Alpha Romeo Metaphor IV

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 1 August 2022

9:20am

The squad was out and stretching early. They looked pretty deflated. Probably tired, too, after yesterday's exertions.

They went through the motions during the four against two passing squares we use every day as our warm-up. Then Günther had them jog a lap around the perimeter.

"They've got to forget about Saturday," I said to Jörg. "And who better than the man who tortured them yesterday to set the tone?"

Jörg grunted in a I-got-your-meaning kind of way.

"F***ing forget it!" Jörg bellowed after they'd assembled around the coaches. "Its gone! Done! You paid penance yesterday! Now we move on!"

"He's f***ing right," Captain Jean Zimmer chimed in. "We were garbage out there yesterday. Let's get ready for Düsseldorf."

"Fullbacks and forwards and wingers with Jörg and Lorenzo," I said. "You're going to work on defending our flanks. Keepers with Wolfgang and Ronny. The rest of you over there." I pointed. "We'll be working on counter-pressing when we lose the ball."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Tuesday, 2 August 2022

Noonish

"Jacopo, please sit down," I said in Italian.

Calm as an assassin, he sat.

"Let's talk contract," I said.

He smiled in relief. I guess he'd been expecting to be released like so many other forward trialists had been.

"I'm prepared to offer you a contract heavy on bonuses," I said. "I think the salary will be acceptable. Shall we call your agent?"

"Certainly," he said. "He's expecting the call."

"Slide over there, so we can both be in view," I suggested. I called Sirio Castiglione on Zoom. Jacopo moved his chair. Sirio answered on the third ring. "Ciao, Sirio."

"Good afternoon, Enrico. Hi, Jacopo. So he's been a good boy?"

"He certainly has," I replied. "You got my email?"

"I have," Sirio nodded and was clearly switching programs on his laptop. "Just for this season is acceptable. We'd like an extension after 10 games."

"Here's my counter," I said. "An optional extension for the club and he gets 20K for 5 goals, 40K for 10, 71K ... which is the max I can offer right now ... for 15 goals. Same for assists. You deliver for me and you will be rewarded."

"We'd prefer the extension after ten," Sirio said.

"But then you don't get the bonuses," I countered.

Sirio looked at Jacopo.

"I'd rather have the guaranteed extension," he said.

"Alright, give me a moment," I made adjustments to the contract then emailed it to Sirio. "How does that look Jacopo?"

Jacopo read it over, nodding. We heard the bing of an email arriving.

"Got it," Sirio said, looking it over for a moment. "Yes, that looks good."

"Great," I said as I stood up. I adjusted the tilt of the laptop so Sirio could see us standing and shook Jacopo's hand. "Welcome to the Kaiserslautern family."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Wednesday, 3 August 2022

1pm

"Let me start up the meeting," Chief Scout Olaf Marschall said. Thomas, Sören and I were in his office because he had the giant monitor on his wall and a camera for Zoom calls.

"Hello," Chairman Reiner Keßler greeted us.

Several of the other board members joined within a minute.

"Okay, the reason for this meeting is that Manager Enrico Pucci has requested extra transfer funds to bring in Josh Harrop," Sören began. "I see that we have a quorum, so we can commence with this discussion. Enrico?"

"Right," I said. I took a deep breath. "Thank you all for taking time out of your day for me. I have a small favor to ask. Its small in the bigger scheme of things, in the overall plan I have been executing. I've gutted and rebuilt the team so we can now move toward our next promotion. They've all been free signings except for one loan. I'm very close to having a complete squad. Just need to add a midfielder. The perfect player is Josh Harrop. He's one of those forgotten players who've never gotten a chance. He's an attacking midfielder who will score for us, set up goals and, additionally, he can take free kicks when Marlon Ritter is unavailable."

"We've diverted some of the transfer budget into scouting so that we can start scouting Europe. Next spring, we'll need to know what players are available instead of flying blind like we did this spring. I've purchased six youths who are talented and were inexpensive because I need to bring in talent for next to nothing. I want at least one player to join the senior squad each year. Its just a numbers game. Get enough talented youth in the academy and a few will develop. Additionally, it is my idea to host these mini-tournaments. The three we held during preseason brought in over three million euros. What I'm saying is I think we can afford a small increase in the transfer budget."

"So what I'm asking for is enough in the transfer budget to actually buy my first player as manager of this club. He'll cost 49K with a signing bonus of 125K."

"Thanks for stating your case," Keßler said. "Discussion? Questions?"

"Well, you did buy those kids," Tobias Frey the Vice Chairman said.

"Correct," I replied. "I've got to balance building the current squad, scouting for future transfer markets and building a squad. And I'm asking for a little help, a little extra help."

"We'd set an ample amount initially," Wolfgang Erfurt said. "A million euros should have been sufficient."

"One of the problems I faced is that you hadn't budgeted much of anything for scouting," I said. "Scouting Europe will cost us roughly 500K and, sorry I forget the exact number, but I was given a scouting budget under 100K. The original amount would only cover the costs of scouting Bundesliga 2."

"Regardless," said Fritz Fuchs. "We set a budget in which you get to operate. I'm not inclined to make alterations."

"Alright," Sören said. "Here's a poll, please vote Yes to give Enrico more money in the transfer budget or No."

I could see them responding. They all voted No.

"Sorry, Enrico," Sören said. "Is there anything else you'd like to say."

"I'm disappointed," I said. "I didn't think I was asking for all that much."

"If you can sell Zuck and Schad maybe you'd have the room to sign Harrop," Keßler said, trying to be helpful.

I shrugged. Like they'd let me have any of that transfer money anyways.

"Okay, that ends this call," Sören said.

Everyone said their goodbyes. I just sat there trying to remain calm and show no emotion.

"F***!" I groaned when the connection was dead.

"We'll figure something out," Thomas said. "Maybe we should explore loaning Harrop."

"We're still looking for a similar player, Enrico," Olaf said. "Maybe we can find him for free or an inexpensive loan."

"Thanks guys," I said. "You win some, you lose some. We're probably fine without Harrop. It would be nice to have an extra free kick taker on the squad."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

It is f***ing hot today. 35ºC! Thank the footballing gods that the benches are in the shade. I feel sorry for the fans on the north side of the stadium as they bake in the heat. There will be water breaks today the refs informed us.

I reverted to the Starting XI that won our opening match. Lorenzo Filippini and Jacopo Murano make the bench.

The handshakes and coin toss took place in the shade or I bet the players would have started the game heatstroked.

The game began at a jog. We let them have the ball and pass it back and forth across the midfield. Occasionally, they'd try long diagonal passes out to their wingers, but nothing ever came of them until the 19th minute when they finally managed a cross. Thankfully, their lone striker headed high and wide.

In the 22nd minute, Marlon Ritter got the ball inside the center circle but instead of chipping a pass into the channel for Muhammed Kiprit to chase, he hit his pass directly at one of their center backs.

Then we had our water break.

In the 36th minute, Ibrahima Cissé got caught on the ball. Their midfielder who'd pressed him ran towards goal with Boris Tomiak in hot pursuit. Their midfielder shot from just outside the box as Tomiak closed him down. Spahic tipped his shot over.

We cleared the resulting corner. My players slow jogged out their offside trap while their last man jogged over to retrieve the clearance. It was getting real f***ing hot. My dress shirt was completely soaked. I hope the fans watching on TV enjoyed the wet shirt contest between me and the opposing manager.

In the 40th minute, I was wiping sweat out of my eyes once again when I saw Julian Niehues chip a ball into the channel for Billy Arce to chase.

He was in all alone.

He chipped the keeper.

0-1

My players all sat back and defended the lead while Düsseldorf passed the ball back and forth in front of them.

At hafltime, Jörg and Ulf passed out cold towels for the players to put on their necks while ATK and Wolfgang Wimmer passed out ice pack wristbands as the players entered the visiting team room.

The players looked like they came back to life as the cold towels, ice packs and drinks had their effect.

The second half began as the first had ended. Useless possession for the hosts. We looked far more dangerous going forward when we did which wasn't often.

In the 54th, Tomiak followed their striker out to the left edge of the box then failed to stop his cross. Their left winger tried to place his shot into the corner but Avdo Spahic made an amazing toe kick save to divert the shot just wide.

In the 57th, Tomiak hit the outside netting from a 40m Ritter free kick.

In the 64th, I'd just replaced Jean Zimmer with Robin Becker. Becker had the ball at the sidelines even with the penalty box line. The problem was their left winger had him pinned against the sidelines. He started to go back then turned back and tried to gain ground towards the corner. Then he took three quick steps and gained a meter of separation. He whipped in a cross.

Their defender leapt but missed.

Saydou Bangura did what every forward has been taught, he assumed the player was going to miss and directed a header into the corner past the sprawling keeper.

0-2

The players jogged over to the away fans in their corner in the sun. The Roten Teufels had clearly lost their minds in this outrageous heat. They lit flares, threw all kinds of garbage around inside their section and held a little party.

The ref decided this was as good a time as any for a water break.

Düsseldorf were rejuvenated after the water break. We were apparently still basking in the glow of our second goal. Maybe my left back Amilcar Silva, especially. Instead of dishing an easy pass to Ritter, Cissé, or Niehues or maybe a slightly more difficult ball up the line for Bangura, Silva tried a Hollywood pass up to Muhammed Kiprit. The defender headed it back towards Silva and the Düsseldorf right winger got to the header first.

They eventually worked the ball up to their forward at the edge of the penalty box, off to our right slightly. Silva, still not paying attention, hadn't noticed their right winger make a blindside run on him. Unfortunately, their striker had and slid a pass between Tomiak and Cissé.

The right winger had the easiest of tap-ins at the second post.

1-2

I'd been up off the bench after Silva's Hollywood ball and finally got his attention as the players walked upfield. I pointed at my temple to tell him to think and then pointed two fingers at my eyes to tell him to look. I then tried a more complicated signal for him to stay back. That clearly wasn't working. I got Tomiak's attention and he jogged over.

"Tell Silva to stay back," I said. "Fullback not wing back. Defense first."

He nodded. He jogged over and told Silva.

Something changed; it was like the goal a smack across the face to my players. They woke up and kept the ball for a while. Düsseldorf chased but couldn't get the ball and when they did, we promptly won it back.

I subbed of Bangura who was knackered and cramping. I put on Madyan Sounni on right wing and moved Arce over to left wing with instructions to help Silva out.

In the 77th, Silva forgot his man again but Spahic saved his *ss blocking the right winger's shot out for a corner.

Muhammed Kiprit fell over clutching his calf. While I wanted to replace Silva, I had to replace Muhammed. On went Jacopo Murano.

Nearly every two minutes, a player from one team or another was on the ground suffering from cramp. This was great because the match never regained any rhythm.

We sat back to defend and wasted as much time as we could get away with.

The ref gave four minutes of injury time.

As we rolled past 4 minutes of injury time, I jogged over to the fourth official.

"What's going on?" I asked. "You held up the board and despite the heatstroke I'm pretty sure it read 4 minutes. Not 5. Not 6."

"You're very funny, Enrico," the fourth official said.

"I don't think its funny at all," I replied.

"REF! REF!" I bellowed pointing at my watch. "FOUR MINUTES IS PAST! HOW MUCH MORE TIME LEFT!"

"How much more time left?" I asked the fourth official.

"Another minute," he replied after a brief conversation on his headset with the ref.

"This is outrageous," I exclaimed. "That will make 6 minutes of extra time not 4. I'm about to question your honesty. Maybe you're heatstroked and put up the wrong number on the board. Are you feeling alright?"

"Shut it, Enrico, or you going to get carded."

Then the ref blew three blasts and ended the match.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Saturday, 6 August 2022

I gave the players today off so the family is going to the Frankfurt Zoo.

The heatwave hasn't broken, yet, but what are you going to do. So Gwen is in a giant, billowing sail of a dress and a gigantic floppy sun hat. Since Nike supplies Kaiserslautern's kit, I have loads of DriFit shorts, shirts, shoes, and etc. Add in a black baseball style cap and my disguise is complete.

"We're not buying any stuff today," I said as we drove north on the A63.

"But ... well ... okay, Dad," Matthew said. "But what if I really really really really want something."

"You've got plenty of stuff," Gwen said. "Your room is full of toys and things you don't play with because you got something newer."

"I want a lizard," Allison said.

"Why do you need a lizard, dear?" Gwen asked.

"They change color and their tongues," she said. "Gobbie Hommie wants a lizard, too." Gobbie Hommie was her blankie. Which was coming along to the zoo despite the extreme temperatures. "And lemonades."

"You want lemonade?" I asked. "Does Gobbie Hommie want lemonade, too?"

"No Daddy paddy sqwaddy snaddy," she said. "Blankies don't drink lemonade."

"What do they drink?" I followed up.

"You're a booger schnooger, Daddy," she replied.

I guess that settles that.

"Can we listen to Imagine Dragons?" Matthew asked. I f***ing hate that band, but my six year old kid loves them for some f***ing reason.

"Play Imagine Dragons," Gwen told her phone.

Oog.

The zoo was broiling hot. We survived and had fun despite it all. The kids both demanded hot dogs and lemonade for lunch. We managed to steer them clear of the gift shop.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Friday, 12 August 2022

11:04am

"The reason I've pulled you three aside is because of how you trained this week," I said to Oliver Hüsing, Lorenzo Filippini, and Hamza Çetinkaya. Training had just ended. Players were walking off for massages and showers. "I am a firm believer in you play how you practice. I did not like what I saw this last week. Too lackadaisical, inattentive. Its not just me. The other coaches noticed too and mentioned your poor performances to me. I cannot in good conscience put any of you on the bench for this Sunday's match."

"Ja, clear," Hüsing acknowledged.

"This is not the end of the world or anything," I said. "You three are new to the club. Show me. Show me how badly you want to play."

"I know I had a bad week," Hüsing said. "I'll do better."

"Ja, bad week," Filippini said. "Will do better."

"I'll improve," Çetinkaya said.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Last time it was a beautiful summer day, we got spanked. Hopefully, we have a better day.

Erzgebirge Aue are supposed to struggle this season but have a win and a draw after two rounds. They signed Daniel Hanslik who never featured for me and Marvin Stefaniak chose them over us. Personally, I'd like to make him regret that decision.

No changes from last week except on the bench where Neal Gibs replaces Lorenzo Filippini. Billy Arce plays as a left winger and Saydou Bangura is on Muhammed Kiprit's right. I think Billy will have more joy attacking their right back, their left back is good.

In the 8th minute, Stefaniak blazed a free kick high and wide.

In the 9th minute, their left back got carded for a foul on Jean Zimmer.

"Saydou!" I yelled. He looked over. "Switch sides with Billy." Bangura nodded. He switched over in the 10th.

"Go after their fullback since he's been carded," I said to Billy in Spanish when the ball went out on the bench sdie of the pitch. Billy gave me a thumb's up.

In the 18th, Ibrahima Cissé smashed a corner from Marlon Ritter goalwards but the keeper swatted at it and slapped it out of the box.

The Violchens (Violets) broke upfield and Hanslik fed their left winger who'd out-sprinted Zimmer upfield. Avdo Spahic saved us by tipping the shot around the post.

Erzgebirge Aue generated a few chances over the next fifteen minutes. Thankfully, their finishing was atrocious. Our problem was our last ball was consistently poor.

Then the first half turned into a borefest. Nothing interesting happened for the last fifteen minutes of the first half.

"That was boring," I said once we were all back in Die Kabine. "That was poor. Jörg nearly dozed off. Ulf was inspecting his nails. These guys aren't particularly good and we're playing down to their level. Pick it up in the second half. Move the ball quicker, know what your options are before the ball arrives. Attack their flanks and find the overloads."

In the 52nd minute, Billy carried the ball upfield, beating two opponents on the dribble. When the third confronted him, he spun and passed back to Rene Klingenberg.

Klingy saw Muhammed making a run into the channel and deliverred a ball over the top. As a defender was about to close Muhammed down, he ripped as hot that just missed the top right corner.

In the 54th, Amilcar Silva got free down the left flank and delivered a lovely cross for Billy. Billy headed back across goal. It was destined for the top corner.

Except the keeper's dive was just quick enough for him to tip it wide for a corner.

So close!

Ritter placed the ball carefully then adjusted it as Boris Tomiak and Cissé jogged forward.

Ritter lasered a curling ball towards Cissé at the first post. Ibahima got the slightest of touches to it.

AND IT BULGED THE FAR SIDE NETTING!

1-0

I had the sneaking suspicion that we would need to make this goal stand.

It was proven true again and again.

In the 60th, Klingy played a ball into the channel for Bangura. Their left back got to it first, but Bangers knicked it off him. I covered my face after he shot tamely into the keeper's chest.

In the 65th, I took Kiprit off and replaced him with Jacopo Murano.

But still the same, poor passing when it mattered most.

In the 83rd, I replaced both wing backs. Zimmer and Silva had run themselves into the ground. On went Robin Becker and Neal Gibs.

They never really threatened and the points were all ours.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 15 August 2022

1pm

"Greetings everyone," Chief Scout Olaf Marschall said to his scouts. Only Florian

and I were in his office. Vincente, Bernd Schneider, Andy De Smet and Zigor Aranaldo were just faces on his big monitor on the wall. "I've called this meeting because I'd like to review new youth players in Italy, France and Spain from last spring. Since we have a reasonable scouting budget this season and we've finally gotten through our list of German youths, its time to expand our search to the rest of Europe."

"Congrats on the good result yesterday," Bernd said.

"Thanks," I replied. "Our forwards were not at their best yesterday so I'm glad Cissé stepped up."

"I'd rather the forwards start slow than fade to ice cold later," Andy added.

"That is a very good point, Andy," I agreed.

"But lets talk about youth prospects," Florian said.

"We've only got several thousand to consider," Olaf added.

I reviewed the criteria for I was looking for in keepers, central defenders, wing backs, defensive midfielders, central midfielders, wingers and forwards.

"What about amateurs?" Bernd asked.

"Also, I've spotted a few out-of-contract youths," Vicente added.

"If they look promising, let's offer trials," I said.

We spent the next five hours reviewing youth prospects.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Friday, 19 August 2022

11:30ish AM

Jörg and I were discussing aesthetics over lunch. As in I was doing most of the talking and Jörg alternated between grunting, snorting or swearing. Specifically, we were discussing the aesthetics of fullback wing play when done correctly.

"May we join you?" Luigi Zonno asked. He had U19 fitness coach Mauro Pozzoni standing behind his shoulder.

"Of course," I said and indicated the empty seats at our cafeteria table.

"We were just discussing the beauty of an attacking fullback," I said. "Like how Paolo Maldini, Philip Lahm and even maybe Stuart Pearce led to the modern attacking fullback."

"Maybe Massimo Oddo, too?" Zonno suggested as they sat.

"Yeah, yeah," I agreed. "I played against him when he was with Lazio.

"Cannot leave Roberto Carlos out," Pozzoni said.

Jörg grunted in agreement and waved the piece of steak on the end of his fork to accentuate his agreement.

"Zanetti!" Jörg said. "Can't f***ing forget him."

"Oh Lord no," I agreed. "Javier Zanetti and Maicon were one of the best pair of fullbacks playing at the same club. Maybe ever. Its that combination of work rate, stamina and God-given ability to run multiple marathons per week that make the greats stand out from the good. Assuming, of course, they have the tackling, passing, dribbling and crossing abilities necessary in the modern fullback."

"Speaking of work rate," Pozzoni said. "I have to tell you of Alf Alten, Alfred."

"Right," I said. "One of our standout youths."

"Yes, about that," Pozzoni said.

"Uh oh," I said.

"Yeah," Pozzoni said, searching for the right way to say it. "Sorry, Jörg, I switch to Italian." Jörg shrugged. In Italian: "He's been complaining about the lifting we have him doing in the gym. You saw the baseline reports, yes?" I nodded. "It was pretty clear he didn't do his workouts over his break, as short as it was. All metrics were worse. I know you've talked to him about his work ethic once so far this season but if this continues, you may need to have another talk with him. Its heartbreaking. He might have the talent to be a Bundesliga player but he is developing habits that would keep him out of a Serie D starting eleven. Maybe getting cut is the wake up call he needs, but he's a local boy and that would be extra sad."

"Don't need Italian to understand your message," Jörg said putting a giant paw on Pozzoni's shoulder. He stood. "Got to go. Something I must take care of."

"Also, you should eat your soup before its cold, Mauro," I added. Mauro and Luigi both laughed at that one. "But, seriously, thanks for bringing this to my attention. Keep me posted on how he's doing."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

What a lovely day for Fußball! A sell-out at the Benteler Arena. No changes.

We get off to a flying start. It looks like we were in the mood to stomp the s*** out of Paderborn.

Captain Jean Zimmer stormed down the right flank and sent a grass burner cross towards the near post.

Muhammed Kiprit got there first and redirected the cross past their keeper.

0-1

Then they just stopped.

They stopped the short, incisive passing. They hit Hollywood balls.

They stopped harrassing the Paderborn players and were far too polite. No, I insist! After you, sir!

Paderborn worked themselves back into the match, gaining confidence with each misplayed pass by us.

In the 29th minute, Amilcar Silva ever so politely provided their right back the space and time to curl in a lovely cross.

Boris Tomiak and Ibrahima Cisse ever so politely insisted that their forward get his fair chance to try and score.

Which he did.

1-1

I hadn't noticed, but Lorenzo D'Anna was standing at my left and Jörg at my right. How long had they been standing there watching this nightmare s***show.

We barely survived the half without giving up another goal.

Honestly, it was their poor finishing more than anything else.

"WHAT THE F*** WAS THAT S***?" Jörg bellowed once we were all in the away team room.

"Would any of you care to explain what just happened out there?" I asked. There was silence for a moment as everyone looked everywhere else but at Jörg and I. "That wasn't a rhetorical question. I honestly want to know why you all stopped playing after our goal. You had the metaphorical boot on their neck. Instead of finishing them off, you helped them back up and nearly gifted them several goals. Wake the f*** up."

The second half was poor but they worked hard enough to keep their opponents from scoring. I subbed on Manyan Sounni for Rene Klingenberg, Marius Kleinsorge for Billy Arce and Jacopo Murano for Saydou Bangura. The replace weren't s*** but had little impact.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 22 August 2022

8am

"I am officially worried," I said as I sat down in the cafeteria with my espresso. I was greeted by a chorus of grunts and sighs. "Its like somebody turned a switch to off after that goal we scored yesterday. How do we reboot or whatever and get them playing the way we want before Karlsruhe visit on Friday?"

"Well, they've just lost the last two matches," Ulf Kirsten said. "They lost to Holsten Kiel 1-0 then to Osnabrück 3-1 last Sunday. If we can get them working hard again, Karlsruhe aren't playing well right now."

"Its a derby," Jörg said.

"Its the Badisch-Pfälziches Derby," Florian

added. "Its a big deal because many Kaiserslautern supporters work with Karlsruhe supporters because the cities are so close. So this is a real water cooler battle."

"The Hollywood passes are driving me nuts," Filip Trojan said. "Silva is the biggest offender, but Cissé and Tomiak are just as bad. They always have short pass options but choose the long ball."

"It'd be different if it were a long ball over the top," Ulf added. "Which brings me to something else. Ritter hasn't played a through ball yet this season. Its not like opponents are marking him or something, he's just not playing those passes."

"Alright, so we need to work on playing from the back and distribution," I said. "What else?"

"I'm concerned about defending the flanks," Lorenzo D'Anna said. "We just need to continue to work on it. Make sure the forwards and wingers are tracking back."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Thursday, 25 August 2022

9:03am

Boris Tomiak stepped out of the four-v-two passing square we always use to warm up and walked over to me.

"My right hamstring is sore," he said. "I'm going up to see ATK. It just feels tired and weak."

"Ja, get it taken care of," I said. "Thank you for not trying to play through it."

Fifteen minutes later, ATK texted me that he was out one to three days.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Another beautiful day in southwestern Germany. Another derby.

Boris Tomiak is out with a tight hamstring, Molla Wagué replaces him and Oliver Hüsing is on the bench.

We started off pretty well. Okay, there was an occasionally Hollywood ball, but we weren't playing all that bad. We created chances, but finishing wasn't great. Or the Karlsruhe defense intervened with a crucial clearance or interception.

In the 41st minute, Karlsuhe had a corner. A bunch of players all jumped at the near post. The ball flicked to the back post where a Karlruhe player was waiting and tapped it in.

I ran over to the fourth official.

"That was offside," I said.

"VAR is reviewing, Enrico, calm down.," he said.

The Karlsruhe players ended their celebration and watched the ref. My players surrounded the ref.

Then he pointed for offsides.

Phew. Dodged that bullet. I walked back to the bench.

At halftime, I told the players to win this for the supporters.

The teams exchanged chances, but it all fell apart starting int he 63rd minute.

They kept trying to exploit our flanks, but were unable. This time they played the ball back then inside. Marvin Wanitzek controlled the ball and since nobody closed him down, decided to shoot.

He unleashed a curling, dipping shot the beat Avdo Spahic at the far post.

0-1

What can you do against a Golazo. I sighed.

Saydou Bangura was just horrible today, so I replaced him with Hendrick Zuck.

The air went out of the Kaiserslautern players. A minute later and they'd scored a second from a corner. A bunch of players all leapt for a near post corner, but their player smashed his header into our net.

0-2

F***!

I removed Billy Arce, on went Mavyan Sounni as our right winger. I yanked Muhammed Kiprit for Jacopo Murano.

Finally, we started playing. We worked the ball down the right and Jean Zimmer slid a nice pass into the box for Sounni to chase. He played a pass across the 5m box for Ritter.

Ritter tucked it away to drag us back into the match.

1-2

But our comeback wasn't to be.

In the 85th, Ritter didn't track his midfielders late run and their forward played him in alone. He beat Spahic from 10m's out.

1-3

I told my players that they would be running in the morning after losing a derby like this at home.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Saturday, 27 August 2022

Most players had arrived before me as they knew if they wanted any massage, ice or whatever, Agnieszka could provide that only before 9am.

One group of players was running killers. Killers start at the goal line, sprint to the 5m box and back to the end line. Then out to the penalty box and back. Then out to midfield and back. Jörg and Günther Kern, fitness coach, oversaw this.

Ulf Kirsten, Lorenzo D'Anna, Wolfgang Wimmer and fitness coach Bastian Becker had players pulling the sled back and forth. Three players were the weight on the sled, one player pulled and the last one jogged alongside because they were next.

Filip Trojan, Luigi Zonno, goalkeeping coach Ronny Teuber and I had the third group dribbling through a maze at full speed.

The three groups cycled through the three zones of punishment for 50 minutes.

Then I gave them a water break.

At 10am, we worked on defending.

At 11am we worked on ball distribution.

There was no joking around, the mood was grim. We'll see if this has the intended effect.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Sunday, 28 August 2022

3:49pm

"Hey, Thomas," I said, answering my phone. "What's up?"

"Augsburg want Kiprit," the club's Technical Director said.

"Not surprising," I said. "He had a great season. This was going to happen eventually."

"What, no swearing?"

"Ja, I know. I mean, I'd rather not lose him, but if he wants to go and their offer is good enough ..."

"They've offered 600K and three payments totally 125k," Hengen replied.

"F*** them. There, I swore. Feel better?"

"Heh, ja. What do we counter?"

"How about this. 1 million fee, 500K in three payments and 500K after he plays 30 matches?"

"And 20% of the next transfer fee?" Thomas asked.

"Ja, for sure. If they're serious, they'll bite. What's their situation? Do they have an injury crisis?"

"Not really," Thomas replied. "They've got two older strikers so I think they're just trying to add young talent."

"Well, Bundesliga clubs have to pay for talent," I said.

"Let's see what they say to our counter," Thomas concluded.

"Ciao."

"Auf wiedersehn."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 29 August 2022

12:23 pm

Jörg Weber knocked on my door and walked in. Muhammed Kiprit followed him in with his agent Steven Garling in tow. They all sat down.

"So you want to talk to Augsburg, ja?" I asked Muhammed.

"We are very disappointed that you didn't accept their offer," Garling said.

"Okay, do you know how little they offered?" I asked. They both shook their heads. "Nowhere near enough. There are several possibilities here. One is that they are serious and will return with an acceptable offer so we can begin negotiations. Two ..."

"How much are you asking for?" Garland interrupted.

"... two is that they are low-balling several clubs to see if they can get a young striker well below market prices," I continued undeterred. "Or three, they hope to destabilize you so they can pick you up in January or next summer for cheap."

"How much?" Garland demanded.

"Steady there, Steven," I said. "Let me just say that we are a selling club. We are willing to sell our star players. I am willing to part with Muhammed for 1 million, several additional payments over a period of time and a one time payment once you play thirty matches or so. Plus part of your next transfer fee."

Steven looked at Muhammed. Muhammed nodded.

"Ja, okay," Steven said. "That doesn't sound unreasonable."

"Okay, but if their purpose is to make you unhappy first, please remember one thing," I said. "I am willing to cut of my nose to spite my face ... if you follow my meaning ... if you push me I will be an absolute jerk. I don't want it to ever come to that. We're willing to sell any player for a reasonable price. But if you make me and Thomas Hengen angry ..."

"Hopefully, it never comes to that, "Steve said as he stood. Muhammed followed.

"Thanks for coming in to talk this over," I said.

We all shook hands and they left.

"Well f***," Jörg muttered after they'd left.

""Ja, I know," I replied. "But I'm serious about being willing to sell anyone at a reasonable price." Jörg grunted. "Let's see if they come back with an offer before the transfer deadline passes Wednesday at midnight."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Tuesday, 30 August 2022

12:40pm

"Hi," I said as I walked into Thomas Hengen's office and flopped onto a chair.

"Ja, have a seat, Enrico. How can I help. You look ... I don't know ... hopeless, lost."

"Here's my problem, our problem, as I see it. Let's say we sell Kiprit. Are Jacopo and Bangers going to deliver the goals? Let's say Kiprit stays. Is Jacopo going to deliver goals as a late game sub, occasional starter? Either way, I don't want to play Zuck because he's useless. Aside from if we need a body out there."

"Okay," Thomas said.

"Right now Billy is another option as the additional backup forward," I continued. "However, I'd rather have his creativity on the wing or as a backup to Ritter and Klingy. Because after Billy, Sounni is our only other option at winger. I mean ... I could play Kleinsorge but he's not going to do much at this level."

"So you want another player," Thomas said.

"Ja, but you know our situation as well as I do. We don't have any money so we'll need a loan signing that's free."

"Did you talk to Olaf?"

"Ja, that's why I'm here," I said.

"Well, Arsenal are pretty high on this kid Nikolaj Möller," Thomas said. "Olaf asked and we could loan him for nothing."

"Ja, he looks pretty good on paper," I said. "But Olaf and Company haven't finished. I mean ... its likely he's really good..."

"But your worried about that outside chance that he's useless," Thomas interjected.

"Ja, but what options do I have?"

"Ja, pretty much everyone wants a massive ransom for their child prodigy."

We sat there in silence for a moment. I weighed my options one last time.

"F*** it," I concluded. "Bring in the Arsenal boy."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Wednesday, 31 August 2022

TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY​

Training 9-11am: Not much to report. We trained. I didn't receive any phone calls or texts.

Lunch 11-12: I ate lunch with Jörg and Ulf. Gisela called that she'd picked up Nikolaj Möller from the Frankfurt Airport.

12-2pm: I read scouting reports.

2:15pm: I met Nikolaj Möller as Jean Zimmer gave him a tour of the Fritz-Walter.

2:30pm: I drove home.

3:00pm: Talked to Thomas Hengen on the phone. He submitted our team registration including Möller and youngster Ilhan Yanuz who is now old enough to registration. This is good because it gives us an extra midfielder for the bench and I want to give our promising youngster occasional minutes late in matches.

3:30-4pm: Took a nap.

4-5pm: Played with Matthew and Allison.

5:03pm: Jakob Böttcher from Kaiserslautern Express called to see if there was any transfer business. I told him about Möller's arrival on loan.

6pm: Sat with my kids while they ate dinner.

6:30pm: Did dishes, cleaned up the kitchen.

7:00pm: Turned on the TV, laptop and iPad. Caught the latest transfer news from England, Spain, France, Italy, and Germany.

7:15pm: Thomas called. Fortuna Köln offered to take Dominick Schad, my backup right back from last season. Thomas had agreed to a free transfer. That's 4.2K/week of the books.

7:30pm: Watched The French Dispatch by Wes Anderson.

10pm: Texted with Thomas Hengen. Nothing to report, no offer from Augsburg.

11pm: Turned the TV back on watched the transfer news.

11:30: Nothing.

11:45: Still nothing.

11:55: So it was #2? Augsburg were just fishing for cheap, young forwards.

11:56: I chewed my nails.

11:57: I got up and started pacing.

11:58: More pacing.

11:59: Yeah, Augsburg weren't serious about Kiprit.

Midnight: Texted with Thomas then went to bed.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Saturday, 3 September 2022

Ajax Amsterdam rolled into town for a friendly. We beat them pretty soundly. Ja, ja, I know. They had loads of their starting eleven on international duty. But the supporters sure as s*** enjoyed it. Its exactly what the players needed; to thrash someone right good.

Backup keeper Julian Krahl was solid though he didn't have much to do.
Lorenzo Filipinni and Tim Becker played really well as wing backs. Filippini will replace Amilcar Silva and his Hollywood balls.
Oliver Hüsing let the forward slip behind him unnoticed for the lone Ajax strike.
Ritter and Klingenberg were awesome.
Billy and Banger were great up top. Jacopo Murano ... not so much. Its not that he didn't anything wrong, its just that he didn't do much.

And even better, Kiprit scored late on as a sub. He just muscled aside the Ajax central defenders on a long ball, dropped his shoulder to freeze the keeper and scored.

Also, a bunch of the kids got some playing time late on in front of 33k adoring fans.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 5 September 2022

7:15am

"Ciao, Jörg," I said, answering my phone.

"Morning."

"What's up?"

"Need the day off," he said. "Kid I know just overdosed. He's in hospital. Got to help his family get him into treament."

"Sure, no problem," I said. "That sounds like a rough, real life problem."

"Ja. He's a mess. Hopefully, he's gotten the s*** kicked out of him and is ready."

"Best of luck," I said. "See you tomorrow."

"Thanks, Enrico."

"Ciao."

"Wiedersehn."

Click.