So, today is my birthday. My 27th. And it feels terrible. The sole reason why im typing this is to feel better. To get something off my chest. So it might be a bit random, since Im just a random person on FMB.
Deep apologies to anyone whos reading this. Hopefuly my bad English and corrupted thinking wont spoil your day.
Basically, as said, today is my b-day and I feel terrible. I feel alone, and I have every person who loves me around me. I feel lonely by choice. I feel disconnected to every single of them. Yet they are the reason Im trying to snap out. To not disappoint them.
Its not just them. I feel disconnected from everything. Each day brings nothing new, even though they're all different. All things I used to love are making me idifferent now. Im feeling empty. And it scares me. Two years ago I had some real problems with health, both mental and physical. Girl I used to love left a few cracks. But to blame it on her would be foolish. It started before her, but she was thr catalyst. Or at lest my attachment to her. After a few months of constant battles with some sort of depression (I pride myself to be above that), everything went back to 'normal'.
Ever since I was old enough to figure somethings out, I did what I wanted. But not the things I had to do. Wasted years of college to experiment with all sort of bad, bad thing, just to prove to my self that I can snap out of it. And I did. It wasnt even hard to do. After that, I calmed down, got a job, few girlfriends every now and than. But it was all boring. My selfdestructive nature hit again and I made myself to lose my job and, as mentioned, almost my health.
Now Im sitting in similar situation. Have a decent job, girl who loves me, yet I feel empty. Like I have nothing to live for. Nothing fills me up. Every day feels the same.
Once again, sorry for this dark could that came out of my sould.