The Football Managing Mercenary


Preseason
2020/21​

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11th July 2020
Friendly
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Our Pre-season tour into mainland Europe gets underway with a trip to Denmark. OB are an established top flight club in the land of bacon and lego but they certainly seemed well short of our level as we run out three goal winners with Townsend and Austin once again showcasing their talents. The impressive victory soon had some suitors knocking on my door...
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15th July 2020
Friendly
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With Russian giants Zenit potentially offering me a long awaited route out of England it was hard to remain focused on our pre-season tour but another impressive three goal victory against German side Burghausen certainly ensured that I could taken plenty of pride in the squad I have assembled in Tyne-side.


18th July 2020
Friendly
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We continue to hop around Germany and another three goal whitewash soon follows with last seasons key performers continuing where they left off as Rashford, Tocalli and Austin all pick up quick fire first half goals to ensure we would play out the entire remainder of the game with ease.


22nd July 2020
Friendly
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Our rampage through Germany is rounded off with a four goal thrashing off BFC Dynamo. Once again its Tocalli and Rashford that get us off to the perfect start with our Icelandic midfielder Sigurdsson announcing himself to the fans with a late goal to round off the match. Despite the encouraging results there was still some bad news awaiting me after the game...
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25th July 2020
Friendly
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Returning back closer to home we make the short trip over the border for a match against Scottish legends, Rangers. Having now reestablished themselves at the top of Scottish football, Gers are no longer to be taken lightly and a respectable draw certainly proved that they are well on their way back to there former selves.


29th July 2020
Friendly
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Our one and only game at St James's Park for the pre-season has us welcome French side Dijon as part of their brief tour of England. The Ligue One side are trying to strengthen their bids for European football but seemed a long way off the mark against a recently promoted Newcastle as Austin scores the only goal of the game.


3rd August 2020
Friendly
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Rounding off a lengthy spell of games is the ever present fixture against our feeder team and neighbors Gateshead. The club remain lost in the depths of non-league football and young youth product Luke Nicholson soon took the opportunity to showcase his talents with a game winning brace.




A huge pre-season is done and dusted and it was certainly an impressive one from the Magpies.

With a Premier League season looming I didn't exactly test the boys but with the likes of United, City and Arsenal looming they're soon going to be pushed to the limit.

​
 
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August 2020
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16th August 2020
Premier League
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Our return to the Premier League gets underway in Kevin Keegan inspired fashion as we beat reigning champions, Manchester United in front of an ecstatic home crowd. New arrival Howedes rose highest from a slick corner routine to smash home the opening goal, with former Red Devil Marcus Rashford returning to haunt his former club with a second half goal to seal the victory.


22nd August 2020
Premier League
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Despite our surprising opening to the season we cannot build on the impressive result as we struggle to a draw against lowly West Brom. The Baggies, like us, are favourites to be involved in a bitter relegation battle and in what could prove to be a relegation six pointer later in the season, neither team emerged with an advantage.


25th August 2020
Capital One Cup - 2nd Round
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If there is one thing I desperately need to increase my reputation and eventually land these available jobs at the likes of Zenit, its some much needed silverware. Its safe to say that I have all but completely failed in the domestic cups throughout my career but with renewed effort we cruise past League Two's Gillingham as we continue my personal search for a career defining trophy.


29th August 2020
Premier League
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Our impressive start to the season continues as club captain, Charlie Austin picks up an earth shattering hat-trick as our early home form once again impresses with an unexpected comfortable victory over Diego Simeone's Chelsea. The Blues have been on the edge of reclaiming the title for the past few season but suffered an early upset as they look to make their return to the top.


August 2020
Premier League
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I'm most definitely back!

With two incredible victories and a solid draw under our belts we cruise into the top four at this all important early stage of the season and now have one **** of a lofty position to hold on to. More importantly I'm above my former club Leicester. Time to prove what they could have had!

​
 

September 2020​

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12th September 2020
Premier League
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The Premier League continues to be kind to us as we thrash Stoke City. The Potters have been in fine form for the past few season but once again seemed to fall apart against the returning Magpies much like Chelsea and United before them as we cruise to a comfortable, midfield inspired, second-half victory.


19th September 2020
Premier League
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Our unbeaten run continues following an incredibly dramatic draw against high flying West Ham. Long serving Manager Billic has created a strong team at the Olympic Stadium and a late goal seemed to secure the points for the Iron before club icon, Andros Townsend managed to find a way to the back of the net, straight from kick-off.


22nd September 2020
Capital One Cup - 3rd Round
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My hopes of finally making it to some domestic silverware suffer another major blow, falling at just the second hurdle against my former club, Leicester. As soon as the fixture was announced it was clear the game was going to be a barnstormer and a thrilling game went right down to the wire, with the Foxes winning the lottery of penalties to ensure their place in the next round. Lucky.


27th September 2020
Premier League
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This game was all about club captain Charlie Austin. Our lead striker was in inspired form against his former club, smashing home an impressive solo effort on the half-hour mark before his determination eventually boiled over into frustration with the veteran striker being sent off for his second yellow card mid-way through the second-half.


September 2020
Premier League
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Two months into the season and we remain unbeaten and more importantly at the top end of the table. With the club widely expected to be fighting it out at the opposite end of the table, it's been a ground breaking start for the seemingly rampant Magpies. Have I finally cracked this league?

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I'm sorry to say this but I'm thinking when big teams wakes for this season you're gonna drop maybe out of top 10. But hopefully I'm wrong!
 

​
No need to apologize, I'm also favoring your opinion but its nice to dream?

October 2020

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3rd October 2020
Premier League
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It had to be them. Kicking off what would prove to be a catastrophic run of games is a convincing defeat to my former club, Leicester City. Having recently sacked me, knocked me out of the competition and generally left my career in tatters, it seems the Foxes are determined to ensure I suffer in England. This is personal.


17th October 2020
Premier League
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Greek defender Papadopoulos's red card essentially summed up the entire game for the Magpies as we are soundly beaten by a weak Swansea side. Veteran winger, Rodriguez deservedly broke the deadlock for the Swans as they cruised to all three points with the boys looking a shadow of the team that went unbeaten in the first two months.


24th October 2020
Premier League
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The strong Spurs are next in line to add to our woes. Tottenham are establishing themselves as not just English but also European heavyweights at a frightening pace. A three goal demolition job at St Jame's Park ensures that the Londoners keep well on course to be closely involved in yet another title race as we spiral back down the table.


31st October 2020
Premier League
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With the defeats coming thick and fast the last thing we really needed was a fixture against the crest fallen Pep Guardiola and his determined Citizens. The blue side of Manchester has fallen well short of expectations since Pep's arrival but a four goal victory certainly did wonders to their current standings as Pep finally seeks to reward the club for his ludicrous wages.


October 2020
Premier League
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Well that went wrong quickly. The mere idea that I thought I had cracked this league was soon rammed back down my throat as we are humiliated for an entire month. Spiraling straight through the European spots and down into mid-table it seems were going to be only hoping that we can stop this rot before its too late. Did we peak too soon?

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November 2020​

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7th November 2020
Premier League
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Our losing streak is thankfully ended with a narrow victory over a seemingly doomed Aston Villa. Even at this early stage it seems the Villians have given up the fight and a cruel goal just three minutes from time ensured that the season would continue to be a horror show for the West Midlanders.


21st November 2020
Premier League
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An international break should have given us the opportunity to rally after that victory but our fellow promoted side, Fulham soon brought us back down to reality with style. The Cottagers destroyed us with ease. Having shown us how to pick up the Championship title it seems that they're now set to give us a clinic in Premier League survival.


28th November 2020
Premier League
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Hull City ensure that the Fulham result is now even more damaging as they make it five goal without reply in just two games. Danish striker, Yousef Poulsen made our entire defence look decidedly amateur as they are left standing by the lofty striker. We need to put an end to these convincing defeats if were to stop our dramatic plunge towards the foot of the table.


November 2020
Premier League
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With just the one victory against Championship bound Villa, we rather predictably continue to drop down the league with the club now sailing past the half way mark of the table and into a rather fitting thirteenth place. We need to reform and we need to do it soon. My career won't survive another relegation.

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December 2020​

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5th December 2020
Premier League
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A score draw has us kick off the festive period in dramatic fashion. The Hornets appeared to have taken a comfortable lead into the game but Argentinian winger Tocalli and youth product Reed combined well to fire two past Watford and keep us in the game and claiming a deserved point after the game some unexpected noise greeted me...
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12th December 2020
Premier League
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With my future potentially lying with a strong Stoke side, I went into the tie against the slowly returning Leeds United potentially having to get set for those cold rainy nights in Stoke but before I could even begin to pack my bags Marcus Rashford scored a stunning winner with the only downside of an others perfect match day coming from my potential new suitors...
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21st December 2020
Premier League
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Crystal Palace like ourselves are desperately fighting to stay out of the relegation dog-fight and with neither side wanting to lose any ground to each other we played out a one all draw with both sides happy to take the point as we seek the safety of mid-table. Unfortunately for us the day still had a potentially season damaging result...

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26th December 2020
Premier League
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With our attacking midfield talisman out on the sidelines for the remainder of the season we turn to our Icelandic free-signing Sigurdsson. Unfortunately for us, we couldn't manage to create a break through with our newly formed attack as Liverpool steal an early goal and all three points to go with it.


29th December 2020
FA Cup - 3rd Round
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Having been sent packing from the League Cup, the FA Cup now remains as our last realistic shot at silverware but even that soon slipped through our hands as we are humiliated by lowly Fleetwood. The minnows bounced back in style from Sigurdsson's opening goal and added to our cup woes with yet another serious injury to a key player...

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December 2020
Premier League
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December might have been slightly more respectable on the pitch but off it we suffered some major blows. Until now I have been relatively lucky with injuries, with only minor knocks and strains dotted around my lengthy career but as we head into the new year we suffer two broken limbs to our key midfield talents as we wrap the remaining players in cotton wool and bubble wrap.

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With the squad already threadbare and now limited further by injuries, the club rather predictably shut up shop during the January transfer window.

We can't afford to sell anyone given the current situation in the team and in sensible fashion we managed to hold on to all of our players during the transfer window but that is not to say we didn't do anything during the mid-season window...

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​
From: Anderlecht
Cost: £12 million

This kid is going to go far. Belgium have done it again and have produced yet another exciting attacking talent. Hubert Dequevy has been carving up the league in his home country and soon gathered the attention of my central European scouts. With his lethal finish and intimidating strength the Belgian beast is almost an ideal prefabricated, Premier League striker.


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​
From: Atletico Madrid "B"
Cost: £4.5 million

I'm still not all that convinced with my defence but it seems that despite scouring the market for some establish defenders, they seem to be few and far between. With my efforts at directly strengthening the back line in tatters I instead looked to the near future with Nineteen Year old, Martin Lukas joining the ranks as a future brick wall at the back.


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From: Arsenal
Cost: £5.75 million

With veteran winger Andros Townsend now sidelined with a broken ankle, I jumped at the opportunity to sign England international Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain on the cheap from Rafa Benitez's Arsenal. Caste aside by the Spaniard, the nippy winger will make a perfect addition to our team as we look to keep ourselves clear of the relegation battle.




A rather successful window for The Magpies. Despite not selling anyone, we did still have our work cut out for us with the likes of Will Hughes and Toni Lato attracting the attention of some of Europe's elite but we managed to atleast convince them to stick with us for the time being.

With three strong additions and the squad suitably strengthened across the board we should hopefully be able to keep ourselves locked in the safety of mid-table.​
 
Was all set to say what a great start to the season but man, that went down fast! Another bad cup result there too, do you play reserve sides in the cup or change tactics at all? Hopefully your new signings can help push you up the table!
 

It certainly went **** up! Depends o the opponents but to be honest I've actually had the first team out in both the league and FA cups this year. Didn't pan out well...

Thanks a lot 1magine!

January 2021

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1st January 2021
Premier League
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Somehow over my time in the Premier League I have developed an intense rivalry with current Arsenal manager, Rafa Benitez. The two of us traded barbs before the fame with the Spaniard claiming I deserved to be sacked for my poor performances before he then annihilated the team at the Emirates with a five goal humiliation.....Happy New Year!


10th January 2021
Premier League
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The reigning titles holders and current table toppers Manchester United are next up and quickly make amends for the shocking result at the start of the season running out comfortable winners with their established players, Januzaj and Martial both combining well to guide their team to an easy three points.


13th January 2021
Premier League
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With Eight goals finding their way past the increasingly frustrated Jack Butland in just two games, the former England stoppers troubles are proved to be far from over as the Saints fire a further three goals past the hapless stopper. They've certainly got one **** of a squad on their hands at Saint Marys but the results was beyond one sided.


18th January 2021
Premier League
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Despite not having been even close to three points thus far this month we do manage to pick up an unexpected three points against West Brom courtesy of our Argentinian winger Tocalli. Despite everything seemingly going to pot this year we can at least take some comfort in West Brom's ability to seem destined for another return to the second tier.


23rd January 2021
Premier League
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Back to reality as we are once again put to the sword by the might of Chelsea. Diego Simeone has managed to turn Chelsea back into title contenders and even more impressively has turned Dutch winger, Memphis Depay into one of the most lethal finishers in the country. A brace for the former Red Devil continues the Blues return to dominance.


26th January 2021
Premier League
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Ensuring that the entire month is remembered solely for being completely embarrassing is a three goal victory for Stoke City. Not only did they turn me down for the job over Christmas but they also served to put me under pressure in my current one as they score the seventeenth goal of the month with us only able to fire three back in reply... The form of Champions!


January 2021
Premier League
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Unsurprisingly after that month we find ourselves well on our way back down the table and into trouble with just under half the season remaining. We need to turn this kind of form completely around before it becomes far too late but it's certainly not exactly looking too promising for the Toon Army.

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February 2021

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2nd February 2021
Premier League
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February gets under way much the same way as January ended but at least against the Hammers we did look slightly more competitive. The Ox scores his second since arriving at the club in what would seemingly be a goal to get us back into the match but following the break we soon returned to our normal ways as Javier Hernandez scores his second and the winning goal of the game.


8th February 2021
Premier League
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With the club precariously clinging on to the coat tales of Queen Park Rangers on the edge of mid-table obscurity, we are soon cut lose as Rangers tuck home a goal just beyond the half hour mark that sends the club well and truly into the relegation dog-fight. The season just got real. No more taking it easy.


15th February 2021
Premier League
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So painfully close to not only picking up an important victory but finally getting one over on my previous employers, Leicester. Our new arrivals, Dequevy and the Ox combine well to fire us into what seemed to be a comfortable and well deserved lead before a last minute goal deep into injury time ensured the Foxes would share the spoils.


28th February 2021
Premier League
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Another disappointing month is capped with a defeat to Swansea. Another new signing does find the goal but despite Lukas's best efforts the Swans comfortably regained the lead before seeing out the remainder of the match with ease. The defeat understandably tipped the scale. The board have finally started to lose patience with me...
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February 2021
Premier League
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And there it is...

We're in the relegation zone. With the season now drawing to a close we have found ourselves spiraling down the table now firmly landing in the mire. With the board determined to see me turn this season around it seems I have a tall order on not only keeping the club in the top flight but also my job.

I hate the Premier League

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the premier league brings bad luck for you. Are you family of Steve McClaren??
 

Thats a damning and worrying assessment of my time in the top flight bashuijsmans. I fear I might well be.

March 2021

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6th March 2021
Premier League
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With my job on the line and the board demanding I get eight points from the next five games a convincing loss to Tottenham wasn't exactly the fight back I had planned. It seems my plans of turning Newcastle back into a Premier League force are soon to end before I even had a chance of getting them started. Worrying times.


13th March 2021
Premier League
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Understandably when you need to pick up points a tie up against the mighty of Manchester City is hardly what you need. With my eyes firmly set on other throwing Pep at the top of the earners, the Spaniard showed no mercy to my efforts as he leads his team into an early two goal lead that they greedily held on to until the final whistle. I now need to win the next three games to stay in my job...Thanks Pep.


22nd March 2021
Premier League
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Thankfully the month does finally show some mercy as a match against one of only two teams lower then us in the standings see's us run out narrow winners. It took our new Belgian wonderkid to keep me in employment into April as he use his strength well to shrug off multiple defenders and fire home a thunderbolt of a goal. Its not over yet!


March 2021
Premier League
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With the club still sat in the relegation zone, just six games remaining in the season and more worryingly just two to justify my spot at the helm of the club, its safe to say I'm starting to feel the pressure. Fortunately for the club we seem to be embroiled in one of the worst seasons in Premier League history as with just Twenty Nine points we remain still just two points away from safety.

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April 2021​

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3rd April 2021
Premier League
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Having trounced us on our lowest ebb we returned the favor to the Cottagers as we look to finally bounce back. The entire team managed to pull off a long overdue performance with the returning Townsend returning to the squad and the score-sheet with a goal to put a gloss on the finish. One game remaining. One win needed. No pressure.


12th April 2021
Premier League
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Devequey has saved my job. The Belgian brute once again charged his way to the back of the net and with it gave us the all important lead. It was to prove to be one extremely nervy affair as the Tigers looked to restore normality throwing wave after wave of attacks up against us. Thanks to some defensive heroics we clung on to the points and with it my job. The board soon rewarded my good fortune...
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19th April 2021
Premier League
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With my contract under wraps, I moved into the next game of the season against a strong Watford side. The boys put on another encouraging display as they hold on to a point following Tocalli's opener. Ljajic did manage to find a break through for the Hornets just before the break whilst the defence frustrated our in form attack.


25th April 2021
Premier League
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The Argentinian is back at it again against Leeds but unfortunately his goal only proves to be a consolation as we struggle to overcome Leeds's rampant start to the game and a very soft penalty before the half hour mark. Despite controlling the majority of the game we failed to find another way into the back of the Leeds goal as we make an unwelcome return to losing ways.


April 2021
Premier League
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The run of three victories that saved my job, might just have also saved our Premier League dream. With nine points ramped up in quick fashion we find ourselves flung out of the relegation zone and up onto fifteenth place. With a spot in the Championship still very much threatening us, its no time to take our foot off the gas.

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May 2021​

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1st May 2021
Premier League
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We push ourselves ever further away from those dreaded relegation spots with a late come-back against Crystal Palace. Two of our new year arrivals combine to drag the club to victory with another unexpected goal for our eager defender, Martin Lukas and another sign of Dequevy's undoubted potential as he tucks home the winning goal.


8th May 2021
Premier League
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The run in was always going to be tough and Liverpool where in no mood to be generous with the points as they continue their hunt for a spot in Europe. Two clinical goals from the Reds made short work of the Magpies as we are once again reminded of our precarious position towards the dangerous end of the table.


15th May 2021
Premier League
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The game against Southampton was our final realistic chance at adding points to our fragile tally but despite a late fight-back from the increasingly impressive Dequevy we could do little to regain any kind of points at St James's Park as the Saints dug firm for the final half an hour of the match, leaving our fate very much in the balance.


23rd May 2021
Premier League
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Once again myself and Rafa take it in turns to belittle each others achievements this season and the Spaniard again runs out comfortable winner, taking the plaudits and the bragging rights with him. With the club dropping any opportunity at picking up points to stave of relegation our joint fate lay in the hands of our fellow relegation candidates...


May 2021
Premier League
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...And they didn't let me down.

With the entire relegation dog fight brewing down to a four way split it was Fulham who eventually slipped up. Needing to win their final game of the season to condemn us to take their place, the Cottagers slipped up, throwing away their slim opportunity and making an instant return to the Championship for the coming season, unfortunately for me despite our escape there was no time to relax as the board once again upped the pressure...
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...Hardly surprising given our struggles in the league.

With a new season already on the horizon and a transfer window yet to be plundered, improving squad morale should be a relatively straight forward task.

After all. Things can only get better from here.

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Your board are a bit indecisive eh? Board meeting > new contract > board meeting! Within a month or two as well haha! That was a rough season there but hopefully a bit of team bonding over the summer will do the trick :p
 
When did your old contract expire? It's starting to feel like getting the board unhappy and then fulfill their request is the way to get a contract renewal.
 

I'm honestly thinking I would have had an easier time with Mike Ashley. Fingers crossed 1magine. Thanks for sticking with me!

End of the season Deathball. You know I've never thought about it but I'm pretty sure I haven't earned a contract extension in the normal fashion for quite some time. Maybe being useless is the only way I can keep my job?

With my status as a Premier League manager hanging on by a thread, its not exactly been another stride forward in my path to the top.

Fortunately for me I'm not the only one suffering...

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Pep GuardiolaJoachim LowLaurent Blanc
Manchester CityBarcelonaReal Madrid
£170,000 per week£94,000 per week£93,000 per week

...How Pep Guardiola remains employed is beyond me.

The Spaniard once again fails to impress with the Citizens as he manages to completely miss the Champions League spots with the club eventually lucky to even make it into the Europa League following a sixth place finish. Surely its just a matter of days until the leagues highest earner is sent packing from the Etihad Stadium.

For our two chasers in Spain, Joachim continues to be frustrated at the helm of Barcelona, finishing as runner up to Atletico for the second season in a row and its a repeat affair for Laurent Blanc as well as the Frenchmens time at Real continues to rival Pep for sheer disappointment as he only achieves to narrowly squeeze the Galacticos into the Champions League.

So despite finishing just above the drop zone, I'm actually probably the only one to make some progress...

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Derby Jack
Newcastle United
£20,500 per week

I survived.

And with it came an unexpected and quite frankly unwarranted pay-rise.

I've breached the Twenty thousand pound mark for the second time in my career as I continue to try and repair my reputation in the top flight of English football. Given that I only narrowly missed out on an instant return to the Championship, i think its fair to say I'm still very much untested at the top end of the footballing ladder.​

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First of all mate, id like to say well done, this is absolutely incredible. I have just read this whole thing from page 1 to last and loving the entire thing, keep it going. It has actually inspired me to do the same thing, seems like a really fun challenge.

If I may ask, how do you check who are the 3 richest coaches in the game world? Or did you just search each top manager individually and check how much they are earning? Thanks :)
 
What a hectic season that was! The story is still as brilliant as ever to read, can't wait for more!
 
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