Alpha Romeo Metaphor IV

[Enrico Pucci]

Its a beautiful spring afternoon and the supporters are in fine voice. I didn't even see any suppporters in the away fans section for our already relegated opponents.

Rene Klingenburg is in a mood today. Muhammed Kiprit drifted left from the kickoff and Ritter chipped a pass into the right channel. I thought he was going to score but a last ditch tackle saved our opponents.

Our opponents apparently got the same scouting report as Viktoria Köln got and decided that fouling was the best tactic. The only problem for them is that we were stringing series of one touch passing sequences together. It was delightful to watch.

"Verl are already down a goal," Jörg said in the 5th minute. Then Halle and Havelse are safe regardless.

We kept creating chances and Türkgücü kept making last ditch blocks or interceptions.

In the 19th minute, Klingenburg played a give-n-go with Marius Kleinsorge. Kleinsorge ran to the end line and whipped in a cross that Klingenburg volleyed in.

1-0

"Verl are down by two," Jörg said after the celebration calmed down.

Neal Gibs couldn't prevent their right winger from sending in a cross and Avdo Spahic made a sensational diving save to keep us ahead.

In the 35th minute we slowly and methodically brought the ball out of the back. When Captain Jean Zimmer slashed in a low cross into the path of Muhammed Kiprit, every single player had touched the ball aside from Muhammed.

Muhammed didn't miss for his 29th of the season.

2-0

The odd thought crossed my mind that we'd better enjoy this now because next season might not be quite this easy.

"Check this s*** out," Jörg said holding his iPad before me. Verl might be down by two, but their opponents, Duisburg, had a man sent off in the 26th minute. Halle were down by one but Havelse level at one apiece. Might there be hope for Verl?

I spent the remainder of the half discussing FIFA rules regarding fouling and violent conduct with the fourth official.

"No changes in the scores," Jörg said as we walked up the tunnel at halftime.

"You're doing great out there," I said in Die Kabine. "But be careful. This ref isn't calling any fouls ... I mean ... in comparison to how many fouls Türkgücü are actually committing. Keep the passing quick and keep your eyes open. I don't want anyone's summer ruined by doing rehab for something nasty."

From the kickoff, Türkgücü midfielder Iliya Gruev mugged Saydou Bangura.

"F*** this s***," I said to Jörg as got up off the bench. The irony is that I'd only had my b*tt in my seat for a matter of seconds.

"WHAT THE **** WAS THAT!" I yelled at the ref. "HE WENT THROUGH THE BACK. THAT WAS ASSAULT!" The ref just pointed for a foul. "HOW IS THAT NOT A CARD?"

Bangura got up and got chin-to-chin with his assailant. Teammates dragged both players away and no cards were issued.

I jogged over and had yet another lengthy but ultimately useless argument with the fourth official.

"This is getting ridiculous," I said after the fourth official told me to sit down for the third time.

In the 53rd, Ritter saw Klingenburg's run into the channel and lasered a 40m pass. Rene didn't even need to break stride.

He chipped the keeper to make it three.

3-0

In the 57th, Gibs ran alongside their winger and just wouldn't tackle despite numerous opportunities. Gibs was saved by a last ditch block from Boris Tomiak.

With a little more luck, Türkgücü could be in this match.

In the 58th, a Türkgücü player chopped out Captain Jean Zimmer's legs right in front of me.

"HOW IS THAT NOT A CARD?" I yelled.

The ref ran up. "This is your final warning," he said. "No more."

"I think its a legitimate question," I said. "He swept both legs. I just want an answer. You're not protecting my players from violent conduct."

He showed me a yellow card.

I stomped over and sat in between Jörg and Ulf.

"Don't let me get up, no matter what happens out there," I said.

They both chuckled.

Then they scored in the 71st minute. Their right fullback launched a 50m punt towards our goal. Their striker was quickest to it and scored.

3-1

"Verl scored," Jörg said said at 80 minutes. Could Verl tie it up? Then Halle would go down. Havelse were still tied.

In the 93rd minute, it got bizarre. They cleared a cross and their striker raced upfield with the ball. He fed it out left for a teammate who ran upfield, down our right flank. Klingenburg ran alongside, apparently unable to tackle despite multiple opportunities. The player crossed and Spahic got a hand to it. The ball sat there right in front of Kevin Kraus and their striker.

Kevin Kraus yanked down their striker but the guy somehow managed to get the ball over the line.

3-2

The ref pointed for a foul. For us. WTF? He could have called a penalty against us just as easily.

3-1

I broke free from Jörg and Ulf and jogged over to the fourth official. The Türkgücü manager was losing his mind. Not because the match was really all that close. But more because of the principle of righteousness, all of the poor luck they'd had all season, and probably because it had been a really s*** season for him.

"That should have been goal," I said. "What was the call?"

"SEE! SEE! EVEN HE AGREES!" My opposing manager shrieked. "HOW COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE OFFSIDES? THE KEEPER TOUCHED IT, THEN ITS IN THE NET!"

After I sat down, Jörg shoved his iPad under my nose. Havelse had taken the lead and Verl were still losing.

Not long after that, the ref blew the final whistle. We spent quite a while celebrating with the fans who refused to leave. Verl never scored and got relegated.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 16 May 2022

8:55 AM

I stood with Thomas Hengen and Jörg in the lobby of our offices inside Fritz-Walter stadium. We were waiting for Dieter Eilts.

"So you don't think Uwe will be interested in switching to the scouting team?" I asked. Jörg shrugged. Thomas shook his head no. "I mean I like him, but we can't pass up this opportunity." They both nodded in agreement.

"You should offer it to him," Thomas said. "Say you want to keep him at the club."

Jörg's phone buzzed. He grunted as he read it.

"Been an accident just below the stadium," he said. "He's late."

"What'd you guys think of my have-a-nice-summer speech?" I asked since we had a minute or two. It was the bulls*** you'd expect. I thanked everyone for their contribution, for their hard work. I'd suggested that we were going to avoid relegation next season. They all seemed to like that. I said there were going to be big changes in the squad. No s***, Sherlock. I was only keeping ten players, I'd need a dozen more. Plus, I was going to promote a couple of promising youngsters.

Jörg snorted indifferently. Thomas shrugged.

"F***ing ironic," Jörg said.

"Ja, considering most of them are getting released," Thomas added. "Its unrelated, but I think its a perfect time for you to ask the board for some things you want."

"It would be, wouldn't it," I said, smirking. "While they still f***ing love me. How far should I go? I for sure want more coaches and scouts. I'd also like more cryo-tubs. I could ask ATK if she wants any improvements to the medical facilities."

Thomas nodded as the elevator dinged to announce an arrival.

As Dieter Eilts stepped out, Jörg strode over and attempted to crush him with a bear hug.

Then he introduced us.

"Shall we begin?" I said, opening the door to the board room.

"Since you come highly recommended, we like to hear about your theories of youth development," Thomas began after we'd sat.

We talked for an hour and a half. We finished by negotiating a contract.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 16 May 2022

11:30am

I stood there in the manager's office with Ilhan Yavuz, Viktor Olsson, Matthias Kraus, and Jan Ahnelt. The fitness trainer Günther was there, too.

"Sorry," he apologized. "Agnieszka must be running late. Shouldn't be long." He went back to reading something on his laptop.

He hadn't said why we were here.

We all heard the footsteps rushing down the hall. The manager looked up and we all turned.

"Sorry, apologies," she said as she bustled in. "You'd think I wouldn't be busy as its summer ..." and trailed off.

"I've brought you all here," the manager began. "Because I think you five have potential to play in the Bundesliga. Mind you, its just potential. ATK and Günther are here because they've devised a workout regimen for you for this summer. Agnieszka?"

"Ja, Enrico and the coaching staff can teach you how to play," she said. "But you and only you can push yourselves to go further. You all will have access to the club's fitness center this summer. If you'd prefer to work out at another place, that's fine, too. The club will pay for your membership."

Then the manager talked about how we would get playing time next year if we showed him we wanted it bad enough. For the fifth or sixth time, I've lost count, he told us his story about how he broke through at Bologna. He really likes that story.

"You already know how to do the weight lifting in the right ways," Agnieszka continued once the boss was done. "Don't do anything stupid like start using the weight benches. Aside from the hamstrings, everything can be done with free weights on the bouncy ball. Too much weight too young and you risk injury. These packets ..." She handed us each one. "describe exactly how Günther and I want you progressing. You all already know how to do all these exercises. Call either of us with any questions."

"That's really it, guys," the manager said. "Have a great summer. Have fun. Work hard in the gym. See you for preseason."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Tuesday, 17 May 2022

And with that we were off to visit my Mom in Washington, DC. The kids watched movies until we made them turn them off and sleep. Because of the pandemic, my Mom didn't want to travel and hadn't seen the kids live and in person for a while now.

We picked he perfect evening to visit sites on the Mall.

We even went and saw DC United play New York City FC at their Audi Field stadium.

It wasn't all sightseeing and fun. I had plenty of club business to take care of.

I offered jobs to Luigi Zonno and Bastian Becker. The previous manager had let Bastian go and since we needed another fitness coach, Thomas had suggested bringing him back. I knew Luigi by reputation. We talked on the phone a bit and he agreed to join up.

I had also been talking to a bunch of unemployed coaches over the phone as I wanted to revamp the youth coaching staff. Thomas and I were in constant contact trying to sort out their contracts.

Finally, Gisela and I were also in non-stop communication. She arranged for a training camp, two friendlies, and three preseason leagues. These tournaments would be big money makers for the club as they'd be at the Fritz-Walter. We only scheduled these three as the DFB hadn't released the 2.Bundesliga schedule, yet. We knew the season would kick off early because of the World Cup in Qatar during the winter. The DFB had notified us that we would be allowed to kick off our preseason as early as 13 June. Since I want as much time as possible for the new squad to gel, that's when we're starting.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Tuesday, 24 May 2022

4ish pm

"My Italian-American workaholic of a husband," Gwen said. "You need to stop reading scouting reports and close the laptop."

"Oh? Is it time?"

"Yes."

"My lists are getting shorter," I said.

"Name me a day since you took this job that you haven't read a scouting report."

"You might have a point there."

"Don't you have a scouting staff?" Gwen asked. "That Olaf bloke seems like a good guy, smart guy. Well connected and didn't he ... wasn't he ... on the German national team and such things?"

"Olaf is great," I said. "But I'm looking for very specific things."

"Are you even packed?" I closed the lid then rubbed my eyes. Then I looked at my phone. "Yes, you've been on your laptop, ignoring your mother all afternoon. I crammed your clothes and your things in your suitcase and backpack for you. Why can't Olaf and his team do it?"

"Oh, I keep them plenty busy," I replied. "I guess I'm too obsessive. I don't want the almost right player. Take the guy I was just evaluating. He's a forward. The skillset is very specific. This last guy was so close. He's strong, makes great runs off the ball, seems composed when he's in scoring positions. He's pretty fast too for a guy over thirty. The problem is I'm not so sure about his first touch and dribbling skills. So he'd be able to make the smart runs into open channels, hold off defenders and finish well, but forwards also need great first touch and dribbling skill to be able to make those final touches and score. I'm not sure this last guy has the best dribbling skill so I want Olaf and company to take another look at him. And at the weekly wage he'd ask for, I don't want to get it wrong."

"Well, its time to go to the airport."

"London here we come!" I exclaimed.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

"Awrighty as you would say," Gwen said as she sipped her cup of wine. Matthew and Allison had just settled in to their movies. "Its a long flight and I've always wondered what you are looking for when you read those endless reports you read."

"This kid is a goalkeeper," I said, sliding my laptop over so it was between us and resting on both of our tray tables. "Olaf and company don't have full details on him, yet. But the skills that are most important are ... oh, wait ... keepers have to be tall or I won't even consider them. I look for aerial reach; how they handle high balls into the box, their handling, reflexes. They have to have good positional sense. Physically, they must be really agile and the stronger the better. Secondarily, I consider my scouts evaluation of how determined they are. And we also want our keepers to have good balance, but its not nearly as important as the other skills.

"Alright," Gwen said. "What about central defenders? Tall and strong?"

"Yup. Plus, good defensive skills; heading, tackling, marking. They must have good positioning. You've seen how Boris Tomiak is rarely out of position?" She nodded. "But Kraus and Lukimya were caught out sometimes?" She nodded. "Yeah, positioning is crucial. Secondarily, I'd like good first touch and passing. I need my central defenders to be able to pass. The quicker and the faster, the better. Also, how hard do they work for the team? Its great to have really hard workers.

"Okay," Gwen said. "So you want fast fullbacks who cross well. I've seen how dangerous they are out on the flanks. And tackling, right?"

"Right," I said. "Their first touch and dribbling are critical, too. Their marking and positioning are also critical. In addition, my ideal fullback has flair and vision. They are wide midfielders even wingers when we're attacking, but defenders when opponents have the ball. Hard-working team players are better and they have to be nimble. I love it when they're strong and can run endlessly. Put all that together and they'll be playing on their national team."

"Hmmmm ...," Gwen mused.

"Okay," she said. "So your central midfielders are nearly the same except you don't care if they can cross, right?"

"Pretty much," I said. "But I also need good shooting and finishing skills. My midfielders make late runs into the box. Klingenburg is the perfect example. They never track his late runs and he scored a load for us."

"Alright, let me guess what you want for your forwards," she said. "They've got to be strong, good ball skills and they shouldn't fill their pants when they should be scoring."

"Heh," I chuckled. "Yeah, fill their pants. Aside from the obvious like finishing and heading, they need flair and vision. They need to be unpredictable. Unless they're super fast then the unpredictability matters less. Oh, and their off-the-ball running has to be good. They have to know when and how to make their runs. Take Muhammed for example, he's not fast. But his first two or three steps are really quick, he makes great runs into the channels and times it perfectly. That and Ritter can put the ball perfectly at his feet from 40 yards."

"Okay, I have a question," she said. "Julian Niehues. I don't get him. I mean, he never missed a match, yeah? He was always always in the line-up. Why?"

"Good question," I said. "Great question. The defensive midfielder really is the key. Wrong guy in the role and everything falls apart. Like I can work around players in every other position who lack certain attributes or skills, but not in Julian's role. Julian has to cover a huge amount of ground. If he can't snuff out the counter attacks, we're doomed. But he's really fast and reads the game really well. His tackling is superb and has to be or we're screwed. He has to be the guy that stands in the breach and does a Gandalf and yells "You shall not pass!" I'm also lucky that Julian can run a marathon every other day. And it turns out his first touch and passing got better and better as the season wore on."

"Very interesting," she said. "Very very interesting. Now I think I too need a movie." She turned on her screen in the seat in front of her and began searching. I returned to my reports.

"Ermagerd," she exclaimed several minutes later. "Shaolin Soccer! Have you heard of that one?" I shook my head no. "That has to be ridiculous. I think I'm going to watch it. Shoalin. Soccer. Ha."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Saturday, 4 June 2022

Goodbye London, hello Germany.

I didn't want to end my vacation this early, I can't imagine my players are going to be happy about starting preseason on 13 June.

We didn't even make it to Cadiz, Spain which we usually do. **** you FIFA and all those bribes you took from Qatar.

June is going to be weird. We play this little tournament Celtic, Osnabrück and Slavia Prague with players who are going to be released eleven days later. I'm going to tell them this is an opportunity to get into good shape for their next contract. Except for Mike Wunderlich. He's retiring.

I've got a bunch of players on trial so this will be a good opportunity for a couple of them to win a contract.

Before that I'll be busy finishing the scouting process on a large number of players I'm watching. I'm a bit worried, though. The scouting team of six hasn't gotten through as many players as I need. I prefer to have most of my signings wrapped up early. This year I'm going to have to leave it late. I'm a control freak so this really gets me wound up. I have to wait until 1 July to start contract negotiations. The agents for the two players I tried to negotiate with had ridiculous demands which they more than likely won't have once they've been released.

That and the DFB still haven't released the 2.Bundesliga schedule, yet.

Each day I'm getting more and more wound up ...

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Sunday, 12 June 2022

11am

"Well, welcome back from our abbreviated summer breaks," I said to begin our staff meeting. "Let's give FIFA a nice little cheer, ja?"

"F*** FIFA!" Jörg bellowed.

"F*** FIFA!" everyone else yelled.

"Alright, I feel better now, don't you?" I said. "Oh, hey ... any of you planning on going to Qatar to watch any of the matches?"

"I'm undecided," Ulf said. He looked over at Olaf Marschall, Bernd Schneider, and Dieter Eilts in turn. As former members of Die Mannschaft, the DFB reserved a large number of rooms and tickets. All three shrugged noncomittally.

"I'm just not sure sitting in 110 degree heat at ten at night sounds like a fun match experience," Olaf said.

"I'm going," Vicente said. He'd played three dozen or so times for Spain.

The new goalkeeping coach raised his hand. He'd featured for Montenegro some three dozen times.

"Let me use this opportunity to introduce our new U19 goalkeeping coach Vukašin Poleksić," I said. "Welcome to the family."

"Over there is Dieter Eilts," I said. "He's replaced Uwe as Head of Youth Development."

I proceeded to introduce all the new staffers. There were nine new hires in total.

"I want to address the elephant in the room, as we Americans like to say," I continued. "Only ten senior players and of course the youths will still be here on 1 July. However, we've got this preseason tournament. We'll need everyone including the players we are going to release to play. This will be a bit awkward, to say the least. There are probably a few players who featured last season who will be resentful that the club haven't offered them a new contract. Additionally, we've got a dozen trialists I'm looking at. I figure we say that this is an opportunity for the soon-to-be-released players to get in shape for their new club. I'm open to suggestions, if anyone has one."

We had a lively exchange of ideas.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 13 June 2022

10ish AM

I noticed Thomas Hengen lurking in my peripheral vision amid the chaos of first day training session. We'd just finished all of our baseline stuff like sprints, treadmill oxygen intake analysis for, weightlifing baselines, and etc. We were transitioning to four-v-two passing squares. He jerked his head away to indicate he wanted to talk.

"What's up, Thomas?"

"Walk with me a moment," he said. "Werder just called. They want Bernd Schneider."

"S***," I swore. "He's only been here six months."

"Just be thankful its not Leverkusen," Thomas said.

"You have a point."

"They'd have to pay us 125K if he joins."

"Have you talked to him?" I asked.

"No," Thomas said. "Other than to inform him we received the offer."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

"Hey Bernd," I said after the training sessions when I saw him alone on the training pitch talking to Ulf. "Got a minute?"

"Ja, Enrico," he said. We stepped away from Ulf.

"So Werder want you."

"Ja."

"So I just want to say we really value you here," I said. "We're building an organization for the Bundesliga. As a former national team player and Bundesliga regular, you bring stature to our organization and we really appreciate your presence here and your contributions so far. I'm not going to fight to keep you or anything ridiculous or do anything to stand in your way if you want to join Werder. I just wanted to say that."

"Ja, thanks, Enrico," he said. "Thanks for saying that. I haven't decided. But thank you."

"I'll talk to you later," I said.

"Ja, see you and thanks," Bernd said.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Tuesday 14 June 2022

Here we go, folks. The 2022-2023 season looks like this. Position last season. Media predictions is the image on the right.

Teams to beat

• Werder Bremen (6th) - new manager
• Schalke (12th) - new manager
• Hannover (4th)

Dark horses for promotion

• Fortuna Düsseldorf (5th)
• Arminia Bielefeld (relegated) - new manager
• 1FC Nürnberg (7th)
• SpVgg Greuther Fürth (relegated)

Mid-table

• Karlsruher SC (9th)
• SC Paderborn 07 (8th) - new manager
• 1.FC Heidenheim 1846 (13th) - new manager
• FC Ingolstadt 04 (3rd, lost promotion playoff)
• Dynamo Dresden - new manager
• Darmstadt (9th) - new manager

Might survive, maybe

• Holstein Kiel (11th)
• 1. FC Kaiserslautern (promoted)

Toast, no chance, so long see ya bye

• SV Sandhausen 1916 (16th, won relegation playoff)
• Vfl Osnabrück (promoted) - new manager
• FC Erzebirge Aue (14th)

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Wednesday, 15 June 2022

The DFB finally released the schedule. We don't get a break during the World Cup. The Bundesliga clubs have no matches in November or December. Yet, we start in July.

Also, Gisela and I guessed correctly that the league would start on 23 July. Our last preseason tournament is the weekend before the season starts.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Thursday, 16 June 2022

10:21AM

Once again I'm working with Ulf Kirsten on a drill when I heard some indistinct cursing and yelling from behind me. I glanced over in that direction. Jörg has a meaty paw on the chest of Kevin Kraus and Alexander Winkler. He's pushing against them. Hard. Winkler is making some sort of I-didn't-do-anything gesture and Kraus is pointing an accusatory finger at Boris Tomiak. Lorenzo D'Anna has both arms wrapped around Tomiak and I can see my defensive lynchpin snarling something at those two. Assani Lukimya is standing in between both parties with his hands out, urging everyone to calm down.

"Be right back," I said to Ulf and strolled over.

By the time I'd gotten there, it was all apologies and backslaps.

"Everything all right?" I asked.

They responded with a chorus of "ja," "it was nothing," and "its all fine."

Because the DFB didn't move the start of the transfer window up to coincide with the start of preseason, I had a lot of disgruntled players still at the club. They are not particularly happy to not be in my plans for next year. However, I have a money-maker tournament this weekend and needed to fill the club coffers so I can't release them, yet. I need to have 22 fit players available for the three match tournament.

Because of our financial contraints, I have five people on the scouting team. Three are scouting youth prospects and two are scouting free transfers for next season. Nobody has made enough progress so that I can confidently go after all but two players. And I plan to talk to those two next week.

I'm the kind of guy that likes to have my squad for the next season together at the start of preseason so they can gel. Unfortunately, fate is conspiring against me and it seems that everything is in chaos.

Instead of returning to Ulf and his drills, I wander over and watch the trialists. I've offered trials to a load of players who will be released soon. I'm hoping to find a gem or two but, honestly, I just hope to find some emergency third-string players to populate my 1.FCK II squad. I'm releasing every single players in the reserve squad.

My phone buzzes not long after I started watching the trialists.

"Hey, Bernd," I said.

"Ja, good news for you, Enrico," my scout and former national team midfielder Bernd Schneider said. "I've turned down Werder's offer. I guess I want to stick around and help you rebuild this club."

"Great!" I replied. "Glad to hear it."

"Also, you owe Ulf a beer," he said. "He convinced me to stay."

"I'll buy you both a beer," I said.

"It sounds like your in the middle of training, I'll let you go," he said.

"Ciao."

"Auf Wiedersehn."

Click.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 20 June 2022

The club made EU 393,213 this weekend at our Preseason Kickoff tournament against Celtic, Slavia Prague and Osnabrück. The Celtic match was awkward as the squad was made up of kids and soon-to-be-released players.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Tuesday, 21 June 2022

5:03pm

"Hi, nice to meet you," Marvin Stefaniak said as we shook hands on his doorstep. I reciprocated, nodded and smiled.

"How was the drive?" his agent Steven Garling said as we shook. We already knew each other because he was Assani Lukimya's agent. It was a five hour drive from Kaiserslautern up to Wolfsburg. I'd already run a training session for over fifty players. It was going to be a long night.

"It was fine," I said. "I'm really glad to talk to the two of you." His client had come on as a sub once for Wolfsburg in the Bundesliga last season. Marvin was a journeyman who'd mostly played in 2.Liga and 3.Liga. His contract was up.

"Please come in," Marvin said and led us into his living room. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Water no gas would be lovely," I said as I sat. Marvin poured from the carafe on the coffee table.

"So you want to sign my client," Steven said.

"I am very interested," I said addressing Marvin. "As you know, I just got Kaiserslautern promoted. Now I need to build a squad for promotion back the the Bundesliga. The reason I'm here today is because I think you've got the quality to feature in the Bundesliga but you've never gotten your chance. I think that is undeserved and I think you'd have a burning desire to realize your dream."

"Ja, like any pro, I'd like to play in the Bundesliga," he agreed.

"So you'd be looking at a three year deal then?" Steven asked.

"I'm here today to meet Marvin and see if you want in," I replied to Steven then looked back at Marvin. "I'm building a Bundesliga level staff. I've got Ulf Kirsten, two Italians who worked with me at Lazio; Lorenzo D'Anna and Luigi Zonno. I've also got the legend Jörg Weber as my assistant."

"Ja, I'd heard that," Marvin said. "Jörg's a legend all right. I played against him once at the tail end of his career, the start of mine."

"We've got a great stadium and top level training facilities," I continued. "The reason I'm here is that burning hole in your gut that can only be satisfied by playing in the Bundesliga. From everything I've learned from your scouting reports, I think you are a perfect fit for Kaiserslautern."

"You're pretty confident you can get promoted then?" Marvin asked.

"This is the third time I've gotten a club promoted," I replied. "Bologna into Serie A and Wimbledon into League One are the other two."

"Hmmm ...," Marvin said, clearly thinking some things over.

"So he'd play in his preferred position as a left winger, cutting inside?" Steven asked.

"Well, here's the thing," I said to Marvin. I wasn't exactly ignoring Steven, but I wanted my body language to show that I was here to convince Marvin not his agent. "My scouts tell me you can play anywhere. Left or right wing, through the middle, wherever needed. With your experience, skill, drive and determination I envision you playing wherever I need you. My system is two forwards up top with a single winger. That winger plays on the side with the weakest fullback. Plus, I'll need a backup central midfielder to cover for injuries, suspensions or cold spells. My central midfielders score plenty of goals from late runs and my system relies on them becoming the third striker and causing mayhem in the opposition box."

"I insist that if Marvin signs for you, he'd be guaranteed to play as a winger," Steven said. "Also, what are your plans for improving your coaching staff?"

I hadn't taken my eyes off Marvin.

"I need players who will run through walls to score that late equalizer or winning goal," I continued. "I need players who will step into the breach and bleed themselves dry to protect a lead. I'm looking for a mixture of skill and mentality. Nobody has given you that chance and I'm offering you an opportunity to grab fate by the short hairs and demand your moment in the sun."

"Did you really just say short hairs?" Marvin said, smirking.

The three of us talked for another half hour. I wanted to talk about dreams unfulfilled and proving yourself. Marvin wanted to talk systems and overloads and exploiting opportunities. Steven wanted to talk about salary, bonuses, guarantees and contract details. I danced a pretty little jig in which I answered every single question Marvin asked or didn't ask as well as never really answering any of Steven's demands.

I left with the feeling that Marvin would find any Kaiserslautern offer intriguing and Steven would be more amenable to compromise after Marvin was no longer employed.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Wednesday, 22 June 2022

2:49pm

I buzzed the button for B Arce. A moment later the door clicked and I opened it. I turned and nodded to my father-in-law, Vic. He gave me a miniature salute then pulled out a novel and began reading. I climbed the stairs to the second floor and found flat 205.

"How are you," Billy Arce said in Bristol-Ecuadorian accented English. I don't believe I'd ever heard this particular combination before. I taller, younger version of Billy stood directly behind him. I could see an Englishmen further inside the flat. That had to be his agent. "Thanks for coming all the way to Bristol."

"Hey, how are you, I'm so glad you are able to meet with me," I said in Spanish.

"O hey you speak Spanish, I didn't know that," he replied in Spanish. He and his brother stepped aside. "This is my brother Miguel. Please come in." Then in English. "This is my agent Dean Meakin."

I shook hands with Miguel and Dean. The apartment was bare except for four folding chairs.

"Oh, you're moving out," I said in Spanish. "I could have met you at a restaurant or something."

"No, its fine, man," Billy replied. "We just finished clearing out my flat. You're timing is amazing, I'm flying out next weekend back to Ecuador, you know."

"You two going to talk in Spanish the whole time?" he asked.

"Maybe," Billy said.

"If you don't mind and its easier for Billy in Spanish," I said. "I promise we'll talk money and terms or anything like that in English."

"Man, where'd you get that accent?" Billy asked in Spanish before his agent could reply. "I mean, its kind of Mexican and maybe Puerto Rican. Also Columbian?"

"I grew up in Washington DC," I said. "I worked with Mexicans and Puerto Ricans in restaurants when I was a teen. I probably swear like a Puerto Rican. I met Colombians playing. Bologna sent me to Spain on loan before I broke through. I managed Cadiz for a season."

"O man, its great, I love it. Its totally crazy. Anyways, you flew in, like from Germany? How'd you get a chaffeur?"

"That's my father-in-law," I said. "I met my wife when I managed AFC Wimbledon. I flew into Heathrow."

"Oh, that's crazy, man. Sorry I can't offer you a drink, the fridge is empty. I can offer you a seat, though, at least."

We sat.

I told him my story of how I broke through at Bologna. I told him that I'm looking for good players who have been ignored. I explained how these types of players have the kind of desperation and desire I want. I explained my attacking system of exploiting overloads and late runs from deep. He kept nodding and asking questions, his agent kept looking blankly back and forth between us as we talked.

"Okay, I'm good, Mr. Enrico," he said in his Bristol-Ecuadorian English. "Thank you for answering the questions. You are a crazy guy and now you two probably better talk about the contract."

Dean the agent gave me exactly the same contract demands that Marvin Stefaniak's agent gave except in English. Guarantees for preferred position as a winger, nebulous coaching staff improvements, and star player. The actual contract demands were reasonable if a little high.

"Those are pretty big demands from an agent whose client is out-of-contract, don't you think, Dean?" I said. Dean furroughed his brow at my shot across the bow. "I'm not trying to be a **** about it and I realize you're at a disadvantage because our conversation was in Spanish, but the three of us should talk again soon. Billy is a really good player with a massive amount of potential. Your demands sounds like he's an established pro I'm trying to pry away from Brighton."

"That's rich," Dean said, his gall rising.

"Hold on, Dean," Billy said. "I like Enrico, don't get miffed, Dean. I'm sure his offer will be proper lush when it comes."

"I guess we'll see," Dean said.

"I fly out on the second," Billy said in Spanish. "Late take off. If you get your offer in early enough, I'll cancel my flight."

"Its been pleasure, Billy," I said in English. I stood. Billy and I shook. Dean shook reluctantly. Miguel shook enthusiastically. "Call me if either of you have any questions or anything. We'll be in touch soon."

Miguel walked me out.

"How'd it go?" Vic asked as I climbed into his car.

"His agent made demands like he was an established star," I said as I buckled and Vic pulled away. "He's a f***ing moron. Billy will accept whatever I offer after he's been released by Brighton. I just wonder if anyone else has figured out he's good and are tracking him."

"How'd you track him if he's been back Ecuador on loan?" Vic asked.

"All those clubs stream their matches," I replied. "I just paid to watch them. Well, Kaiserslautern paid for me to watch him."

"So you wait until he's released?"

"Yeah, submit my offer then and pray nobody else has discovered him."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Friday, 24 June 2022

8:45am

"Hi, Gisela," I said as I walked into her office.

"Good morning, Enrico."

"Um, I just noticed that we suddenly have two friendlies on the schedule next week."

"Ja, they wanted their friendlies," she replied. "Since you'd delegated arranging friendlies to me, I took care of these for you."

"Oh?"

"Ja, Enrico, they're affiliates," she explained as I apparently looked baffed. "They get to ask for one home friendly."

"But its right in the middle of our training camp," I said. "I really wanted to run training sessions and ..." I just trailed off. "Um ... can we cancel them?"

"Unfortunately, no," Gisela replied. "You could use it as an opportunity to see how all those trialists can play."

I had about 30 currently. Since I didn't have the capacity to scout, i.e., I didn't have a big scouting staff, I'd just invited a bunch of players I wanted to check out more thoroughly.

"I apologize for not consulting you," Gisela said. "My mistake, I'll run things like this by you next time."

"Ja, thanks," I said. "I guess I can use this as an opportunity to check out the trialists."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

The starting eleven beat Braunschweig and I watching my trialists beat our two affiliates. These trialists are mostly teenagers so I'll either be adding them to the U19 squad or restocking the reserve team. The only exception is Robin Becker who will back up Captain Jean Zimmer at right wing back.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Werner: This is another installment of the Rötliche und Teuflisch podcast. Please like and subscribe. Once again Jakob joins me. Where are you Jakob?

Jakob: I am at my uncles outside of Hamburg. Not far from Kaiserslautern’s training camp.

Werner: Hamburg?

Jakob: Ja, stupid pandemic, ruined my travel plans.

Werner: That’s unfortunate. You were going to be in Spain, ja?

Jakob: Ja.

W: Well, I guess that means you still here and even more attuned to the latest machinations and trials and tribulations of Kaiserslautern.

J: Ja.

W: Well, what have you got?

J: We are adding a new center back, Ibrahima Cissé. He is on loan from Gent in Belgium. He’s Malian but has a French passport so he counts as an EU player. I don’t actually know much about him. He’s tall and strong. Obviously, we’ll see him in tomorrow’s friendly against Hamburg.

W: Okay, good. We need center backs. What else?

J: Robin Becker signed on a free. He’s a right back. He’ll back up Jean Zimmer I presume. Apparently, he can also play at left back. He spent the last three seasons at Dresden but didn’t play much. He played at Braunschweig before that. He’s a product of the Bayer Leverkusen academy.

W: Ja, okay. What else.

J: Well, the training was open to the public this morning. I went. I hardly recognized anyone there. I mean, there are a ton of players but they all just have a number. Apparently, Hengen has brought in several trainloads of trialists.

W: So we’re not going to pay money for anyone.

J: Not true, actually. Pucci introduced a bunch of youth signings. They paid something for some of them. They didn’t discuss purchase prices but I think that some of these youth players signed for free while we paid for others.

W: What rumors have you heard. Any idea of who we’re tracking?

J: All I can tell you is that Pucci flew to England a few days back. The paparazzi have pictures of his supermodel wife dropping him off at the airport.

W: So we have the paparazzi to thank.

J: Ja. Weird, ja? Oh, and another thing. Pucci has brought in a bunch more Italians to coach. Luigi Zonno, Oscar Catalano, and Mauro Pozzoni. I know nothing about them. Apparently, most of the U19 staff are gone and he’s replaced them.

W: What about Dieter Eilts?

J: Ja, ja! I totally forgot. That’s huge. Eilts ran Werder Bremen’s academy for the last decade and for unknown reasons, they let him go. My understanding is we’ll be revamping the academy.

W: Ja, that’s really good news.

J: Also, we’ve received an offer from England for Osayamane Osawe. From Luton. The offer is for 700,000 pus add ons. I assume we’ll be able to use this money to buy a replacement. But you never know with Pucci. He may go and find some obscure journeyman and turn him into a goal machine. I mean, Osawe scored 15 last year. That’s one quarter of his career haul. I’m guessing that he’ll score four or something like that at Luton this coming season if this deal goes through.

W: What else?

J: Well, we need more center backs, another left back. More midfielders as backups. Wingers. Several forwards. Its going to be a busy summer.

W: Ja, and hopefully a good summer for Kaiserslautern.

J: That’s all I’ve got.

W: Go away now.