Average Joe

May 25, 2009
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Don Maldini: "We have known each other many years, but this is the first time you've come to me for counsel or for help. I can't remember the last time you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee, even though my wife is godmother to your only child. But let's be frank here. You never wanted my friendship. And you feared to be in my debt."

Average Joe: "I didn't want to get into trouble."

Don Maldini: "I understand. You found paradise in Italy. You had a good trade, you made a good living. The media protected you and there were easy opponents. So you didn't need a friend like me. Now you have no work, you come and say "Don Maldini, give me justice." But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me "Godfather." You come into my office on the day the new season starts and you ask me to give you a job."

Average Joe: "I ask you for justice."

Don Maldini: "Joe, what have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, this scum who ruined your last job would be suffering this very day. And if by some chance an honest man like yourself made enemies they would become my enemies. And then, they would fear you."

Average Joe: "Be my friend... Godfather."
[the Don at first shrugs, but upon hearing the title he lifts his hand, and a humbled Average Joe kisses the Milan crested ring on it]

So, I got the job! Alot of *** kissing to old man Paolo Maldini but it worked. It's good to have friends in high places. After being fired for sexual harassment at my last club Pescara I really didn't think I would work again. I still say that female lineswoman was just playing hard to get, she was wearing shorts after all. Filthy little minx. I owe Maldini big time now.

When I got home the first thing I did was look at the squad list, shocked at the ages of many of the players I knew this would be hard. No problem.

I turned up at the training ground at 9am the next day. I looked around the carpark wondering if I had the right place, until I saw somthing that made me sure I was.

"GATTYBAB3" The numberplate said. It was attached to a bright red mobility scooter, Gattusos mobility scooter. Next to it was a lovely pink one with tassles on the handlebars "AMBROSHOW" was on the plate....Jesus.

"****.... Me....what the **** is going on here?" I asked myself.

HISSSSSSSSSSK!!! Behind me the number 327 bus pulled up, off limped Inzaghi and Nesta, both putting their bus passes away before hobbling off to the training facilities, and probably the medics by the state of them.

What the **** have I let myself in for?

(Just a **** about story, I will be doing results etc later but first I wanted to see if there was even any interest in it. let me know :) )
Rocking start :) Keep it coming! :)

Yay, sombody read it and commented haha. What kind of things would people like to see? Cant add pics right now but should be getting screen shots etc later or tommorow. Next post will be my planned tactics, and they will not be normal!

If your reading it - let me know! or there will be no point in me wrighting it lol :)
As a fellow Milan fan looking forward reading this. I was thinking about making a story of my own, but I'm a ****** writer so decided against it. Remember to keep the italian spine intact. We don't want to turn into another internazionale.
As a fellow Milan fan looking forward reading this. I was thinking about making a story of my own, but I'm a ****** writer so decided against it. Remember to keep the italian spine intact. We don't want to turn into another internazionale.

Haha yeah cheers mate. As long as you dont mind me making fun of a few players I hope you will enjoy it! It's all supposed to be light hearted but I will be trying to win!!
Haha yeah cheers mate. As long as you dont mind me making fun of a few players I hope you will enjoy it! It's all supposed to be light hearted but I will be trying to win!!

Haha I have no problem with that.
I Didn't join the training session, I just watched from afar to see how the players were shaping up. As the session ended I made my way into the dressing room, once they had all changed I was ready to talk.

"Alright lads, I'm the new manager" I said, rather chuffed with myself. None of them really looked like they gave a **** and just stared silently and blankly back at me. Time to ruffle them up a bit.

"So, Thiago Silva, seems like you can do it all in defence to me" I said

"I would like to think so Sir" Came Silvas reply. Just what I wanted to hear.

"Brilliant, you won't mind being the only player in defence then." I said smugly.

He sat there stunned as I went onto explain my ideas.

"I want one defender, you Thiago, to be my last man at the back. Ahead of Thiago I want 2 defensive midfield players and two advanced wing backs"

At this point Pato started to sob in the corner. I was not sure how to handle this, luckily Ibrahimovic put his arm tenderly around his shoulders and gave him a cuddle and pecked his forhead until the whimpering stopped. My eyes glanced towards Gattuso who was eating a raw slab of beef, just tearing chunks out with his teeth with saliva dripping to the floor, he does not care for formations. A worried Inzaghi shifted uneasily in his protective bubble wrap suit. POP.

"So for this to work I need you all super fit, everyone has to press the oposition, never give them a chance. With the supurb defensive midfielders we have here, I'm sure that wont be a problem."

At hearing this Van Bommel punched a large block of plaster off the wall which worried me until I saw the wide eyes and huge gin on his psychotic face. At least he was pleased.

"Tomorrow we will face our reserve team, I expect everybody to try their best in this new formation. There are places up for grabs here remember and I want to be impressed. Especially by you Flamini, because I think your a bit ****"
Hahaha , quality start , being a Arsenal fan , i also think Flamini is a bit **** :)
This is ******* awesome mate :) Keep it up, and for gods sake keep the humorous tone in it... Looking forward to seeing an SS of you formation :D
Will defo follow this. Love a bit of humour in a story.
Was surpirsed to see so many likes in my little red box this morning, cheers lads! Will probably update this tonight when im home and add screenshots :)
I woke up early at 11am to get ready for my first game in charge. I had practiced playing alot on Fifa 91 the night before so I knew my stuff because most of my Milan players were in their prime then on that game. I threw on my purple suit and top hat and grabbed my jewl incrusted cane and set of to the ***** wagon - my Ford Siera.

When I got to the ground I immediately made my way to the changing rooms. I was met by the smell of deep heat, sweat and testosterone, it was just like the set of a gay **** film. I would imagine. Not that I want to. Not that I did.... Ahem.

Time to rally the troops I thought.


Nobody even turned around, other than an exited little Robinho who came scampering up to me pulling on my sleeve.

"Mr, Mr Joe can I please play today" He asked with hope and joy in his eyes.

"Yes little Robinho, you can" I said as I ruffled his hair. He jumped up and punched the air before running off again.

I weaved my way past 4 Zimmer frames before I got to my captain of the day, Gattuso. He was sat on the floor in a corner carving himself some sort of a large wooden club. He grunted at me, I left him alone. In the opposite corner Filippo Inzaghi was having his glass legs polished, he really was trying to impress.

"I expect a win here, by at least 3 goals. Ibra I need you to be scoring today, none of that Kung Fu **** you like doing in your spare time against blow up dolls and weak children." He gave me a cheesey grin and a thumbs up.
Game time​
I love you.

Rahahaha! Cheers babe!

Thanks for all the likes people, would appritiate more comments though! Let me know what you think. Whats good and whats bad ;)

I should be home 6.30ish, going to get a few pre season games done and upload screenys. Any screeny requests?

Get commenting!
*****! First time I've ever laughed at a story XD

Never read the bible? loads of mental **** in that!

Any requests for screenshots etc? Gunna have a good go tonight!

Thanks for the compliments, it's worth it if I know people are enjoying it!

I'm just making up some nicknames for my players. And I might be recruiting some staff ;)