The Joke Thread
- Thread starter John
- Start date
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David Hasslehoff calls his agent and says "Waren" for thats his agents name, "i'd like to change my name!"
Warren respond, "Sure thing David, how would you like to be addressed now?"
"I'd like to be known as The Hoff"
Warren responds "Ok David, no Hassle!"
BOOM BOOM
Warren respond, "Sure thing David, how would you like to be addressed now?"
"I'd like to be known as The Hoff"
Warren responds "Ok David, no Hassle!"
BOOM BOOM
:faint: I expect better from you JohnAs a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a
strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed
her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked,"What in the world are you doing?" The daughter
replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is
about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone."
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the
other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he
observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. When he questioned
her as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five
years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a
husband! Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip,
placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that now familiar
buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She cautiously
entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at
the TV with the vibrator next to him buzzing like crazy.
The wife shrieked, "What the **** are you doing?" The husband
replied,"I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."
strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed
her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked,"What in the world are you doing?" The daughter
replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is
about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone."
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the
other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he
observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. When he questioned
her as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five
years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a
husband! Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip,
placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that now familiar
buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She cautiously
entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at
the TV with the vibrator next to him buzzing like crazy.
The wife shrieked, "What the **** are you doing?" The husband
replied,"I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."
G
Gregor
Guest
My jokes by far the best :
Middlesbrough defender Abel Xavier is next week expected to be the first Premiership player to be charged with taking a performance-enhancing drug (The Sunday Times).
Middlesbrough defender Abel Xavier is next week expected to be the first Premiership player to be charged with taking a performance-enhancing drug (The Sunday Times).
gd crack
Donald Rumsfeld is briefing president Bush: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "that's terrible!"
His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.
Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
Donald Rumsfeld is briefing president Bush: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "that's terrible!"
His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.
Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
haha, theres a whole poster of George Bush quotes in my old modern studies class, makes for a good read
Anyway, a joke....
three men waiting on death row have opted for the firing squad. In their cell, they agree to all distract the firing squad and run away.
In the morning, the first man goes out and stands in place, then as the squad take aim he shouts "Hurricane!!" and when the squad turn round he runs away.
The second man, hearing of his friends success goes out and shouts "Flood!" then runs away.
The last man is really confident and swaggers out, take place in front of the firing squad and as they take aim he shouts loudly "FIRE!"
Anyway, a joke....
three men waiting on death row have opted for the firing squad. In their cell, they agree to all distract the firing squad and run away.
In the morning, the first man goes out and stands in place, then as the squad take aim he shouts "Hurricane!!" and when the squad turn round he runs away.
The second man, hearing of his friends success goes out and shouts "Flood!" then runs away.
The last man is really confident and swaggers out, take place in front of the firing squad and as they take aim he shouts loudly "FIRE!"
Sainsbury condoms - Making life taste better.
Tesco condoms - Every little helps.
Nike condoms - Just do it.
Peugeot condoms - The ride of your life.
Galaxy condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
KFC condoms - Finger licking good.
Minstrels condoms - Melt in your mouth, not your hands.
Safeway condoms - Lightening the load.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever ready condoms - Keeps going and going.
Pringles condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop.
Burger king condoms - Home of the whopper.
Goodyear condoms - For a longer ride go wide.
**** condoms - No comment required.
Muller light condoms - So much pleasure, but where's the pain.
Halfords condoms - We go the extra mile.
Royal mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long.
Renault condoms - Size really does matter.
Ronseal condoms - Does exactly what it says on the tin.
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - Its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes.
Domestos condoms - Gets right under the rim (please).
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach.
Carlsberg condoms - Probably the best condoms in the world.
AA condoms - For the 4th emergency service.
Pepperami condoms - Its a bit of an animal.
Polo condoms - The condom with the hole.
:yuck:
Tesco condoms - Every little helps.
Nike condoms - Just do it.
Peugeot condoms - The ride of your life.
Galaxy condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
KFC condoms - Finger licking good.
Minstrels condoms - Melt in your mouth, not your hands.
Safeway condoms - Lightening the load.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever ready condoms - Keeps going and going.
Pringles condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop.
Burger king condoms - Home of the whopper.
Goodyear condoms - For a longer ride go wide.
**** condoms - No comment required.
Muller light condoms - So much pleasure, but where's the pain.
Halfords condoms - We go the extra mile.
Royal mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long.
Renault condoms - Size really does matter.
Ronseal condoms - Does exactly what it says on the tin.
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - Its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes.
Domestos condoms - Gets right under the rim (please).
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach.
Carlsberg condoms - Probably the best condoms in the world.
AA condoms - For the 4th emergency service.
Pepperami condoms - Its a bit of an animal.
Polo condoms - The condom with the hole.
:yuck: