Alpha Romeo Metaphor IV

[Enrico Pucci]

Quite a party atmosphere at the Fritz-Walter today. The weather didn't cooperate but the supporters didn't care. Nürnberg gave us an honor guard as we came out of the tunnel.

The party started out great. Amilcar Silva was fouled in the 19th minute. He insisted on taking the free kick and delivered a 50m back post cross that Boris Tomiak converted for an early lead.

1-0

"Check this s*** out," Jörg said handing his iPad to me. Werder Bremen had scored in their 20th minute giving them a lifeline. Armenia Bielefeld has just scored in their 22nd minute which meant Nürnberg were in fourth and Bielefeld made the playoff.

We bumbled along. Nürnberg were wasteful as we gave them chances and we just couldn't figure it out at the other end.

"Wow!" Jörg said in the 35th minute and held is iPad so I could see it. Werder were 2-0 up. Holstein Kiel were still 0-0.

The second half started just as the first had ended. Carelessness v. Ineptitude.

At some point Nürnberg might just get their s*** together. If they did, they were going to score. We were not playing well.

In the 64th, Silva dropped his shoulder, drove past his defender sprinted with the ball down the left flank. Then he pulled up, bent over and finally tipped over.

ATK ran out to him and immediately signaled for a sub. Here was the problem: Robin Becker picked up a dead leg and I'd subsituted in my only left back Neal Gibs at right back. So I only had Sebastian Gleißner as my option. Gleißner is a defensive midfielder and is Julian Niehues' back which means he has only played once this season. So on goes Gleißner at left back.

"F***!" Jörg exclaimed in amazement just as play was resuming. His iPad showed the Holstein Kiel had scored. Werder Bremen were doomed to relegation to the 3.Liga if the northerners were able to hold on for the win.

Oliver Hüsing and Gleißner were neaerly immediately undone by the visitors. They played a diagonal pass into the box for the Nürnberg right winger to run onto. Hüsing reacted late and Gleißner barely reacted at all.

1-1

Ten minutes later and I utterly regretted sending Gleißner on.

Their right winger beat Niehues on the dribble and head for the end line. Gleißner raced over to cover and attempted a tackle. He only managed to trip the Nürnberg winger. He missed the ball by enough that the ref didn't even bother with VAR.

Two matches, two PKs after not having any called against us all season.

"F***ing God*amn m*therf***ing s***biscuits," I swore in English.

Jörg and Ulf just looked at me. I only swore in English when I was really angry.

"Don't let me near any sharp objects in Die Kabine after the match," I said in German.

Their striker blasted it past Krahl and the away supporters went ballistic! They'd made the playoff.

1-2

We attempted a fightback, but it was fruitless.

The unthinkable had happened, Werder Bremen were relegated to the 3.Liga. Holstein Kiel lived to fight another day.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 15 May 2023

Hello London! More specifically, hello New Malden. Marilyn and Vic insisted we stay with them and the kids love their row house.

We did the typical tourist stuff: Windsor Castle, Tower of London, Hampstead Heath and Hyde Park. Marilyn insisted we visit this little museum in Tottenham Square called the Soane Museum. He was a collector and an architect, it as basically his house. The place was nuts.

I spent a decent amount of time on the phone. Thomas Hengen released a number of staff whose contracts were expiring. I began by emailing the remaining staff, asking if they had ideas. Then I started searching the DFB site for suitable replacements.

I also began going through the French clubs making lists of players they were going to release. Then English clubs. I forwarded these lists to Olaf Marschall and Thomas Hengen. Once they'd all been released, I'd offer them trials to fill out my squad for next season.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Wednesday, 17 May 2023

Gisela Wortsmahler

Good morning, Enrico. First, I need to know where you'd like to hold our training camp? Tyrol, a rural facility in the Alps, outside Wien or in Graz?

Rural place in Alps, thx​

Next item: Preseason Kickoff - Gladbach, Leverkusen and BVB. 14-16 July. Done.

Awesome!​

3: Salzburg interested in friendly during camp. Friday 21 or Saturday 22?

Saturday 22​

4: Summer Cup arranged. Arsenal, Lyon, Sevilla. 28-30 July.

You are the best!​

5: Could not get answer from DFB about Pokal first round. Booked August Cup anyway. Roma, Milan, Inter. 4-6 August. Might get cancelled if Pokal first round is that weekend.

That makes a great preseason. Thank you for your hard work!​

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Thursday, 18 May 2023

"Ciao, Enrico."

"Hallo, Enrico, its Agnieszka."

"Hi. how is your vacation going?"

"Lovely. We've never been to Brittany. The beaches are lovely and the weather has cooperated."

"Good to hear," I said. "You have news?"

"Ja, good and bad," she said. "I've chatted with a few women and two of the three want to join. The third one, ooh, she really ... I've never ... she used my offer to get a new contract. Arschlock."

"So, we're going to have two more female physios?"

"Ja, we need some balance to the testosterone sausagefest," she quipped. "I'm now talking with several human males about joining. I'll probably want to interview a couple of them."

"Do you want me to help with the interview?"

"No, I'll get the team doctors to help with that," she said.

"Good. I'm just a wee bit ignorant about the finer points of what you do."

"What? Its just magic. Mystical freezy spray and the magic sponge. All you do is cast the incantation before each match."

"Oh, so that's how it works."

"Don't tell anyone."

"Alright, keep me posted. Thanks!"

"Wiedersehn."

"Ciao."

Click.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Hamburg and Nürnberg played the first round of the home and away. The winner is in the Bundesliga next season.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

St. Pauli hosts Holstein Kiel in the first leg of the 2.Liga/3.Liga playout. The winner is in 2.Liga next season.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Congrats to Armenia Bielefeld! They hoist the DFB Pokal, beating my old club!

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 22 May 2023

Goodbye, London. Hello, Washington, DC!

Our stay in London was lovely but now its time to head across the Atlantic to the former colonies and visit my Mom. Our only plans are to head into the mountains of western Virginia to a cabin.

Also, there was Fußball played on the other side of the pond. Nürnberg got promoted to the Bundesliga. Hamburg drops back down to 2.Liga.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Wednesday, 24 May 2023

H*ly s*** its quiet here! The mountains in the western end of Virginia aren't particularly high or anything but its still gorgeous. Just laid around the cabin. I received a few calls and made a few, but generally left my phone on the kitchen table.

I even forgot to check the score of the 2.Liga/3.Liga playout. St. Pauli wins on penalties to get back into 2.Liga. Holstein Kiel drop to the 3.Liga.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Friday, 26 May 2023

Avdo Spahic, Boris Tomiak, Rene Klingenburg, Marlon Ritter, and Muhammed Kiprit all made the 2022-2023 Bundesliga 2 Team of the Season!

 

[MatthewElphinstone]

I smell a bigger club looking for the Pucci Party

#NoPucciNoParty

 

[Enrico Pucci]

I smell a bigger club looking for the Pucci Party

#NoPucciNoParty

I wasn't even rumored to be in the running for any jobs this last season. That's unusual. Maybe its because I said I wasn't interested in a bunch of s*** jobs my 1st season.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Monday, 29 May 2023

So long, USA. Hello, Cadiz. One more week of vacation before I get back to the day-to-day grind of the job. Plus, I get to hang out with my friend Esteban.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Tuesday, 30 May 2023

8:58am

"Ciao, Enrico," I answered the phone. It was a call from Ecuador. Billy?

"Is this Enrico Pucci?" a voice asked in Spanish. I couldn't place the accent. Couldn't be a Spaniard or Mexican. Ecuadorian Spanish?

"Si," I replied. "How can I help you."

"This is Osvaldo Fernandes. I am a family friend of the Arce family and an attorney."

"Oh, no!" I interrupted. "Is Billy okay?"

"Billy is healthy."

"Okay, healthy is good."

"He has been arrested. Its complicated. I have spoken to Billy for less than five minutes. He insisted he didn't do it but I am not entirely sure why they arrested him and what it is exactly that he claims he didn't do. The phone line from the jail is very bad and there was a lot of background noise. I have been trying to get in contact with someone at the police station and use my contacts to find out why the police arrested him."

"Si."

"The complication is that one of the police Captains has a grudge against Billy's father."

"Oh, boy."

"Si, this could be complicated. This started years ago when Billy's father ran for the City Council. He beat the then policeman's father and the man's entire family has it out for the Arces. They accused Billy's father of all kinds of nonsense like stuffing the ballot boxes and other such things. When his father was appointed to the Trade Board for Esmeraldas, that's our city, the policeman tried to bring him up on corruption charges. They were dropped eventually, but he had to defend himself for three years."

"I am fairly certain that Billy's success in football rankles the police captain's family because they feel he got preferential treatment while the police captain's youngest brother was overlooked by the scouts. They insist it was the father's corruption and not the lack of talent on the part of his brother. I've seen him play, he is talented and I don't know why the scouts overlooked him."

"When do you think you'll know more?" I asked.

"I think that maybe tomorrow. I imagine that the police will hold a press conference."

"He hasn't been officially charge, yet?"

"This is where it gets complex. The law states he can only be held 72 hours without charges. But they can ask a judge to hold him longer. I am fairly sure that the police captain is friendly with several judges and that these judges would be willing to help. He is supposed to be granted due process, phone calls, visits. Despite that in some ways we still operate on an inquisitorial system which was only abolished a few years ago. So up here on the north coast of Ecuador, habits die hard. And especially when family grudges are in play. So we cannot visit Billy nor finid out what is actually going on."

"Thank you so much for the information Seńor Fernandes. Please keep me updated and tell me if there is any way I can help."

"You're welcome. I'll call as soon as I learn anything. Chao."

"Ciao."

Click.

"Well, s***," I muttered to myself.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Wednesday, 31 May 2023

12:03pm

"Ciao, Enrico."

"Its Fernandes."

"Hallo. How are you? You have news?"

"I do have news. The police held a press conference. Our infamous police captain spoke at it as well as the chief and the regional prosecuting attorney. Billy is being held as a suspect in a beating outside a bar. He has not been technically arrested. I have filed a due process petition on his behalf, but I had to file it with the judge who is friends with the police captain."

"That sounds bad," I said.

"Its complicated," he replied. "Which translates into this may take a while. I've seen Billy. He's not in the best spirits but he is otherwise unharmed. He claims that he wasn't even at the club where the beating took place. He knows the club, though, and I am going to try and obtain the video from that night, the surveillance video. Billy's hair is distinctive and we are hoping that the video will free Billy."

"I'd like to say that I've informed the club and we'd like to extend any help we can," I said. "Obviously, we can't probably do much, but the offer stands."

"Thank you, señor, we appreciate the gesture. I will let you know if there is anything you can do. The tricky part is if the police have taken the surveillance video. It was not clear from the press conference that they are aware it exists."

"How do you know it exists?" I asked.

"I know the manager of the bar," Fernandes replied. "The manager told me he didn't see Billy that night. I am working on arranging a press conference for tomorrow to call on the police captain to release the video. The video that he may not have. I will also call on the police captain to interview the manager."

"Okay, so this should be hitting the news pretty soon?" I said.

"At some point, si," he replied. "We don't know much and haven't seen any evidence as of yet."

"Thank you for calling, talk to you soon."

"Chao."

"Ciao."

Click.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Thursday, 1 June 2023

I spoke with Señor Fernandes. No news on the Billy Arce front today.

I haven't talked about it, but I'm drinking from the firehose since I've been in Cadiz.

Mainly, because our EU 1.5M transfer budget and EU 237k/wk payroll budget (30k under budget) doesn't go all that far when you consider the club has given me a pittance for the scouting budget. The reality is our scouting budget comes out of the transfer budget and the payroll.

And scouting is f***ing expensive. I can't even afford to scout Deutschland on what they've allocated. So I've got to cut into my other budgets to have adequate scouting.

So I have a free signing short list that was around 500 players or so. I had a loan short list of around 300 or more. Then I have list of players whose contracts expire next summer who I'll need to assess. So what I've been doing is sorting, assessing and reassessing these lists.

I'm trying to find the following players for next season:

• Starting left back
• Center back to challenge Oliver Hüsing as Boris Tomiak's partner
• Backup right back
• Backup defensive midfielder
• Backup central midfielder
• Winger to challenge Billy Arce
• Backup striker(s)
• Third string keeper (young GK w/ potential)

I'll try to get free signings (contract expiring 30 June 2023) in during June on trial to see if anyone is good enough. I need the scouting team to assess potential loan signings in case I can't find the free signings I want. Additionally, I want to spend a little of my money on youth prospects. So I'm looking for 5 star potential who are available for 0-100 EU.

I'm waiting to be able to request a larger payroll or transfer budget.

Until then, I'm drinkin' from the firehose ...

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Saturday, 3 June 2023

9:21am

I was pondering why we hadn't heard anything more about The Billy Situation when my phone vibrated.

Avdo Spahic

Hallo Enrico. Was just texting with Hüsing then called him. He really wants a new contract. Really happy here. Can you talk to him?

Thanks for the head's up. I'll call him.​

So I dialed Olver Hüsing's mobile.

"Guten Morgen, its Oliver."

"Oliver, how are you this morning."

"I'm good, Enrico."

"Avdo said you wanted a new contract."

"Ja. I talked to him last night about it. I really like it here. I really like playing for you. I guess ... you know ..."

"Ja. Likewise ..."

"... well ... I'd like a contract that would let me stay here a couple more years."

"You were great down the stretch. I don't see why not. Do you want to do it over Zoom or wait until I'm back in Germany on Monday."

"Uh, Zoom is fine."

"Alright then, lets figure out a time for you, me and your agent to talk."

"Great. Thanks, Enrico."

"Ja, right on. Ciao."

Click.

 

[Enrico Pucci]

Saturday, 3 June 2023

12:19pm

"Ciao Enrico."

"Si, Enrico, what a day," Osvaldo Fernandes said. "There have been developments though I am not sure we have any progress."

"Okay," I replied.

"We now have copies of the security cameras for that night. There are two inside the club and one in the parking lot. We got lucky that they log them to a hard drive and they are not video cassettes that get overwritten. Thank God for technology in this case. We have reviewed them and Billy was not at the club. We watched the fight and there is no way to tell who the assailant is."

"That's good," I said.

"The police deny there is security video," Fernandes continued.

"Huh?"

"Exactly. They have not visited the nightclub except for immediately after the crime occurred. I know this from the manager. Since they deny the existence of the video footage, I filed a motion with the judge demanding witnesses be brought forward since their only proof that Billy committed these crimes or was in any way involved must be from witnesses."

"The problem is now that I delivered this motion to the judges house as it is Saturday and he does not have to act upon my motion until Monday. If this were all above board and this judge is not being influenced by our police captain I would expect a ruling today. However, I doubt anything will happen until sometimes Monday. And that is just me hoping all goes well."

"Wow," I exclaimed. "So I have a question: why can't you bail Billy out of jail?"

"Unfortunately, you cannot bail someone who has not been charged. This is why they are playing with the rules of law to keep him in jail and making the Arce family suffer. Technically under the law, they are still questioning him."

"Sweet Mary Mother of God," I said in Italian.

"Sorry?"

"Oh, sorry, I tend to swear in Italian. Apologies."

"Oh, I have other news. The inmates have figured out they have a star in their midst and Billy is having a much better time now. They've played some football in the yard and have been demanding that Billy tell them stories about playing in Germany. So at least that is going much better."

"Good to hear. Anything else?"

"No, Señor. Hopefully, I will have some news for you on Monday."

"Thank you for all your hard work on this matter. Oh, one more thing. if you need bail money, Kaiserslautern will help. I'll talk to the club attorney just to be sure, but we'd be happy to help cover bail and your expenses."

"You are very kind," Fernandes said. "Chao."

"Ciao."

Click.