The Football Managing Mercenary

[Linecoigne1998]

Not a bad start to this new adventure with Welling mate, best of luck!

 

[1magine]

Glad you got the Keegan reference haha! Your perseverance is a good trait nevertheless

 

[DerbyJack]

Thanks very much Linecoigne not quite enjoying the same success as you are in Germany!

It was very much appreciated! Keegan is a true inspiration....could explain why I never quite reach the top. Cheers 1magine!

---

November 2018

3rd November 2018
National League South

Well any comfort I could take from re-entering the playoffs quickly disappeared as we are humbled by ten man Hungerford. Having pegged our fellow promotion chasers back with just five minutes to go courtesy of a fortunate own goal, we switched off before the final whistle, gifting a needless winners to The Crusaders.


10th November 2018
FA Cup - 1st Rnd

We make it all the way into the first round of the competition and end up with a slightly disappointing tie against League Two's Crawley Town. A trip to the professional side could have ended in complete humiliation for our travelling minnows but to their credit some resilient defending saw us force a replay back in London.


17th November 2018
National League South

Back to League action and the boys thankfully make amends for their previous defeat as we rely on the ever reliable Jack Parkinson to guide us past Concord with a goal just after the half hour mark. With the race for the top already looking to be extraordinarily tight, Parkinson's efforts could yield massive rewards.


20th November 2018
FA Cup - 1st Rnd Replay

So close yet so far. Having surprised the travelling side, we went into the first half holding on to a slender but deserved lead. With just seconds between us and a money-spinning route into the second round, Crawley broke the home crowds hearts as they forced a cruel own goal before they sealed the deal late into extra-time.


24th November 2018
National League South

Dulwich Hamlet pretty much represent the complete opposite of my planned career path. Actively opposing the state of modern football, these footballing Hipsters are somewhat of a personal rival but a tight game at Park View Road saw me unable to lord over the Pink and Blue Rabble. Something tells me they will be less pleased with the developments off the pitch...

November 2018
National League South

The kindest footballing outcome from Brexit at least gives me some hope for the future but in the meantime the club inches its way further up the table as I look to try and force the club up to the all important race for an automatic promotion spot. Despite my recent raise, the board still expects nothing but the best.


​

 

[DerbyJack]

December 2018​

1st December 2018
FA Trophy - 3rd Qual. Rnd

The festive period kicks off with a stomping victory over Tilbury as we ease our way into the next round of the FA Trophy. The reliable duo of Richards and Parkinson both collected braces as we send Tilbury packing in a dominant second half of football. A good run in the non-league cup competition could potentially shield me from the angry gaze of the board.


8th December 2018
National League South

Two draws in a row in the league has our position in a tight playoff race already looking rather wobbly. Despite our attacking formation carving out a number of chances we were unable to find our way to the back of Tonbridge's goal with the home crowd left frustrated come the final whistle.


18th December 2018
National League South

Another draw has us now clinging grimly on to the edge of the playoffs as we this time are left frustrated by Bognor Regis. The relative new comers to the league are not enjoying the best of seasons and should have been easy prey to our promotion chasing squad. Unfortunately it seems the boys had other ideas.


22nd December 2018
FA Trophy - 1st Round

With our league progress stagnating towards the middle of the season, my progress in the FA Trophy could potentially have a huge outcome in keeping a trigger-happy board off my back. A Bojaj inspired victory saw us slip by our League rivals, Wealdstone and into the next round of the competition.


26th December 2018
National League South

A bumper boxing day crowd were left disappointed as the Wings slip to a late defeat against a lowly Chippenham. With the team now without a league win in Three relatively easy games, the harsh gaze of the board is now firmly fixed on my precarious position and they wasted little time in reminding me just how precariously my career hangs in the balance...

29th December 2018
National League South

With a reputation that quite frankly does me no favors I opted to save my skin by blaming everyone else for the previous defeat. Surprisingly, it got me out of a rather sticky situation, all be it in rather awkward fashion. Thankfully it seems the boys are not aware of my quick betrayal as they final return to winning ways, unfortunately it came at a cost...

December 2018
National League South

Thankfully with the league proving to be incredibly tight, the end of month victory see us end the year still entrenched in the playoff positions. With our Albanian sharpshooter now sidelined for essentially the remainder of the season, I can only hope the rest of the squad step up to the mark to keep me out of the Welling boardroom.

​

 

[DerbyJack]

It's fair to say I'm not exactly romping to the title.

Knowing that the squad I have at my disposal is more then capable of both achieving promotion and saving what little remains of my reputation, I would usually by-pass the mid-season transfer window and opt to rally the troops for a push to the top.

Unfortunately this year my hand was forced...

Two departures see, a couple of our Summer signings make their way into the Football League.

Bizarrely both right midfielder Forster and back-up stopper, Kurasik were yet to feature prominently in the first team but it seems reputation and a lack of a fixed contract had them both earmarked for a shortcut to the top with recently relegated Brighton and League Two's Cambridge quickly snapping them up.

With both players departing late in the window, I foolishly made no attempt to replace them at the last minute but that didn't stop me from doing some business in the window...

From: Wycombe United
Cost: Loan - End of Season

For reasons that will be unfortunately revealed in the next month of football, I made a rapid move to bring in Wycombe loanee, Jordan Greenidge. A neat finish combined with the fact that he is one of the finest physical specimens in the league should see the Nineteen year old make an impact in his half a season with The Wings.



With the squad now once again starting to look worryingly thin on the ground, I could be in for a rather stressful half of a season.

Having made just the one required signing in the window, i unfortunately have no one to blame but myself if this goes wrong...

Good job I'm not working for a board that demand nothing but the best.


​

 

[PatrickLFC]

Throwing the players under the bus, I'd expect no less from a Mercenary, love it!

 

[DerbyJack]

In my defence. It's entirely someone else's fault! Thanks for the support as always Patrick!

---

January 2019

2nd January 2019
National League South

With a rather suspect board looking on, we take to the field and show them exactly what I've got to offer...​

absolutely nothing. A horror show of a performance see's the team collapse without so much as a whimper with the home side running riot from the first to last whistle of the game. Only thing that could make this worse is a couple of injured strikers to join Bojaj on the sidelines...

Despite now being reduced to just Jack Parkinson upfront, the board rather predictably wasted little time in dragging me back into the board room to explain our recent collapse. ​

It's non-stop fun at the bottom of the footballing ladder.

January 5th 2019
National League South

With the board setting me a lofty ten point target in the next five games we get off to a thankfully quick start with a convincing victory over Weston-Super-Mare. Despite being reduced to just Jack Parkinson upfront, a makeshift formation saw us make the most of our talented team to pick up a much needed three points.​

January 12th 2019
National League South

The arrival of Greenidge in the transfer window see's us return to the attacking 4-2-4 formation and the on-loan teenager marks his debut with a goal to seal my nerves , securing our second much-needed victory in a row. With my back against the wall, I can only hope that the Wycombe United striker can save my career.​

January 15th 2019
National League South

Parkinson and the instant-impact of Greenidge appear to be combining well thus far as the duo once again both manage to find the back of the net to secure a hard-earned point against a Maidenhead side desperately trying to restore some pride following their recent relegation. Thee games down, Three points remaining.​

January 19th 2019
FA Trophy - 2nd Rnd

Before I can get to work trying to salvage what little remains of my flagging career, there's the small matter of the FA Trophy. With the early days of my career very much proving to be hard-going some non-league silverware could give me a much needed boost. Unfortunately Harrogate were not in a generous mood forcing a replay after a sluggish goal-less draw.​

January 23rd 2019
FA Trophy - 2nd Rnd Replay

Well there goes any hope of picking up a cup victory for my shabby looking CV. As potentially the only reliable person in the entirety of Welling, Jack Parkinson once again finds the back of the net with a goal just seconds after the opening whistle but a dominant second half for the Yorkshire club saw us spiral out of the competition. Once again an unfortunate injury adds to a miserable month...​

January 26th 2019
National League South

Well this is worrying. Having been unbeaten since my dressing down at the hands of both Gloucester and the Board, we finally come unstuck against a previously struggling Braintree. Having gone into the game fully expecting to hit my target with a game to spare, the sloppy defeat now leaves me just one game away from another early dismissal. ​

January 2019
National League South

Well it's not exactly looking rosie in Welling. With my career potentially just one game away from another completely disastrous sacking, the club now sits dumped out of the playoff spots with the season now drawing towards a finale that is shaping up to be incredibly tense. Hopefully I'll still be in charge to find out.​

​

 

[DerbyJack]

February 2019​

2nd February 2019
National League South

I still have a job! A quite frankly infuriating first half of football saw Havant & Waterlooville shoot into a two goal lead as I quietly started packing my kit bag from the sidelines but a Greenidge inspired comeback saw us claim a dramatic turn-around in fortunes to just about keep me in employment. Once again however it was not without an all too familiar cost...

9th February 2019
National League South

With the board begrudgingly accepting that they can't send me packing I look set to make them eat their words with a late run for a shot at promotion. Unfortunately a late East Thurrock equaliser ensures that my progress doesn't get off to the quickest of starts as our nearly striker-less team relies on Healy's converted penalty to keep us in the running.


16th February 2019
National League South

Thank god for Barry Corr. Our veteran Irish striker makes a welcome early return to first team football following his dislocated jaw and immediately sets about reminding the fans just what he can offer with a game winning brace. With the strikers slowly making their way gingerly out of the treatment room for the next few weeks hopefully we can the goals flowing.


23rd February 2019
National League South

Whilst every striker around him has slowly fallen to pieces, our loan signing Greenidge at least has managed to avoid serious injury for the time being. The nineteen year old continues to showcase his undeniable potential with the opening goal of the game whilst Summer arrival Lubala finally gets himself off the mark with a neat finish from the right wing.


26th February 2019
National League South

...and I'm back under the spot-light. Despite managing to scrape our way to a four game unbeaten run with a ramshackle front-line, we end the month in disappointment following a convincing defeat at the hands of St. Albans. Our fellow play-off chasers clearly ignored the form-book as they romped to victory with ease.


February 2019
National League South

Despite the end of month defeat I can certainly take solace in the fact that we have somehow emerged back into the promotion race. With a six point gap between myself and the leading pack, there is still plenty of work to be done but having ended the previous month out of the playoffs I'm just happy to be back in the running.

​

 

[1magine]

You are having a tough time of it with injuries eh? All quite bad ones too! Some up and down form but as long as you stay in the play offs and get the chance to go up you should be fine. Good luck!

 

[DerbyJack]

I genuinley think my team has taken up fighitng in the UFC in between matches. Fingers firmly crossed 1magine! Thanks again!

---

March 2019

9th March 2019
National League South

Another returning striker finds his way back onto the scoresheet as Jack Parkinson resumes his fine run of form with the opening goal of the game. Defender Simon Francis doubled our lead from a corner but a determined Hemel Hempstead refused to go down without a fight as they claw their way back to a hard-earned draw.


16th March 2019
National League South

A match against current leaders Wealdstone was never going to be easy and the Raider's boys did not let him down with a narrow one goal victory. Scoring just seconds before the break, Wealdstone rocked our young side, managing to maintain their slender lead despite a reckless challenge reducing them down to ten me. Unfortunately an impatient board wasted little time in reminding me of their expectations...

23rd March 2019
National League South

There was to be no easy way out of the next game as we slip to a demoralising defeat at the hands of a struggling Gosport. With Corr opening the score just shy of the half hour mark it seemed we were set for a quick return to winning ways but another injury soon changed our hopes as our sole keeper, Perntreou hobbled off with Gosport quickly taking advantage.

With injuries appearing left right and center, it's safe to say I'm pretty rattled. With our strikers just about returning to the fray, the last thing I needed was to be left without any form of goalkeeper what so ever...

Fortunately I have a calm, understanding and most importantly supportive board behind me...

30th March 2019
National League South

Despite the board essentially giving me a points target that basically means I should start packing my bags, my former savior Greenidge once again makes a welcome return to the back-pages as his clinical hat-trick secures a late dramatic victory to give me a slender chance at once again salvaging a career. Rather predictably we failed to get through unscathed...

March 2019
National League South

With a team literally crumbling around me on a regular basis and a points target that has me already nervously working out how I can spin two dismissals into a positive thing, we end the month fittingly clinging on to the playoff spots with just good old fashioned grim determination.

I need a good old fashion fooballing miracle.

or talent.

​

 

[dani3w]

A board that loves there meetings, I hope you're being offered tea and biscuits at each one too!

 

[Sammuthegreat]

Jesus, those injuries are horrendous. ******* typical that their recoveries are all timed JUST so the board can say "what injuries?"

****.

 

[TheBattman]

I feel a European adventure coming...

 

[DerbyJack]

The only thing I might eventually leave this club with is an unhealthy obsession for Hobnobs.

I've honestly got away completely unscathed by injuries until now and then everyone seemed to start breaking bones for the sheer thrill of it. I can only presume the Physio was very attractive. Sods Law Sammu!

I think I more setup for a career of drizzle and sheep in Wales Battman!

---

April 2019

From: Peterborough​

Cost: Loan - End of Season​

With no recognised stopper in the entire first-team thanks to my laziness in the January transfer window and Perntreou's injured groin keeping him in a rather jam-packed treatment room, I make a last-ditch move to bring in Peterborough's fourth choice stopper, Josh Tibbetts to try and hold fort in a series of games that could prove vital to my future career. I'm sure he won't let me down...

_______

April 6th 2019
National League South

Well it's only four goals Josh. First game for the inexperienced stopper is a debut to forget as he suffers a nightmare performance infront of the home crowd with his only touches of the ball coming each time he had to fish the ball out of his own net. At least Ahmed Rose found the back of the net on his return to action? That's a positive right?


April 13th 2019
National League South

Eight goals Josh! Eight! Rather fittingly my time at Welling comes to a hideous end at the hands of the anti-modern footballing team themselves, Dulwich Hamlet. With the Footballing Hipsters controlling the show from the first to last whistle I can barely hold my head higher then my calamitous loanee stopper. The board wasted little time in finally ending my misery...

April 2019
National League South

Being a man of honor, dignity and above all fine footballing morals I can only blame this entire debacle on one man... No. Not myself. Josh ****** Tibbets. An absolutely horrific final month at the helm of the Wings has us ship in Eight goals as the squad seemingly conspires to send me off in fitting style.


In all seriousness this has been an absolutely gutless display at the helm of the Wings, as I pack my bags and get set to leave the capital my mind is racing with many questions right now...

Do I even have a career worth of saving? Will anyone touch me with a barge pole? and most importantly of all how can Tibbets call himself a ****** goalkeeper?!
​

 

[DerbyJack]

So... I'm pretty much the worst manager in football right now.

​

Two season. Two sackings.

It's fair to say my time in the basement of English football is not exactly going to plan.

Having got off to a horrifically bad start at FC United, I thought things could only get better.

I was horribly wrong...


2017/18
National League South

The last three months saw me pick up just five victories as any hopes of of title winning season died a death long before the run in to the end of the season. Having been repeatedly dragged in and out of the Welling board room, my sacking was essentially a long time coming but it certainly could have a massive impact upon the outcome of this entire woeful career.

_______


On my last dismissal I said I've pretty much made the worst start possible.

One season later and I've managed to exceed even my own expectations.

Something has to change. With my career pretty much on the ropes, I'm simply desperate to not just turn my form around but simply land a job.

Down. Not Out.

​

 

[dporter8999]

Can't wait to see where you head to next, was one of my favourite threads last year and this time round is just as entertaining.

Josh Tibbets make Massimo Taibi look like a superstar!

 

[DerbyJack]

Thanks DPorter, I'm glad to hear it! Definitley enjoying myself thus far..despite Tibbet's efforts.

Thankfully memories of that Taibi howler at least make me feel slightly better about my own footballing abilities!

---

No instant return to football this time around as my bedraggled and sorry looking CV ends up with most of the footballing world turning up their nose at me.

Thankfully the end of the season brings with it the annual slaughter of under-performing managers and I'm quick to chuck my application in to a number of struggling minnows.

There's still reasons to be positive...more so then one certain Spaniard...
​

Jose Mourinhio	Massimiliano Allegri	Deigo Simeone
Manchester United	Juventus	Atletico Madrid
£250,000 per week	£230,000 per week	£190,000 per week

Pep is out of here!

Just two season's in and the game's top earner has already faced the chop.

An early Champions League exit saw the former Barcelona and Bayern manager shown the door, despite still being well in the running for a haul of domestic silverware as new leader Jose takes quick advantage making it back to back Premier League titles for his Red Devils.

Once again Allegri dominates Italy with his Juventus side making a clean sweep of the trophies, with Diego Simeone gliding his way into the top three at the helm of his ever impressive Atletico side.

​

With all three current managers going steady in the league it seems they don't quite have anything to worry about from me quite yet...​

Derby Jack

-

£0 per week

Back to square one.

With no more then a wing and a prayer behind me I patiently wait for any kind of response from the footballing world.

With managers dropping life, right and center, eventually the news I had been waiting for began to trickle in...​

​

Desperation? Financial ruin? Complete lack of footballing knowledge?

Whatever it might be I've somehow got myself a number of options!

With no fewer then four clubs somehow finding themselves in a dire position that would make me a viable candidate for the job, I slowly enter my third season as a manager with my options surprisingly wide-open.

Who's season shall I ruin next?!

​

​

 

[DerbyJack]

Some how I've managed to talk my way through four interviews without being roundly humiliated by my career record thus far.

Whilst I was left my scratching my head at just what these clubs were expecting from a manager who has literally nothing but distinct failure to his name, it seems the clubs eventually came to their senses...

the disappointment soon rained into my inbox...

Well that was frustrating.

With three clubs all letting me know just how low my status has sunk, it almost seemed that my career was at a rather embarrassing end...

....but then when all seemed lost, one club, one worryingly desperate and deranged club, emerged from the shadows to offer me a welcoming glimmer of hope...

...I'm off t' Yorkshire!

With my two previous roles in non-league football both ending in abject failure, I've got what potentially could be my last roll of the dice with a do or die spell in charge of Guiseley.

Thankfully the Lions saw fit to at least let me cling on to some pride as once again I make some undeserved progress towards my goal...

This is starting to become a rather disappointing but valid route to the top.

For the second time in my career my previous dismissal is put to bed by another pay increase as I crawl my way towards the five hundred pounds-a-week mark.

Whilst I quickly stuff my pockets, the clubs current standing explains just how I ended up here...

Well at least I can say I briefly touched the National League.

A disappointing season for the Lions see's them spiral back down into the National League North.

With the season approaching I've got to grips with a squad despondent at their fall from grace. As I know from unfortunate first hand experience, the bottom rung of the ladder has no mercy on those who are down on their luck.

It's time to turn this team's fortunes around and guide us both one stop closer to breaking into the Football League itself.

Lets get going.


​

 

[Godfish93]

Goes without saying your stories are some of the best on FMBase. Hopefully for you, it's third time lucky!

 

[dani3w]

Third time lucky, this'll be the one that kickstarts the career!