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Welcome to our winter break edition of Rötliche und Teuflisch the podcast to discuss the first half of one Football Club Kaiserslautern’s season. This is episode 8.62. Please like and subscribe. I am your host Werner and I am joined by Jakob as always.

Jakob: Hi, how are you?


Werner: Really good. Really really good.

Jakob: Ja, its been a while since we have collectively felt this good.

Werner: Let’s start with the match, ja?

J: Ja, Eintracht Braunschweig are having a decent to good season so far and we kept them from getting a shot off until a bit into the second half.

W: As opposed to last week.

J: Exactly. As opposed to last week when we let a struggling Türkgücü München attack at will. Also, Braunschweig have a far better defensive record and were never going to be pushovers like Türkgücü.

W: So a goal from Ritter just before half time?

J: Ja, it seemed to go through everybody’s legs except his own.

W: Mainly because that isn’t even possible. Our players passing in tight spaces is really good, I must say. Neal Gibs and Osayamen Osawe interchanged really well with Marlon to set the stage for him to score.

J: And then Hikmet Çiftçi gets some rare minutes and even rarer goal. That really describes our season so far. When the attackers aren’t able to score, others step up. I’ll dig into that a bit more later. But everyone is stepping forward in the scoring department.

W: Enrico Pucci had to dig deep into the roster to find fit players for the bench.

J: Yet we’ve won the last two matches with our backup central defensive pairing. And today they never looked troubled by Braunschweig’s attack. These back ups have been stepping forward when necessary and doing what’s required.

W: Alright, lets talk about where today’s win puts us.

J: Ja, lets.

W: We are winter champions by ten points. We have won ten straight and have only lost one game all season. We have the best offense and best defense. I’ll just say it …

J: Are you sure you want to?


W: Ja, I’m going to. I expected Enrico Pucci to improve the club. To make us competitive. I will be honest and say that I didn’t expect this.

J: Are you so sure?

W: Huh? I don’t follow.

J: He ran away with Serie B in Italy when he was in charge of Bologna. He did the same in League Two with AFC Wimbledon, England’s fourth division.

W: You can’t use facts on me. They don’t work. Kaiserslautern is different. We’re worse off than either of those clubs or situation is far more dire.

J: Fine, I’ll grant you that. Those two clubs aren’t our club. I get it.

W: I do have one thing that worries me. I mean legitimately not just me being paranoid. Well, maybe a little paranoia.

J: And that is?

W: Injuries.

J: Yes, the medical room at Fritz-Walter is full to overflowing. Thankfully, its the winter break and the injured and sore have some time to heal. We’ll have Jean Zimmer and Kenny Redondo back by the restart. They both had to come off yesterday. Marius Kleinsorge and Boris Tomiak, too. Even long-term injury victims Hendrick Zuck and Lucas Röser are coming back soon. Röser hasn’t even been available yet this season as he’s been recovering from ACL surgery.

W: Okay, I’m less worried now.

J: Can we move on to the numbers?

W: Of course.

J: Muhammed Kiprit is tied for the lead in goals with thirteen. Marlon Ritter is tied for second in assists with seven, Osawe is tied for sixth with six. We lead 3.Liga in XG, shots taken, and shots on target. We’re third by a hair in shots on target with forty nine percent. We have three players in the top ten for average rating: Tomiak leads the league, Osayamen Osawe is fifth and Ritter is tenth.

W: Can we talk about Osawe?

J: Sure. How so?

W: He was pretty ineffective in his first stint with the club. We were not very happy with his signing.

J: Ja. Pucci is getting the most out of him. I’m surprised but maybe not so much. Tthe legendary Ulf Kirsten is on the staff and that has to have a positive impact. They are finishing more and more like he used to. Jörg Weber, Pucci’s assistant, and Lorenzo D’Anna coach the defense. Clearly, they are doing a good job. But Osawe is fast and athletic and Pucci has set up the team to exploit his pace.

W: What else have you got?

J: Kiprit is third in average minutes between goals at 106.46. He also hit the target with 63% of his shots. Osawe had 55% accuracy rate. Kiprit’s conversion rate was 25%. Kiprit took 3.38 shots per game and Osawe 2.95. Just to put that in perspective, the leader was Maximilian Breunig of Würzburger Kickers who had 5.55 per game and he’s leading the league by a lot.

J: Additionally, Neal Gibs leads the division in tackles per match with 4.07. Boris Tomiak is third in interceptions with 76 and second in clearances with 227.

W: Someone who doesn’t make the headlines but is crucial for us is Julian Niehues.

J: Ja. He’s fast, his positioning is impeccable and he’s always at the right place at the right time to stop any counter attacks and shield the back four.

W: He’s crucial for the club’s success so far. His passing is underrated as well. He always gives it quickly to someone else. I mean, he’s often just recirculating the ball, but he’s the fulcrum of our whole offense, wouldn’t you agree.

J: Clearly, Pucci saw something in him. He’s only been subbed once I think. He’s ever-present for this squad.

W: Shall we move on to questions?



J: Lets.

W: Alright, another question from your mother. @leo_kropp22 on Twitter asks ‘have we got the league and promotion wrapped up already?’

J: My Mom sure has a lot of Twitter accounts. Um, maybe? I mean I don’t want to curse us, but its looking good. Pucci said in the post match press availability more or less the same thing. He said some stuff about taking it one match at a time and that we’re really well positioned.

W: Your turn.

J: Right. Um, here’s one not from my Mom. @rabbensweiler_87 asks ‘Will we have any signings in the january transfer window?’ and my answer is probably not. We haven’t got any money and we’re going to get a lot healthier very soon. The only possibility would be a loan signing where we don’t pay them anything. But I think that’s unlikely as this current squad is doing the business.

W: Have a pleasant winter break.

J: Ja, and you too.
 
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Sunday, 19 December 2021

Gwen, the kids and I piled into her Volvo SUV and drove through Stuttgart and Ulm then turned due south and drove up into the Alps. Next through St. Gallen and on to Laax. The drive was lovely. I'd booked three days at the Laax ski resort and lessons for everyone.

I learned to ski as a kid in the mountains of Pennsylvania which are around a two hour drive from Washington, DC. I hadn't been on skis since I was a teen. Matthew was five and old enough to put on skis. I also wanted to get Allie on skis but mainly for the cuteness and comedy that would ensue. Gwen agreed to try it.

We had enough time left when we got there so I decided to hit the slopes. Gwen decided they'd check out the resort village.

What a sunset, no? And I'm a s*** photographer.

I am glad I signed up for lessons. I didn't kill myself on the way down, but dayum am I rusty.


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Thursday, 23 December 2021

Merry Xmas from Cadiz!

We drove back home from Switzerland on Wednesday and flew to Sevilla. We took the train to Cadiz. I like the train ride from Sevilla and we can get direct flights there from Frankfurt.

We'll be here until the new year.

See you later.
 
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Wednesday, 5 January 2022

8am

"How was your vacations?" I said as I walked up to the table with my espresso.

There was a chorus of "ja," "gut," and etc. Jörg and family had visited family in eastern Germany. Ulf had flown to Florida. Lorenzo had rented rooms at a farm in Puglia. Wolfgang Wimmer the kepper coach had gone to Crete. Günther Kern the fitness coach had visited his grandchildren, he has two kids. Filip Trojan had gone home to Trebec in the Czech Republic. Florian
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had gone to the south of France. Agnieszka had taken her family to Mallorca.

"I should probably start since I have good news for once," ATK said. "Tomiak, Redondo, Kleinsorge, and Zimmer are all back. I need to have a look at Zuck but he is very close. Lukimya is still two to five weeks to go before he can start rehabbing his hip. So we're very nearly healthy."

"I'll go next because I just want to talk about these two days of training before the Winter Cup," I said. Gisela had organized a league PSV, Club Brugge, and Olympiakos. PKs after ninety minutes if still tied. I hoped this would make the club several hundred thousand euros and get us tuned up for the second half. "I just want to remind everyone of how the system works with some familiar drills. Suggestions?"

We talked for a while about how we'd train. Then Florian gave a rundown on how PSV, Club Brugge and Olympiakos would play.

We were back and open for business.
 
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Wednesday, 5 January 2022

9:19am

"Ahhhh!" Avdo Spahic exclaimed as he stopped mid-sprint. He grabbed his right knee as he limped off to the side of the zigzag cone course.

There was the customary chorus of curses from all the coaches as we all gathered around him.

"F***! S***!" he swore as he realized he'd really hurt himself and stopped trying to walk it off.

"Twinge? Sharp pain? What?" I asked.

"I felt a twinge," he replied. "But I definitely did something. F***! F***! F***!"

"Jörg, would you help him in to ATK?" I said. Jörg grunted and got Avdo's right arm around his shoulder.

"F***," I muttered as I watched my keeper limp off towards the medical room.

"Raab, over here!" Wolfgang Wimmer shouted. Back up keeper Matheo Raab and he jogged over, grabbed a bag of balls and went off to a different part of the training pitch.

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... oops ...

I forgot to write about the friendlies.

My starting eleven with Raab in net beat PSV Eindhoven 2-1.

My second stringers got their pants pulled down and their bare bottoms spanked 0-6 by Club Brugge.

Then my best XI beat Olympiacos 3-1.

Additionally, we grossed EU250,000 for this mini-league.
 
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The bottom place side coming to visit is a great way to start off the second half of the season. Alexander Winkler gets the nod over Kevin Kraus as he's a bigger threat on corners.

We scored early and often.

Osawe smashed home a header from a Kleinsorge cross in the 16th minute.

Klingenburg volleyed in a cross from Gibs in the 20th.

Klingenburg got his second goal from a cross from Ritter in the 25th.

Kiprit headed home a Gibs cross in the 31st.

They pulled on back on their first shot on target in the 46th. Their free kick hit the post and rebounded right to their player who had the easiest of tap ins.

Kleinsorge played a 60m diagonal pass across field for Osawe to run onto in the 65th minute. My Englishman placed his shot into the far corner.

Osawe got his hat trick in the 94th minute. We had a corner, Ritter took forever to place the ball, but when he eventually whipped in the corner several players all fell over. The ref pointed to the spot. Osawe tucked away the PK.

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Tuesday, 18 January 2022

3:14pm

"Hi Enrico, its Thomas," the club's Technical Director said. "I've got Sören on the line." Sören Oliver Voigt is the club's Managing Director.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Ja, Christophe Jeannot has been approached by Dijon and Metz," Thomas said. "They want to steal him away from us."

"The rat bastards," I said.

"Should we make a counter offer?" Sören asked.

"How much would we get if they steal him?" I asked.

"195k," Thomas answered.

"Well, we're losing money every month so I say let him go," I said. "What does Christophe say?"

"He wants to join Metz," Thomas said.

"Let him go," I said. "I can find another scout."

We ended the call, I opened a new tab on my browser and searched through the available scouts. I knew that either next year or the year after we'd be able to scout the entire European continent and I wanted a scout with broad knowledge. I found a Belgian named Andy De Smet. He'd had a variety of coaching roles as well as scouting roles. His last position was at Everton. What impressed me was the laundry list of countries he listed as he'd scouted:

  • Belgium
  • France
  • Netherlands
  • England
  • Guinea
  • Nigeria
  • Congo DR
  • Bosnia-Herzegovina
  • Croatia
  • Denmark
  • Norway
  • Slovakia
  • Spain
  • Sweden
  • Ukraine
  • Serbia

Seriously. That is impressive. What the f***, this could be too good to be true, so I called him.

"Hoi Andy," he answered on the third ring.

"This is Enrico Pucci of Kaiserslautern calling," I said in English. He speaks Dutch, English, and French. "I'm calling about your CV and your availability. One of my scouts is leaving and I saw your CV."

"Alright, thanks for calling," he replied in a dead on scouser accent. "Hang an a mo, I don't mean to geg in, but yez another American in Germany?"

"Yup. Its the latest rage."

"Wait, Kaiserslautern. What division are yez in?"

"We're leading the 3.Liga by ten points," I said. "I aim to get us promoted this season up to the 2.Bundesliga and build from their. I'm gaining a reputation as a promotion specialist."

"Yeah, yez managed Wimbledon din't ya? I remember that."

"Yeah and got Bologna promoted back into Serie A on the first try."

"That Wimbledon is a great li'l club," he said. " Bologna, Lazio, too, yeh? So yez got big plans?"

"Yeah and I need a scout to travel Europe once we have the budget. Once we're out of the 3.Liga. Eventually, I'll need someone to scout Africa. Once we're back in the Bundesliga."

"Yez don't lack any of the confidence."

"That's me. I've got a great coaching staff. Ulf Kirsten joined, for example. I have a question for you."

"Ask away," he said.

"You gained your knowledge of Europe and Africa at Everton, right?"

"Yeh, they sent me all over. That was a great gig. Love the Toffees."

"You've been out of work since then?"

"Yeh," he replied. "The right offer just hasn't come along yet."

"What do you think about scouting Germany?" I said. "Another feather in your bonnet."

"Yeh it would, wouldn't it. Me house is in Liege, that a problem? Could I operate outa there?"

"That wouldn't be a problem. So you're interested?"

"Yeh, mate. I think Kaiserslautern has a nice ring to it. Sign me up."

"Great," I said. "My Managing Director will get a contract over to you today. I look forward to meeting you."

"Cheers, mate."

Click.
 

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This was the first bad weather match. Nothing like the Tremontana that blows across Italy and had me bundled three layers deep. But I looked like a fisherman all bundled up against the driving rain.

Same eleven as against Meppen.

Our guests from Berlin were compliant and never really threatened. Thank you very much.

Marlon Ritter played Osayamen Osawe in on goal and my Englishman made no mistake giving us a lead in the 35th minute.

Boris Tomiak sealed the points with a header from a Ritter corner in the 68th.

Tomiak, Ritter, Kleinsorge, Klingenburg and Gibs all got subbed so that they'd be fresh for Tuesday's upcoming game against fourth place 1860 München.

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Blimey I take a few days away and you're absolutely flying now!! Good work
 
Blimey I take a few days away and you're absolutely flying now!! Good work
You take a day off at your own risk, man. Consider yourself warned ;). Thanks and thanks for reading.
 
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Sunday, 23 January 2022

2ish pm

I stood the in the aisle of the grocery store dumbfounded. Gwen had asked me to buy some ghee on the way home. First, she’d had to explain what it was: clarified butter. Second, she explained that she’d watched some YouTube videos and wanted to make an Indian dish that needed ghee.

She’d said it would be with the oils. Olive oil, sunflower oil, grapeseed oil, sesame oil, truffle oil, vegetable oil, and avacado oils were all there on the shelf in front of me.

“Hey, Enrico,” a voice said next to me.

I turned to look. A large man in a leather jacket and a hoodie underneath stood next to me staring at the oils.

“Uh, hello,” I said.

“Can’t find something?” the man asked. He was my height and weight. I couldn’t exactly see his face. Was that a Russian accent?

“Uh, ja.”

“What?”

“Ghee.”

“Oh, it right there,” the man said pointing to the bottom shelf.

“Thanks,” I said, reached down and acquired a jar of it.

“We will be needing help on something,” he said. Yes, definitely a Russian accent. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. A cavernous hole of dread opened up in the pit of my stomach. Was this going to go where I feared it was about to? “You will be greatly rewarded for help.”

“Unless its finding something in the beans and lentils,” I said pointing toward where the beans and lentils that were further down the aisle. “I’m really not a very helpful kind of person.”

“No, we think you will be helping,” he said. “Very helpful. Your beautiful model wife, five year old son and pretty little girl would want you to help.”

“Are you f***ing threatening me and my f***ing family?” I said.

“No, not yet.” He still hadn’t looked in my direction. “Do not raise voice. We don’t want to create scene here in store. It would be bad for you. You will listen to me now?” He took his hand out of his pocket. I saw the handle of a pistol in his pocket. He raised his hand up to adjust his hoodie. I saw the tattoos on his wrist sticking out when his sleeve rose up his arm. This pretty much confirmed my worst fears.

I reached into my jacket pocket and turned on the voice recording app on my phone. I could do this with a few swipes of my phone. I’d started using a voice recording app and taught myself how to turn it on surreptitiously because football agents often live up to their reputation as hyenas and dirty dealing pieces of garbage. I record every single interaction with any agent just in case they start proposing something unethical or illegal.

It was in my right pocket and he was on my left. I hoped it would pick up his voice.

“We have friends in Singapore that want you to throw match against Freiburg two on nineteen March.”

“The f*** I will,” I said.

“We know you have done this before. We know you love your wife and children. We know you wouldn’t want police to find all the child **** on your iPad and laptop.”

“What the f***? I don’t watch any …”

“How are you so sure,” he replied. “You should check browsing history and the videos and pictures you have downloaded. You have been very bad boy, Enrico Pucci. We would hate for the public to know about …”

“You f***ers,” I swore. “You f***ing hacked my devices. You f***ing a**holes.”

“We will be in contact soon, Enrico Pucci. Go home and hug your wife and children.” He turned and walked off.

I stood there holding a jar of ghee feeling like my world was about to end. Again.
 
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“What’s wrong?” Gwen asked.

“F***,” I swore. “F***.”

“What happened?”

I told her about my trip to the store. I gave her the ghee. She gave me a big hug.

“We need to get legal help and tell the club and go to the police,” she said.

“I need to call Noam.”

“Who?”

“Noam. He’s a former Massad agent. You know … Israeli secret agent. He was in charge of security for Bologna when there were daily protests against the President.”

“Oh, right, Noam.”

“And, yes, all of those things you mentioned. Also, I had better call Luca, too.” My agent. “He’ll know about attorneys.”

“Don't bother Luca, let me get the attorney,” Gwen said. “My people can figure that out.”

We both got on our phones. Miraculously, Noam was available. He was living in Marseille and said he’d fly up today. I called Thomas Hengen and Sören Oliver Voigt to ask for an emergency meeting and told them only the basics of what had happened. We all agreed that we would have our meeting Monday morning and that they would contact the police. Basically, we’d meet to decide how we wanted to deal with it and then have a meeting with the police immediately afterwards.
 
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Monday, 24 January 2022

8am

Kaiserlautern Polizei headquarters

“Let’s start with introductions,” Sören Oliver Voigt said. We were in a large conference room in Kaiserslautern’s police station. “I’m Sören, Managing Director of the club.”

Thomas Hengen introduced himself. I introduced myself.

“I’m Noam Guordo. I’ve been brought on by the club to manage security.” Noam has a wee bit of silver in the black hair now. The stubble he’s sporting today makes him look scarier than I recall from back in my Bologna days. He’s still looks like he’s chiseled out of stone.

“I’m Jakob Mannfriedler. I’m Enrico and Kaiserslautern’s legal representative.”

“I’m Willem Londren with the Kaiserslautern police.”

“I’m Gerhard Niegelsmann. I’m federal police.”

“I’m Alfred Bin, Interpol.”

“Let me provide a few details,” Jakob began. “Enrico is manager of this club and brought the incident to our attention yesterday. We intend to fully cooperate in any way we can. Enrico was approached by man who told him to lose the 19 March match against Freiburg. The man threatened Enrico’s family. We will provide the audio from Enrico’s phone, he attempted to record the interaction. You can’t quite hear the man speaking although Enrico’s reactions are clearly recorded. Furthermore, we will provide his iPad and laptop.”

“We have brought on Mr. Guordo to manage our security and he has discovered something of interest.” Jakob nodded to Noam.

“May I speak in English? Noam asked in English. “I don’t speak German. I could also speak in French or Italian.”

“English is fine,” Officer Niegelsmann said in English.

“In addition to threatening his family, they also hacked his laptop and iPad,” Noam began. “They told him he’d find child p*rn*graphy on these devices. Upon examining the devices, the browsing history goes back well before Enrico was in possession of these devices. Additionally, some of the videos and photos were saved to the devices before he started his job as club manager. I also did rudimentary analysis of how they hacked these devices. This was a fairly standard hacking technique of the Russian military that many Russian gangs use. I think that further forensic investigation will possibly yield information about who might have done this and give us an idea of which gang or gangs might be involved.”

“Additionally, I checked over Enrico’s vehicles,” Noam continued. “They put a tracking devices inside his bumper of both cars he drives. His wife’s vehicle does not have a tracking device. Once again, standard Russian military device. I have taken the liberty of putting counter-tracking devices that I’ve synced in to their devices. I can provide details so that you can gain access to my counter-tracker so that you can use it to track this gang.”

“Thank you, Mr. Guordo and Attorney Mannfriedler,” Interpol’s Bin said in German. “Thank you Enrico for coming forward. I’m in charge of East Asian syndicate interactions with European crime organizations. We are aware of Russian gang activity involving possible match fixing for a long time now. We’ve seen new developments these last few years and have been monitoring these ties. We’ve been monitoring betting patterns and looking for anomalies like a big club losing to a smaller club and big pay-outs in Asia.”

I translated for Noam.

“The Russians target lower leagues throughout Europe hoping to gain leverage over managers and players. The Russians’ ideal scenario is to have the manager and a few players, usually defenders, in on it. Child p*rn is a common threat so is promising a large sum to players who are not making that much money. They nearly always threaten a manager or player’s family. Gerhard …”

“Ja, thanks Alfred,” Federal officer Niegelsmann said. “Enrico and Jakob, I ask you both, is Enrico willing to have your phones tapped?”

“Enrico is willing,” Jakob replied. I’d been told not to speak unless directly questioned.

“They will be contacting you soon, ja?”

I nodded.

“Good, the important thing is to keep them on the phone for as long as possible. Then we can determine where they are calling from. Once we determine the phones they are using, we can begin tracking their phones and them.”

“You will tell them you are going cooperate and throw the 19 March match,” Niegelsmann concluded.

“We have checked over the video surveillance from the grocery store,” officer Londren of the Kaiserslautern police said. “As well as traffic cameras in the area. Our man parked his vehicle outside of camera range for the grocery store and walked. We never got a decent look at his face. The videos were quite poor quality as you’d expect.”

“Enrico, you will need to keep a very regular schedule,” Niegelsmann said. “Make it easy for them come in contact with you if they want to. For example, same restaurants and stores you always go to.” I nodded. “Can you provide a list of them? We could set up surveillance for these.” I nodded again.

“Finally, we’d like your wife be ready to leave town with your kids,” Niegelsmann said. “Is that easy to arrange?” I nodded. “Once we get closer to March, we’ll have them leave.”

“One last thing,” Interpol’s Bin said. “We need to keep this investigation as secret as possible. Please do not talk about this with others at the club and for the love of all things that are good, never under any circumstances talk to the media.”

Everyone associated with Kaiserslautern nodded.
 
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How pleasant it was to get back to football. To train my players. To get on the bus and drive to München. A lovely distraction after the intensity of Sunday and Monday morning.

Avdo Spahic still wasn't fit, so Matheo Raab is still between the posts. For the first time this season we are without Julian Niehues. He's suspended so Jan Hempel is fast and can tackle so in he goes.

This match always looked difficult and it was. Mainly on my nerves.

I paced the sideline as we dominated possession but couldn't finish.

At halftime I laid into my forwards as well as Ritter and Klingenburg for their wayward shooting.

And it didn't make a lick of difference.

It was just one of those matches.

Fortunately, 1860 didn't send too many players forward on counter attacks nor attacked with all that many players. They were wary of us and it was a boring, cold, scoreless winter draw.

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"Your twelve match winning streak came to an end tonight, " Mannfred Wulf of the München Fußball Zeitung said. "You must be disappointed."

"I'm really proud of my players," I replied. "We've been working hard on the training ground and its paid off with a magnificent run. It shows what we're really capable of."

"You've delivered some great results lately," Niklas Boll of Kicker said. "Kaiserslautern plays in a distinctive style and many experts and pundits are calling it Pucciball. Is playing this way important to you?"

"To be honest, Niklas, I think that sounds ridiculous," I said. "I just aim to get the best out of my players."

"Titles are won on cold, bitter winter days," Jakob Böttcher said. "Where do you think this match fits into the overall season?"

"Die Löwen are fourth in the table," I replied. "Like us they are a big club, a Bundesliga club fallen on hard times. Look, I'm not happy with our finishing today. It was subpar. But its a point. Maybe if they'd have pushed harder they could have gotten a result today. I think they were aiming to hold us and get lucky or something like that."

"Do you have the league sewn up?" Wulf asked.

"We are in a great position. There are still fifteen games left to play. We'll just take it one game at a time as always."
 
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The rest of the week was uneventful aside from the weather being cold and damp. First choice keeper Avdo Spahic returned to training. Julian Niehues returns form suspension. Neal Gibs drops to the bench because he has a sore ankle so Jan Hempel stays in the side after a good performance in München.

Yet again, I was dressed like a fisherman ready for gale conditions.

After the poor match against 1860, they players were aggressive and determined straight from the start.

Osayamen Osawe redirected a Marlon Ritter corner into the net in the 2nd minute for an early lead.

In the 19th minute, Marius Kleinsorge broke down the right flank and whipped in a first post cross. Rene Klingenburg met it with a firm header for our second goal.

Then the floodgates opened.

In the 27th minute, Ritter saw Kleinsorge making a blind side run behind the Halle left back. He chipped a millimeter perfect 30m pass into my wingers path.

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Kleinsorge zipped a near post shot past their hapless keeper.

In the 33rd minute, captain Jean Zimmer curled in a dangerous cross. It was just out of reach of Muhammed KIprit but Osawe got to it and slammed his volley into their net for our fourth.

Finally, Kevin Kraus smashed a towering header past their keeper at the back post in the 39th minute. This was Ritter's third assist of the match.

"I'm going to let Jörg give the halftime talk today," I said once everyone was gathered in Die Kabine. "Take it away Jörg,"

"THAT WAS THE F***ING S***!" Jörg bellowed.

Everyone cheered.

The second half was quiet and dull. Halle were just happy to not have their pants around their ankles and their bare bottoms spanked anymore.

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Monday, 31 January 2022

4:54pm

I was playing with Matthew on the living room floor. It was a modified carpet bowling game that he had invented. My phone vibrated.

I nearly s*** my pants and threw up at the same time. My first thought is it was the Russian mobsters.

"Hey Thomas," I said answering my phone.

"Happy deadline day, Enrico," he said.

"Why? who made a bid?"

"Hannover for Ritter."

"And?" I asked.

"I told them to go f*** themselves," he said. "Also, it was a loan deal."

"Did you tell Marlon?"

"I called to tell him he's staying. He already knew about the offer. I mean, he didn't say anything. No Hannover was my dream move or any such bulls***."

"Well, we know who'll be in to demand a new contract," I said. Hey, would you send over the maximums I can offer him? I want to keep him happy but he should know we're not fat with cash."

"Ja sure, Enrico," Thomas said.

"Ciao."

"Bye."

Click.
 
Tuesday, 1 February 2022

12:31pm

I looked up from my scouting reports because someone had knocked on my open door. A skinny man in a nice suit stood there, knuckles out. Marlon Ritter hovered over his shoulder.

"Come in," I said. I flipped my phone's voice recorder app on. "Sorry, just turning my phone off so we won't be disturbed."

"I'm Andre König," the agent said. "I represent Marlon."

Marlon shut the door and sat down.

"Well, I was expecting you two today," I said.

"You were or are I mean?" König said.

I gave him the are-you-a-fkn-idiot look then looked at Marlon. Marlon shrugged.

"Yeah, Hannover made an offer yesterday," I said. "It was a s*** offer for a loan deal that we'd heavily subsidize, but, technically, yes, they made an offer. Its common practice for agents to ask for new deals after their player rejects an offer."

"Well ... I ... um ..." König spluttered.

"And I'm willing to make Marlon an offer for a new contract. Marlon you are a f***ing beast this season and you deserve it."

I slid my iPad across the table. They examined the offer for a moment. König whispered into Marlon's ear several times. Marlon shrugged several times.

"We want ten thousand a week and a minimum release clause of three hundred fifty thousand," König said.

"First of all, I'd love to offer that much per week, but we're broke," I said. "I had to get special dispensation even to offer you what I did. Also, he'll be joining a new club tomorrow if the minimum release fee is that low. I propose a one million release clause and seven point five per month."

König whispered in Marlon's ear some more. Marlon nodded then shrugged once again.

"Eight per month and four fifty," König countered.

"Deal," I said. I adjusted the numbers on my iPad then passed it over to them. They pressed several buttons and then we'd submitted the offer to the DFB.

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Thursday, 3 February 2022

5ish pm

I'd gotten to thinking about my predicament on the drive home and now I was in a real funk. Let me step back in time to explain why.

The woman I met in Bologna when I was becoming a mainstay in the side and married six months later was the daughter of a major Camorra boss. The Camorra are Napoli's mafia. I was young, naive and lovestruck. I suspected something was weird at the wedding, but it wasn't until years later I understood. I guess I'm not all that bright.

When my playing career ended as the economy collapsed in 2008, my father-in-law loaned me money to keep my restaurant afloat. So I ended up owing the Camorra several hundred thousand euros. This is no big deal when you are family. When his daughter divorced me because I could no longer fund her drug habit and expensive taste in high fashion, it became an issue.

My first manager job was the 2013-14 in Cadiz, Spain. Managers in Spain's El Segundo don't make much money so repaying the Camorra wasn't in the picture. In early 2014, I received a visit by a member of the Camorra and told I would throw a match. I cooperated. I had no choice. I got fired near the end of the season.

My next manager job was in London with AFC Wimbledon. I f***ing loved it there. Well run club, we kicked *ss in the league and got promoted, and I met Gwen. London mobsters bought my debt from my ex-father-in-law and attempted to get me to throw a match. I wouldn't cooperate and went to the police. When one of these local gangsters got into my flat when Gwen was there ... I walked in to find the guy sitting on my couch ... I lost it and attacked him, putting him in the hospital.

As a result of my aggression and the fact that I was now in very real danger, they raided the local hoodlums. I'm pretty sure that this triggered Spanish authorities to begin investigating my time at Cadiz. When Spanish authorities implicated me for match fixing with Cadiz, Wmbledon relieved me of my duties.

I've now paid back my ex-father-in-law and my ex-wife died of drug addiction. So I'm free of the Camorra, but the stain lingers.

These Russians have their version of my history and believe I'm exploitable. I'm afraid because Gwen and the kids are going to be dragged into this. The Russian mafia are extremely violent and that really scares the s*** out of me.

"What's wrong my Italian-American worry wort of a man?" Gwen said as she and the kids returned to find me drinking wine on the living room couch. "Matthew, would you be a love and take your sister into her room and distract her? I need to talk to Daddy."

That beautiful boy led his sister off to play. I nearly started crying.

"Talk," she ordered.

"I'm just scared," I said. "And now I'm drunk. A little. S***, Gwen. the Russians aren't London muppets like those guys were." I giggled. The guy who kept visiting me looked like an white rastafari Ali G impersonator.

"And what's funny?"

"You remember their liaison? The Ali G impersonator?" She nodded. "He was funny. I should eat something, get something in my stomach other than wine."
 
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Zwikau was one of the longer drives. Head for Prague and take a left at Nürnberg. 2500 Roten Teufels made the trek. GGZ Arena is small but the fans are right on top of you. I was bundled up like an arctic explorer against the chill.

Captain Jean Zimmer was suspended after picking up a 5th booking in the last match so Dominik Schad replaces him. Otherwise, no changes.

We started out in control, got several shots on target but nothing dangerous.

My defensive triangle of Boris Tomiak, Kevin Kraus and Julian Niehues were playing passes between each other but just wouldn't play a pass to an open fullback, winger or central midfielder. And they kept dropping deeper. When they gave it to Avdo Spahic he thumped it upfield.

Then everyone just quit. They brought the ball down our left flank, moved it across the front of our defense and Schad forgot about their left winger. They played him in and he scored.

1-0

I just stood there fuming. I turned to look at the bench. Jörg appeared to be chewing on his iPad. Lorenzo D'Anna had his head in his hands. Should I yell at Schad? The goal was his fault but just as much Boris and Kevin and Julian.

"BORIS! KEVIN!" I yelled. "BORIS! KEVIN!" They looked over. "USE YOUR OPTIONS. FULLBACK! WINGER! CENTER MIDFIELD! DON'T JUST PLAY KEEP AWAY WITH JULIAN!"

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They both nodded.

In the 37th minute, Rene Klingenburg played a delightful ball behind the defense for Muhammed Kiprit to chase.

Defenders raced after him.

He got his shot off despite harassment Zwickau defenders but the keeper parried it wide.
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He chased it down and slid a pass inside for Marlon Ritter. Ritter had his back to goal. The defender chopped his legs out from under him.

The ref didn't give any indication he'd even seen it.

"REF! PENALTY! REF!" I yelled. "COME ON! PENALTY!"

He had to have seen it. I ran over to the fourth official. The Roten Teufels began chanting "PK! PK! PK!..." in the little corner into which they'd been shoehorned.

"They only reason the ball rolled away was from the force by which that defender kicked Ritter's legs out from under him," I said.

"Enrico, he got the ball," the fourth official said. "Get back into your technical area."

"He did not," I said. "Look at the replay. Check the VAR."

"Got sit down, Enrico."

"Well f***," I said once everyone was crammed into the away team room. "Rotten luck today. Just keep working hard, the goals will come. Boris and Kevin just get the ball to
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the fullback, winger or central midfielders quick. You did much better after the goal."

In the 58th minute, Ritter played another 50m pass from inside our half into space for Kiprit to chase. Muhammed's shot grazed the outside of the post.

I discovered that I was on my knees with my fists clenched out in front of me.

I think my antics on the touchline might be the highlight reel today if we don't score.

In the 70th minute, we had a throw deep in their end out on the right. Schad threw it in to Klingenberg who tapped it back.

Schad thumped a ball across the penalty box for the back post.

Muhammed outleapt his defender and headed inwards towards a wide open Ritter.

Ritter redirected his header and added a bit of power. That extra bit of snap is probably what got it past their flailing keeper.

1-1

For the first time in a while, I was swept away by a tsunami from the bench.

In the 73rd, Muhammed sent Osawe in on goal with a brilliant pass into the channel.

The Zwickau keeper came charging out, made himself large and blocked Osawe's shot.

In the 75th, substitute Hendrick Zuck (he replaced an ineffective Marius Kleinsorge as the right winger) ran under a ball over the top but their keeper did brilliantly to parry his volleyed shot

In the 82nd minute substitute Saydou Bangura (on for Kiprit) found himself free after a delightful passing move in which nearly everyone touched the ball. He slid is shot just wide of the post.

The opposing manager had been bellowing at his charges to get tighter and defend better for about ten minutes at this point. They finally listened to him. We couldn't manage another shot.

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