Alpha Romeo Metaphor IV

[Enrico Pucci]

Tuesday, 5 April 2022

3:31pm

The back door to the taxi opened. Matthew flew out like a greyhound out of its gate at the track. His impact nearly unbalanced me. Did he get bigger since I last saw him? Allison's feet appeared first as I wrapped my arms around my son. She was sliding out on her stomach. She landed, rebalanced, spun and trundled in my direction squealing.

"Allie!" I exclaimed as I lifted her up, too.

I gave her a kiss. Gwen was watching me from the far side of the vehicle. She smiled and winked.

"Ahh ... this is so much better than FaceTime," I told my kids.

"I missed you, Daddy," Matthew said.

Allison buried her head into my neck. I walked over to the taxi as Gwen paid.

"Yeah, I missed you, too."

I set my kids down, gave Gwen a kiss then helped the taxi driver haul the endless amount of luggage into the house.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Friday, 8 April 2022

12:30pm

"What do you think about playing away at Würzburger Kickers tomorrow?" Jakob Böttcher said. "Do they have a chance?"

"Sure they do," I replied. "They're third in 3.Liga. They're a quality side and we have to be prepared for a tough game."

"Danny Schwarz has Kickers playing a possession game," Dennis Friedel of Sportbuzzer said. "What are you thoughts on his style and how do you plan to counter it?"

"There are a lot of teams that play possession football," I said. "We're ready for it. If their center backs want to pass it back and forth between each other, fine ... whatever. But they'll have trouble breaking us down. And you guys know how we are on the counter."

"Any fear in your camp?" Friedel asked. "With so much on the line tomorrow?"

"I don't fear anyone nor do my players. Kickers play their style very well. If we play our game, we'll beat them."

"You can secure promotion tomorrow with a win because of your superior goal difference," Niklas Boll with Kicker said. "Are you confident?"

"We've worked incredibly hard to get into this position. I have faith that my players will see it through."

"What impact do you think last week's good performance has on this game?" Boll asked.

"We just need to continue to work hard. Our entire system is based upon that. We work hard, we win. Simple as that."

"How will you handle Kenny Redondo returning to fitness? Boll asked. "Will he be phased back into the team?"

"He's not quite back, yet," I said. "We're not sure he'll make the bench and we're not going to risk him."

"You've got the best attack in the 3.Liga," Boll continued. "What do you attribute that to?"

"Hard work."

"Talk about Boris Tomiak please?" Böttcher interjected before Boll could ask another question.

"He's been awesome. Best rating in the league. He's played at a very high level all season. He's really led this team from the back. We wouldn't be where we are without him."

"What about Klingenburg?" Friedel asked.

"He and Ritter have been dominant this season, haven't they. Clearly, not a better pairing in the league. Rene pops up with those late runs. He's so good at timing those runs. His passing is great, too. He's a pleasure to work with."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Its a two and a half hour drive east through Frankfurt to get to Würzburg and the FLYERALARM Arena. While it was a small stadium, it was nearly full with around two thousand or so Roten Teufels behind one of the goals.

Assani Lukimya replaces Kevin Kraus as Kraus was terrible all week in training.

As advertised, Kickers took the kickoff and held the ball. When we got it back, they pressed us and we gave it back immediately.

In the 9th minute, I regretted replacing Kraus. They had it out on our right, passed it inside. Their midfielder saw their striker pull outside and make a looping run into the channel behind Lukimya. Lukimya was, as you'd expect, ball-watching. He watched the chip go over his head, turned and saw the striker in on goal.

Avdo Spahic was quick off his line and blocked the shot.

But the ball fell fortuitously to their striker and he rolled it in.

1-0

"F***," I muttered to myself.

Jörg was off the bench screaming at the defense and midfield to wake up. Couldn't have said it better myself.

We answered in the 23rd minute. Ritter curled in a corner and it was cleared. Marius Kleinsorge chased it down and passed to a Lukimya.

Lukimya saw that the Kicker's defense was charging out, saw the Kleinsorge was charging forward and pointing where he wanted the pass. So Lukimya obliged.

Klingenburg met Kleinsorge's cross with a thumping header.

1-1

In the 33rd minute, Rene Klingenburg played a ball into the channel for Kleinsorge. Kleinsorge was quickly closed down by their left back so he played it out wide for Dominik Schad.

Schad had time to measure his cross and delivered into the danger area between the keeper and charging Kaiserslautern players.

Muhammed Kiprit opened up his body and used his left to redirect into the far side netting.

1-2

That was more like it.

I got my players attention, a few at a time, and told them to sit back and hold the lead.

We let them have the ball for the remainder of the half, but they didn't do anything with it.

"That's the kind of response I want to see," I told Jörg and Ulf as we walked toward the away team room.

"I'm going to let Jörg give the talk," I said once we were all in the away team room.

"That was the f***ing s***," Jörg shouted. "More s*** like that."

And in the 51st minute, Tomiak flicked a near post corner in.

1-3

This was right in front of the Roten Teufels and the away end descended into absolute bedlam. They screamed, they lit flares, a steward was showered in beer.

They were having a proper promotion party until the 66th minute. Out of nothing, Würzburg pegged us back.

Their right fullback and right midfielder played a combination of passes down our left. First Osayamane Osawe gave up the Neal Gibs gave the midfielder too much space. Lukimya was the wrong side of his man and he redirected the cross in.

2-3

Kickers began playing with some hope now. I countered by removing Lukimya and inserting Kraus.

We let them have hope as long as "having hope" meant playing keepaway around the center circle. We never really let them advance much into our end.

In the 93rd minute, we won a corner. Substitute Hendrick Zuck hit a near post corner. Substitute Simon Stehle and Tomiak were a the near post. Stehle flicked it towards the back post. Kiprit had a tap in from 0.5m.

2-4

And if you thought bedlam was as crazy as the away end could get, it got crazier. It was a h*ll of a party.

"WE ARE GOING UP! WE ARE GOING UP! WE ARE GOING UP! WE ARE GOING UP! WE ARE GOING UP! WE ARE GOING UP!" We all chanted with our supporters.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Werner: Welcome to another edition of the Rötliche und Teuflisch podcast in which Jakob and I are going to celebrate promotion.

[two men scream incoherently]

Werner: Screaming along with me just now was my ever-present cohort Jakob.

Jakob: Hi.

Werner: Its done. Job done. The hellscape of 3.Liga is in our past.

Jakob: Ja. We’re up.

W: What are you thoughts looking back?

J: Ja, it was really over at the winter break. We were leading by enough then it was just managing to stay out front.

W: Which we did. Key players?

J: Muhammed Kiprit, Marlon Ritter, Rene Klingenburg, Boris Tomiak, Julian Niehues.

W: Niehues, eh?

J: Ja. It turns out he’s the ideal player sitting in front of the back four. He’s fast, tackles well, reads the game well enough. I mean, the game is usually in front of him. He’s passing is perfectly adequate in that he gives to someone else quickly. He can run down any counter attack and slow it down so that others can get back.

W: Ja, maybe he is the unsung hero of this campaign.

J: But Kiprit’s goals, Ritter’s assists and Klingenburg’s late runs got us promoted.

W: It has been a pleasure watching Ritter play passes into the channel for Kiprit to chase.

J: Ja, and its not that Kiprit is all that fast, its that he times his runs so well.

W: That does concern me a little.

J: Oh?

W: Defenders are going to be better in 2.Bundesliga. Faster. Read the game better.

J: Ja, they are going to have to step their game up.

W: Which brings me to the next topic …

J: Oh, wait. Sorry. I failed to give credit to our keeper, Avdo Spahic. He was solid. Sometimes sensational, but there was never any question about him.

W: Fair enough. The next topic is who will be here next season. There is a lengthy list of players out-of-contract. Any idea about who will stay?

J: I’m not sure any of them will. I looked over the rosters for Bologna after Pucci got them promoted and the turnover was significant. Same at the lower league London club AFC Wimbledon when they got promoted into England’s third division the bizarrely named League One.

W: Those crazy English. So its going to be a crazy summer for us.

J: Not just because of your travel plans.

W: That is more sad than crazy. Anyways, what about Pucci? He’s gotten everyone playing at the top potential, hasn’t he?

J: Ja. That first half 23 game winning streak made us winter champions. We’ve only lost 2 all season with several draws since the restart … well … that is good enough.

W: What is your assessment of Pucci so far?

J: We were in disarray. Underperforming, overpaid players, poor defensively, inadequate offense. His job was to fix all that. I certainly has fixed us, hasn’t he.

W: Agreed.

J: And many of the players won’t be back because he knows they’re not good enough for 2.Liga.

W: So we’ll be champions then?

J: I can’t see this squad collapsing.

W: Alright, on to questions.

J: My Mom at it again?

W: Ja, your Mom, at xander2929 on Twitter asks who is player of the season?

J: That’s tough. Boris Tomiak has been a rock. Ritter has had an insane season with 17 assists and 5 goals. Kiprit’s 27 goals. I’m inclined to say Ritter. Okay, I have a question. Ingrid asked on our Facebook page if we can keep gong next season, if we can be in the promotion hunt?

W: It all depends upon the quality of the players that Hengen and Pucci add this summer.

J: Ja, what free signings from Bayern, Dortmund and etc. will agree to join us.

W: So we won’t have any money again?

J: Little if any.

W: And on that positive note, that’s all we have.

J: So go away now.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Today is the Saarland - Rheinland-Pfalz derby and the local bragging rights. Saarbrücken is an hour to the southwest on the French border. The Roten Teufels are up for it and the Fritz-Walter is pretty full. A tiny Saarbrücken contingent is in the east end.

My only change is Kevin Kraus replaces Assani Lukimya.

The first half was dull. As dishwater. As watching grass dry or paint grow.

I guess this was a hangover after last week's excitement.

Our opponents had one shot on target and one miss in the first half. Avdo Spahic fumbled the shot but got to the loose ball before anyone else.

We had one attempt in the first half. Marlon Ritter whipped in a free kick to the back post and Boris Tomiak's header grazed the crossbar.

The second half was worse.

Saarbrücken outplayed us. Luckily for us, their offense isn't very potent. They'd only scored twenty eight goals up to this point.

I started getting really paranoid around the 70th minute and decided a point was going to have to be good enough. I took off Ritter and Muhammed Kiprit as they were having poor days.

Osnabrück were beating 1860 to reduce our gap at the top to seven points.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Friday, 22 April 2022

7:30am

"Good morning," I said.

"Good morning, Enrico," Albert said. "The usual?"

"Ja," I replied as I sat in his chair. He threw the drape over me.

"Big day today, ja?"

"Ja, big day. Got to look my best."

"I take it the suit is in the car?" he asked.

"Ja, still in the laundry bag."

He wrapped a hot towel around my head, face and neck. I sighed.

"I think you'll beat Wiesbaden," Albert said. I grunted in response. "I haven't been impressed with them."

"Simple as that, eh?"

"Ja, I think so. Also, I think we'll get early goals and that'll seal it."

"We will, huh?"

"Ja," he said and unwrapped me. "Now lets get you shaved and buffed."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Friday, 22 April 2022

2pm

"Good afternoon, guys," I said as I walked out into the hallway for my press availability.

They all nodded and started recording on their various devices.

"You can clinch the title tomorrow," Florian Carre of OneFootball said. "Thoughts on that?"

"We need help from Mannheim," I replied. "If we do our job and Osnabrück fail to win, we've done it. Training has been good all week. We're up for it. We're injury free. We've got the best defense and the hottest striker. My barber says we'll get early goals and it'll be all over."

"Does he?" Florian said. "Wiesbaden are fifth. You're not worried? They're a good side."

"I feel suitably prepared. We've analyzed their recent matches. We've made a few adaptations in how we'll approach the match but I think the real question is will they be able to contain us."

"How are your nerves?" Jakob Böttcher of Kaiserslautern Express asked.

"I'm excited but not nervous. We get to play the game we love. In the real world there is illness, death and real problems. I'm privileged to be able to kick a ball around for a living."

"Any team news?" Jakob asked.

"Not really. Everyone is healthy. We're ready to go."

"What about Osayamen Osawe inability to score?" Dennis Friedel asked.

"Yes, it is a concern," I said. "However, he plays a key role. He's one of the fastest players in the league and our system relies on the threat of his speed on the break. He trains hard, works hard and I'm sure he'll come good soon."

"You were winter champions by eight points and you've maintained that lead," Florian said. "Would you talk about your squad's consistency?"

"There are several factors," I replied. "First, we have a system designed to create overloads and mismatches. Secondly, our tactics are designed for the players we have. Think of it as a tailored suit. Third, the mental strength of this squad. They have run through walls to score that late goal or defend a lead. Finally, I have assembled a Bundesliga coaching staff."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Its spring! April showers bring May flowers. BRITA Arena is two-thirds full and one-third are Roten Teufels. They're all crammed behind one goal.

Captain Jean Zimmer is back to full fitness so he replaces Dominik Schad at right back.

We started off pressing them and it paid off in the 4th minute. Zimmer intercepted a break out pass, fed it to Marius Kleinsorge and their left back bought his shoulder fake.

Kleinsorge raced into the box and skipped a pass across the wet grass between the keeper and the onrushing Kaiserslautern attackers.

Osayamen Osawe got their first and tapped it in from 2m.

0-1

The players all ran behind the goal, climbed the fence, and celebrated with the supporters.

They were still singing their 'Jolly Good Englishmen' song they'd invented for Osawe when we won a corner.

Ritter curled it in to the near post.

Boris Tomiak leapt highest, timed it perfectly and smashed the ball in.

0-2

Once again the players celebrated with the fans behind the goal.

They began singing 'We Are The Champions by Queen in very bad English.

"Mannheim are holding Osnabrück," Jörg said after the celebrations had faded.

The match was all over in the 24th.

One of their midfielders was jogging upfield with the ball. He didn't notice the few home fans who yelled 'MAN ON' and Muhammed Kiprit nicked it off him.

Marlon Ritter raced towards the box with the ball.

He slid a pass into the path of Osawe who shot first time.

The keeper saved but the ball fell to Kiprit. He doesn't miss from 3m.

0-3

I only told them they were doing a good job at halftime. I could tell I didn't need to say anything else.

"Its Osnabrück null, Mannheim null," Jörg said. Everyone nodded.

The second half took forever, but Wiesbaden couldn't mount much of an attack and we just played keepaway when we got it.

Around 60 minutes or so a groan went up from amongst the Roten Teufels.

"F***ing s***," Jörg said as he showed me his iPad. Osnabrück had scored.

The Roten Teufels didn't care. They sang 'You Can't Stop The Rain' and chanted the entire second half while the Wiesbaden fans glumly watched. Some started to leave starting around the 70th minute.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Tuesday, 26 April 2022

9ish am

"When your man want to head ball at goal," Lorenzo explained after we'd just done a round of clearing corners. "And maybe he jump first. Jump into him little." He nudged Jörg with his shoulder.

"Not hard, ja?," Jörg added. "Just enough so his header goes high."

"Same when shooting," Lorenzo said. 'Slightest nudge at just right time." He made a curving gesture of a shot curling high and wide.

"Always use your head," Jörg said tapping his temple. "Always be thinking. A famous American baseball player once said that its ninety percent mental, the other half is technique."

Some kid snorted. Seriously? That wasn't funny.

"That make no sense," Lorenzo said.

"That's the f***ing point," Jörg replied then returned to addressing us. "Use your brain. God f***ing gave you one, always think of how you can make this match more unpleasant for your opponent."

"Should we?" Lorenzo asked.

"S*** ja," Jörg said, apparently reading his mind. "Alright boys, don't tell your f***ing parents about this s***."

"Okay," Lorenzo said as he looked over both shoulders conspiratorially. "There are many soft spots on body. Fingers between ribs at a corner, step on foot ..." He crouched down and pointed at Jörg's foot. "here and here and here and here. Ja?" There were snickers and snorts from most of the other youth players. "Or a little tap where shin guard not be. Kneecap to side of back of other player knee. Ja, that really hurt."

"Don't forget the f***ing love handles," Jörg said and grabbed his. "And just below the ribs on the side like so. I'm sure you little s***s will think of plenty more."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

"Alright, listen up," I said as everyone was just finishing up their pre-match taping, tying and etc. "This the moment we've been waiting for. A solitary point and we win the league. I'm not really into speeches and I'm not really sure I'm all that good at them so I've saved my most useless one for today. Its been an honor and a pleasure to manage the squad this season. Its rare when you actually win something. So enjoy it!"

"And f*** their s*** up!" Jörg yelled.

Everyone cheered.

The Dortmund II team plays the same five-two-two-one system the senior side uses. For them its a bit suicidal as they don't work nearly as hard. Their flanks are exposed as they can't really execute it like the big boys and we know it. This should be a cakewalk.

And it was.

In the 18th minute, Osayamen Osawe had the ball in our half near where the sideline meets the center line. Their right back decided that he absolutely had to get the ball off him. So he went right through the back. Osawe somehow saw it coming or sensed it and jumped just as he plowed through.

The ref was in the center circle and jogged over, fumbling in his pocket.

Refs never fumble for their yellow card.

He showed him a straight red.

From the restart, Osawe got the ball and launched a long, cross-field ball towards Marius Kleinsorge.

Kleinsorge ran for the end line, faked the cross, Cruyf-turned and slide a pass into the path of the onrushing Rene Klingenburg. He smashed his shot in at the first post.

1-0

I don't understand why, but we sat back at this point. Maybe to torture me and the fans? Its not like the future Bundesliga stars in yellow threatened, but we didn't do much.

"Look at this s***," Jörg said in my ear and showed me his iPad. Freiburg II were beating Osnabrück 2-0. Our result might not even matter.

Around the half hour mark we started squandering gilt-edged chances.

The squanderfest continued after the break.

I made my made two subs at 65 minutes.

Saydou Bangura had his card in hand and the fourth official was typing Muhammed Kiprit's number into the board when Kiprit scored.

2-0

Fireworks and flares were going off in the Westkurv as they sang 'We Are The Champions' by Queen.

More subs at 78 minutes. Then Bangura added another and loanee Simone Stehle got a fourth.

 

[Sam91]

Congrats on the league title!! Buzzing to see Enrico and this squad in the 2.Bundesliga

 

[Enrico Pucci]

I wiped the fake champagne out of my eyes. The players had insisted on non-alcoholic champagne so that Jörg would feel comfortable participating. Currently, Boris was soaking Jörg with a bottle of it. Ulf Kirsten launched himself at me and we hugged.

"FCK! FCK! FCK!" a group of players were chanting as they were also jumping up and down.

Thomas Hengen was spraying the Chairman Rainer Keßler and Managing Director Sören Oliver Voigt.

It was getting stupid, someone had bought A LOT of the stuff.

"Congrats, Enrico!" Jakob Böttcher said, shoving a mic in my face. "Did you always know it would end like this?"

"Ha!" I exclaimed as Gisela soaked Jakob with a bottle of the fake champagne. "No, but its nice when a plan comes together."

"Eeeeeeeee!" Gisela screamed as she turned on me.

"HE SHOUTS! HE SWEARS! HE KICKS YOU IN THE BITS!" Jean Zimmer, Avdo Spahic, Marlon Ritter, Rene Klingenburg, Osayamen Osawe and Muhammed Kiprit started singing. "ENRICO PUCCI! ENRICO PUCCI!" Their song doesn't translate all that well into English.

Then everyone joined in.

Then a bunch of hands grabbed me and picked me up.

"For he's a jolly good fellow," Osawe started singing. Everyone joined in for a couple of verses.

Then they were tossing me in the air.

I'm glad they weren't drunk, but I was starting to get worried.

When they let me down, I grabbed a bottle and started hosing down everyone I could.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 2 May 2022

10ish AM

"Enrico," Jean Zimmer said to get my attention during a water break.

"Ja, what's up," I said.

"A little bird in your ear," my Captain said as he walked off, nodding to indicate I should follow. "Its Muhammed."

"Okay."

"Its his contract."

"Not surprising," I said.

"Ja," Zimmer said shrugging. "You know ... strikers." He snorted. "We sat next to each other on the ride back from Wiesbaden. He brought it up. He wants a reward for scoring the goals that won the title."

"Thanks for the head's up," I said.

Zimmer walked off.

I pulled my phone out and typed out a message.

Muhammed Kiprit

Captain Zimmer said you'd like a new contract. I agree that you should have one. When do you and your agent want to talk?​

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Wednesday, 4 May 2022

3pm

"Come in Muhammed," I aaid as he knocked on my door.

"This is Steven Garling," Muhammed said. We shook.

"Please have a seat," I said. We all sat. "Your client has had a great season." They both nodded. "One more goal and he'll have the most ever in 3.Liga. Amazing season."

"Ja, definitely," Garling said. "We just want you to show my client how much he matters to the club." I nodded in agreement. "So let's begin with some basics, ja?"

"Ja, lets," I said.

"Muhammed wants a two year contract, goal bonuses, 160k loyalty payment, and otherwise standard contract for a 2.Liga player. Oh ja one more thing, a relegation release clause."

"What number are you thinking of for a relegation release clause?" I asked.

"375k."

"Weekly wage?"

"12k," Garland said.

"Okay," I said nodding. "My offer is heavy on scoring bonuses but not as high as you want in salary but not by much. I prefer incentives. Also, I want you here three years. I've included a big salary increase if your goals get us into the Bundesliga."

They both nodded but not necessarily in agreement. I added in a few adjustments to the contract I'd already drawn up. I printed it. The printer spat it out.

I spun my chair around, grabbed the offer sheet, spun back and slid it across the table.

"10k salary and I'm fine with the loyalty payment," I said. "A nice fat goal bonus. But consider how much you'd get if you score twenty next season. Or even twenty five?"

We discussed the terms for a few moments. Then player and agent whispered back and forth a few times.

Muhammed and Garling stood up. I stood up.

Muhammed broke out in a big smile. Then we all shook hands.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Congrats on the league title!! Buzzing to see Enrico and this squad in the 2.Bundesliga

Thanks! Gird your loins, it'll be a wild ride that's all I can be certain of.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Nothing on the line for us on a sopping wet afternoon in Köln to play that other club from Köln. What's interesting today is there are two top-versus-bottom matches. Second place Osnabrück visit Havelse. The title race is over and they're going up whereas Havelse risk relegation and desperately need points. Würzburger Kickers need a point against 16th place Halle. If 1860 München to draw or lose, Kickers match is moot and they get into the playoffs against the 16th place side in 2.Liga.

Okay, so I lied a little bit. We do have a few things on the line:

• Most points ever in 3.Liga
• Muhammed Kiprit needs one to set the record for the most goals ever scored in 3.Liga in one season

Everyone knew what was on the line. I told them to go out there, relax and have fun.

They tried.

Viktoria had decided fouling us was the only way to stop us. I spent a majority of the match yelling "FOUL!" or "YELLOW CARD!" at the ref or asking the fourth official why a particular foul wasn't a yellow or a sending off.

In the 19th minute, I was still begging the fourth official why a back alley mugging of Rene Klingenburg didn't merit a card let alone a foul when I saw the ball chipped forward out of the corner of my eye.

Clearly, Klingenburg had launched it. Osayamen Osawe leapt higher than their central defender and softly deflected the ball into the path of KIprit.

I held my breathe. I think everyone in the stadium did. At least the Roten Teufels did.

Kiprit looked up at the onrushing keeper.

He looked down.

He slipped a shot past the keeper ...

And into the side netting.

0-1

He ran to the corner flag on the bench side.

A couple of the faster substitutes beat me there but there was a group hug of all players and staff.

HE'D DONE IT!!!

28 goals in a single season!

Kiprit was denied a second goal by offside minutes later.

Suddenly, Osawe just sat down right after the kick resulting from Kiprit's offside goal.

I looked at the clock. 28:03. ATK ran out. ATK spoke into her mic.

"F***ing groin," Jörg relayed. Agnieszka probably didn't swear, though.

I put on Saydou Bangura in his place.

Viktoria decided to really rachet up their fouling. I spent the rest of the half discussing the laws of the game with the fourth official.

In the 65th, Kiprit turned provider. He crossed to Marlon Ritter who volleyed in our second.

0-2

Game, set and match. Or so I thought.

We fell asleep in the 92nd minute and they scored. It turned out to only be a consolation goal. They'd barely threatened us prior to that.

Because of how busy I was with the officials, Jörg didn't keep me up-to-date with the other scores. Halle, Havelse and Verl were all tied at 38 points, but Verl were in the relegation zone because of goal difference. Kickers got their point and confirm their playoff spot.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Sunday, 8 May 2022

2:59pm

"This is Enrico," I said. I didn't recognize the number.

"This is Andre König. I represent Boris Tomiak."

"Ja, hello Andre. Whatever might you be calling about?"

"Boris said you're a real joker. I'm calling to congratulate you on signing Muhammed Kiprit to a new contract."

"That is so kind of you," I said chuckling. The club announced the contract yesterday.

"Boris was just as important as Muhammed."

"I know. I agree."

"So I want an improved deal for my client, too."

"Can we make this a three way call and get the deal done?" I asked.

Andre agreed.

Here's what we hashed out. Not that high of a salary, nice goal and shutout bonuses plus 5 and 10 goals bonuses. The difficult part was the minimum release clause, but I should be able to buy a really good defender if someone pays us EU1 million for him.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Wednesday, 11 May 2022

12:12pm

"Got a minute?" Jörg asked.

"Sure," I said as I swept the remnants of my lunch into the compost bin then put my tray on the conveyor belt. "Problem?"

"F*** no," he said. "Maybe an opportunity."

He wouldn't say anything else on the way to my office.

"Alright, out with it," I said as he closed the door. "The anticipation is killing me."

"Contract extensions," Jörg said. "Specifically Uwe."

Uwe Scherr was Head of Youth Development.

"I was not planning on offering him a new contract," I said.

"Hmmm...," he said reflecting on the ramifications. Jörg would never say anything bad about anyone. This was about as close as he was ever going to get.

"Out with it," I said.

"Dieter Eilts," he said. I shrugged. I didn't know him. "My manager at Hansa Rostock. Head of Youth Development at Werder for ages. He's getting released."

Werder Bremen's youth recruitment was top notch. This was a huge opportunity to put someone in charge who knew how to properly build a youth recruitment network.

"And I should offer him a contract?"

"Ja, if you have a f***ing brain in your f***ing head."

"Will you set up a lunch with him or something?" I asked.

"Ja," Jörg replied.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Friday, 13 May 2022

The only thing that matters tomorrow is the relegation battle.