The Joke Thread

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Had a fight with a slug last night.

Safe to say it became a slug fest.
 
I genuinely thought that I would see Basel brush Man Utd aside tonight.
 
Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked 'em, I've roasted 'em, I've stewed 'em, I've barbequed 'em, I've even tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of missionary do you use?"

The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and their sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah ha!" he replies. "No wonder.. those are friars!"

Folder Printing
Pocket Folder Printing
 
Titus Bramble has been arrested on possession of a class A drug.

Im surpised, i didnt think he could keep possession.
 
- Grandma, have you seen my pills labelled LSD?
- **** the pills! Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?
:D

Sorry if it's been posted already. Used the search, didn't find it.
 
Sky News: "Beached whale found 800 metres ashore" I was wondering where she was, I'm starving..

---------- Post added 01/10/2011 at 02:16 AM ---------- Previous post was 30/09/2011 at 10:53 PM ----------

Twilight .
The story of a young woman's choice to practice either ********** or necrophilia.
 
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[TR]
[TD]Chelsea fans are up in arms over a proposed move away from Stamford Bridge.

A Chelsea Spokesperson said 'You can't just bulldoze 10 years of history'[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
 
If you are offended easily, don't open the spoilers.

Steve Jobs: Thinner and lighter than ever.
They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die..

Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, he hadn't got a Flash player installed.
 
All these Emile Heskey jokes are crossing the line now... unlike his shots
 
Steve Jobs joke.
Serious question, why is everyone God-worshipping Steve Jobs? He attached a hard drive to an MP3 player then later on added a phone. It's not like he cured cancer.
 
I took my 19 year old girlfriend to the pub last night but for some reason, people kept calling me a peadophile and a kiddie-fiddler, just because I'm 45.

It really spoiled our 10th anniversary.
 
Wayne Rooney's Dad has said that he will not be making any comments about his arrest for match fixing until after England's 1-1 draw with Montenegro tonight.
 
If Rooney wasn't a top player and very rich, he'd be a typical repulsive scouse thug with a typical thieving scouse family. Hang on ...
 
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."


"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."


"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."


Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.


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