The Alfa Romeo Metaphor

Holy sh*t. This thread is amazing. The storytelling, the story itself , the conversations. They're all amazing. They made me create an account just to comment on this thread.Also is there any other threads such as this?
 
pr0nneur said:
Holy sh*t. This thread is amazing. The storytelling, the story itself , the conversations. They're all amazing. They made me create an account just to comment on this thread.Also is there any other threads such as this?
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OMG! Now I'm blushing again. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Someone started a story, unnamed at the time, about an Englishman who woke up from a blackout in Sweden. He signed a contract to play. I assumed that the next step would be the unhealthy manager kicking the bucket and our hero taking over. I haven't seen a chapter 2. Aside from that'n, I haven't seen anything else.
 
Meet the parents

Margarita, Esteban and Paco all insist that meeting a woman's parents is really important. I think I'm appropriately nervous. I really have no idea what to expect. Seriously.

Here's the deal. I had tried to date girls in Junior and High School and was overall unsuccessful. I moved to Italy after six months of college. Or I should say after one season of college soccer (it's a fall season in the States). The soccer was fine. Dating? Well, I had some drunken flings. The grades? Well, I left for Italy before they could suspend me from playing.

Through family friends, I got a try-out with Bologna. I impressed them and they signed me as a youth player. I lived with a local family for the first year. That made dating difficult and awkward as the family was very strict. Once I got an apartment with some other reserve team players, I had some flings but nothing serious.

The only time I've Met The Parents was when I met my wife's family. It was easier than you think. She has a gargantuan family. On our fifth date she took me to a party with some 200 people attending. She was related to everyone. I talked with her parents twice for maybe 5 minutes.

This was going to be different. I'd be at her family's apartment with her parents, two brothers, an aunt and grandmother. Honestly, I think I was maybe more worried about this dinner than I was about the club. Or maybe it just added extra sauce to my cocktail of fear, self-loathing and cluelessness.

Upon the advice of Esteban, I arrived ten minutes late. The apartment smelled fabulous. Garlic, herbs, wine and fresh bread. My stomach starting grumbling. I kissed Ana Maria, her mother, aunt and Grandma on the cheek and shook the men's hands.

They all knew more about me than I them. It was pretty clear what information was from Diario de Cadiz, Google or Ana Maria.

Dad was retired. He had been a banker but had been downsized and after the 2008 crash had quit trying to find a new job. Mom had held low level clerical or administrative jobs and currently worked at the El Corte Ingles department store in the mall next to Cadiz CF's training ground.

Her older brother worked in IT. Her younger brother occasionally worked in construction, did odd jobs.

The aunt, like so many in Spain, had given up looking for work. Grandmother was mostly deaf and just smiled sweetly all evening.

Of course, we discussed football.

Dad didn't understand why they couldn't just keep a decent team together and wait until the stadium rebuild payments ended. He also told some stories of the glory days of Cadiz's past.

I didn't mention the food. It was fabulous. Shrimp in garlic butter with fresh bread to mop up the fishy garlic butter. Slow-cooked pork in an almond sauce. Salad. Awesome.

I stood as the brothers did after we were done eating and helped clear the dishes. The elder brother dropped his load and after the younger brother dropped his he turned to face me.

"If you hurt my sister, I'll hunt you down," he said.

"What?" I asked. "Did you just threaten me?"

I just stood there staring at him. He tried to look tough. Or something.

"Did the acne-scarred, unemployed and probably unemployable virgin just threaten me?" I snarled as I set my load of dishes down on the counter. "Do you even know your own sister? If you quit sucking from your mother's teat, you'd notice that she's got a ****ing black belt in karate. If I even tried to hit her, she'd kick my ****ing @$$. But that's probably not it at all is it? It's probably that you're frightened I steal her away or something and you'd have to go out into the world and get a ****ing job you worthless little ****."

At this point we were nose to nose. And I had the old blood **** on which I hadn't had since my playing days.

"Let's take this outside right now, you ****ing ****** *** ******** *****," I growled from between clenched teeth.

This is the point at which Ana Maria entered the kitchen with a load of dirty dishes.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Ask him," I snarled and stomped out of the kitchen, out the door, down the stairs instead of the elevator and back toward my apartment.

Only then did I notice that my hands were shaking and that I felt like someone had ripped a hole out of the pit of my stomach.

What the **** had just happened?
 
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I'd just downed a whiskey sour when she sat down next to me at the bar. I hadn't noticed her come in. We sat there in silence for a few moments.

"I'm not sure what actually happened," she began. "I couldn't get much out of Dani."

Silence.

"Um ... well ..." I began.

"Can I get you something?" the bartender asked Ana Maria.

"A local red wine, please," she replied.

Silence.

"What did he say?" I asked.

"All I could get out of him is you insulted him," she replied. "Please tell me what he said to anger you."

"He threatened me."

"Huh? Dani? Threatened you? We were having a lovely dinner. I was so happy you were meeting my family and that it was going well and all of a sudden I walk into the kitchen and you're toe to toe with my brother, the veins on your neck were standing out and you looked like you were going to beat the **** out of him."

I looked up at her. Her eyes were red from crying. The look in her eyes was desperate and pleading. She looked more beautiful than I have words for. I stepped off my bar stool land put my arms around her.

"He said If you hurt her I'll hunt you down to me out of the blue. He'd just set down his pile of dirty dishes. I was still holding mine. I insulted him in every way I could think of. I challenged him to step outside and settle it like a man. That's when you walked in."

"I'm so sorry," she said. "I don't know what to say."

"We need to talk," I said. "Because what if we're serious? I could be fired in a month. A bigger club might approach me in a year. I've been thinking about why he threatened me. What if I want to take you away from them? To elsewhere in Spain. To Italy. I don't know. English teams are hiring Italians and Spanish managers all the time. Your salary is vital to your family's survival."

"Me, I can just leave," I continued. "Pack up my suitcase and go. All I've got is that ****ing car."

"I love them," she whispered into my shoulder. "But they stifle me. They are like an anchor holding me down. Drowning me."

"You'll have a decision to make," I whispered back. "Sooner or later. Florentino or Alessandro could fire me. My situation will always be perilous. I think I'm going to follow this manager path. I want to know if we should continue this thing."

"I'm in," she said.
 
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Excellent update; utterly superb. I love what you've got going on and your writing style is immaculate. Really looking forward to where you take this in the future - would love you to keep it going long-term.
 
Great update mate. Maybe the first FM Base story wedding on the horizon? Haha. (H)
 
ZeCarlos said:
Excellent update; utterly superb. I love what you've got going on and your writing style is immaculate. Really looking forward to where you take this in the future - would love you to keep it going long-term.
Click to expand...

Streaky25 said:
Great update mate. Maybe the first FM Base story wedding on the horizon? Haha. (H)
Click to expand...

Once again, thank you.

At this point, I can't see staying beyond a season at Cadiz. ALL the players except one are signed until the end of the 13/14 season. My contract lasts until June '14. I'd have to rebuild the the team regardless of promotion. Plus, who knows what the player salary budget would be. Enough to be competitive?

When I started the game, I loaded Spain, England, France, Germany and Italy. So if I get offers from elsewhere, it's an option.

As for weddings ... we shall see ... ;)
 
"Esteban, you won't ****ing believe what ****ing happened on Sunday night."

"Please sit, I'm all ears."

"Her brother threatened me," I said. Then I told him the story of dinner and the eventful clean-up.

"No way!" he exclaimed. "That's shocking. That's ... what was he thinking he'd accomplish?"

"Yeah, I know."

"So, I'm sure you two talked," he asked. "That night? Next day?"

"She talked to her brother who didn't say much then came over."

"Is everything good with her?"

"Yeah, we're good."

"What are her parents like?"

"They're nice. Up until younger brother challenged me to Mortal Combat, we were having a lovely evening. Her Mom is a fabulous cook. Dad's a long-time Cadista. Deaf Grandma seems like a sweety. Older brother seems like a stand up guy."

"I think the younger brother feels threatened," I continued. "What if I were to steal away his meal ticket, right? Take her along with me to my next position ... whenever that happens, yeah? You follow?"

"Yeah, what an oceanful of stupid," he replied. "But let's talk about Cadiz erratic form."

"Yes, let's."
 
This week in Los Submarino Amarillos: 9-Dec - 15-Dec 2013

Training on Sunday after the loss involved a 30 minute jog and Killers. Michele and Zo had them do Killers for 22 minutes. Then we watched the video of the match.

Since we'd completely lost our way offensively, I scheduled a mid-week friendly against a local amateur team. La Palma CF were slaughtered with Aymen Souda (3) and both Kike's (Lopez and Marques) scoring. Lopez played well enough, in addition to the goal, that I decided to drop Juan Villar to the bench against the Cordoba Bs.

The scouting report on the Cordoba Bs was simple: they suck. They're dead last in the league and they lead the most goals conceded competition by a large margin. They would be easy, the only question would be how many would we score.

Our training seemed pretty focused and I feel pretty well prepared for slaughtering the Cordoba Bs worse than Las Palmas.
 
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Wow, I've never seen a better told story.. The way you write, the creativity needed to mention all the details you do.. Simply great!
Good luck for your journey :)
 
Round 18: Cordoba B v. Cadiz CF

Cordoba is some 260 km away and it's under a 3 hour drive. That atmosphere during the ride was pretty relaxed. I was honest during the week with them that the Cordoba Bs were going to be easy, but we had to show up and work hard. I emphasized that goal differential might matter at the end of the season and this was an opportunity to pad.

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GK: Alejandro
D: Dalmau, Martins, Josete, Moises
M: Kike Lopez, Bruninho, Luque, Perico
F: Airam, Souda

Seriously, this was embarrassing. It was sad, too. But after an initial scare. Our 4th long-range shot was blocked and a Cordoba player hoofed it forward. Their forward Miguelito grabbed it and raced goalward. He raced past Josete, but Moises came flying in with a tackle. The only problem was the ball rolled right into the path of their left winger Mauro.

Alejandro got a finger to the shot and redirected it against the post.

And that was their one and only real chance of the half. They got another chance in the second half, but it wasn't as dangerous and their shot wasn't too hard and was right into Alejandro's chest.

In the 19th minute, nearly everyone touched the ball after Alejandro came out to control a long clearance. It ended up with Bruninho shooting from 20 meters. The problem was he hit Airam square in the back. Airam was off-side. It looked like the ball would have gone in if he could have managed to get out of the way.

We controlled the long kick from their goalkeeper and brought it back into their end up the left flank. Perico and Moises passed between each other until Moises found himself in the box with the ball. It didn't look like he realy knew what to do. He played it back and into the middle to Bruninho.

Bruninho played it behind their left back and Kike Lopez beat the defender to the ball and smashed his shot past the keeper. It hit the post and rebounded right to Airam who tapped it into the wide open goal.

0-1

From the restart, we quickly regained the ball. Bruninho (once again) played the ball out to Kike Lopez. Kike beat their left back like a rented mule and whipped in a far post cross. Souda's leapt and headed it back across the goal. It hit off the post and landed at Airam's feet.

Right man, right place, right time.

0-2

In the 36th minute, it was Airam's turn to pass the ball off the post. Luque worked the ball into Airam and his shot was blocked. Luque was first to the ball and poked it back to Bruninho. Bruninho sent in a nice ball to Airam. Airam spun, shot and beat the keeper but not the post.

The rebound rolled to Aymen Souda who was 5 meters out and with the goal wide open.

0-3

Unfortunately, in the 42nd minute, Luque got tackled hard and late. He lay screaming on the ground for a minute holding his left ankle. The magic sponge and freeze spray weren't going to do the trick this time. Michel singled for the switch. Juan Villar replaced him.

The second half began slow and stayed that way. The Cordoba Bs worked really hard to keep us at bay and we didn't.

At 60 minutes I replaced Bruninho with Medhi Nafti so Nafti could build up his game fitness.

In the 70th minute, Kike Lopez came in off the right wing with the ball. He played it to Nafti who played it to Villar. Villar saw that Kike had continued his run into space. He gave him the ball. Kike then played a give-n-go with Airam and found himself alone in front of the keeper and about 8 meters out.

He blasted the ball past the hopeless keeper.

0-4

Josete looked tired so Belforti was my final substitution.

The Cordoba Bs looked dispirited and tired. We notched two more from Souda for his hat trick.

We'd accomplished the task I set out for them: padded our stats. I only told them "good work" for my post game talk. Seriously, what was I supposed to say? They'd demolished a team they were supposed to demolish.

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We were now third in the league. Nice.
 
Just signed up to say this story is absolutely fantastic mate! Great stuff
 
"Alessandro, I've found a decent Italian ristorante," I said in Italian as I walked into Cadiz CF's Director Football's office. It was just about lunch time. "Plus, I want to talk."

"Yes? You have? Let's go."

I was feeling hopeful. Cadiz were in third place with one match to go before the midway point of the season. I wanted to see if there was any wiggle room with the lowered salary cap and I had a truly weaselish idea on how to get around the cap and bring in a central defender. Plus, bringing in a player would send a loud and clear message to the players that we weren't having a fire sale.

Alessandro was the lynchpin.

"Thanks be to God that my wife is an excellent cook or I'd have lost my mind by now," Alessandro said as he climbed into Alfa. "This place is good, eh?"

"Margarita told me about three options and this one was the best."

The car said it was 18 degrees (that's about 65 for you Americans) so we drove with the top down in silence enjoying the breeze and the view of the ocean from the Avenue Via Augusta Julia into Cadiz.

View attachment 438881

Alessandro is from Udine so we talked about Friuli, homesickness and food. We ordered lunch and then I got to the crux of the matter.

"I want to run an idea by you," I began. Alessandro raised an eyebrow. "It wouldn't cost the club anything, but I desperately need a central defender who could actually play defense. Jose Barla (Cadiz's Chief Scout) gave me a report of Fluminense players available for loan. As you know, because we're affiliated with them, they'll loan us players for nothing as long as we promise to play him."

I passed him my iPad with the details of Ighort.

View attachment 438874

"Yeah, he does look like he'd make a difference," Alessandro said.

"So what about the fire sale? Is it really going to happen?"

"I'm not sure. I'm heading home for Christmas to Udine after next Sunday's match against Linense. I'll be able to talk to a few of the investors while I'm there. I can't promise anything, but I'll make the pitch that we could be playing in Liga Adelante but for a decent central defender."

"I understand and thanks," I replied. Then our lunch arrived.
 
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On Thursday, Bruninho pulled up with a groin strain. Michel said he'd be out three weeks. Good thing Nafti is almost back in game shape after his injury.
 
My phone jangled. It was Bogdan Laba from Diario de Cadiz.

"Bogdan, how are you?"

"Good, Enrico, good. Do you have a few minutes for some questions?"

"Yes."

"Linense boss Rafa Escobar had some comments about Mehdi Nafti. He said he's the weak link in the team and he plans to exploit that. Would you care to comment?"

Mind games, eh? Hmmmm ... laugh it off? Get indignant? No comment? Hmmm ...

"This is completely unprofessional," I replied. "I'm disappointed to hear Escobar trying to play mind games. Nafti's my Assistant Captain and was a rock in my midfield prior to getting injured. I really think managers should hold themselves to higher standards."

"So you think he's go it wrong?"

"Yes. I'll just use his blathering to motivate my players. I can't wait to see your article."

"If Escobar has misjudged Nafti and Los Submarino Amarillos this badly, is this a sign that the match will go our way?"

"You could say that," I replied. "I think we have a great chance. Especially if Escobar continues to be wrong about things."

"Cadiz are favorites, do you feel you will live up to your billing?"

"Yes. Anything else?"

"No, thanks for your time," Bogdan said. "Talk to you soon."

"Ciao."
 
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Round 19: Cadz CF v. Real Balmpedica Linense

Three days before Christmas and no chance of snow. Raining, breezy and mild. I told the players that if they won, they'd have 3 days off. Lose and we'd train tomorrow and they'd only have 2 days off for the holiday.

They were all talking about the article in Diaro de Cadiz about Escobar insulting Nafti.

Linense have a 6'5" striker, so I brought in Chara who is 6'3" to deal with the crosses. I instructed the defense to give their big forward the special sauce.

GK: Alejandro
D: Albert Dalmau, Ricardo Chara, Josete, Moises
M: Kike Lopez, Mehdi Nafti (C), Jorge Luque, Perico
F: Airam, Aymen Souda

You'll notice that Luque is playing. I forgot to mention it, but ice and ibuprofen cured his ankle. It happens every once in a while that a guy can roll his ankle and it turns out to not be as bad as the screaming and rolling around on the pitch indicated.

We started very strong. We kept the ball for a while from the kick-off and from a throw on the right side at midfield, Dalmau threw it to Nafti. Nafti switched fields to Moises. Moises dribbled forward and passes to Perico. Perico saw Souda's run, played a one-touch pass into his path and Souda was running at two defenders in the box.

He beat both defenders! Unfortunately, his shooting angle was really tight and the goalie just made sure the shot hit him. They cleared it for a throw.

Moises threw it in to Luque. Luque dribbled across field then played a ball behind their left back that Kike ran onto. Kike shot tamely right at the keeper.

The Linense keeper threw it out to their right back who played it to their central midfielder Chico. He strolled past Luque and hoofed a long ball forward towards their towering striker Nicolas Raimondi. Josete intercepted and sent a header right back where it came from.

Luque didn't even bother to challenge Chico for the ball. Literally, he just stood and watched. Chico played a pass along the ground to Raimondi as Josete wasn't marking him closely. Raimondi turned, beat Josete and blasted a shot over Alejandro's shoulder.

0-1

Alejo turned purple, but remained seated on the bench. I got up and told Josete and Chara to switch sides.

We got lucky in the 13th minute. Linense's other striker, Copi, was clearly 3 meters off-side but the linesman kept his flag down. Alejandro bailed us out with a great save.

I screamed at the ref and linesman for a few minutes. Like it'd make a difference. Three blind mice and all that...

Linense were pretty solid defensively, but we created some good chances.

Chara won a long ball clearance in the 25th minute. Luque got to the ball first, spun and zipped a pass to Airam. Airam beat his defender but shot just past the post.

In the 32 minute, after passing the ball in and around their box for several minutes, Luque teed up a shot and hammered it goalwards. It hit a defender and spun wide and high of the net. The ref gave a goal kick.

More useless screaming at the ref. This trio were awful.

We were having trouble with the gap between midfield and defense. The truth is Luque and Nafti were too slow and Chara and Josete were having a bad game. So I dropped Nafti from a central midfield role into a defensive midfield role.

This was better. He was better positioned to intercept passes to Raimondi, pick up 2nd balls when they hoofed it forward and stop them running at Chara and Josete.

Neither team generated much excitement in the last 15 minutes of the first half.

"Where's your passion?" I asked the team at halftime. "I want to see you playing better in the 2nd half. I know you can. You've got it in you. Go out there and do it!"

Just like the first half, we started the 2nd well. Souda dribbled down the left flank. When he lost the ball, Perico picked it up, took a step and with his right foot bent a ball toward the far right post. It just missed.

Thankfully, we didn't immediately give up a goal once they took possession.

The game fell into a pattern of one team bringing the ball upfield, dinking around with it around the opponent's box losing possession or shooting from long-range then retreating back into a defensive shell.

Sadly, our next best chance fell to Moises at the top corner of the box in the 53rd minute. The kid is turning into a decent enough defender. He's not much offensively, though. He shot wide.

We shot high several times, so did they.

Kike Lopez hadn't done anything all second half so I replaced him with Jose Villar in the 60th minute.

We were undone and the game became out of reach in the 77th minute. They won a corner and we gave up a stupid goal. Their left winger Salvi stationed himself near post. Moises and Josete were standing there and should have prevented him from getting to the in-swinger first. Or at least hassled him so he couldn't execute a nice volley. They just stood and watched.

0-2

I had a quandary. Chara and Josete both stunk out there and Perico was exhausted. I only had 2 subs left. i put Andres on for Perico and Belforti on for Josete.

The team gave up and played out the remainder of the match.

What a depressing way to end the first half. Linense would move up to 5th with this win. My phone indicated that Cartagena were holding onto an early one goal lead against Lucena. They'd move to 4th with that win and Los Submarino Amarillos would drop to 6th.

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I yelled at them for a while after the match. I canceled the day off tomorrow. They'd be jogging and doing Killers. That's right, I was angry enough about their performance that the day before Christmas, I'd be punishing them.
 
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