Alpha Romeo Metaphor IV

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Monday, 14 November 2022

12:35pm

Jörg walked into my office following by Jean Zimmer, Marlon Ritter and Avdo Spahic.

Jörg shut the door after them and leaned against it.

I had a flashback to when we tried an intervention on my ex-wife about her drug addiction.

The trio lined up in front of my desk. Avdo had his hands in his jean's pockets, Marlon held in front of him like he'd do in a wall to protect the boys, and Jean had his arms crossed.

"We want to talk to you about Julian Krahl," Jean said.

I remained silent and just looked back and forth between them.

"Ja, you should give him some games," Marlon said.

I nodded then looked at Avdo. He didn't say anything but decided now was the time to inspect his shoes.

"Okay, I hear you," I said. "I'd just like to confirm that we agree on a few points that affect this discussion." I looked back and forth between the trio. "One, we're currently in first place. We're chasing promotion. Two, we're on a nine game unbeaten streak during which we've conceded five goals. Three, we have the best defense in this league. Four, I'm looking at my number one keeper. Five, Julian signed a contract knowing full well how professional fußball works. In that managers tend to select a number one and ride him until there is either poor performances or a losing streak. And with my fifth point, I'd like to reference points one, two and three."

"Those are all valid points, Enrico, its just not fair that you can't play Julian in a few games," Jean said.

"True," I agreed. "Fußball is not fair. Ask Ulf about his final season playing at Bayer. They were leading the Bundesliga with only a couple matches left, in the DFB Pokal Final and in the Champion's League Final. They lost out on all three that year. Or about the 2000 final matchday when Bayer were in first by three points, but lost and finished second on goal difference. Leverkusen have never won the Bundesliga. Those two sides were full of internationals. They should have won those titles. It wasn't fair."

"My knees gave out ending my playing career, the economy collapsed, and all my loans were called in," I continued. "I didn't have two euros to rub together. I couldn't even get my Alfa out of the shop. It wasn't fair. Life isn't fair. S*** happens. So I'm ruthless. I won't let anything I can control or manage get in my way of getting this club promoted. I can't be seen giving in to one player's demands or everyone will be pleading with me all day long for more playing time. Why do you think I've banished my former Assistant Captain Hendrick Zuck to train by himself? He wasn't training hard or well and argued with me when I pointed it out. I didn't want his poor attitude infecting my squad. Morale can be more fragile than you think, fate isn't fair sometimes."

"Finally, I would like to bring up point six," I said. "I find it a tiny bit ironic that playing Julian means you play less Avdo. I think that its noble for you to stand up for your colleague and I respect you for doing it. That's how I see this situation. In conclusion, I've spoken to Julian and I told him to be ready in case Avdo gets hurt or whatever."

"Ja, I recognize what you say," Marlon said. "But Julian is a big personality in Die Kabine. We don't want him 'infecting the team', to borrow your phrase, or anything."

"Well, between the five of us," I said. "Me and Jörg as management and you three as leaders of this squad, that's our job to manage. Managers can never keep everybody happy."

"Thanks for hearing us out, Enrico," Avdo said. "You know that Julian would do fine as my replacement."

I nodded in agreement. They filed out. Jörg shut the door after them.

"That was the f***ing s***," he said. "You f***ing told them. S***."

"Maybe we'll need another backup keeper in the January transfer window," I said.

"Nah," Jörg disagreed. "You f***ing sorted them out."
 
"Hallo, this is Jan."

"Ciao, Jan, its Enrico Pucci."

"Hey."

"I'm just calling to offer my condolences and wish you luck in finding your next position."

"Thanks for calling, Enrico."

"Ja, I've been there. It sucks."

"Its really a relief, actually," Jan Zimmerman said. "And its not like I lost the players. The squad was working hard, but we'd run into a keeper playing like Spahic or suddenly couldn't kick the ball. Its maddening."

"Ja. My first coaching job I found out I was fired on the bus ride home. A player checked Twitter. We were in the hunt for a playoff spot, but we'd lost a match. Eintracht told me in person in my office. Lazio had an emergency board meeting."

"Morena called me. He was very apologetic."

"Ja," I said. "How they do it matters."

"But, ja, it still sucks."

"Definitely."

"So congratulations," Jan said. "The media say you're taking my job."

"Ja, I read that, too. They're so imaginative. But no I'm not leaving."

"Good luck on the league and promotion."

"Thanks, Jan," I said. "Its going to be a wild race. Best of luck on your next job."

"Ja, thanks, wiedersehn."

"Ciao."

Click.
 
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Monday, 21 November 2022

Groups A and B begin their play today in Qatar.

No surprises in the Group A. Other than the heat. It was 87ºF/31ºC at kickoff of the first match, 94ºF/ 35ºC for the 1pm.

Same for Group B although I thought Ghana might make a better showing. Staring temps were 97ºF / 36ºC for England's kickoff and 95ºF / 35ºC for Croatia's.

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Tuesday, 22 November 2022

Groups C and D today. Oh, my poor old US of A. Not a great performance against Denmark. The Belgians took their foot off the pedal a bit when the Saudis scored twide, but it was the Saudis wilting late on.

Uruguay didn't play all that well, but Spain did in the late game.

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Wednesday, 23 November 2022

Groups E and F today. Group E is the almost-but-not-quite Group of Death. The favorites, France and Germany prevailed. Germany weren't that sharp and the Mail keeper played great.

Scotland weren't so bad and Mexico were rather lucky. Italy as per usual are off to a slow start though Nigeria worked hard to keep the match dull.

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Thursday, 24 November 2022

Neither of the last two groups are easy, but Group H has officially dubbed the Group of Death.'

The biggest news is that Mo Salah is not at the World Cup. Egypt are screwed. Poland gave themselves a fighting chance with their draw against Brazil.

Group H is going to be really interesting as Switzerland destroyed South Korea while the heavyweights drew.

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Friday, 25 November 2022

Group A is over. The results aren't really surprising.

In Group B, England are through to the Round of 16. They did enough. Croatia were incredibly lucky to win their late penalty and scrape a draw against Ghana. All Croatia need is a draw and they're through. Ghana need English help. Australia goes home.

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Saturday, 26 November 2022

Belgium are probably going through in Group C. While the old US of A thrashed the Saudis, they play Belgium next and Denmark will more than likely beat Saudi Arabia. So Denmark have their fate in their own hands.

In Group D, Japan go home and Uruguay are likely in the knockouts. Spain filled their pants against Uruguay. As you'd expect, they dominated but the South Americans got an early goal and rode their luck. Still, Spain just need a draw against Jamaica to go through.

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Sunday, 27 November 2022

France and Germany are through in Group E. No surprises.

Group F got really interesting. Italy thrashed Scotland and have a three goal difference cushion over Mexico. However, Italy and Mexico face each other in the last group round. Nigeria need to beat Scotland and hope for a winner in the other match to go through.

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Monday, 28 November 2022

Group G blew up today. Portugal tied Brazil on a late goal to all but guarantee their presence in the knockout stages. Now Brazil plays Egypt, the winner reaches the knockout round. Poland has virtually no chance.

Group H, the Group of Death, had carnage today. Argentina are going home unless Holland lose by enough to Switzerland and Argentina beats South Korea by enough that Argentina makes up a five goal deficit. Holland are likely through and South Korea are done.

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Tuesday, 29 November 2022

Algeria and Colombia go through from Group A. Costa Rico go home with a win over the hosts.

The England v Croatia match didn't matter and lived up to its billing. What a fkn snorefest.

Colombia v Croatia and Algeria v England in the 2nd round!

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Wednesday, 30 November 2022

Belgium and Denmark go through from Group C. No shockers in this group. USA goes home.

Spain and Uruguay go through from Group D.

Belgium v Spain should be an awesome match. Denmark v Uruguay.

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Thursday, 1 December 2022

The Germany v France match was tame as both had already qualified. Chile goes home with a win.

Mexico took an early lead but Italy came roaring back. Nigeria got the help they needed from Italy but failed against Scotland.

France v Mexico and maybe the biggest battle of the Second Round Germany v Italy!

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Friday, 2 December 2022

In Group G, Brazil did the business against Egypt and are through to the Second Round. Portugal floundered against Poland and the Robert Lewandowski show, but salvaged a draw with two late goals.

Group H's final day was dramatic. Switzerland got an early goal, but Holland were going through because Argentina were scoreless. Argentina's dominance finally paid off in the 60th minute with a goal. But South Korea immediately leveled which meant that Holland is through into the second round. So Argentina piled on the pressure but only managed one more goal.

Holland faces Brazil in the Second Round. This should be a classic. Portugal v Switzerland should be good. The Swiss have been awesome in the group phase.

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Saturday, 3 December 2022

Croatia were cruising. Their fans were celebrating. They were toying with their opponents. Then against the run of play, Colombia scored. The South Americans were fired up and Croatia unexpectedly crumbled. What. A. Match.

England let Algeria have the ball. Apparently, it was their strategy. The Algerians went up early but couldn't contain the English on the fast break. The Algerians made it close with a 78th minute goal, but the ref saw a hand ball in the box and Harry Kane buried the penalty to seal England's progress into the next round.

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Sunday, 4 December 2022

Uruguay were patient and let the Danes control the ball. In the second half when the match opened up, they punished them. Very solid performance by the South Americans.

Belgium crumbled under the weight of the Spanish tiki-taka. The Spaniards dominated possession, made twice the number of passes, and were clinical in front of goal.

England v Spain is a mouthwatering tie and the South American match of Colombia v Uruguay should be great, too.

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Monday, 5 December 2022

Mexico took one shot against France. It went in. France were not at their best and just couldn't create many chances against a hard-working Mexican team.

Germany were rubbish, Italy were scintillating. Germany had all the possession but the Italians took 17 shots and got 8 on target.

The Italians face either Brazil or Holland (probably Brazil) and Mexico face Portugal or Switzerland.

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Tuesday, 6 December 2022

The Dutch set out to thwart the Brazilians playing a 5-3-2 formation. To an extent it worked, the match was dull. At least the Brazilians tried to play. The Brazilians got lucky on a baffling call by the ref. The Brazilians had a corner and played it near post. Five Dutchmen and one Brazilian jumped for the corner. Somehow in that melee, the ref saw something. Gabriel Jesus converted the PK. Fkn refs.

The Swiss got an early goal then played great defense. The Portugese just couldn't get anything going.

The quarterfinals are set!

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