Alpha Romeo Metaphor IV

Monday, 13 March 2023

"Ja, I'm not f***ing kidding," Jörg replied. "It wasn't as clean as you remember."

"Let's just ask him," Ulf said.

"Ten euros he's says it was clean," I said.

"You're on," Ulf replied.

"Alright," I said as I got up out of my seat and walked down the aisle of our bus. "Boris. I just gotta ask. That tackle. It was clean, right?"

"Ja, you know ... um ...," Boris replied. "I might have caught a good bit of him. But it wasn't f***ing red."

"Maybe yellow," Avdo Spahic said. "Maybe."

"Pay up, Enrico," Ulf demanded.

"F***!" I exclaimed and fished a ten euro note out of my wallet.

"F*** that s***," Jörg said as Ulf and I sat down. "Doesn't f***ing matter. Twelve up, eight to go. Only f***ing need twelve f***ing points."

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Tuesday, 14 March 2023

8am

"Good morning humans," I said then sat and took a sip of my espresso. "What have we got?"

"Well, Youth Intake is this next Saturday," Thomas Hengen said. "Dieter and I figure that we should give them the full tour on Friday afternoon then they'll watch the Sandhausen match."

"Okay, sounds good," I said.

"We've scheduled a match between them and the U19s on Tuesday," Thomas continued.

"All things considered, we've got some potential in this group," Dieter said. "A good midfielder, keeper and defender."

"Ja, good," I said.

"They only problem is they're short," Dieter added. "I know that you want your keepers and central defenders to be tall. We all want that. Maybe they'll hit a late growth spurt."

"I spotted the keeper on vacation in Austria, actually," Wolfgang Wimmer said. "We were passing by a match and I insisted we stop. He's got a bit of the cat in him, good reflexes."

"And that midfielder has a fantastic touch on the ball," U19 Assistant Coach Joe Dunne said. "He's got loads of potential."

"Well, I look forward to meeting them," I said. "What else have we got, let's start with you ATK."

"Some aches and pains, nothing serious," Agnieszka replied.

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Friday, 17 March 2023

The 1.FC Nürnberg collapse continues, two wins and a draw in their last eight. Ingolstadt took a big step towards safety with their win. Hannover are playing themselves into the promotion playoff race and Werder's woes continue.

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Molla Wagué replaced the suspended Boris Tomiak. Otherwise, no changes.

The match didn't start out well. Sandhausen knew Boris was out and hoped to exploit a defensive weakness. They found it. We just weren't organized and they smelled the fear and attacked.

In the 8th minute, Amilcar Silva got lost (I have no other way to explain him wandering into central midfield) so Julian Niehues sprinted out to defend their right winger who was dribbling down the flank.

Oliver Hüsing decided that instead of marking their striker, he'd step out and try to prevent the cross. Or something. He was caught in no man's land.

Molla let the striker make a run across him to the near post and didn't mark him all that tightly.

So it was no surprise that he nodded in the cross to give the visitors the lead.

0-1

The Fritz-Walter was nearly silent. The five hundred or so Sandhausen fans cheered, but their cheers just echoed around the stadium.

"SILVA! MOLLA! OLIVER!" I yelled. They all looked over. "FOCUS! FOCUS! SORT OUT YOUR MARKING!" They nodded.

I tried to fire my players up. It worked. They started playing.

Billy Arce blasted right at their keepr from the edge of the box in the 10th. Their keeper tipped it over.

We spent the rest of the half almost creating great scoring chances. Either we missed badly, they blocked the shot or we shot harmlessly right at the keeper.

Niehues actually got caught on the ball and, luckily, their striker hit the crossbar with his shot. Molla couldn't manage to head away a punt from their keeper and allowed their striker in on goal. Only a great save from Avdo Spahic kept the scoreline reasonable.

It was a really frustrating half to watch. There were a few boos from the crowd. That was a first.

Shakur Omar, Ritter, Klingenburg, Billy, Niehues, Molla, and Zimmer all stunk in the first.

"I'm going to let Jörg give the halftime talk today," I said once we were in Die Kabine.

"You were f***ing s***," he said. "F***ing sort it out. S***."

Jörg, Ulf, Wolfgang Wimmer and Günther Kern all left so that the players could talk it out.

We finally started to come to life in the 58th minutes when Ritter forced their keeper to make a save.

Klingenburg played in Kiprit in the 75th minute, but their keeper did brilliantly to deflect the shot out for a corner.

Hüsing had a free header at the near post from the resulting corner, but missed high by millimeters.

Substitute Robin Becker crossed in the from the right in the 85th for substitute Madyan Sounni. Their keeper tipped over his shot.

This time Hüsing's header was cleared off the line!

It was looking like this would be our banana peel match.

From the throw, Klingy's cross drifted harmlessly long and out for a goal kick.

They brought the ball down into our end and suddenly were passing like Bayern München. We just couldn't get it back. Molla blocked a shot out for a corner.

I looked up at the clock.

89:54

S***! I looked over at the fourth official. He was getting his board ready. He held it up. We'd have four minutes of extra time.

Wait, did they leave one man back and only one lurking outside the penalty box? OMG, if we could only clear and create a counter, they had too many men forward.

I looked over at my counterpart. He was screaming at his players to get back. Nobody listened.

We cleared the corner and then one of the most bizarre counter attacks I have ever seen occurred. The Sandhausen player at the top of the box ran the wrong direction then only jogged back. Sounni got to the clearance and sprinted upfield with the ball.

The thing about Sounni is he isn't all that fast. With that said, he had a large head start.

He had Ritter to his left screaming for the pass but, instead of playing Ritter in, he let the lone defender force him out to the right.

I thought the counter was going to fizzle like ever other attack this game. He gave the ball to Becker who'd sprinted the length of the field to provide support if needed.

Becker slowed, the defender closed. Becker dropped his left shoulder, froze the defender and sprinted for the end line.

All this had given Muhammed Kiprit the time to run upfield. He was making a first post run and was completely and utterly all alone.

Would Becker spot him?

He did.

1-1


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I was engulfed in a tsunami of players and coaches off the bench.

This is one of those matches where the draw is a victory.

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Monday, 20 March 2023

Armenia Bielefeld won to cut our automatic promotion lead to 15 with 7 matches to go. 6 more points through any combination of our wins or Bielefeld dropping points and we're in the Bundesliga!

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Tuesday, 21 March 2023

Several of the most highly rated prospects had already signed contracts by today, so I got to evaluate the rest this evening. I evaluate young players based upon the tried and true SPIT system. Speed, Personality, Intelligence, Technique. You can't coach speed; you either have it or you don't. I can encourage young players to let their personalities shine on the pitch, but strong personalities rise to the top. I can teach players how to think on the pitch, but some players are better than others at it. Finally, can improve most player's technique.

A couple of them showed some speed; I noted it. We'd sign them for sure.

Both of the fullbacks had really terrible matches. I find it interesting that this doesn't affect their chances. The right back has some speed and its clear he'll need to be taught positioning. The left back was beaten for speed regularly, but his positioning and defensive skills weren't utter rubbish.

Also of interest was the trialists created loads of chances. The problem was nobody had much of any finishing skills.

I sat between Head of Youth Development Dieter Eilts and U19 manager Alexander Bugera. Jörg was next to Dieter, Ulf next to Jörg. We chatted amongst ourselves throughout and all but several will be getting contracts.

Its good I'm not solely responsible, because I wouldn't sign most of the players I saw tonight.
 
Friday, 24 March 2023

Its the international week so several first team players were off playing for their countries. I watched the new youth signings train. Some of them were unlikely to ever develop into Regional level players. The Regional leagues are the ones below 3.Liga. I guess maybe one of them will 'catch fire' and start to blossom. I guess that's the chance we take.

There is one that stood out; Mario Bornschein. Absolutely sick first touch and very strong personality on the pitch. He's tiny fireplug who demands the ball and drives forward relentlessly. Every time he'd get tackled I'd worry he'd get broken. But he'd either bounce away from the challenge or get right up and shake himself off. He's fifteen so his passing isn't quite what it should be, but he sees the pass which is important.

Also, great footballing name. I'll keep an eye on this kid.

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Monday, 27 March 2023

There's another kid who has caught my eye. Erick Araujo. He's Ecaudorian-German. His Dad is Ecuadorian and his Mom is German. Interestingly, I met his parents on the Friday tour over a week ago. They stood out because Magda is a tall, big-boned German woman and Guillermo is your prototypical Ecuadorian ... short. About 1.70 meters or so. I went up and talked to them just because they looked interesting. He'd emigrated to Spain for work then to Germany several years later. They met working in the same restaurant years ago.

Erick has Magda's height and good looks and his Dad's stamina. Erick and Magda are the same height. Guillermo just looks like one of those guys who will outwork you and never get tired. He said he'd been in the youth ranks at Universidad Catolico in Quito but had to quit and get a job to help support his family. UC didn't pay their youth players much of anything. He currently plays for his local amateur club.

Erick can play as a central defender or defensive midfielder. I see his future as a defender as I need my DMs to be fast. Erick reads the game well and like his father will never, ever get tired.

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Saturday, 1 April 2023

11:45ish AM

I'd just started eating my lunch when Gwen called. I apologized and stepped away from the table.

"Hi Gwen."

"Congratulations."

"Oh? For what?"

"Your new signing," she said.

"What new signing?" I asked.

"Lirpa Retsre. The Estonian superstar? You just signed him for 4 million. The club's biggest signing."

"Huh?"

"You're not on Twitter, but the internet is lighting up over your new signing. He's FC Flora's all-time leading goalscorer even though he's only twenty five."

"I would have been told," I said.

"You mean you have no idea?" Gwen said. "He sounds like the forward you've been looking for. Tall, strong, fast."

"Did Thomas put you up to this?"

"Up to what my Italian-American paranoia machine?"

"Uh, thanks for the head's up, but I'd better get this sorted out."

"Um, okay. Bye. Congrats."

Click.

Thomas was walking over to the table with his tray.

"What are you up to, Thomas?" I accused.

"Just got done wrapping up the details on our new signing," he replied.

"New signing?" Ulf asked.

Everyone set down their utensils and picked up their phones. While everyone searched the internet, I just stared at Thomas.

"I'm not fooled," I told him.

Eventually, he cracked and snickered.

"Its a f***ing April Fool's joke," I declared. "Spelling it backwards can't fool me. Lithuanian superstar my *ss."

"Estonian," Thomas corrected.

"F***!" Jörg exclaimed. "Everyone is f***ing buying this s***."

"Job well done, Thomas," Ulf said. "Congrats on a good April Fool's prank."

"Who's the guy with the beard standing next you?" Wolfgang Wimmer asked, squinting at a picture on his phone. "Wait ... is that?"

"Ja, its Marlon Ritter with a fake beard and a wig," Thomas said.
 
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The only change is Lorenzo Filippini for Amilcar Silva who is suspended. Not many Roten Teufel ventured this far east for the match.

It was a really drab first half.

Very few chances created. The two squads just battled it out for control of the midfield. And nobody was doing that all too well, either.

At halftime I tried a rousing speech about this is one of those moments when we all need to dig deeper and find something extra to give because we are so close to realizing all our dreams. Or something.

It seemed to work.

We started creating more chances, but everything fizzled out or we shot wildly inaccurately.

Then in the 62nd minute, Jean Zimmer got fouled out on the right flank towards the sideline. He got up and waved everyone forward. He was going to take the free kick instead of Ritter.

He lobbed a high ball towards the back post.

Shakur Omar rose highest and smashed the header past the keeper.

0-1

Sometimes you create your own luck.

Also, that's Shakur's 7th goal. It took him a while to get going (scored in his fourth match), but he has 7 in the last 6 matches!

Then the two teams resorted back to slogging away in uninteresting midfield battle. Suits me. Boring when you're leading is always good.

Then in the 80th, Boris Tomiak got on the scoresheet with a towering header from a Ritter corner.

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0
-2


Game. Set. Match.

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Sunday, 2 April 2023

5ish pm

"You need to relax, Jörg," I said as Jörg continued to squirm in his seat on the bus.

"That was f***ing s*** today," he grumbled. "We were f***ing saved thanks to Shakur, Tomiak and Ritter. F***ing stinking garbage otherwise."

"What about Zim?" I asked. "He got the assist on our first."

"Oh, ja, true," Jörg said.

"Wait," Ulf interjected. "You're usually the one who is wound too tight. Why are you saying he needs to relax."

"The bottom line," I said.

"Oh, that," Jörg said. "Got a f***ing point there."

"We're fifteen up on third place Bielefeld with six to play," I said to Ulf. "That means we're three points from automatic promotion. If we beat Holstein Kiel at home next Saturday, we are Bundesliga bound."

"Well, not quite," Ulf said. "We need Bielefeld to drop points. If they win its still 5 matches, 15 points with a 15 point lead. So milimeters away but still not quite there.

"Its f***ing inevitable," Jörg noted.

"Ja," Ulf agreed.

Jörg stood up. Turned to face the back of the bus.

"Do you f***ing realize where we're at?" he bellowed. A few players looked out the window not quite following his drift. "No. Where we are at in the f***ing table you daft f***s. How many games left?"

"Six," a few players replied.

"How many points left to play for?" he asked.

"Eighteen," the players all replied in unision.

"How f***ing much are we f***ing leading f***ing Bielefeld by?" he hollered.

"Fifteen!" someone from the back yelled.

"Do you f***ing know what that f***ing means?" he yelled.

"THREE TO GO! THREE TO GO!" the players began chanting.

Then it devolved into general screaming, gyrating, yelling, and dancing before everyone calmed down and sat down.
 
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F***!

My laptop crashed again and I forgot to save after the match. I'm going to have to replay the Dresden match. Getting a 2-2 draw again is going to be tough.

Argh!

UPDATE: I cannot get a draw with Dresden. I keep beating them. I'll try a couple more times.
 
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F***!

My laptop crashed again and I forgot to save after the match. I'm going to have to replay the Dresden match. Getting a 2-2 draw again is going to be tough.

Argh!

I wouldn't sweat that mate.. probably easier to just play it back and change the post?

At least it's only 1 game! :D

P.S I'm pretty sure there's a setting you can use to autosave after every game (not sure cause I'm at work but I think there is)
 
I wouldn't sweat that mate.. probably easier to just play it back and change the post?

At least it's only 1 game! :D

P.S I'm pretty sure there's a setting you can use to autosave after every game (not sure cause I'm at work but I think there is)
Yeah, I'm just going to have to do some rewriting.

Thanks for the tip. You can select "after matches" in the General tab of Preferences. I guess I'd better do that considering how often my laptop crashes (its getting old) per month.
 
Monday, 3 April 2023

12:35pm

"Hey, Gisela," I said as I knocked at her door. "This a good time?"

"Sure, Enrico. What's up?"

"Well ... maybe just maybe we're going to need to celebrate promotion next Sunday."

"Right," she agreed. "If we win and if Bielefeld drop points, we're up."

"So ..." I said.

"So you want to have a ... what ... match watching party?" she asked.

"For everyone."

"Define everyone, please?"

"All staff and players. Groundskeepers, IT, kitchen, maintenance, everyone."

"Okay," Gisela said. I could see her mind racing. "Obviously it will have to be in the cafeteria. Buffet so the kitchen staff can watch, too."

"Non-alcoholic champagne," I added.

"Oh, right, ja. shirts and hats?"

"No," I replied. "Save that for when we win the title."

"Noted," she said. "I'll probably have questions, but I know where to find you."

"Thanks, Gisela. You're the best."
 
Wow! 20K views! Thank you very much to everyone who has taken a peek or read every bit.
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Friday, 7 April 2023

9:00 am

"Alright, I've got something to say before we get going with training," I said to the players. "Tomorrow we have a chance to seal promotion. We have worked incredibly hard to get ourselves into this position, now we just need to dig deep and see it through. I realize that if we win and Bielefeld win we'll have 5 matches left and a fifteen point lead. But Bielefeld and Schalke need to be perfect and the pressure is off us. We just need to continue to work hard and see this out."

"Ja, he's right," Captain Jean Zimmer added. "We are on the verge. We can do this."

Heads bobbed in agreement.

"We know how Holstein Kiel play," I continued. "We know how to shut them down and we've been shutting everyone down. These big matches can be tricky so we need to keep it simple. Relax and play the simple, easy pass. Let Ritter and Klingy and Billy play the tricky passes. Focus on the simple passes to find the overloads. We always find them and we have been doing great at exploiting them. Defensively, just keep our shape and talk to each other. Ja, Boris?"

"Enrico is right," Boris Tomiak said. "Nobody needs to be the hero, play the hero pass, make that risky tackle. We can do this."

"One last thing," I said. "We'll be having a Bielefeld-Greuther Fürth watch party after training on Sunday. Since the match starts at 1:30, be here at 11:30 if you need massage, cryo-tub, or whatever. We'll review the video at 12:30 or whenever everyone is ready. Every staff and every employee is going to join us for the watch party. There will be a buffet so the kitchen staff can join us, too."

"Alright you crazy f***s!" Jörg said as I finished up. "Let's start the training."
 
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Friday, 7 April 2023

1pm

"Let's get started," Thomas Hengen said to the same four reporters who are here every week for the pre-match press conference.

"Kaiserslautern can potentially secure promotion with one more win and if Bielefeld drop points," Jakob Böttcher of Kaiserslautern Express said. "Are you confident of seeing it through?"

"Ja," I replied. "I have faith the players will see it through."

"Boris Tomiak is under a lot of scrutiny lately for his performances," Jakob said. "How is he handling the scrutiny?"

"Great," I said. "He keeps playing well is really channeling the attention into great performances."

"Any injuries news?" Florian Carre of OneFootball asked.

"We're pretty healthy, no news."

"What about Julian Krahl's injury?" Florian followed up.

Krahl is the backup keeper.

"His hamstring was tight, he quit training early yesterday, and iced it. He seems to be responding pretty well. He'll be ready."

"Oliver Hüsing has turned into a big game player for you," Dennis Friedel of Sportbuzzer said. "Please comment."

"Ja, he certainly has," I replied. "When Molla Wagué was playing regularly, he never complained. He just made sure he was ready. Molla got hurt then went to Afcon and Oliver has given me no reason to put Molla back in. So, ja, he's a real big game player for us. I expect he'll put in yet another great performance tomorrow."

"How important is Julian Niehues?" Dennis asked. "Why do you always pick him?"

"Julian is dependable as they come," I replied. "He's ultra-consistent and I can count the mistakes he's made this season on one hand. I remember them because there are only two and I was shocked, utterly shocked when they happened. He's the keystone that holds the whole structure together. He prevents the counter attacks, provides a buffer in front of the back four, and makes sure the ball moves quickly from defensive into midfield. You never notice him because he makes Ritter and Klingenburg and our wing backs look so good."

"Is promotion inevitable for Kaiserslautern?" Niklas Boll of Kicker asked. "Is the title yours? Can Schalke catch you?"

"Only bad guys in movies say things like their victory is inevitable just before the good guys make their comeback," I said. "Schalke must pick up all fifteen points in these last five matches. We need to drop ten. The math says we need five points. Furthermore, we face Schalke in a couple of weeks. I intend to have it all wrapped up before we face them. Mostly likely they'll have promotion wrapped up to and both sides can play for fun."

I looked back and forth between the four.

"Alright, if there are no more questions," Thomas said. "Thanks once again for coming."
 
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I replaced Billy Arce with Madyan Sounni because Billy hasn't been very good lately. I hoped he'd be a spark off the bench if we needed it.

And Billy was promptly on the pitch when Rene Klingenburg hurt himself in the 8th minute.

Twenty minutes later and Billy was out on the right wing when Sounni hurt himself. I sent on Alf Alten to play alongside Ritter. Lets see how the kid does over sixty minutes.

The only real action of the first half was Avdo Spehic making a save in the 39th minute. But honestly, the shot was right at him.

"Just relax," I said once everyone was in Die Kabine. "Its a big occasion, but you're all too nervous. Just move the ball quickly. Get it to Ritter, get it to Billy. Hit an occasional long ball into the corner for Omar to chase. But mainly, f***ing relax."

We started playing better from the kickoff.

Hüsing hit the post in the 48th minute from a Ritter corner right in front of the Westkurv.

The crowd was still groaning as Ritter rifled a pass at Billy who had been lurking at the top of the box. He hit is hard about shin high. It hopped once and Billy volleyed it goalward.

The net bulged!

1-0


The Westkurv went apes***! They lit flares, smoke bombs. and it was so bad that the ref paused the game.

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Once the match finally restarted, our opponents tried to build from the back. However, we sit back and start getting aggressive as they tried to approach the halfline.

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In the 58th, Ritter nipped in and intercepted a underhit pass. He lobbed the ball into the box for Omar to chase. Omar crossed.

Alf Alten found himself completely alone near the penalty spot. He hit his header back across goal like he'd been taught, hoping to catch the keeper moving the other way.

Would this be his first senior goal?

He hit the post.

The entire stadium groaned as Holstein Kiel cleared the ball to safety.

In the 64th, Holstein Kiel worked the ball down our left flank.

They caught Omar ball-watching and their right fullback whipped in a cross for the back post.

Their left winger jumped over Jean Zimmer.

And hit his header right at Spahic.

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After that we settle into bottling up our opponents near the halfline or on the other side with occasional attacks when they lost the ball.

In the 75th, I replaced Filippini with Amilcar Silva as my Italian left back was gassed.

In the 80th, Billy fouled their right fullback a couple of meters from the corner flag.

They played the ball short to a player just inside the box. He spun.

All my orifices puckered even though there were four players between him and the net.

And he blazed over.

The entire stadium breathed a sigh of relief.

At this point, time began to slow down.

Spahic took forever to take the goal kick. He played it short to Tomiak who played it to Zimmer and we started to work it up the right side.

Then Billy played back to Niehues who spun and played back to Spahic.

I looked up at the clock.

81:05

My defenders and Niehaus then passed the ball around for a while.

I looked up at the clock.

82:29

We worked it up the left flank then worked it back to Spahic. Then up the right and back.

I looked up at the clock.

84:01

Ermagerd, I think I'm going to die from the tension. F*** me but I hate this kind of anticipation.

We worked the ball down the left flank again. They fouled Silva just over the halfline in Holstein Kiel territory.

Oliver Hüsing walked over and began directing his teammates on where to position themselves. He was getting really frustrated as they weren't figuring out his hand gestures.

I looked up at the clock yet again.

87:01

He hit a short pass to Ritter as the ref was just about ready to book him..

Without looking, Ritter controlled the ball, spun and curled a pass towards the far side of the box.

How did he know that Billy was making a run off the back of their left fullback?

Billy hit the f***ing crossbar!

I realized I'd dropped to my knees and was clenching both fists.

I was watching the fourth official raise his board when I heard a roar and spun. The Holstein Kiel left winger was one v one against Alf Alten in our right corner.

"C'mon Alf!" I muttered to myself.

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Nope, their winger absolutely leathered in a cross. Luckily for us they only had their striker near the 5 meter box.

Spahic snared the cross and flopped to the turf.

I spun towards the fourth official only to see him lowering his board.

I jogged over.

"How much extra time?" I asked. "I was watching the play."

"Two minutes," the fourth official replied.

After Spahic kicked it all the way to the other keeper, they brought the ball back down our right flank and won a corner.

I looked at the clock.

90:30

They played the corner too close to Spahic. He flopped to the ground with it and laid there.

Eventually, he got up, dawdled some more then rolled it to Hüsing.

We passed it around for a while until Tomiak hit a long ball upfield.

I looked at the clock

91:24

Muhammed Kiprit controlled the pass, circled around and played it back to Ritter. Ritter tried to play Omar through but it was intercepted.

They played a long ball up the middle. Tomiak, Hüsing and their striker raced for it.

Just as their striker looked lilke he might get their first, Tomiak launched a desperation tackle and hooked the ball towards the sidelines.

But it wasn't going to go out!

Their left winger raced for it, but couldn't quite get to it. Throw in for Holstein Kiel.

I looked up at the clock.

91:36

Everyone from Holstein Kiel raced forward.

I looked at the ref. He looked at his watch.

They threw it in.

There was a tussle for it at the edge of the box.

Zimmer poked it away into empty space.

I looked at the ref again. He looked at his watch again.

Then he raised his whistle to his lips.

And blew three of the sweetest blasts I'd heard in a long time.

I was swept away in a flood of players and coaches.

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