The Football Managing Mercenary

[DerbyJack]

They kiss the badge, they wave to the crowd, they cry buckets of tears and swear they do it all for the club...

...Until a better offer comes along, that is.


It’s everywhere in the sport, whether you like it or not. It’s on the jersey, in the stadium, in the heads of the players, and in the hands of the owners, money flows through the beautiful game.

The aim of this career isn't one of building a club legacy, restoring a fallen giant or grasping the most prestigious of silverware, it is simply to become the richest manager in the game.

Having failed at this in the previous two games, I'm back for yet more punishment as I look to top these three men...

It's not exactly getting easier...

Pep Guardiola	Jose Mourinhio	Massimiliano Allegri
Manchester City	Manchester United	Juventus
£300,000 per week	£250,000 per week	£230,000 per week

With Pep remaining as the highest earning manager in football at a staggering Three Hundred Thousand pounds-a-week, it remains to be seen if this is still even possible.

Challenge Accepted.

Rather then simply taking over at one of Europe's elite clubs, I'll be once again going back to square one, starting with Sunday league experience and with no Coaching badges at all, the aim is to make it to a point when I can mix it up with the biggest earners in football management.
​

Derby Jack

-

£0 per week

Yeah I'm sticking with my previous generated face. This year made me look a bit like a cross between Voldemort and Ricky Gervais. Truly terrifying.

Given my first take at this challenge ended in complete failure and my most recent attempt took an ill-advised morale-zapping detour into the States, I don't exactly have a great track record. I'll apologise in advance for what's about to happen.

With that in mind this detail seems rather optimistic but non the less, If at any point during my hopefully long career, I happen to be offered any position offering a higher wage I have to take the job on the spot. Hopefully this will see me quickly rise into this top earners in the world as soon as possible.


I'm a football managing mercenary. Its time to see where my wallet takes me.

No loyalty. No dignity. Just a burning desire to make some money!​

 

[DerbyJack]

For the first time since attempting this challenge I don't start my career by idly lounging on a couch as the season gets underway across the country.

Just days after haplessly spraying my rather barren footballing CV to any club that might listen, I miraculously receive a quick call back with the job-offer quickly accepted before the club came to their senses.

We're off to a flying start...

Will this is rather ironic...

A club literally set up in response to the very Money Grabbing nature I aim to achieve in this hopefully long-career. Non the less life in the basement of English football awaits...

Having said that it seems the club isn't exactly eager to part with their hard-earned cash.

A comparatively tiny Two Hundred pounds makes its way into my wallet as my quest to the top starts with a 12 month contract and one of the lowest wages in the country.

With the much-hyped arrival of Salford City cruelly stealing the thunder from the once rapidly-raising Red Rebels, it's clear to see that a rather desperate board has turned to myself as a cheap option to try and claw back some attention from the class of 92's pet project. With just one pre-season game played before my arrival I have plenty of time to make an impact...

A clean slate.

With the club predicted for a mid-table finish and the board more then happy to agree with their estimation, I set about into the pre-season and the transfer window looking to pull together a squad capable of lifting both the clubs and my own lowly reputations in rapid style with a rapid ascension into the football league.

...I'm probably going to be sacked by Christmas.

Lets get this ****-show on the road.


​

 

[PatrickLFC]

Thought you'd disappeared Jack! Looking forward to reading another iteration of this, always a cracking story, good luck!

 

[DerbyJack]

I essentially did! Sorry! The MLS really killed my enthusiasm for FM last year. Won't be making that mistake again! Thanks Patrick!

---

With the good people of Manchester rocked by the arrival of a third Managerial Superstar in their fine city and the fans of FC United quickly googling my name in the vein hope that I have actually achieved something in the world of football I set to work trying to get to grips with squad.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

A well balanced squad greets me at my new home of Broadhurst Park but given that talent is essentially being able to make the most off a hoofed ball whilst avoiding a brutal two footed challenge at this level, I quickly break it to them that they will be playing the most simplistic style of football imaginable for the forth-coming future. We're playing Four-Four-Two and they'll like it.

With that said, the squad certainly contains some players who could well prove crucial this season...

Left winger, Tom Walker must be wondering what he did to end up playing at the fringes of English football with a Manager whose only achievement in football was to somehow actually talk his way into a job. Non the less the determined winger is ready to prove his lot to the FC faithful.

Young stopper, Lloyd Allinson is set to be one of the finest keepers in the entire division. Given that his nearest rival in the club is a Forty-Seven year old Italian with just a handful of appearances through-out his lengthy career that might not be the greatest praise he has ever received.


With my painfully simple tactics well in place and the squad ready and eager to prove their worth to their new manager we head into the pre-season full of anticipation...

...fools.



​

 

[DerbyJack]

Arriving at the club mid-way through the pre-season, my first port of call is to plug the gaps in the first-team and make sure I am ready for the rough and tumble of the Vanarma National League.

Having evaluated the entire squad based on the opinions of an assistant manager whose judgement would suggest he couldn't differentiate between Titus Bramble and Ronaldo, this might not be the best course of action...

Just one departure from the entire team as I release Sefton Gonzales from the club. The fourth choice striker brought very little to the team...or the world of football. I've no room for passengers.

Wasting no time I plunge back into the free-agents market to bolster the squad, snapping up five, out of contract players as I look to forge a team capable of forcing their way into the race for the top of the table.

​

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free

Not exactly a signing that will show my intent to the FC United faithful but young Callum Walsh at least arrives to add some much needed depth to the flanks of my flat back four. With the defensive ability more suited to Sunday League it remains to be seen if he will be able to forge a career with the Reds.

​

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free

Second signing of my entire career see's promising Aussie Right-back, Perry Cotton make his way straight into my starting eleven. The former Birmingham youth player has been out of football for a year but looks ever ready to make a difference at this level.

​

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free

Continuing to strengthen the back-line, I sneak in ahead of a number of curious Non-League sides to ****** up Irish Central Defender, Ryan O'Reilly. With more defensive ability then anyone else in the squad, O'Reilly instantly makes his way into the heart of the defence.

​

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free

Robbie Leitch makes his way into the squad on a non-contract basis to bring some much needed Technical ability to our midfield. Having made his way down Britain via Motherwell and Burnley, Leitch will be keen to prove himself at this level before slipping further into obscurity.

​

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free

Final arriving of the window see's me bringing in an International...of sorts. Mike Conneh will be looking to force his way into the right flank based solely on the fact that he is one of the fastest players in the team. With a neat cross and a hint of flair Conneh is hot on the hunt to start on the wing.



That'll do the trick.

With five signings and a team of my own creation rapidly taking shape, it's quickly dawned on myself that I've left myself with pretty much no where to hide and no-one to blame if this all goes wrong.

This should be awkward...


​

 

[DerbyJack]

Preseason 2017

22nd July 2017
Friendly

My time at the helm of the Red Rebels doesn't exactly get off to the most encouraging of starts as we are instantly put to the sword by Non-League Leek, with only an own-goal saving my blushes. I've arrived.


26th July 2017
Friendly

Thankfully the boys do actually show some fight in the next game as a five minute spell early into the game see's us cruise into a commanding lead to see off Welsh side, Cefn Druids.


31st July 2017
Friendly

Final game of a quick-fire pre-season has the club end on a much needed high, with the budding strike partnership of McCarthy and Gilchrist showing some encouraging signs with the start of the season approaching.

_______


A short but solid pre-season has the boys give me a strong sign of intent for the season ahead.

With the club scoring freely in the final two games, I'll be expecting a strong showing as the season gets underway.

​

 

[Sammuthegreat]

Good to have you back sir!

 

[DerbyJack]

Thanks very much Sammu!

---

August 2017

Before kicking a ball in competitive play, I'm keen to ensure I at least leave the club with something before this season is through as I set about picking up so much needed qualifications. With one eye on self improvement and another actually proving my worth from the dug-out its time to get this career started...

_______

5th August 2017
National League North

Well that was impressive. My tenure with FC United gets started in fine fashion as we convincingly take all three points following a trip to Brackley. A dominant midfield display ensures the Red Rebels top the table after just one game.


8th August 2017
National League North

The boys continue their perfect start to the season as the strike partnership of McCarthy and Gilchrist combine well to see off a spirited Spennymoor. A late red card did little to change the result but certainly capped a poor afternoon for the Northumbrians.


12th August 2017
National League North

The winning streak comes to a quick end as we are held by Kidderminster. A dominant first-half saw us fail to capitalise on our chances scoring just the one goal with a determined Harriers firing back in the second half to deservedly tie things up.


15th August 2017
National League North

The boys return to winning ways as they see off Non-League heavyweights, Southport. A two goal lead proved to be enough to keep the Sandgrounders at bay with their frustrations eventually boiling over into another late red card.


19th August 2017
National League North

Another Three points in the bank as we sneak our way past Bradford Park Avenue. Having seemingly been headed for a stalemate, United's main threat took matters into his own hands with as Jason Gilchrist smashes home a stunning effort to break the deadlock.


26th August 2017
National League North

Once again our winning streak is snubbed out before it even began as we are held by former Football League side, Boston. The Pilgrims clearly came to Manchester with the sole intent of snatching a point with midfielder, Steve Irwin keeping up the tradition with yet another late dismissal.


28th August 2017
National League North

The shoe is on the other foot in the very next game as York City take the game to a lackluster United, with the Red Rebels eventually fortunate to reach the final whistle with a point still firmly in their grips. Has my honeymoon period ended already?


August 2017
National League North

With my debut month with the club going worrying smoothly the club glides its way into the top three after just seven games. With an entire season still to go its far too early too declare myself a success...but I will anyway.

Non League Football...it's a breeze.


​

 

[PatrickLFC]

With an entire season still to go its far too early too declare myself a success...but I will anyway.

Non League Football...it's a breeze.


​

A surprisingly steady start Jack, what's happening?

Just want to add that I think one of the things that makes your stories so compelling is the contrast to most others, where everyone is keen to play down their chances and make themselves the underdog before experiencing "extraordinary" success. On the other hand, you love setting yourself up for a fall (see above), and it's great!

 

[dani3w]

Well back DJ! One persons story I follow religiously every year! Looking forward to this!

 

[DerbyJack]

Haha cheers Patrick. It's got to a stage know where I need to rub up my own ego. I don't exactly have much to show for my efforts previously!

Thanks very much Dan! Good to see you again!

---

September 2017

Once again the month is interupted by some off the pitch business as a minor disagreement with winger Joe Logan ends up with him departing the club...

Having demanded first team football, I couldn't guarantee him the starts with Joe quickly deciding his best option was to jump ship...good riddance!

_______

2nd September 2017
National League North

Our unbeaten ways continue into the next month as we see off Leamington in fine style following a frantic first Twenty Minutes of football. With the boys making a stunning start to the season I make a quick but truly deserved arrival at the top of the table.


5th September 2017
National League North

The fine form see's us smash our way past Blyth Spartans with Scottish midfielder, Robbie Leitch joining his central partner, Scott Kay on the scoresheet in another dominant first half of football. If it carries on like this I'll be rubbing shoulders with Jose and company in no time.


9th September 2017
National League North

Jose might have to wait. Our unbeaten start comes crashing to an end as a clumsy challenge a well taken penalty and some way-ward finishing combine to see Curzon Ashton hand me my first defeat of the career. Surely just a mere blip on my road to greatness...


13th September 2017
National League North

...Maybe not. Darlington arguably should not be this low in the League standings and the Quakers quickly set about making up for lost time as they cruised to a comfortable two goal victory as United once again fail to live up to their early billing.


16th September 2017
FA Cup - 2nd Qual. Round

With the boys mis-firing in the league, a glimmer of future silverware in the shape of the FA Cup gives us a quick opportunity to return to winning ways but minnows, Shaw Lane soon add to my woes with an un-needed and unexpected replay added to our busy schedule.


20th September 2017
FA Cup - 2nd Qual. Round Replay

The boys rise to their best as they see off Shaw Lane with a dominant first half. It took just ten minutes for United to end Shaw Lanes thin hopes of making it into the next round as club stalwarts, McCarthy and Irwin waste little time in booking our place in the next round.


24th September 2017
National League North

The strike partnership make a much needed return to the forefront as they combine to smash our way through Tamworth and back into winning ways in the League. A clinical McCarthy hat-trick hopefully will signal the start of another dominant run for the Red Rebels...


30th September
FA Cup - 3rd Qual. Round

...It was only a distraction anyway. Fellow National League North side, Boston send us packing from the FA Cup before we can even make an entrance into the first round proper. Thankfully with the club clinging on to the promotion race, this could prove to be a welcome opportunity to focus on our push up the table.


September 2017
National League North

Despite losing our way, mid-way through the month the club remains well in the hunt for the solitary promotion spot that could put us within touching distance of the football league itself. With the games coming thick and fast, fingers are crossed that we can revive our earlier form.


​

 

[Brane_Orsou]

The football managing mercenary is back - everything in the world makes sense again (H)

 

[dani3w]

Solid start to the season, definitely starting on the right foot!

 

[DerbyJack]

Cheers Neavie, it's good to be playing again!

I have a feeling I might have peaked already Dan.

---

October 2017

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free

​

With my current center-back partnership of O'Reilly and Fagbola causing me some slight cause of concern despite our solid start to the season, I make a belated move for Corbin Shires. With a brief taste of non-league football already under his belt, Shires will be keen to cement his place in the starting eleven.

_______

7th October 2017
National League North

We continue to put the pressure on at the top of the table as Central Defender Ryan O'Reilly raises highest from a corner to tuck home and break the deadlock in an incredibly tight game at the majestically named, EON Visual Media Stadium.


17th October 2017
National League North

The run continues as we welcome Alfreton to Manchester. Nicky Law's Team have been struggling of late and a one-sided first half saw United deservedly claim the lead, with right winger, Linfield ensuring we take home all three points with a fine solo effort.


21st October 2017
National League North

Well that was a kick in the teeth. For the first time this season the boys are convincingly beaten as Fagbola's early goal is quickly snuffed our by a rampant Chorley. Some hap-hazard defending gifted the Magpies with an easy three points.


28th October 2017
National League North

Having been easily dispatched by Chorley, I hoped the squad would be quick to bounce back in the next game however Nuneaton were in no mood to be generous, finding the net at either end of the match to condemn us to a second defeat in a row.


31st October 2017
National League North

The newly arrived Corbin Shires has a debut to forget as his lack of experience is soon exploited by a Stockport side desperately trying to claw their way back towards the Football League. The top of the table already feels a world away.


October 2017
National League North

With the club in the midst of a worrying run of form we have slipped well out of early running for the solitary automatic promotion spot and now sit worryingly close to the edge of the League's whopping six play-off spots.



​

 

[DerbyJack]

November 2017

With finances at this end of the footballing pyramid being decidedly wobbly, I start November by clearing out some deadwood.

Minnows King's Lynn quickly take advantage as they snap up Three players from the fringes of our squad, with only Danny Brady unable to find himself a club before being sent packing from Manchester.

​

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free

With space cleared, I jumped at the opportunity to bring in Pakistani International, Suleman Naeem. The Eighteen Year Old barely has a first team club appearance to his name but with some strong defensive attributes and some reasonable pace for this level, Naaem will be keen to cement his place in both Pakistan and Uniteds first-team.

_______

11th November 2017
National League North

We manage to stop the rot by scraping a point against AFC Telford. Having been run ragged in the first half we rallied after the break to peg back The Bucks and cling on to our status as play-off contenders. We're not exactly looking good for it right now though.


18th November 2017
National League North

Its a repeat performance in the next game as we once again come back from two goals behind to ****** up another hard-earned point. Midfielder Connor, made certain that the game was not going to be an easy one but to their credit the boys rallied well to earn the draw.


25th November 2017
FA Trophy - 3rd Qual. Rnd

A chance at some non-league silverware greets us during a barren run of form in the League and the boys make the most of the opportunity to cruise into the next round having eased their way past minnows, Dunstable.


November 2017
National League North

With the club currently being bullied through a run of five games without a win, the club has quickly slipped out of the play-off spots and are already making rapid progress down the standings and into mid-table obscurity. It was good whilst it lasted.


​

 

[DerbyJack]

December 2017

Whilst our league form crumbles around me, I can at least take some solace in the fact that I'm not a complete footballing moron.

With one in the bag I immediately try and tap up the board for the next qualification, I was palmed off rather quickly. Something tells me they might be questioning their judgement in hiring someone with no footballing background what-so-ever.

_______

2nd December 2017
National League North

Early front-runners Harrogate resume their hunt for the title whilst adding to our woes by easing to a two goal victory. Any brief hope that I had a lethal front partnership has quickly faded as we once again squander a number of heard-earned chances.


9th December 2017
National League North

Thank god that's over. It might not have been the worst run of form in the world but it certainly has changed the direction of our season but a dramatic victory over fellow promotion chasers Brackley finally pulled us back into the points.


16th December 2017
FA Trophy - 1st Rnd

The dramatic games just keep coming thick and fast as we manage to sneak our way past National League side, Solihull Moors. The newly promoted side are making a meal of it in the League above and a brutal extra-time exit from the FA Trophy certainly didn't lift their spirits .


23rd December 2017
National League North

Any hopes that we might be making a permanent return to winning ways is soon dashed as we are not only beaten but soundly thrashed by Spennymoor. It's beginning to get a little uncomfortable at the helm of the Red Rebels. Pressure is quickly mounting.


26th December 2017
National League North

The boxing day match is a classic as we go toe to toe with our fellow United born rivals, Salford. With the rapidly raising Salford tipped for the top it seemed we were set for a well-earned upset until we flopped in the final few minutes dropping the much needed points and the bragging rights to boot.


December 2017
National League North

Our way-ward form has us still sliding down the table as we drift further away from the giant Play-off area. Fortunately it seems no one is able to make anything out of this season thus far with the club still tantalizingly close to breaking back in to the running. There's still time!



​

 

[DerbyJack]

I'm off to the Big smoke with the girlfriend for a few days. I'm not giving up. Honest. No matter how much Football Manager tries to tell me I should.

---

January 2018

1st January 2018
National League North

With the January transfer window wide open, I opt to keep faith with the squad that started my career so brightly as I look to bludgeon my way back into the running for a shot at the promotion race. A goalless draw against pre-season favorites Sleaford gave me a faint hope that I might have made the right choice...


6th January 2018
National League North

...I was very wrong. Just six days in and I immediately regret my decision as the club is completely humbled by Southport. A long awaited solo effort from star player Tom Walker at least gave the home crowd something to cheer.


13th January 2018
FA Trophy - 2nd Rnd

Despite our haphazard efforts in the League, we still remain hot in the hunt for the FA Trophy as we cruise our way past Nuneaton. A goal just eight minutes into the game suggested we might be on the end of another beating but a stunning second half sent us gliding into the next round.


16th January 2018
National League North

Any hopes that our cup victory might have a positive effect on our League form are quickly squashed as we are brutally put down by Kidderminster Harriers. Despite Greave's best efforts the Harriers ran rampant after the hour mark to pick up a resounding victory.


20th January 2018
National League North

Quickly rubbing salt in the wounds come's an impressive Blyth Spartans. A calamitous own-goal just after the half hour mark really set the tone for another woeful game of football and our awful run of form has finally drawn the eye of a skeptical board...

Well this feels a little harsh. With the squad sitting square in the middle of the table, the board jump at the opportunity to instantly ramp up the pressure with a dreaded meeting. With nothing but a slight ego to my name, I've talked my way into an early high pressure situation.

Brilliant.


27th January 2018
National League North

Well that's one way to shut them up. On the back of another gutless run of form, the boys suddenly mark a return to winning ways in superb fashion. Jason Gilchrist you might just be about to save my career. Three down. Five to go.


30th January 2018
National League North

With my career in desperate need of points it was hardly the best time to go up against a vengeful Nuneaton. Keen to make amends for their Cup exit they win an end to end battle in the dying minutes of the game to ****** all the points.


January 2018
National League North

Sitting almost slap-bang in the middle of the table, any United fan would have gladly accepted this position at the end of the season. Unfortunately the board are not so understanding. With three games left to salvage my career I essentially need to force my way back into the race for the playoffs.

Should be easy.

​

 

[Brane_Orsou]

Dam you Nuneaton! I'm sure you can get what you need in the next 3 games!

 

[Average Joe]

Nice!

Will be following mate

 

[dani3w]

Oh shocker form lately man! Hopefully you do enough to turn it around and keep your job