Liverpool announce new chairman!
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In what can be seen as the start of a new era, Liverpool have announced that Mr God Fish will be replacing John Henry in charge. In a takeover that has rumbled on for a couple of months, not much has been revealed about Mr Fish, however the following press conference should shed some light on the matter.
R: So, Mr Fish, what exactly did you used to do?
F: Back in the day, I used to help run one of the cricket counties, behind the scenes of course. The reason you won't know this is that I didn't tell anyone. I then went abroad for a while, and have been involved in football, and until fairly recently, was involved as a silent partner at Italian club Atalanta. So, rest assured Liverpool supporters, I know exactly what I'm doing.
R: Can I ask, where did the finance for this deal come from?
F: Selling sofas. Then I sold more sofas. Then I owned the shops that sold the sofas. You see where this is going right? It's really quite a lucrative business.
R: It's unusual, I grant you. What are you aims for this season, any immediate thoughts?
F: We have two primary aims this season. Finish in the top 4, and crush Everton and Manchester United into the ground. Demolishing Chelsea would be pretty sweet too.
R: Now that's fighting talk? Liverpool have strengthened after Suarez's departure, do you plan to carry that on?
F: I'll look at the squad and decide. If people wish to bid for my players, I'll consider it. Just a point on Suarez though, I'm glad the cheating c*nt has left. I've been a Liverpool supporter my entire life, we don't need him bringing down our club. Although to be nice, I sent him a pack of canneloni. I've heard he likes that.
R: You mean Chiellini right?
F: Ah.... good job I kept the receipt then.
R: As a final thought for us, are there any other clubs you'll be keeping an eye on?
F: I've a soft spot for Leicester, I nearly bought them. They would be the only club I'd like to see do well apart from us.
R: Many Thanks, Mr Fish, we wish all the club the best for the upcoming season.
So there you have it. Liverpool are owned by a mysterious sofa tycoon who dabbles in Italian football in his spare time. It's enough to make your mouth water really.
