Alpha Romeo Metaphor IV

[Enrico Pucci]

Thursday, 12 January 2023

9:51am

I heard the yelp from behind me. I spun and saw Molla Wagué sitting on the ground clutching his ankle. Jörg crouched down and asked Molla some questions. Lorenzo D'Anna had that 'oh-s***-not-now-not-this' look on his face.

I jogged over. Lorenzo got out his cell and texted. Probably texted ATK.

"F*** this s***," Jörg said to me. "Its bad."

We got Molla on his feet, but he couldn't put weight on his right leg.

ATK came out and took him away on the cart.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Friday, 13 January 2023

8:53am

"You should just cancel training today," Agnieszka said.

"Huh?" I said.

"Its Friday the Thirteenth," she said.

"She's got a point," Ulf said.

"Why? You have news, don't you?" I said

"Ja, Sofia Filippini just called," ATK said. "Both she and Lorenzo tested positive for COVID. She's fine. Lorenzo's pretty bad. I gave her instructions."

There was a chorus of swearing and groaning in the cafeteria. We all knew what this means.

"We'll start training with everyone doing a COVID test," she said. "Happy Friday the Thirteenth."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Saturday, 14 January 2023

8:58am

"Ciao, Enrico," I said, answering my phone as the players were finishing their stretching.

"More bad news," Agnieszka said.

"Who is it this time?"

"Daniels Ontuzans," she replied. He was my backup central midfielder. "I've been trying to manage some blisters he's developed. He got new boots for Christmas or some such s***."

"Sweet Mary Mother of God when will this stop?" I said in Italian.

"I love it when you swear in Italian," she said.

"I think we have an epidemic," I said.

"Ja, no kidding," she said. "Wiedersehn."

"Ciao."

Click.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

10:23am

"So we want to watch their fullbacks on the over ..."

I was interrupted for about the fifth time during our match preview discussion by Amilcar Silva honking like a goose.

"Sweet Mary Mother of God, Silva," I said in Italian. Then in German: "Are you okay. Don't tell me ..."

"Ja, sorry, Enrico," Silva replied. Clearly, he sounded terrible. He was incredibly congested. "I don't feel so good."

"Well, get out!" I said. "We don't want you infecting the rest of us. Sorry, that came out wrong. I want you healthy. I'm running short of left backs. Get some sleep this afternoon. Ask ATK about what you should take."

"Ja, sorry," Silva said then blew his nose again as he left.

"Alright, Becker," I said. "Don't go and get sick or anything. You're the left back tomorrow."

"Right, I'll be ready," Becker replied.

Then I continued on with my analysis of what we were to expect from Armenia Bielefeld.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Saturday, 14 January 2023

Noon

"Alright, lets get started," Thomas Hengen said.

"Armenia Bielefeld are on a twelve match unbeaten run," Niklas Boll of Kicker said. "They lie fourth in the table. This will be a tough encounter for Kaiserlautern, ja? How do you see the match going?"

"They're a quality team and we've got a real challenge on our hands," I replied.

"They just beat Bayern in the DFB Pokal," Jakob Böttcher of the Kaiserslautern Express said. "That was a stunning victory. Are you worried that this will give them a lift against you?"

"Ja, they were impressive, weren't they?" I replied. "They're on a real high right now. We are prepared for a tough match."

"Please comment on the COVID epidemic sweeping through Kaiserslautern?" Florian Carre of OneFootball asked.

"Ja, we have some positive tests," I said. "We're short-staffed in the kitchen which worries me most. I mean, I love our kitchen staff. They take really good care of us. I want them healthy and back cooking for us. Ironically, two physios are out quarantining. Two more in the office staff are out, too. Um, a groundskeeper and Jürgen from IT. Jörg Weber and Filip Trojan are both out. Lorenzo Filippini and his wife, too. Lorenzo is our only player with it. I will say we've been incredibly lucky so far. Jörg and Lorenzo have it the worst. With that said, everyone is vaccinated and has the latest boosters so the impact is not life threatening. Jörg and Lorenzo will be fine, they are just suffering the worst from it."

"So you're most worried about the kitchen staff?" Florian followed up.

"Ja, and now I'll be in trouble with everyone else," I replied. "Let me just restate for the record that I love and appreciate everyone who works for Kaiserslautern."

"Keep talking," Florian said. "I want to see who else you'll get in trouble with next."

"No, I'm done. Not saying anything else on that topic. Next?"

"Please comment on the links to the open job at Köln?" Jakob Böttcher asked.

"Nobody has approached me," I said. "I'm not interested. I look forward to taking them on next season when we're in the Bundesliga."

"So you are confident Kaiserslautern will be promoted?" Jakob asked.

"Ja."

"Nikolaj Möller was recalled by Arsenal," Florian said. "Are you disappointed? Please comment."

"No, I'm not," I said. "I'm not. Mikael Arteta wants him playing and he didn't impress me. So we thought it best to end the loan."

"So you'll be adding a forward this transfer window?" Florian asked.

"Ja, that is our intention."

"Please comment on the rumors linking you to Spanish side Alcorcon's Oscar Clemente?" Niklas asked.

"Who?"

"Oscar Clemente," Niklas repeated.

I shrugged.

"Statistics show your squad are the most proficient tacklers in the 2.Liga," Jakob said. "Yet from watching the matches, the players sit back and wait for the opposition to misplace a pass or make some mistake. Please comment?"

"Mmm ... good question, Jakob," I said. "Ja, we let them have the ball. We are patient. We are confident they can't beat us except with something brilliant or lucky."

"Alright, thats all the questions today," Thomas Hengen said. "Thanks, guys."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

I have enough players for today's match, but barely. Teenagers Kenny Weyh, Alf Alten, and Ilhan Yavuz make the bench because of our injury/sickness epidemic. Also, I forgot to mention that Julian Krahl is out hurt, too. Finger's crossed that Avdo Spahic doesn't get hurt. So many injuries I can't even keep track. Sebastian Gleißner makes his first start in place of Julian Niehues.

We got off to a great start from a pretty bizarre play.

Patrick Wimmer was in our right corner and, for reasons I don't think anyone will every understand, lumped a pass back towards the center circle.

Muhammed Kiprit gathered the "clearance" broke upfield with the ball.

Muhammed broke through a tackle then passed right to Rene Klingenburg. Klingy first timed a pass into space. Initially, I thought it was a poorly hit pass for Muhammed, but in fact it was for Saydou Bangura.

Banger ran in on goal and, for the first time in f***ing ages, scored!

0-1

It was clear within minutes that Bielefeld's strategy to get us off our game was fouling. I spent the first half either talking to the fourth official or yelling at the ref.

Bielefeld created their first chance of the match in the 28th minute. Their winger beat Spahic but not the second post. It was really close, though.

Klingy missed the near post by a millimeter in the 41st, but that was it for goalscoring chances. It was quite a dull half aside from the incessant fouling by the home side.

The second half began as the first half ended, more fouling.

In the 47th minute, their right back went in two-footed on Billy Arce. Before I could even complain or plead for a yellow, the ref was running over and reaching into this back pocket. That could mean only one thing.

Their right fullback Czyborra was sent off!

We decamped in the Bielefeld end and started poking and prodding for weaknesses in their defense. We kept trying backpost crosses but they weren't working until the 68th when Billy connected with a Robin Becker cross.

0-2

That should seal the deal.

It did. We knocked the ball around. I sent on teenagers Ilhan Yavuz and Alf Alten as I didn't want to risk an injury to Ritter and Klingenburg from the agricultural ministrations of the Bielefeld players.

I sent on Jacopo Murano for Kiprit in the 80th and, miracle of miracles, he scored! And teenager Alf Alten assisted!

0-3

Just to add to today's humiliation, Bielefeld had a second player sent off in the closing minutes.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 16 January 2023

5:29pm

"Ciao."

"Good news, Enrico," Technical Director Thomas Hengen said.

"Ja?"

"Ja, Atalanta accepted our loan offer for Shakur Omar."

"Awesome! Sweet! Excellent!"

"Ja, well, we've got that forward you wanted."

"We sure have," I agreed. "Thanks for getting this one done, Thomas."

"You're welcome. Wiedersehn!"

"Ciao."

Click

Then I did a little happy dance.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Thursday, 19 January 2023

9:30ish AM

Agnieszka walked out onto the training pitch with our new man, Shakur Omar. She must have just finished his physical. Her timing is perfect as we were just finishing a drill.

"HEY EVERYONE!" I yelled. "Bring it in. I'd like to introduce our latest signing all the way Bergamo, Italy courtesy of Atalanta, Shakur Omar. Shakur meet everyone."

"Shakur, meet everybody," I said in English because among the six languages he speaks, German isn't one of them. Yet.

There were handshakes all around then Ulf and I took the forwards, along with our new man, off to work on ball distribution and runs off the ball.

I'll tell you one thing, he sure looks like a much better player than Nikolaj Möller.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Friday, 20 January 2023

12:03pm

"Do you have a minute?" Julian Krahl said, poking his head into my office.

"Sure. Come in. What's on your mind?"

"You are asking too much for me," my backup keeper said.

"Oh?" I said.

I was beginning to tire of Julian. I'd already spoken to him this morning about his poor training this last week. Was he my next player to turn toxic?

"Ja. Two million is too much. Nobody will offer that much."

"Ja, I haven't had any interest since I put you on the transfer list. No interest in a loan, either."

"Ja, right. You're asking too much."

Didn't he see the irony in this?

"Alright," I said. "How about one million five?"

"No, too high. I want to leave."

"How about a million point two?" I suggested.

"Ja, I can agree to that."

"Great," I said. I logged into the DFB site and changed the asking price for him. Additionally, I offered him out just to see if anyone would be interested.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

After last week, Alf Alten and Ilhan Yavuz retain their spots on the bench. New man Shakur Omar is on the bench, too.

We sleep-walked through the first fifteen minutes of this match. I began screaming at my players to "WAKE UP." We got our first shot off in the 21st minute.

Düsseldorf kept us pinned in our half for most of the first half. Yes, they just passed the ball back and forth in front of our defense and didn't generate any truly dangerous chances but we were inept going forward and worse when we got near their goal.

I decided to have Jörg give the halftime team talk.

"WHAT THE F*** WAS THAT S***!" he bellowed.

Normally, I follow up with some specific talking points. I didn't really have any as we were terrible and it was scoreless only because of luck.

"What he said," I said. "We let them dictate everything. Lost every second ball. We're just lucky. You were terrible. Sort it the f*** out."

"Enrico, I can't go on," Robin Becker said. He'd taken a knock to his knee early in the match but didn't want to come off.

"Zim?" I said. "Go and get warmed up."

Jean Zimmer got up and left Die Kabine.

We started out the second half better.

And Boris Tomiak scored from a towering header courtesy of a Marlon Ritter corner.

1-0

I didn't have much confidence we'd hold the lead. I just had that terrible sinking feeling we managers get when we know we're s*** and it feels like its only a matter of time.

"BORIS! BORIS!" I yelled during a lull in the 51st minute. He looked over. "Push higher up. Compress the midfield."

I got Rene Klingenburg and Marlon Ritter's attention and told them the same thing.

And we did. This also resulted in us having more of the ball. Sadly, we didn't do s*** with it when we had it.

I sent on Madyan Sounni in the 61st minute for Billy Arce on the right wing.

I sent on Shakur Omar in the 66th for Muhammed Kiprit. He'd not gotten any service and was aimlessly jogging around the pitch at this point.

In the 75th, their keeper had the ball at his feet. He kept tapping the ball further and further up the field. Omar didn't close him down.

Eventually he thumped it straight upfield. Tomiak didn't step up to head it but let the ball drop. I realized I had my hands to my face and was watching the play develop through my fingers like a child watching a scary movie. Their forward controlled it and raced past Boris. I covered one eye. Their striker evaded Tomiak's last ditch tackle and launched a shot.

In off the post!

1-1

"F***!" I groaned and rubbed my face with both hands.

To my players credit, they shut down Düsseldorf for the remainder of the match.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

"Hey, guys," I said as I walked into the press availability space inside the Fritz-Walter.

"What happened out there?" Niklas Boll from Kicker asked.

"Ja, that wasn't our best match, was it?" I said. "Düsseldorf are playing really well. We did not step up to the occasion."

"Fans were unhappy that Saydou Bangura wasn't substituted but Kiprit was," Niklas said. "Anything in his performance that you liked that perhaps they didn't see?"

"Well, my hands were tied a bit," I said. "I had to substitute Becker at halftime because he was hurt. I would have liked to have six subs but I could only make three."

"Hi, Niklas Adelhöfer from Düsseldorfer Fußball Gazette. How good was Dawid Kownacki today?"

"He took his chance well, didn't he," I replied. "I'm not so happy that we couldn't defend a long ball from your keeper."

"But were you impressed with his strike?" Florian Carre from OneFootball asked.

"Sure."

"That's not really an answer," Florian followed up.

I shrugged.

"Are you concerned that Max Hippe isn't getting playing time out on loan?" Dennis Friedel of Sportbuzzer asked.

"No, he needs to earn his playing time. Same deal anywhere. That's Fußball."

"SV Werder have been the surpise story of the ..." Niklas started asking.

"Sorry, Niklas, I really don't want to talk about Bremen. Why does my opinion about their terrible season matter? I don't know what's going on in their team room, on their training pitch or in their board room. Even if I knew ... uh ... next question?"

"Shakur Omar made his debut," Jakob Böttcher said. "Comment, please?"

"Tough day at the office all around," I said. "We didn't give our strikers much to work with. Omar fed on the same scraps that Kiprit starved. I'll say that I'm looking forward to working with him, he's a talented player."

"Do you see him as replacing Saydou Bangura who doesn't score," Jakob said. "Ja, Bangura did score last week but he doesn't score much at all."

"I think you just answered your own question, Jakob."

"What happened between last week and this week?" Dennis asked. "You were so dominant last week but Düsseldorf dominated you this week."

"Its about desire and sometimes about mental toughness," I said. "There are times you have to run through walls to achieve your goals. Other times, its about surviving to fight another day. Now I've got to say that though I was unhappy at their goal, we shut them down after their goal. So I have mixed emotions about this particular match and while few of them are good, we got a point that maybe we didn't deserve. Its a long season. So far we've shown we have the mental toughness. The players I have all realize that there are ups and downs to the season as there are ups and downs inside each match. This is a downturn from which I hope we learn something important."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 23 January 2023

10:56am

As I was finishing up the video review of yesterday's match, I noticed Thomas Hengen enter and take a seat. He strolled over as the players began exiting.

"Hey, what's up, Thomas?" I asked.

"I just got a call from Köln," he replied. "They want to sign Ronnie."

Ronnie Teuber is the goalkeeping coach we signed in the summer when the board expanded the number of coaches we could hire.

"Alright," I replied. "How many euros do we get if he agrees?"

"225k."

"Well, that's a nice bit of cash," I said.

"You know what," Ulf said. "One of the goalkeeping coaches at Bayer was let go this summer. He's a good guy, I'll vouch for him."

"Ja?" I said. "Would you reach out to him?"

"Sure," Ulf replied. "I'll let you know. His name is Jan-Paul Conradi."

"Thanks, Ulf," I said. "Lets get lunch?"

"F*** ja," Jörg said. "I'm starving."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Tuesday, 24 January 2023

Jörg, Ulf and I piled into my Audi S7 and drove north to a restaurant on the northern outskirts of Köln to meet Jan-Paul Conradi.

"I think yesterday's video session had a really good impact," Ulf said.

"Ja," Jörg agreed. "The looks on their faces was f***ing priceless."

The players got more and more uncomfortable as we walked through each misplaced pass, each case of ball-watching, and each lapse of concentration. Eventually, there were occasional groans. This had translated into really focused and serious training sessions today.

"You know its fascinating to watch the mood in training sessions," I said. "Sometimes like today, its very serious. Sometimes, everyone is working hard and having a good time at the same time. Sometimes, you can see that the players aren't applying themselves. Sometimes, you can see the players are over-confident and getting lazy. Sometimes Jörg needs to shout at them. I have a good feeling about this week just based upon today's sessions."

We moved on to getting more out of Billy, how to use Omar's arrival to motivate Banger.

"Alten and Yavuz look good," Ulf said.

"Ja, definitely," I agreed. "I think we keep them on the bench for late game minutes. I don't see Ontuzans as that much better."

"Ja, considering their potential," Jörg added.

"Exactly," I said. "They could be far better, you never know."

Then we wandered onto subjects like the Bundesliga, Champion's League, the EPL, La Liga and Ligue 1. Then we were on the far side of Köln and Siri was giving me directions to the restaurant.

"Jan-Paul, how are you," Ulf said as we entered the restaurant. "Good to see you."

"Likewise, Ulf," Jan-Paul said. "I've got us a booth."

The host led us back.

"So I had a year off before I took this job," I said to Jan-Paul. "My wife got really sick of me moping around the house."

"Ja, I had nine months off," Jörg said. "Mine was really glad to see me working again, too."

"These breaks are funny, aren't they," Jan-Paul said. "First world problems, ja?" We all nodded. "I'd rather be working, contributing."

"Alright, lets talk about goalkeeping," I said.

At that moment the waitress walked up and we ordered our dinners. Then we talked Fußball with Jan-Paul.

We'll be hiring him to replace the departing Ronnie Teuber.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

New goalkeeping coach Jan-Paul Conradi met the bus and watched from the stands. Shakur Omar gets his first start. I'm playing him as an Attacking Forward instead of a Deep-Lying forward like how tell Saydou Bangura to play. Maybe this will open up our play down the left flank.

We face summer target Marvin Stefaniak who chose Aue over us and forward Daniel Hanslik who never played for us before leaving in the summer.

The game started much like the Düsseldorf match; Aue pinned us back in our own end.

In the 18th minute, they played a pass up to Hanslik. He fed a pass back to a midfielder. In the meantime, their right winger made a run inside right in front of Lorenzo Filippini. Filippini didn't track and the midfielder played him in.

He blasted the ball first time and right past Avdo Spahic.

1-0

"Gahdamit, Filippini!" I swore to myself. "He ran right in f***ing front of you. S***."

I began yelling at my players, trying to fire them up. They all eventually noticed me jumping up and down on the sidelines like a deranged monkey. They heard me, I've got a f***ing megaphone for a voice.

We at least started playing. We cut down their passing lanes and pressed them harder when they had the ball.

"Enrico, what the f*** is wrong with Niehues," Jörg said. I looked back upfield from where the ball had just gone out for a goal kick. He was rubbing his wrist and alternating with flexing the fingers on his left hand.

"JULIAN! JULIAN!" I yelled. He looked over. I pointed my wrist. "You okay? Are you hurt?"

He shook his head no. He must mean he didn't want to come out; clearly his wrist hurt.

In the 40th minute, Ritter hit a pass down the left line for Filippini to chase. Lorenzo caught up with the pass just in time and smashed a cross right across the 5 meter box.

Billy Arce met the cross at the second post and we were level.

1-1

Despite the goal, we still stank like rotten cheese. The only difference is I won't give them the hairdryer treatment at halftime.

At halftime, I explained in detail how and why they sucked. The players all seemed pretty motivated except for my midfield duo of Ritter and Klingenburg.

"You two need to take control of the midfield," I told them. "I know you can, we've all seen you do it. Now go and do it."

That seemed to do the trick. We came out storming.

Unfortunately, the goal was not coming. Klingy missed two free back post headers. Billy missed one, too. Filippini and Omar were running rampant down the left.

I replaced Robin Becker in the 62nd minute because he was exhausted. On went Jean Zimmer.

I was starting to wonder if were ever going to score when Zim cleared a header out to our right flank in the 79th minute. Billy got to the ball first and had time and space to start upfield with the ball.

He saw Muhammed Kiprit start a run towards the right channel and hoofed a long ball over to the top of the defense.

Muhammed was in on goal.

He rounded the keeper.

And squeezed a shot in from the tightest of angles with his weaker right foot!

1-2

I was swept away in a tidal wave off the bench.

Klingy and Ritter were exhausted so I replaced them with Ilhan Yazuk and Madyan Sounni. The fresh legs of the subs helped shut them down for the remaining ten minutes plus four minutes of extra time.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Another weekend of watching results roll in. Schalke beat Nürnberg in a 2.Liga top of the table clash. The Royal Blues are third on goal difference, we have an 8 point cushion.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Tuesday, 31 January 2023

8:45am

"Ciao, Enrico. Hello, Niklas. Sure, I have a few minutes. Jamilu Collins of Paderborn? Really. For a million euros? No. We haven't scouted him. Did you make that one up? Really? Sportbuzzer reported it? Well, okay, but we're not buying him."

10:01am

"Ciao, Enrico. Hi, Jakob. Just in between drills so, ja, I have a minute. Uh huh. No, we have no interest in Jamilu Collins. Ja, sure. No problem. Have fun deadline day."

10:57am

"Ciao, Enrico. Hi, Florian. Ja sure, what do you have. No, nobody has approached us for our central defender Hamza Çetinkaya. Ja, he is available for loan. Right. Ja. Have a good day. Ciao."

11:09am

"Ciao, Enrico. You again? Ha! Sure Florian, no problem. Giancomo Calò? Ja, I'm aware of him. Ja, sure he's a good player. No, we're not. Who did you hear this one from? Okay, fine. Ja, have a good one. Ciao."

12:35pm

"Ciao, Enrico. Hi, Dennis. Ja, I was wondering when you'd call. No, we have no interest in Caló. Ja, sure. Ciao."

12:58pm

"Ciao, Enrico. Hi. Ja. Hello. Nice to meet you. No we have no interest in Jamilu Collins. You're welcome. Ciao."

3:26pm

"Ciao, Enrico. Hi, Dennis. Uh huh. Okay. Ja. Sure. Dennis, why do you care what I think about who Schalke buys? No, I have no idea what they're up to. Why would I? Ja, sure. We have an eight point cushion. Its more about what we do than what they do. No problem. Ciao."

4:11pm

"Ciao, Enrico. Hi, Jakob. Sure. Facundo Colido? Ja, I know him. We're tracking him. No, we wont' be making an offer to Inter. Sure. Ciao."

4:14pm

"Ciao, Enrico. Hi, Dennis. Uh huh. Ja. No, we won't be buying Colido from Inter today. Ja. No problem. Ciao."

6:29pm

"Ciao, Enrico. Ja, hello Florian. No, I haven't spoken to anyone from Atalanta today. No, I won't be making an offer for Simone Mazzocchi. Ja, I know him. We're tracking him. Ja, he's a good player. Ja, sure. Ciao."

8:20pm

"Ciao, Enrico. No, its not too late, Jakob. Ja, Schalke have been busy haven't they. Ja. Clearly. Sure, its a statement. No, I'm not planning on any purchases today. Ja, Omar is what we needed. Ja, that's true. You never know but time is running out. Ja. Ciao."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Thursday, 2 February 2023

11:44am

"Hey guys," Thomas Hengen said as he joined Jörg, Ulf and I at our table in the cafeteria. "Good news."

"Hmmm ... lemme guess," I said. "Schalke have been docked ten points for financial irregularities?"

"Ha, no," Thomas said. "I just got the official notification from the DFB that Boris Tomiak's extension is complete and officially registered."

Both Captain Jean Zimmer and Jörg had warned me that Boris wanted a new, better contract. And now that we have the breathing room on our payroll, we'd started the process.

"Well, its good news all around," Ulf said. "Muhammed said today that he's glad nobody made an offer. I said so you are happy to stay? To which he replied Ja, I'm happy to stay."

Augsburg had approached us last fall with a ridiculously lowball offer for Muhammed Kiprit. I'd agreed to sell him if anyone matched our valuation. We'd left it there and waited. Augsburg never followed up and nobody else had approached us.

"Funny that," Jörg said. "Krahl told me he appreciates that you made an effort to sell him."

"Ja, he only seems to talk to me when he wants to moan about something," I said.

"Ja, you won't be f***ing invited to his wedding," Jörg added.

"This might be the happiest this club has been in ages," Hengen.

"Knock on wood it stays that way," I said, rapping my knuckles against my head.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

We welcome the bottom club Paderborn to the Fritz-Walter today. The only change is Captain Jean Zimmer returns to the side.

We pressed the from the start. When they got the ball, they were able to pass it around in their own half, but consistently lost it once they crossed the midfield stripe.

In the 23rd minute, Billy Arce went tumbling in their box as Marlon Ritter's corner flew past. My players all pointed at Billy laying there on the turf. The ref put his hand up and his other to his ear to signal he was talking to the VAR official. Within 15 seconds, he pointed to the spot.

Muhammed Kiprit buried the PK.

1-0

And we were off the mark!

Not long after, 29th minute, Marlon Ritter got the ball on the edge of our box. He spun then immediately launched a 50m punt towards their right corner for Shakur Omar to chase. Shakur got to it first, delayed while Kiprit found a soft spot in the defense then toe poked a pass toward his attack partner.

Muhammed smashed it into the top corner from the top of the box.

2-0

Golazo of the Year contender for sure! Maybe I'm partial, but ...

We went into the break leading two goals to their one shot off target.

The route continued in the second half. Oliver Hüsing smashed home a towering header from a Ritter corner in the 64th minute.

I put Madyan Sounni on for Billy in the 65th.

The route was complete 10th minutes later when Kiprit got his hat trick. Rene Klingenburg played a long ball into the channel for Omar to chase. Omar fed Muhammed who smashed home from the penalty spot.

4-0

I sent on Alf Alten and then Ilhan Yavuz to give them some minutes and Klingy and Ritter a rest. The Westkurz serenaded us to the final whistle.

By the time I got home from the Fritz-Walter, Nürnberg had drawn at home to Bielefeld and our lead was ten points!

 

[Sam91]

''Kiprit's on fiiiiiire, your defence is terrified!!!''

 

[Enrico Pucci]

''Kiprit's on fiiiiiire, your defence is terrified!!!''

Yuppers. 2 hat tricks in a row makes him officially En Fuego. And I've hit on just the right defensive tactics. It'll probably last until the end of the season. I'm sure the Bundesliga will be a far tougher test.