The Football Managing Mercenary

[DerbyJack]

Unfortunately so! Was a close call though.

I think it might actually be my only real chance of doing it before the new Football Manager is released! I just need to sabotage everyone else around me.

---

Preseason
2023/24

17th July 2023
Friendly

For the first time in years we actually splashed on out on a flashy pre-season tour as we touch down in South Africa for the warm-up games. A four goal victory over Vasco CT got things off to a superb start, with our pricey Russian making the most of the easy fixture to bag an impressive brace as he looks to convince the fans of his worth.


22nd July 2023
Friendly

Milano United are next up and once again are quickly put to the sword as our midfield runs rampant in the first half to fire us into another four goal lead. The South Africans however did managed to put up somewhat of a fight in the second half as they hold us to a goalless forty five minutes to salvage some dignity.


25th July 2023
Friendly

A trip to the capital awaits us next and another four goal whitewash soon follows. Argentinian winger Tocalli continues to show his promise with a quick-fire brace, with Bhaktin scoring his fourth in three games. Unfortunately for The Magpies the dominant result came at some cost with a duo of long term injuries marring the victory...

7th August 2023
Friendly

A final match up against Ajax's South African contingent see's the club put on a much more cautious display as they look to save themselves from a potentially season damaging injury, with the free scoring Russian, bagging the only goal of the game to ensure the club leaves South Africa with its head held high.




Our jet-setting tour has the club heading back to the homeland full of confidence and raring to go but with two of the season's key players now set to miss the opening stages of the season its still going to be a testing time for the Toon Army.

​

 

[DerbyJack]

August 2023
​

14th August 2023
Premier League

The season gets underway in relativley encouraging fashion. Title holders, Chelsea arrived at St James's Park and the boys quickly showed they were not going to give up with a fight, scoring a quick fire goal after just two minutes. Unfortunately Simeone's Blues would not give up without a fight firing a rapid equaliser of their own before cancelling out Bakhtins first of the season late into the second half.


19th August 2023
Premier League

The Russians disappointment runs on into the next game as his opening goal is once again cancelled out as experienced midfielder Jack Grealish drags Crystal Palace back into the game after just six minutes to ensure the Eagles would get a share of the spoils. A dull second half, ensured both sets of fans were relieved just to hear the final whistle with a solitary point each.


27th August 2023
Premier League

We finally get some deserved good fortune as we see off Leeds with relative ease. The season has got off to an impressive start and another goal within the first fifteen minutes of the game was for once well defended, with Bakhtin finally getting himself on the winning side of the score-sheet with the second of the game to kill it off before the break.


29th August 2023
Capital One Cup - 2nd Round

The League might have got off to a relatively promising start but if I'm to finally get myself away from the trap I have created for myself in Newcastle I'm going to need to pick up some long awaited silverware. A late goal from the in form Bakhtin, finally saw us past League One's Barnsley and into the next round of the competition.


August 2023
Premier League

Three games in and we are unbeaten. Hardly a remarkable feat but given my previous form this is actually a vast improvement. With the club now rubbing shoulders with the likes of United and Chelsea I can only hope that it remains this way for the rest of the season. It's time to cling on to this top half position for dear life.

​

 

[DerbyJack]

With the season only just beginning and the club seemingly more determined then ever before, I wasn't exactly expecting to make any more moves beyond the closing of the transfer window but when a German legend was offered to us as a free agent I jumped at the opportunity to bolster the team...

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free​

Released from Bayern at the end of the season, Gotze seemed to be destined for another opportunity at a Champions League club but it seems his age and declining physical ability kept Europe's elite at bay. Their loss however is our gain as we jump at the opportunity to snap up the talented attacking midfielder. With Rashford ruled out of the first half of the season he makes a more then capable replacement.

---

September 2023

3rd September 2023
Premier League

Our and Bakhtin's good form continues into the next month of the game as we cruise past Hull City following a six minute flurry just before the half time whistle. With the Tigers previously causing us more trouble then they should have in previous seasons, its encouraging to see us finally put them in their place.


16th September 2023
Premier League

Slaven Bilic is the longest serving manager in the top flight by some distance and the Croatian legend is certainly setting out to prove his worth with the Hammers as he looks to drag the club back into European football. A goalless draw between the two clubs however did little to improve either clubs hopes as Bakhtin finally comes up short in the league.


23rd September 2023
Premier League

Our good fortune is well and truly over. Stoke have establish themselves as one of the strongest teams not to have broken into the top four and a three goal demolition certainly ensured they would uphold their growing reputation. To rub salt into the wound our former winger, Oxlade-Chamberlain returned to the club with a clinical brace to humiliate his former colleagues.


26th September 2023
Capital One Cup - 3rd Round

The league might have finally popped our pre-season bubble but at least we can return to the League Cup and take some solace in an efficient first-half performance from the boys. The rarely featured Charlie Austin made a long awaited return to the first-team with a brutal brace to send us into the next round with ease.


September 2023
Premier League

We've finally tasted the bitter disappointment of a long overdue defeat and with it we have started to slip down the table. Fortunately we do however just about manage to cling on to our top half status, all be it by the skin of our teeth with just goal difference alone keeping us above Liverpool. I get the feeling this might not be about to last very long.
​

 

[DerbyJack]

October 2023

1st October 2023
Premier League

Despite being completely humiliated by Stoke in our previous League game, the club do bounce back admirably to see off Norwich as our Balkan players combine together to see us past the relegation threatened Canaries. A superb solo goal from the rapid Pandrc ensures that he remains as our starting winger for the foreseeable future.


7th October 2023
Premier League

Despite the recent victory we cannot maintain our renewed form as Manchester City welcome us to the Etihad Stadium with a two goal defeat. The Citizens are renewed following a failed spell of Pep Guardiola and look determined to kick start their long awaited reign of domination at the top of English football. Alongside the humbling defeat came some unwelcome news alongside a brief International break...

21st October 2023
Premier League

With our key midfielder Kosutic now laid up on the sidelines following a torn Harmstring whilst on duty with Serbia, we went up against our usual bogey side, Arsenal and are quickly put to the sword by the Gunners in ruthless fashion. A goal at either end of the ninety minutes ensured our terrible form against Kafkas's men would remain intact.


28th October 2023
Premier League

Despite losing against two of the biggest clubs in the league we quickly return to picking up the points at the next available opportunity with an efficient result at Craven Cottage. The physical beast that is Perisa Pandrc once again made the most of his new found starting spot in the team with the only goal of the game from the left flank.


October 2023
Premier League

Despite the two losses we do manage to climb back up the table and further into the relative safety of mid-table obscurity. With ten games now under our belts and the club already wracking up more points then they usually do in half a season it's fair to say we've actually made some progress. Actual progress!

​

 

[DerbyJack]

November 2023

1st November 2023
Capital One Cup - 4th Round

The Capital One League Cup dream is well and truly over as we knocked out of the competition by fellow Premier League side, Queens Park Rangers. The Londoners left it until the second half to send us packing from the competition as Argentinian winger, Tocalli's opener is cancelled out in style as another dream goes up in smoke. Surprisingly the defeat didn't deter some potential suitors...

5th November 2023
Premier League

With Italian giants Lazio looking on, I was seriously hoping for an impressive performance from the boys back in the Premier League but fresh from knocking us out the League Cup, Rangers continued to frustrate as they smashed five goals past our hapless defence. Once again it seems the men in charge didn't seem to be paying much attention to my results.

11th November 2023
Premier League

Having rejected the Newcastle boards attempts to keep me at the club I crossed my fingers of finally making a strong impression to my potential Italian suitors and the boys finally delivered. A two goal victory including a first goal for recent arrival Mario Gotze saw us past the Rams in style and it actually paid off!

25th November 2023
Premier League

With yet another club unable to come close to matching the lofty wages currently offered by Newcastle, it's a slap back to reality for me once more as a potential job, going up against the likes of Roma and Juventus is instead replaced with a Saturday night in Cardiff. At least I got a point to make up for the disappointment, even if former Swiss striker Paz did come back to haunt the club.


November 2023
Premier League

A mixed month on the field and a disappointing one off it, leaves the club and myself bizarrely once again rising back up the table. Despite seemingly being trapped in Tyne side, I can at least take some solace in the fact that if things continue like they are I could soon bumble my way into European contention.

​

 

[Raaritsgozilla]

Why not take the talks with Newcastle and see if they would offer more money? Nice work climbing the table and even better with that free signing!

 

[DerbyJack]

I want to get out of Newcastle, last thing I want is a renewed contract scaring away any potential suitors! At this point I'm willing to try anything!

---

December 2023

2nd December 2023
Premier League

I hate Leicester City. Its beyond just mild annoyance at the fact that the club that sacked me some five seasons ago now repeatedly beats me on a near enough constant basis and has instead developed into a complete loathing for the Foxes. A two goal whitewash ensured that my feelings for the second best club in the East Midlands would continue to build.


9th December 2023
Premier League

Liverpool remain a world away from their former heights at the top of the table and continue to duke it out towards the gritty end of the table and a thrilling three goal draw served to only remind the Liverpool fans just how far they have fallen. Having turned me down for the job its hard to have any sympathy and I received some news that could soon surpass a potential role at Anfield.

18th December 2023
Premier League

With Dutch giants PSV Looking on I needed to make a strong impression on their board in order to not only capture the role but also a wage that could finally eclipse the current offering keeping me locking in Newcastle. A narrow victory over a strong Southampton side at least went someway to prove my worth and not just to the Eindhoven based club...

23rd December 2023
Premier League

With my name in the running for two European giants, it was hugely important that I kept my reputation in order and a fixture against lowly Watford should have given me the perfect opportunity. Obviously things didn't quite go to plan as the Hornets left it late to steal the points and it seemed one of my potential new clubs were less then impressed.

26th December 2023
Premier League

With one team knocked out of the running and Fenerbache probably starting to question just what they had seen in a time-travelling idiot who is yet to pick up a single trophy of any significance in nearly Twenty seasons of atrocious football, I had the perfect opportunity to redeem myself against a Footballing Super Power. Needless to say I failed...

30th December 2023
Premier League

With my dreams once again shattered and two more rejection letters now added to a collection that quite frankly is now embarrassing, Tottenham saw fit to ensure that the entire Festive period was entirely ruined as they condemn us to a three goal whitewash despite being down to ten men, with a brutal injury adding to the occasion perfectly.

December 2023
Premier League

Christmas is cancelled. A complete **** up of a month has me fall out of contention for two jobs, the club slide back into an all too familiar run of losses and our position making an ominous slide towards the ever faithful sixteenth place in the league. Oh Joy! It sure is all sunshine and happiness at Newcastle!

​

 

[athomash]

It would be interesting to know how you answer in the interviews.

 

[osullm]

What are your scouts like? Are they finding you many young wonderkids or cheap good young players in South America? I usually like Argentina as a source of good cheap players!

 

[TheBattman]

my favourite story for both content and layout by quite some way. keep stumbling along!

 

[naterr]

Have you got long left on your Newcastle contract? You could let that expire and then go searching for a new job!

 

[DerbyJack]

I'll try and post the next one If I can athomash. I certainly need some pointers.

They're not too bad Osullm, I've found a handful of players from South America but it seems they specialize in snapping up future Eastern European stars.

Thanks very much Battman, I certainly like the idea of stumbling my way to success!

End of this season Naterr, I'm just worried I haven't done enough to attract anyone better if I take the gamble!

---

Despite their impressive start to the season, the club are seemingly set for another season of relegation fighting disappointment, however the January transfer window has now loomed into view giving me one last opportunity to try and drag in some more talent and salvage this season before it is once again too late.

From: Arsenal
Cost: £5.25 million​

With Bakhtin only narrowly keeping his reputation intact following his big money transfer from the Motherland, I opted to bring in some reinforcements upfront in the shape of Arsenal French youth product, Tibaud Lutz. The nippy striker has the uncanny ability to get himself in the right position at the right time and could well find himself becoming a regular upfront.

From: Gamba
Cost: Free​

Signed in the summer, we had to wait for Kawabata's contract to come to an end at his former club back in the land of the rising sun and it seems we are going to have to wait even longer. The exciting centre-back failed to claim a work permit for the remainder of the season despite picking up Twenty-Six caps at just Twenty Years old...

... A season at Dutch giants, PSV however will at least ensure that our future starting centre-back won't be taking it easy until the start of next season.




Yup...

Another superb window.

A desperate attempt at making up for Twenty million pound transfer and a transfer that can't even be completed until next year. I'm truly gifted in the transfer market.

​

 

[DerbyJack]

January 2024​

1st January 2024
Premier League

The New year is upon us and a title chasing Chelsea are in no mood to suffer any form of hangover as they romp to a late but comfortable victory at Stamford Park. Having taken a gamble on signing Memphis Depay, the Blues have turned the Dutch star into a formidable striker with the former Red Devil adding another to his tally alongside strike partner Berahino.


6th January 2024
FA Cup - 3rd Round

The FA Cup was my last real chance at silverware and the draw certainly made sure that I didn't get ahead of myself this time. A debut goal from new French arrival Lutz seemed to suggest we might be up for an FA Cup upset but the Citizens, Italian finisher Panico ensured I would be settling for another barren season in the North East.


14th January 2024
Premier League

With the season already boiling down to another lackluster finish, it seemed the boys would be doing little to try and make the most of the remaining half of the season as we slump to a loss against lowly Leeds plunging us yet further into the mire. Despite my growing troubles, there was one club seemingly more desperate then myself...

20th January 2024
Premier League

It was safe to say that with the boys putting on one of the most boring displays I've ever had to witness in my long career my mind was else where. With dreams of lifting a long awaited Premier League trophy infront of the Kop flooding through my mind, I was soon given a cruel awakening come the final whistle.

27th January 2024
Premier League

Another rejection letter. If you've got any tips on how I can improve please for the love of god feel free to share. A one goal defeat at Hull ensures that my woes are quickly added to as my hopes of escaping Newcastle with my reputation in tact are once again under the threat of relegation and another humiliating sacking.


30th January 2024
Premier League

That's more like it. If I'm going to be stuck up North we could at least make the most of it. A resounding victory at the Olympic Stadium went someway to improving the morale throughout the entire squad as my hopes of a top half finish are once again back on the table. Its amazing what a victory can do for my mood.


January 2024
Premier League

Despite quite possible our worst month of the season we do manage to remain in our fourteenth place position as we keep that sixteenth place at arms bay courtesy of some appalling form at the foot of the table. At least we can take some solace in hopefully avoiding relegation this season? Does that count as progress?

​

 

[PatrickLFC]

****, I really want you to get that Liverpool job! This story is still great though, and as others have said, it's actually far more enjoyable to read about than instant and unlikely success

 

[DerbyJack]

Cheers Patrick, was quiet looking forward to it myself. Would have been a huge step forward. Thanks again for the support!

​

---

February 2024

6th February 2024
Premier League

Bakhtin is back. With Lutz now ready and waiting in the wings it seems the Russian has taken the hint. A quick fire goal marks his second in as many games and the solo effort proved to be enough to scoop all three points as the frustrated Potters failed to muster much more then a second half red card.


10th February 2024
Premier League

Well that's one way to silence the critics. Five goals in three games for my record signing as he scoops a much deserved hat-trick to almost single handedly kill off Norwich City. With the Summer arrival in fine form of late, I'm hoping he might keep up this fine record until the end of the season. The top half beckons!


17th February 2024
Premier League

Despite getting off to a near perfect start the brief run of victories is ended by ten man Manchester City. The Citizens might not have reached the heights expected of their billionaire backers but non the less they seem determined to finally prove themselves this season. An impressive fight back has the former title holders back on track to mix it up at the top.


February 2024
Premier League

With the boys having a relatively impressive but short month we start to inch our way away from our usual position and into the reputation increasing safety of mid-table. If I can sneak a top ten finish in the league, It's surely going to give me some kind of boost in the job market?​

 

[the_best_striker]

Keep going, I really love this story and the layout, it's all great. I don't like those perfect stories where in 4 years they go from 4th division to the Premier League. Keep it up!

 

[DerbyJack]

Thanks very much Kubalionzzale. There is certainly no danger of that, no matter how hard I try! I'll do my best!​

---

March 2024

5th March 2024
Premier League

With the games quickly ticking down every point matters as we look to break into new found territory for the Toon Army. Another two goals for the in-form Bakhtin combined with an impressive performance from our Eastern European midfielders ensures we cruise past a struggling Fulham in style. Why can't we do this every week?


10th March 2024
Premier League

With an impressive brace under his belt in the previous game, Milenkovic continues to show why he is attracting the attention of Bayern and Paris St Germain with the opening goal of the game. Despite a strong start from the Serbian star, it was up to Argentinian winger, Tocalli to seal the deal as his second half effort snatches the points from Queens Park Rangers.


16th March 2024
Premier League

He just can't help himself. With Bakhtin picking up a knock in the previous game our key midfielder has taken it upon himself to supply the goals and lead the club to some much needed points all on his own. As much as I love to see one of my signings thriving in the league, I can't help but worry about the illustrious attention he is quickly attracting.


23rd March 2024
Premier League

I hate Leicester.

It's got to the point now where I physically cannot sit and watch the games, knowing that no matter what, I am going to wind up losing to the Foxes. With Prados equaliser eventually cancelled out by one of my own signings in the second half, a serious injury to the club captain rounded off a disappointing evening all round.

March 2024
Premier League

Another strong month. With the boys finally putting down the kind of form they have long been capable of, the club is actually making some steady progress up the table. With just three points seperating ourselves and the promised land at the unfamiliar half of the table, its all to play for in the final two months.

​

 

[DerbyJack]

April 2024

6th April 2024
Premier League

Despite the Leicester result marring the previous month we bounce back to winning ways with a clinical victory over yo-yo club Cardiff City. The ever reliable Tocalli continues his impressive form in the league with a goal just seconds after the opening whistle, whilst recent arrival Lutz makes the most of Bakhtins minor injury to get himself on the scoresheet.


13th April 2024
Premier League

Having turned me down for the job at the start of the year, I'm still not quite over the bitter taste of rejection. With the Reds making disappointingly strong progress back towards their former high standard, I can at least take some solace from pausing their rapid rise with a point at Anfield.


21st April 2024
Premier League

A brutally harsh point is shared at St James's Park as Southampton role back the years to utilise some good old fashion fergy time to tie up the game with the final kick of the game. With the boys more then deserving of the victory it was a bitter pill to swallow come the final whistle.


24th April 2024
Premier League

Sweet Baby Jesus it finally happened! Having been Arsenal's whipping boys since my arrival in the league, its pretty fair to say that I have been waiting for this result for some time. With veteran midfielder Mario Gotze scoring the only goal of the game at the Emirates, I could for once make the journey back up North with my head held high.


28th April 2024
Premier League

Normally if I was to go from a victory over the might of Arsenal to a defeat against the seemingly weak Watford I would be beyond confused but truth be told The Hornets have become one of the most formidable teams in the league. Deep in the race for a European spot, our former Swiss striker Paz once again ensured he would have the last laugh with another winning goal against his old club.


April 2024
Premier League

We've made it. With just two games remaining the club is now locked in a battle with my bitter rivals Leicester in a bizarre mid-table battle to try and grab a respectable finish in the top half of the table. With no contract with Newcastle on the horizon and a dire need to prove my worth, May could prove to be a defining month in my career.

​

 

[DerbyJack]

May 2024​

4th May 2024
Premier League

Well that put a rather large road block in front of that dream. Tottenham might lost the impressive managerial abilities of Pochettino but the Londoners still remain a club to be feared in the league, killing off any threat from the boys with a ruthless display in the second half. Despite the result my current employers were keen to put an end to my desire to leave the North East.

19th May 2024
Premier League

Having gambled once more and opting to head into the end of season without any from of fixed contract in place, I threw everything into trying to make one last positive impression upon the club that has been my home for nearly half a decade...and failed miserably. A single goal from the league leaders put a disappointing edge on a much improve season from the boys.


May 2024
Premier League

The final month ends in bitter disappointment as we not only suffer two back to back defeats but also spiral out of the top half of the table at the final hurdle. With an all important pre-season ahead, a contract quickly drawing to a close and a worrying ability to fail nearly every job interview possible, I could be in for another humbling time in the Premier League.

​

 

[DerbyJack]

Another season comes to an end in sunny Newcastle and for once their has been some much welcome progress to my standings in the league and it seems I wasn't the only one to experience a change of fortunes...​

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[TR]
[TD]

[/TD]
[TD]

[/TD]
[TD]

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]Joachim Low[/TD]
[TD]Diego Simeone[/TD]
[TD]Roberto Martinez[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]Barcelona[/TD]
[TD]Chelsea[/TD]
[TD]Manchester United[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]£94,000 per week[/TD]
[TD]£91,000 per week[/TD]
[TD]£91,000 per week[/TD]
[/TR]
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It's another change around in the top of the earner listings as former Real Madrid, Laurent Blanc is shown the door following another trophy-less season for the most demanding club in football.

Taking his place comes a men truly deserving of his place at the top. Roberto Martinez. The current Manchester United manager, got off to a slow start at Old Trafford but how quickly turned the Red Devils back into a dominating force with Premier League titles and another Champions League trophy added to Sir Alex's mighty collection.

For Low and Simeone despite being reminded of their fragile place at the top of the standings, with Blancs untimely departure they both manage to increase their position at the club with a domestic title added to their growing reputation in the beautiful game.

With all three managers seemingly thriving at their respective clubs it is going to take one **** of an effort to muscle in on the money spinning trio.

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[TD]

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[TD]Derby Jack[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]Newcaslte United[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD]£20,500 per week[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

With my contract just days away from coming to an end it seems I'm about to enter the perilously insecure world of a month by month contract.

Non the less with nothing holding me down to the club and a host of European teams once again left manager less come the end of the season, including the mighty Real Madrid I eagerly awaited to hear back from some of the biggest and best. Surely my mid-table finish will have impressed a host of Chairmen across the continent?

​

Or Perhaps not.

None the less with my name now linked to the Champions of both the Turkish and Belgian Champions, I can at least take some comfort in knowing that at least some parts of Europe will still consider recruiting me.

With the biggest leagues and the likes of Real Madrid and Schalke not even considering me worthy of an interview, I've soon realised that my mid-table finish might not have been quite as impressive as I had hoped...


​