The Joke Thread

[ravenie]

My dad just caught me and my sister having *** using a Hovis bag as a condom.

Is this classified as inbred?

---------- Post added at 08:51 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:41 PM ----------

A young boy of about fourteen and his father are avid woodsmen. One day, on a trip to the country, dusk catches them in the woods. They set up their tent and, after dinner, they go to sleep. The man wakes up in the middle of the night and says to his son, "What are you doing, son?"
After a short silence he answers, "I'm wanking, father."
"Oh. And how is it going?" he asks.
Another minute of awkward silence passes.
"It is hard, but I can't really feel anything," says the boy.
To which his father replies, "You should maybe try it with your own ****, then.

 

[nilelg5]

They're going to be so ****** off in Chile when they get down the mine and only find Bart Simpson's walkie-talkie.
Sickipedia <3

 

[arun]

Two friends were attending a very boring lecture.

1st friend: Its so boring mate. Even my bums have fallen asleep.

2nd friend: Ya, I know. I think I heard it snoring...

XD

***

Another one...Kutchu went to the doctor because his right leg had become bluish.

Doctor: Looks like your leg has become dead and the blood flow has stopped. We will have to amputate the right one.

After 2 days...

Kutchu: Doctor, my left leg is also turning blue. I don't want you to cut off this leg as well!

Doctor: Don't worry, I don't think that will be necessary.

Kutchu (delighted): Great, how?

Doctor: We think we have got your problem diagnosed now. Your blue jeans is leaving colour on your legs

 

[IanC]

Whats the major cause of peadophilia in the UK?

Sexy Children.


****

Police have come across a mass grave of snowmen. On a second inspection they realised it was a field of carrots.

 

[CJACKO11]

Suicide bombers are like X FACTOR winners, they have one big hit, are in the paper for three days then everyone forgets about them

 

[Fothermucker]

Whats the major cause of peadophilia in the UK?

Sexy Children.
.

I lol'd so hard XD


Tip top. Never take advice from dyslexics.

 

[pokiuki123]

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers
that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the
sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out
Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95,
Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for
$19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and
the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir...,
Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's
Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with
Ken's balls.

 

[CJACKO11]

im a PC and ''wank hide'' button was my idea.

 

[Dunc]

im a PC and ''wank hide'' button was my idea.

what?

 

[Irish Scouse]

Chilean miner making love to his wife for first time since release:

Miner: 'Can we switch the lights off?' . . .
Wife: 'Of course honey' . . .

Miner: 'Can I have you from behind?' . . .
Wife: 'Anything you want my brave boy' . . .

Miner: 'Can I call you Pedro?....'

Link

 

[Ride The Walrus]

Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

 

[Scott]

The first task for the chilean miners after their release is to visit Anfield..... And teach Roy Hodgson how to get out of a ******* big hole before christmas!

 

[CJACKO11]

what?

Windows 7 advert. Was a joke by Michael McIntyre.

 

[Shay Given]

I cant wait for next seasons Mereseyside Derby!
Liverpool v Tranmere Rovers (H)

 

[Brian]

You'll Never Walk Alone







Wolves and West Ham will walk with you

Credit goes to irish scouse

 

[LP94]

JUST IN: The Bristol City v QPR game, which was originally meant to be aired on Sky Sports 1, has now been moved to the Gay Network. Obviously 11 men being hammered for 90 minutes is a bit to explicit for Sky Sports.

 

[Ride The Walrus]

I cant wait for next seasons Mereseyside Derby!
Liverpool v Tranmere Rovers (H)

Tranmere will never get promoted! <)

 

[cfc12345]

Man City are expected to win the race to sign Wayne Rooney after offering him 230 Grans a week.

 

[DMF]

Imagine how much fun women in burkas have tagging each other on Facebook.

(No offense to anyone)

 

[Irish Scouse]

Have you heard the joke about the baby with aids?
It never gets old