Alpha Romeo Metaphor IV

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 6 February 2023

"Guten morgen!" I said as I sat down with my espresso. "Lets start with Karlsruhe. Change things up."

"Sure, I'm happy to start us off," Florian

said. "They play a four-five-one with a defensive midfielder protecting the back line. They are on an eleven game unbeaten streak. Typically, they score one goal though they had two big wins to start off this run. They've only allowed goals in six of these matches. And only one goal except in the 4-3 goalfest two weeks ago at home which they won. During this run they've climbed from fourteenth to fourth. Everything goes through their lone striker or down their left flank. So Zimmer will need extra support from Billy this week."

"Defensively, they are quick. The only advantage I can see right off is their back four isn't the best at reading the game. Muhammed should be able to make his runs and its really a matter of if Ritter has time to see the run and slot in the pass."

"Thanks, Florian," I said. "ATK?"

"Ja, we're good, Enrico," Agnieszka replied. "Everyone should be available."

"Okay, so our focus this week is twofold," I said. "First, creating overloads so that either we can cross from the wings or Ritter gets free to play in passes." Everyone nodded. "Secondly, controlling a lone striker while marking runs from deep. I'm confident Tomiak and Hüsing can keep their striker quiet, but they're going to try and look for secondary options or passes from the striker to midfielders making late runs."

"Anyone have anything else we need to talk about?" I asked. "Okay, lets walk through what training sessions we set up for the week."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Sorry, folks. I screwed up the timeline. I've played too many games ahead. Had to delete this entry.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

I got lost in where I was in my timeline. Had to delete this post.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Thursday, 9 February 2023

"Shall we start?" Thomas Hengen asked the same four reporters that gather every week in Fritz-Walter's cavernous press room.

"Ja," Dennis Friedel of Sportbuzzer said. "May I start." Thomas and I nodded. "Okay. Tomorrow is the Badisch-Pfälzisches Derby. What are you expecting for this latest installment?"

"Playing Karlsruhe is always challenging and always exciting," I said. "We always look forward to this match."

"Karlruhe are on an eleven match unbeaten run in 2.Liga," Jakob Böttcher of Kaiserslautern Express said. "They lie fourth. Are you confident against a Karlsruhe team that is playing so well?"

"Its going to be a tough match and my players are going to have to be at their best."

"Do you want to beat a rival like Karlsruhe more than you usually want to win?" Niklas Boll of Kicker asked.

"I personally want to win every match we play," I replied. "Matches like this mean so much more to the fans, though. They're the ones who have to face co-workers in the office kitchen or in meetings or in the warehouse or wherever."

"Are you feeling the pressure?" Niklas followed up. "Considering the fans are most certainly demanding a win?"

"You may or may not believe this, but I don't feel pressure," I said. "I get to stay involved with the sport I love. Real pressure is wondering how you'll make ends meet, when you'll find another job, grieving a loved one's death. That's pressure, this is just sport."

"Would you at least agree these rivalries add a little extra flavor to the 2.Liga?" Jakob asked.

"No doubt," I replied. "Supporters from both sides look forward to these and I'm not different. They're special."

"Do you look forward to the type of atmosphere that typically comes with these rivalries or do you think it might have a negative effect on some of your players?" Florian asked.

"Uh, no. My players are ready for whatever Karlsruhe throws at us. We're confident."

"Supporters really want to win these Derbies," Florian continued. "How much harder does that make your job?"

"You are really digging for something today, aren't you Florian?" I said. "Actually, I think these matches are easier to prepare for. The players are motivated. They understand the importance of this Derby to the fans. I'm just concentrating on channel that extra desire into getting a good result."

"But the added weight of the expectations from the fans can cause managers to crack a bit," Florian continued. "You seem to handle it pretty well, but can the same be said of your opposite number, Christian Eichner?"

"Dog meet bone," I said, smiling. "Your determined to find something controversial to write about aren't you."

"Fine, you've called me a dog," Florian said. "But address my question, please?"

"Christian is a very good manager. I think he's very capable of handling the pressure, otherwise he wouldn't be where he is."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

The Karlsruhe stadium is packed and there is a loud bunch of Roten Teufel wedged into a corner surrounded by a police cordon.

We were up by two in no time. Both courtesy of Muhammed Kiprit.

In the 6th, Shakur Omar curled a ball into the box. Muhammed was quicker off the mark and nodded the cross past their keeper.

The Karlsruhe players surrounded the ref pleading for offsides. He signaled he was talking to the VAR official. Then he pointed to the center circle and jogged upfield surrounded by protesting blue shirts.

0-1

They promptly lost the ball directly from the kickoff and we brought it into their end. Oliver Hüsing controlled their clearance and fed Marlon Ritter. Ritter played in Kiprit and we were up by two.

0-2

Once again the ref consulted the VAR official then awarded the goal.

Then we sat back and let Karlsruhe have all the possession. We looked dangerous on the counter, but nothing else developed.

The second half began like the first half ended. Karlsruhe passed it around in front of our defense and we tried to hit them on the counter.

I replaced Billy Arce in the 65th minute with Madyan Sounni as Billy wasn't having much of an impact.

In the 77th, they finally broke down our defense. Their right winger finally found a soft spot behind Lorenzo Filippini and they got him the ball. He blasted it past Avdo Spahic.

1-2

Wait, the ref was talking with the VAR official. Would we be off the hook? He signaled for offsides. The Karlsruhe players surrounded the ref in protest.

0-2

Bullet dodged.

I sent on Robin Becker and Amilcar Silva to bolster our flanks. Our flanks were our weak points and Zimmer and Filippini were looking gassed.

In the 82nd, Ritter smashed in a Golazo. What a hit.

0-3

Karlsruhe were deflated and we passed the ball around and wasted time.

Until the third minute of extra time when we got our second PK call of the season. Ritter curled in a corner. I'm not sure what the ref saw. Additionally, he needed to jog over to the video review monitor at midfield to confirm.

Muhammed got his hat trick.

0-4

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Sunday, 12 February 2023

Not much that mattered happened on Saturday. I did have a lovely day with Gwen, Matthew and Allison. Nothing special, just a bit of shopping then an early dinner.

Well, if you're a Werder Bremen supporter, they won finally.

And on Sunday Nürnberg lost with two men sent off! And they were winning beforehand. LOL!

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Tuesday, 14 February 2023

9:30ish pm


"Your going to be watching your phone the whole time aren't you my Italian-American distraction machine?" Gwen said.


"Huh?" I said. "Oh, sorry. Yeah. The Schalke-Bielefeld match kicked off a bit ago."


I set my phone down, face down. The match had been postponed yesterday because the northern half of Germany got snow.


"Hi," she said and waved at me from across the table. "Hi. How are you?"


"Um, distracted? There is always one last task I have to take care of whenever I finish that last task that needed doing. Its endless."


"I know. That's why I've kidnapped you on this Valentine's Day and am forcing you to eat dinner at a restaurant with me."


"I'm so sorry, Gwen. I don't know what to say."


"You've hit similar points with every other job you've had," she said. "At least you're having fun and not so grumpy and irritable like with Lazio and Frankfurt."


"Yeah, for sure," I replied. "Everything is going shockingly well."


"So?"


"Yeah ... so ..."


The waiter arrived with our dinners.

"Okay, I've got to find a better balance," I said. Gwen just smiled. "I mean ... Captain Obvious, here. Reaching important conclusions everyone else plainly sees. F***."


"You don't delegate anything, do you?" she asked.


"Uh, no."

"Never, right?"


"Uh, yeah."


She smiled.


"Uh, I see you're point. Captain Obvious to the rescue again."


When Gwen went to the bathroom, I checked the match score. We are ten points up with thirteen to go!

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Wednesday, 15 February 2023

11:44am


"I've got a problem," I said. I pushed around a few uneaten bits on my plate. I sighed. "Gwen wants me to work fewer hours."


"Okay," Thomas said.


Jörg just shook his head.


Ulf raised an eyebrow.


"Hey guys," Olaf Marschall said as he sat down at the table. We all looked at him. "What?" Jörg shook his head again. "What'd I miss."


"Enrico's in trouble with the boss," Ulf said.


Olaf looked at Thomas. Thomas put his hands up to indicate 'not me.'


"Oh?" Olaf said. "That boss? So Valentine's Day didn't go so well?"


"Well, first, I f***ing forgot," I said.


"Wait, how can even you avoid all the marketing?" Ulf asked as the others groaned.


"Total and singular focus on the job at hand?" I shrugged. "Well, it happened. Then we had a fight."


"F***," Jörg groaned. "Sorry to hear it."


"Ja, they happen," Ulf commented.


"Sorry, man," Thomas added.


"I've got one idea," Olaf Marschall said. We all looked at him. "Stop f***ing reviewing every f***ing scouting report. For a start."


"How many do you review each week, Enrico?" Ulf asked.


"All of them," I admitted.


"Jesus," Thomas exclaimed. "And let me guess, you watch every video."


I nodded.


"S***, listen Enrico," Jörg said. "I get it you didn't have a big staff at Cadiz and Wimbledon. You told me how difficult it was at Bologna. I was there when it didn't go well at Frankfurt. But this is a good setup. We're f***ing s*** up in the league. You can relax. Trust us. You don't have to carry this club on your shoulders. You're not alone."


I looked around the table.


He was right.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Once again, no changes to the starting eleven or the bench.

Honestly, Darmstadt didn't put up much resistance.

Oliver Hüsing opened the scoring with a header from a Marlon Ritter corner. The news of the match was that Shakur Omar got his first goal for Kaiserslautern. He even had one called off for off-sides. Boris Tomiak got on the scoresheet as well with a header from the corner.

As usual, Muhammed Kiprit scored. Twice.

The other story to tell is the Marlon Ritter had a hat trick of assists. That brings him to ten total in 2.Liga for the season. The record is thirteen. He's got ten matches left in the season (knock on wood he stays healthy). He had 18 in 38 last season and 10 in 23 so far this season. That's not quite one every other game, but its pretty close.

His impact on our success is monumental. Everything goes through him. He takes the corners and free kicks. He's 28 years old and probably will be able to give the club three more seasons in the Bundesliga.

That gives us 54 points after 23 matches and balloons our Goal Difference up to +29.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Sunday, 19 February 2023

We gave the players the day off. I took advantage and hung out with Gwen and the kids. We didn't go anywhere. I built a Lego castle with Matthew and played dolls with Allison.

Nürnberg are collapsing. I checked on my phone in the early evening. Three losses and a draw in the last four.

Our promotion cushion is 16 points with eleven to play. That's 17 points to promotion. 2.Liga title cushion is 14.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

We drove westward, halfway between München and Nürnberg to Ingolstadt for this Friday evening match.

And we didn't get off the f***ing bus.

Tobias Schröck showed up to play. His thunderstrike volley in the 8th minute gets my vote for Goal of the Season.

1-0

Wow, huh?

I told Rene Klingenburg to mark him. Didn't matter. He scored again in the 14th.

2-0

Seriously, what do we have to do to stop the guy? Kneecap him?

We finally got off the bus mentally, and started playing. We just could not break down the Ingolstadt defense before halftime.

"We're getting beat because one guy just scored twice from outside the area," I said. "That doesn't happen very often in this league. But how we respond now is what matters. Just do our thing, play our game. You can do this."

We came out storming. They finally broke in the 60th minute. Klingenburg headed home a Ritter cross from 5 meters.

2-1

Then Shakur Omar poked home from goal mouth scramble to even things up.

2-2

But could we ride our momentum to victory?

Nope.

We kept trying but just couldn't find the breakthrough. We looked pretty gassed after scoring the equalizer.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

"Have you seen many better than Tobias Schröck's first goal?" Florian Carre of OneFootball.

"No."

"Please comment," Florian said.

"We aren't letting in many goals," I said. "Statistically, someone is going to strike the ball that perfectly every once in a while. And then he does it twice. I tip my hat to him."

"You hit the post twice," Jakob Böttcher of Kaiserslautern Express said. "Did you ever doubt you were going to pull off the comeback?"

"There have been games in which I didn't think we would," I replied. "This wasn't one of them. We've been playing so well lately and scoring at will. We were creating the chances so it was just a matter of time. Obviously, that time was limited to seventy minutes from when Schröck got that second. This wasn't pretty or graceful, but we did it. Ugly goals count just as much as the golazos. As for the woodwork? Well, it happens."

"Also, you controlled possession this match," Jakob followed up. "Would you talk about that?"

"We were chasing the game," I replied. "We couldn't just sit back and hurt them on the counter. We played the game we had."

"Are you claiming that you only concede golazos?" Dennis Friedel of Sportbuzzer asked.

"Don't be daft, Dennis," I replied."It just that we're not making many mistakes defensively so, ja, its going to be lucky or brilliant. Just look at how we set up to defend and how hard we work defensively. We only let in two goals a couple times, maybe four times, this season."

"Kaiserslautern have ten games left," Jakob said. "Please talk about the 2.Liga title and promotion."

"We are in pole position in Formula One terms," I said. "And maybe a few laps up. Maybe that's not the best metaphor. But, yeah, we're in a great position. Schalke and Nürnberg can pick up points against us this round, but there are only thirty points left to get and we're up by fifteen over Schalke and seventeen for automatic promotion. Any combination of fifteen points and the title is ours. So Schalke have to play perfectly, they have zero margin for error."

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Welcome to a rare Saturday episode of the Rötliche und Teuflisch podcast. Also, this is ten matches left in the season podcasat, too. I'm Werner and I'm joined by my cohort Jakob.

Jakob: Hi. Two for the price of one special today.

Werner. Ja, extra discounts applicable if you like and subscribe. So we played yesterday, let's start with that.

Jakob: Ja.

Werner: Alright let's move on.

Jakob: Just kidding. We had a big comeback against two long-range missiles launched by a man named Tobias Schröck. In the future, I would hope he'd be more careful. He's just lucky he didn't hit anyone with those.

W: He really struck them purely, didn't he?

J: The first one will be a goal of the seasons contender for sure.

W: Ja.

J: But we came back. Not two of our prettiest passing plays or anything. Rene Klingenburg got the vital breakthrough goal. Shakur Omar scored the equalizer from a really tight angle after a full-fledged melee right in front of the goal.

W: Did you wonder if we'd ever score?

J: I'll be honest. I was worried. It could have been a patch of ice we collectively slipped upon. They took two shots in the first half and Schröck scored twice. He's never going to do that again, he's not much of a goal scorer.

W: Pucci was bouncing up and down along the sidelines all match long.

J: Definitely one of his more animated games. He didn't admit it at the press conference afterwards, but he was worried.

W: Now lets move on. I don't really want to talk about a match in which a guy who never scores, scores the galazo of his life. Twice.

J: Ha, ja. Let us discuss what the end of the season, the run out, looks like. It looks good.

W: Oh, that's it then? We're done?

J: Essentially. We have ten games to go, we're up by 12 on Schalke for the 2.Liga title and 14 on Nürnberg and Armenia Bielefeld for automatic promotion. They're tied for points and goal difference but Nürnberg leads on head to head.

W: We probably have the toughest ten matches, though, don't we?

J: We play both Schalke and Nürnberg but at least we play them at home. We also play Sandhausen, Dresden and Hannover who are all top ten clubs. Aside from playing us, Schalke face Erzgebirge Aue, Karlsruhe, and Hannover. The point is that they have no room for error. Its not just that they are chasing us, Karlsruhe is only three points behind Schalke in fifth. So its a four team race for two promotion slots.

W: So, really the pressure on them could help us.

J: True. Also, whomever gets the third promotion spot will face either Hamburg or Augsburg in the relegation playoff. Hamburg is in 16th on goal difference. And its a tough, two-legged battle and you never know what will happen.

W: So I've been scribbling on a napkin. We need to either win six, that's 18 points, of our remaining ten or if Schalke slip up it just reduces that number.

J: Ja. Math is our friend this season. But I'm not worried. Marlon Ritter is just magic this season and Kiprit cannot stop scoring. With the added threat of Shakur Omar and our stingy defense, its just a matter of time.

W: Shall we go to questions then?

J: Ja, I've got one, may I go first?

W: Of course.

J: This is one is from your Mom this time. Gritdox on Twitter asks what players will be starting next season in the Bundesliga.

W: Good question. Kiprit, Ritter, Tomiak, Spahic in goal. Those for sure.

J: You forget Julian Niehues.

W: Ja, the forgotten man. Plays every minute, nobody notices.

J: I assume Klingenburg and Zimmer, our Captain. I'm not so sure about the rest. Billy Arce hasn't torn up the league and I'm not sure how well he'll do against better defenders. Obviously, we'll either need to extend Omar's loan or find a partner for Kiprit.

W: Left back?

J: Ja, I don't know. Amilcar Silva has another year left, but Filippini is more reliable and his contract expires this summer. So maybe we'll see a new left back. I am pretty confident Pucci and Hengen will bring in a load of new faces for our return to the Bundesliga.

W: Okay, I've got a question. Rattche1144 on Twitter asks if we'll have a transfer budget this summer. Good question.

J: I don't know. I assume we will. I don't know how big it will be, though. I mean, we're not going to go out and spend 50 million for a player on 100k per week. We've got a tiny salary budget. I assume Pucci and Hengen will have a little money to work with.

W: That's it.

J: We don't have any more.

W: So go away now.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Friday, 3 March 2023

Ha! Nürnberg lost at home. So from 27 points and a 14 point lead over Nürnberg, our automatic promotion number is 13!

 

[Enrico Pucci]

I replaced Filippini with Silva at left back. I told them I wanted a better performance.

Shakur Omar started it off in the 3rd minute. Marlon Ritter dribbled into the box, slid a pass out to Amilcar Silva who passed inside to Omar who scored from 3 meters.

1-0

Greuther Fürth played a very open, attacking style against us which left us loads of space to attack.

After numerous almost chances, Rene Klingenburg curled a pass into the box for Omar to chase.

He outraced the defender and beat the keeper.

2-0

And they continued to attack leaving themselves open to the counter. Klingenburg won a free kick in the 44th minute about 30 meters out. Ritter grabbed the ball and lined up his shot.

3-0

We went into the break 3-0 up.

This pattern of play continued through the second half.

We got a fourth and Ritter got a second in the 62nd minute. Zimmer and Billy Arce worked the ball down our right flank then Billy fed a pass to Ritter who was arriving late into the spot where Klingy usually makes his late runs.

4-0

Zimmer and Silva were looking exhausted so I replaced them with Robin Becker and Lorenzo Filippini respectively.

I even gave Alf Alten a few minutes at the end.

Stoppage time was far too exciting for my taste. They scored a consolation goal just after the fourth official signaled 4 minutes of extra time. Then another two minutes later, but we got lucky and were saved by the VAR official deciding their second goal was offside.

In the dying seconds, we won a corner. Ritter curled in the corner and Oliver Hüsing smashed it home for our fifth.

This was Ritter's 12th assist of the campaign.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Saturday, 4 March 2023

7:30ish

"I would love Indian," I replied from underneath my kids who had piled ontop of me the instant I flopped onto the couch.

"Can we watch a Spiderman movie?" Matthew asked.

"Allison, what do you think about a Spiderman movie?" I asked.

"Does he smell like cobwebs?" Allison asked.

"What do cobwebs smell like?" I asked.

"Like Gramma's closets, Daddy."

"Allison, when did you go into Gramma's closets?" I asked.

"Daddy you just need to pay attention."

"Spiderman doesn't smell like cobwebs," Matthew declared.

"How do you know?" Allison asked. "He makes them, he smells like them."

"Gwen?" I asked. "If Spiderman shoots cobwebs, does he necessarily smell like them?"

"Its just a movie, Allison," Gwen yelled from the kitchen.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Sunday, 5 March 2023

Schalke won.

They remain 12 points behind. 9 matches or 27 points left to play for. We need 15 points to clinch the title. We need 10 points to clinch automatic promotion.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Friday 10, March 2023

Nürnberg won.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Saturday, 11 March 2023

Schalke won. So the pressure is on us on Monday when we visit Werder Bremen.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Same eleven as last week. Different start.

Amilcar Silva and Oliver Hüsing gave their striker loads of time and space just outside the box. And what do you know, he scored. Sure, it was well hit, but if you give most professional footballers that much time ...

1-0

So I was up off the bench exhorting my charges to wake up, get going, and etc.

They did. It helped that our opponents are having a nightmarish season and just have zero luck.

Silva provided the pass inside for Shakur Omar to score in the 25th minute. This was nearly an exact replica of the same pass and goal from last week.

1-1

We kept the pressure on them for the remainder of the half, but couldn't find a way through.

Our breakthrough came in the 52nd minute. Silva to Ritter and back to Silva. A nice cross by Silva. A nice header across goal for an Omar tap-in.

The Werder players protested for offsides, but the VAR official told the ref that Omar was onside and the goal stood.

1-2

The Werder supporters went silent. The Roten Teufel exploded. Literally. They lit a bunch of flares and sang.

First, I sent on Madyan Sounni for Marlon Ritter as Ritter was having an off-day. Then Filippini for Silva as Silva was exhausted. I also sent on Saydou Bangura for Omar. Omar was also clearly exhausted and I needed him fresh for this coming Saturday's match.

Bangura even managed to score with a nice back post header in the 75th to give us a cushion.

1-3

In the 85th, we got caught out on the counter. Their goalscoring forward raced past Boris Tomiak. Boris recovered and ended the threat with a lovely sliding tackle.

Wait, what?

The ref was running over and reaching into his back pocket. Red? WTF?

I ran over to the fourth official as my players surrounded the ref. Boris looked shocked.

"How is that a red card?" I demanded. "I want an explanation."

The fourth official was clearly trying to talk with the match official who was still surrounded by incensed, red shirted players.

"It was a violent foul," he said finally.

"Violent? On what planet? He cleanly swept the ball away. The Werder player didn't even fall down. He just stumbled. Any other day and that was just a brilliant tackle. I want him to rewatch that."

"He's not going to," the fourth official said.

Before I could continue my tirade, I felt a gigantic paw on my shoulder and Jörg was pulling me back towards the bench.

"F***'sake, Enrico," Jörg said. "We're going to win. It wasn't as clean as you think."

"What? Now you're against me?"

"Don't start getting paranoid f***ing delusions," Jörg replied.

The remaining ten held Werder.