in League Two. I commend our new manager Enrico Pucci for building a strong squad and leading them to our highest league position since rebirth.
 
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